Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 22 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
47 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Does anyone else have a negative reaction to their jokes sometimes? I was having a conversation with my family tonight over FaceTime. Everyone in the room could hear me. My main convo was with a brother, who I get along with well, but he's always ribbing me. When I shot an insult back in what I thought was a joking manner, I hear audible gasps in the room and was even chastised by my Mom. Suddenly, I was in a "mean" mood and got ribbed for that the rest of the night. I quickly added that I was "just kidding," but I was surprised they didn't get that. Maybe the joke came across as too harsh, but it seems like whenever my brother makes the same sort of joke, he gets away with it. He's a totally different (extrovert) personality though. It seems like when I'm not trying to be funny, that's when I inadvertently make a joke that everyone thinks is hilarious, but when I'm trying to be funny, I sometimes fall flat on my face. This has been an issue my whole life, and it makes me feel like a child still trying to learn social manners even though I'm an adult. I felt really embarrassed after the call. Sometimes I feel like Sheldon Cooper - the outsider when it comes to humor. Anyone know why this is and if there's a way to fix it? I don't seem to know when I'm saying something inappropriate.

Example:
My brother was telling me that they had been going back through home videos and found a bunch of us playing sports as kids. He said out of all the kids, he was never in any of them (slight exaggeration, but mostly true). I shot back, "that's because you weren't any good." (gasps) "At which sports?" he asked. "All of them," I replied. (more gasps and reprimand from Mom) "Just kidding," I added because they weren't reacting to it as a joke. Was that awful of me? I was just trying to rib him back.
 

·
Registered
INTP
Joined
·
4,183 Posts
Yes, I relate to the OP. In the past, most people thought I was serious when I was just joking around. Or even when they knew I was joking, they disapproved. For example, I made a sarcastic remark once and someone said, "Sarcasm doesn't suit you." Of course what she meant was that it didn't fit her picture of me.

Now, after many years of life, I seem to be better at getting my jokes across, or at finding people who appreciate my humor, or something. . . .
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,136 Posts
No, people laugh at my jokes, because they are funny. You see jokes have to be funny for the intended audience. Otherwise it is not jokes but rather suspect, obnoxious or odd behavior. "What did he say? What a sicko!"

If you know you have problem with humor, do not tell jokes. It is that easy.
 
  • Like
Reactions: rethon

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,118 Posts
Know your audience.

I don't make morbid jokes (mostly) when my family is around. But with my friends I can get really dark.

If you make a joke that don't fall into the listener's sense of humor then of course you'll get a negative response.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
47 Posts
Discussion Starter #7
If you know you have problem with humor, do not tell jokes. It is that easy.
I don't have a universal problem with jokes. I do get a lot of laughs usually. Just every once in a while a situation like this happens and I seem completely oblivious that my joke might be lost on others. Having to live life as the serious one all the time, and be the butt of jokes without being able to defend myself with a shot back would really suck. I was trying to get feedback from other INTPs to see if they had the same issues with people interpreting their sense of humor, or if my joke in this case was way off the mark and not appropriate. If so, I want to learn why and avoid it in the future. Maybe there was a little too much truth in the joke and it came through. Frankly, my brother isn't the most athletic person in the world, so maybe my "joke" sounded too sincere.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,095 Posts
Haha... I'm sarcastic so often that nobody believes me when I'm being sincere.

If so, I want to learn why and avoid it in the future. Maybe there was a little too much truth in the joke and it came through. Frankly, my brother isn't the most athletic person in the world, so maybe my "joke" sounded too sincere.
There's your problem. Making fun of someone directly isn't funny unless you're clever about it.

Next time, try something like: "Yeah bro, you were too good at sports; we didn't want you to win all the time."
Irony. Subtlety.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
47 Posts
Discussion Starter #9 (Edited)
Haha... I'm sarcastic so often that nobody believes me when I'm being sincere.



There's your problem. Making fun of someone directly isn't funny unless you're clever about it.

Next time, try something like: "Yeah bro, you were too good at sports; we didn't want you to win all the time."
Irony. Subtlety.
Thanks. I think that was my problem. I know INTPs tend to be critical and honest to a fault at times. The thing is, I witness good friends insulting each other all the time and it's always taken as a joke. They just straight up do it without the cleverness sometimes and it's fine. I figured my family (we're all really close to each other) would take it as a joke, but I was way off on my assumption. Guess I need to just avoid any sort of criticism (even in a joking manner) because it always comes across as too harsh. That's never my intention, but it just pops out of my mouth that way.

Later in the conversation, we were talking about our favorite burgers, and I said mine were grilled out at home. My brother T'd me up to say that Mom's grilled burgers were the best, but I didn't bite. Honestly, one grilled out burger tastes the same as the next no matter who makes it. So I said any grilled out burger is good - being honest (that got some laughs). I doubt my Mom cares anyway. Again he ribbed me for that. Maybe I need to be more compassionate towards others' feelings, but I often don't see the point. I'm not good at handing out compliments. I do when they're warranted, but most of the time I don't think about it. That's probably why I suck so much at networking. People like to hear how awesome they are.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,352 Posts
People never laugh at my jokes so I learn to just never say them to anyone but the internet.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,461 Posts
That's why I don't tell jokes. You never know who's gonna cry.

