Personality Cafe banner

1 - 2 of 2 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,420 Posts
Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Okay, so up until now I'm like most ENFPs, I'm not giving advice to any but those close to me who ask for it and I'm letting each person figure things out on their own. That has been standard Fi policy for me for my life-- also since I didn't have strong Fe or Te users in my family. Well, I've realized that most of the population doesn't study out anything on their own. Instead they wait for others to tell them everything and they just pick and chose who it is who tells them. It's all about what their friends say or some chosen individual says. I have never been that kind of friend or chosen individual. But at this age I'm thinking often, "Lets cut the crap," and instead of thinking that my views are mine and not to be obtrusive with them--- if they are things that I have studied the heck out of then I'm thinking if other people are just waiting for someone who has actually studied something to come along and tell them their view then I'm kind of ready to just 'cut the crap' and tell them on the things that I'm very confident and solidified on.

To clarify... you know as an ENFP you keep everything open and feel like you don't quite trust your own view, waiting for new info all the time to change or modify your view? But after many years of my view being supported by all in-coming facts (or maybe it's that Te and Si decided I did enough studying) then I'm kind of like "Look, let me just tell you how this all works and lets cut the crap."
And then as soon as I send this out, of course, I'll have told someone something for which new info is going to come in and rock my world... but whatever... of course I will take the new stuff in with open arms and incorporate it, but instead of being scared to jump in on that... I am allowing myself to just tell people the truth and see how they deal with it and listen to their truth too. In the past I didn't tell anybody stuff....like my world view, or what I think of what they are saying and doing, but you expect this of older people too, though, don't we? And actually you can appreciate it from people that you have a relationship with when you know they care about you. I'm doing it now even with people who might not know I care about them... so I'm not sure if I LIKE this. I'm not sure if I LIKED it when I was younger. I'm not sure about how it is coming across yet, but I know I have to speak and can't stand the crap any longer. And I think when it comes to world view I do need to start speaking up rather than staying quiet. This video has to do with some of it... but then the other part would be being willing to go into things with my 43 year old tertiary Te and see how people deal with it.

 

·
Registered
Knavish Equerry
Joined
·
1,194 Posts
On a tangent:
It's been thought-provoking, observing my own Te's evolution as I age. Perhaps other ENFPs can relate.
I've noticed a "walling off" of my own beliefs/lifestyle from external assessments.
As in, if I identify an unnecessary intrusion, I'll metaphorically bite the intruder.

It's my life, after all. I know how I feel, and what works for me.
I'd estimate, perhaps, in youth--ENFPs are generally open, pliable, and inobtrusive, regarding opinions. Both internally and externally. After all, Ne is preoccupied with worldly exploration, engagement, and experimentation, which is fine and expected.

...
There's a conundrum there, though; you can't just expect to live like that indefinitely.
As an adult, you have to show some teeth (i.e. altercate/defend), when it's beneficial to do so.
Namely, establishing boundaries, being forthright, saying no; and further, pointing out BS.

Others can be aggressive, errant, or possess misconstrued information, just like us. I mean, we all do it.
It's not like it's a secret. Occasionally, it's counterproductive to speak up, because tenseness/vehemency clouds receptiveness in both parties.
It's also clear people prefer feeling listened to, first; and, even after discussion, frequently maintain their original sentiments.
So sometimes, going on the offensive will disrupt actual conversation, and any hope of mutual understanding. In other contexts, not so much.
Which reminds me of a favorite quote:

--"If you need a sword, it should be sheathed. But you should have it."--

Obviously, things can be taken to an extreme--selfishly ignoring others' sensitivities, being a hindrance--which is a fair complaint.
Or, being too stubborn oneself. (Re: biting intruders.)
Regardless, not everyone's ideas can slide under the "live and let live" mantra. IMO, that's the road to insanity.
Not every opinion, belief, behavior, or "actionized feeling" is justified or even excusable.
Again, there's no need to be an accusatory bitch, but, I let myself be critical. I've had to tell myself it's okay.

Seen cases, where people assume something must be done a particular way, because that's what they've experienced, or heard.

Here, I'd like to question:
Who said you had to do it that way? Why aren't you questioning authority?
Why are you here, anyway? What's the point of this?
What are we actually getting at?

Lol. Anyway.
 
1 - 2 of 2 Posts
Top