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Humor Vs. Meaning.

1364 Views 10 Replies 5 Participants Last post by  Moby
I was curious as to how other enfp types would react to this subject. The subject itself was spawned from a conversation I had the other day in which a friend of mine asked me something personal that I didn't really want to discuss with her, so I denied her request. Upon hearing that I had no intention of spilling the beans she said this:

"OH." (This was on fbook chat. Clearly, this is not an oh in which something new has been discovered. This is an oh that implies a sense of dismissal. She might as well have said "whatever..."(whatever, having been voted as the most annoying word in the English language)).

This really felt demeaning, so I immediately became hostile after this statement, replying: "If you're going to be sarcastic about something completely personal and frankly, none of your business, then I guess that's fine too."

She then instantly felt bad about it and started telling me he she "wasn't being sarcastic, etc." If she wasn't being sarcastic or trying to make a point, I really just don't understand why she said it in the first place.

My question is, when a friend (or anyone, really) says something "sarcastic," or "jokingly," where does the distinction between humor and meaning lie? Sometimes I feel as though a lot of people disguise how they really feel by putting it into the form of a joke, so when someone says something like "OH" to me, I don't respond to the (bullshit) excuse that someone was "just joking," and that that takes away the clout of any negative implications or insinuations.

In this friend of mine's social circle, this habit is particularly bad. I've heard them say absolutely horrible things to each other, but because they were "joking," it's "alright." Frankly, I find it cowardly and childish.

Imagine jokingly calling someone fat. To sit and pretend that because you were "joking," that means that the person you insulted has no concrete reason to have their feelings hurt is simply a cowardly and unjustified means of airing out how you truly feel. If you're going to be a three year old and tell me "OH," after I've chosen not to give out personal information, then I'm going to have a problem. Be an adult and tell me how you feel in plain English, because I refuse to respond to negative sarcasm.

Again, the question, where does the distinction between humor and meaning (meaning being the joke's "true intent"). Ideally, if someone has a problem, one should share it, not express it through snide, hurtful remarks. Is this not true, or am I living in a different world?
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, but because they were "joking," it's "alright."
Amen. My brother is a tested signed-sealed, very polarized ESTP club promoter. Growing up this was his standard automatic response to any teasing, even any physical attack (he's only 16 months younger). He didn't want to play by the rules: he did what he wanted, he followed any impulse, what's mine was his and what's his was his.

Everytime I'd go running to mom as a kid I'd hear "I was just joking" whether it was something he said or a friendly "tap" that was really a sucker punch. Yes, it was really frustrating. He's gotten somewhat more mature, but his old self still comes out like last spring when he fired into my face (no goggles) with an airsoft shotgun barely missing my eyes thinking it was a "joke" and just for fun.

Like GoGo, I don't mind when people ask about personal stuff but if they don't back off when I don't want to talk about it I snap too.
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