Making jokes is also not really necessary, because as an INTP people do often laugh at things you just say, because we use logic and people are often not expecting that. So it subverts their expectations and makes them laugh.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
178 Posts
Does anyone else have a negative reaction to their jokes sometimes? I was having a conversation with my family tonight over FaceTime. Everyone in the room could hear me. My main convo was with a brother, who I get along with well, but he's always ribbing me. When I shot an insult back in what I thought was a joking manner, I hear audible gasps in the room and was even chastised by my Mom. Suddenly, I was in a "mean" mood and got ribbed for that the rest of the night. I quickly added that I was "just kidding," but I was surprised they didn't get that. Maybe the joke came across as too harsh, but it seems like whenever my brother makes the same sort of joke, he gets away with it. He's a totally different (extrovert) personality though. It seems like when I'm not trying to be funny, that's when I inadvertently make a joke that everyone thinks is hilarious, but when I'm trying to be funny, I sometimes fall flat on my face. This has been an issue my whole life, and it makes me feel like a child still trying to learn social manners even though I'm an adult. I felt really embarrassed after the call. Sometimes I feel like Sheldon Cooper - the outsider when it comes to humor. Anyone know why this is and if there's a way to fix it? I don't seem to know when I'm saying something inappropriate.

Example:
My brother was telling me that they had been going back through home videos and found a bunch of us playing sports as kids. He said out of all the kids, he was never in any of them (slight exaggeration, but mostly true). I shot back, "that's because you weren't any good." (gasps) "At which sports?" he asked. "All of them," I replied. (more gasps and reprimand from Mom) "Just kidding," I added because they weren't reacting to it as a joke. Was that awful of me? I was just trying to rib him back.
I dont joke with family, they are just too serious or too sensitive.
I usually joke with friends. First, I insult myself (Im good at it) and pass it as a joke. Make a fool of myself and see their reactions and especially what they say. I take note of it. People's response to joke are a good measure of what joke could they take in.

Me: I am so stupid I failed at math (laughs)
Human #1: No you maybe you just need practice
Human #2: (laughs) (insert other response)

You see, I wont joke with stupidity pertaining to other people when human #1 is around. Its not trying to be someone or hiding yourself when human #1 is around. It is recognizing your environment and adjusting to it.

After you can try to risk joking about other people.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,226 Posts
Perhaps there's a correlation between people who need to tell jokes and people who watch too much comedy TV sitcoms. It seems stressful to need to be constantly entertained. It might even be a mental disorder relating to ADHD.

It is amusing that people talk like they're in some TV show though. It really shows how so many of us are brainwashed by it. Even all the emotional ups and downs in those TV characters are now considered normal.

Anime might be even worse with all those exaggerated characters that people find cool and then try to mimic. Of course, it's necessary to exaggerate characters to keep us amused. They need viewers to make money after all. But, the characters are getting more and more exaggerated as people are accustomed to each level of exaggeration.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,080 Posts
There's definitely an element of "know your audience."

Language and delivery mean a lot.

Some people get dry humor, some don't. Some people can take cruel, or off color jokes, some can't. Some people like dirty jokes....some cringe when they hear them. Some people like puns or corny humor (dad jokes), while others roll their eyes.

Just be conscious of who you are talking to.

In the example you used, that joke is fine if you know your brother is OK with you ribbing him about that. Your mom might give you a little stare, but might not be so offended if she knows he is OK with it.

If that's a sore spot for your brother, you're just rubbing salt in the wound.

And like I said...the delivery is important. I love deadpan humor....but some people absolutely can't tell you are joking. It takes a special audience for that. So delivering jokes with a wry smile instead may convey to them that you're not being serious. Body language says a lot.

Humor can be a delicate thing. I've unintentionally upset friends in the past....so I learned to adapt to what style of joke they understand/appreciate.
 
  • Like
Reactions: UnicornRainbowLove

·
Registered
Joined
·
19 Posts
It's all about knowing your audience.

I have two very close friends that I can say anything to - no subject is off limits, and our sense of humor can become incredibly twisted. We have all sorts of inside jokes that would definitely offend a lot of people who aren't familiar with us/our sense of humor.

But there's also a difference between joking about something fairly neutral, and making fun of something that the other person is insecure about. I wouldn't make fun of my brother's speech problems, or a friend's weight, or another friend's past issues with food. Unless the other person intentionally opens up a certain subject for joking about, I'm going to leave it alone altogether.

That said, I'm no comedian. When the opportunity arises for a good joke, often at my own expense, then I can't resist pouncing on it. Otherwise, I keep to myself.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,124 Posts
What makes humor work is 'timing' and 'tone'. What you wrote sounds funny, but delivered in the wrong tone of voice, could sound awful.

If not that, sometimes one child gets favored and can 'do no wrong', is that the case between you and your brother?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,279 Posts
I do not have this problem as my jokes are never even resembling anything mean. I just exploit double meanings, puns or cute absurdities.
So when I fail in recognizing my audience's ability to decipher I at least do not end up insulting them. Sometimes just half of the audience gets it, and that happens to flatter them.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,436 Posts
If you want to make jokes like "you're bad at sports" it's important to have the correct tone of voice and general upbeat demeanor. If you always look completely stiff and expressionless you're more likely to get misunderstood. If you take advantage of people laughing by laughing yourself and giving a joke, you can actually say most things, like that a person is a poor sportsman.

I tend to run into the same problem because my humour is often dry/subtle, which, especially my family, doesn't always pick up on. It's my own fault though. You have to throw a ball the other players can catch.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
763 Posts
I don't make a lot of jokes - I'm just not very good at it. Sometimes when I do, I screw up.

I remember one situation when I was trying to make a joke about a girl being always scared. I compared her to the piglet from Winnie the Pooh. Uncomfortable silence followed as everybody thought I was making a joke about her being fat (she is a little overweight). I just didn't realize it can be understood in a way other than what I intended and her being overweight was never part of my mental image of her.

So being totally non-judgemental can sometimes be mistaken for being rude or insensitive.
 
1 - 20 of 22 Posts
Top