Hurting people to test their love?
[ISTP]
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I had, note the word "had", an ISTP friend. She would hurt me all the time then turn and be really nice. The last time she hurt me she become the "had" friend. I kicked her out for good this time.
Thanks for posting this. I was wondering if she did those things to me for a test. Now I know she did.
Thanks for posting this. I was wondering if she did those things to me for a test. Now I know she did.
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Seems an awful lot of effort to me.
I don't think I do this at all. I mean, I've definitely hurt people in the past, usually completely unintentionally (unless they really pissed me off), but it wasn't to see how devoted they were to me.
Though, okay, I guess I've said things that were hurtful to past boyfriends, and then realizing that I had damaged the rapport we had, gone back and apologized. But, I mean, I *apologize* when I know I've done something fucked up, you know? I don't expect anyone to come crawling back to me if I'm the one that screwed up.
I really don't think I have this trait, but maybe I'm blind to some of my actions... interested to see other responses.
I don't think I do this at all. I mean, I've definitely hurt people in the past, usually completely unintentionally (unless they really pissed me off), but it wasn't to see how devoted they were to me.
Though, okay, I guess I've said things that were hurtful to past boyfriends, and then realizing that I had damaged the rapport we had, gone back and apologized. But, I mean, I *apologize* when I know I've done something fucked up, you know? I don't expect anyone to come crawling back to me if I'm the one that screwed up.
I really don't think I have this trait, but maybe I'm blind to some of my actions... interested to see other responses.
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Meh. It's such a fucking balancing act. One woman's clingy is another woman's aloof.
But I sincerely doubt you're clingy. Some woman out there will find your level of attention exactly to her liking. At least, that's what I believe should happen. "Lots of fish in the sea" and "the perfect one is out there somewhere" and all that happy crappy bullshit people say when you just broke up with someone awesome.
Wait... did I manage to tangent into another bitch about my love life? Oops, my bad.
i completely disagree with this. sounds like a pointless game and manipulation. something i wouldnt do. i would however ignore the partner, but there is no test involved. im just mentally done with your bullshit.
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Maybe indadvertedly, but not likely ever deliberately on purpose. It would serve no purpose, kind of self defeating.
How long can you hurt someone that loves you before they stop loving you anyway?
Now maybe you are blunt, direct and the truth hurts, but I can't see being tactless as being the same as a test.
Of course difficult circumstances sometimes require difficult tests.
How long can you hurt someone that loves you before they stop loving you anyway?
Now maybe you are blunt, direct and the truth hurts, but I can't see being tactless as being the same as a test.
Of course difficult circumstances sometimes require difficult tests.
I've never hurt someone to test their love but I do sometimes screw with people to test them in other ways.
I've noticed that some ISTPs can get kind of clingy when they fall in love. A friend of mine was with an ISTP a while ago and she eventually had to dump him for being so emotionally attached.
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You kind of got me there - I don't think I got "clingy" with my last boyfriend, but I definitely was so excited by the experience of being with him and having someone who "got" me that I spent a great deal of time trying to repeat the high. When combined with his intense introversion and his poor self image, it was maybe the perfect storm. But (as someone said to me in a private message
) ISTP's don't tend to waste our time on pieces of shit people - so when we find someone we like, maybe we just... you know... LIKE 'em. But as for the original question, it's probably a matter of perception. When I've been pursued by guys I wasn't into, I've been standoffish and quiet, inconsistent with my friendliness, etc. Maybe other people perceive that behavior to be a "test" of their affections. But it's not, at all - in fact, if I'm acting inconsistently it's most definitely because I have no interest in you in that way. I think I'm very consistent with people I love.
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I disagree with this also for all the reasons previously listed. It'd take too much effort, a waste of time, is self-defeating, and is a really shitty thing to do.
I don't care what misconceptions (feelers, particularly) have about us. I am a good person. I would never intentionally hurt someone close to me.
I don't understand "testing", manipulating or messing with people. Seems stupid and immature.
About clinginess, I identify with what Chia said. I go around with blinders on, being indifferent towards 99.9% of people, so when I find someone who I actually like, it's like... WOOHOO! Haha.
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I've done this, usually in the form of drunken ranting. Am I testing or just taking her for granted? I dunno its irrelevant really. Either way I'm going to stop it. Not nice at all.
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Just cause you're not doing it on purpose doesn't mean you're not doing it.
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It just comes down to perception, don't you think? I don't believe we're subconsciously "hurting" loved ones to see how far we can play them, or to test the validity of their affection. Even if it was on a subconscious level, how on earth would that work into the ISTP framework, anyway?
I'm pretty simple - I can't wrap my head around why (anyone, but particularly) an ISTP would, consciously or subconsciously, set out to harm others for their own psychological benefit. It just doesn't wash with me.
<shrug>
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Yes, and honesty.
Others can see what is invisible to you.
The idea is that if people can't accept you as are then they should beat it.
But that is mixed with the need to feel safe loving someone else.
Of course you don't believe it.
Who would want to know the ugly things about themselves?
The most common human need is to love and be loved.
In socionics the ISTP hidden agenda is to be loved.
Much of your behaviour is structured around achieving that goal.
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In that case, then, I would imagine that *everyone* does this at a subconscious level - it wouldn't be exclusive to ISTPs.
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Everyone does it, but the question is how does it manifest itself and how to others percieve it?
We all have different ways of achieving love and of testing for it.
How come this clingy stuff seems to contradict everything else I hear about ISTPs and emotions? My ISTP told me he was the most emotional out of 6 boys. I don't get how that ties in with being ISTP. (Or maybe he just doesn't express his emotional side often, but he feels things deeply?)
I sure like his emotional side though, no matter what MBTI type he is. And I love clingy!! MM!
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