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Discussion Starter #1
Yes... by my own brother. Which is so hurtful because I actually have to TRY loving people in this world where people tend to be selfish and ignorant and step on others. I try everyday to be loving and kind.
He basically said I love too much and that’s why him and his wife don’t hang out with me (???)
Has anyone else had this reaction? Is he just a jerk of a brother?

Any insights would be appreciated because this has really gotten to me.
It brings me down just thinking about it.


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I have experienced how it feels like to have someone to love me 'too much'.

At first it feels good, but later it only creates negativity and unhappiness in myself.
 

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Hey, I often worry about this, so hopefully I can give some insight. First off, I am really sorry that your brother's words hurt you. Your reaction to them is totally valid, and I hope you don't let it discourage you from being yourself. Perhaps he just has more of a "realistic" or "harsh" view of the world, and finds your way to be unrealistic. That is of no fault- you'll find there are plenty of people just like you here, and in the real world, but there also are many like him who live more in the "now" and maybe don't see emotions as logical. You could try and reach out and say that you want to spend time with him and his wife, but are wondering if he could clarify more what he means by "love too much." Like, what specific things or actions have made him feel this way? This logical approach would perhaps be appreciated by him. Let me know if you do this, and if so, how it goes! But just know you are loved for your love and do not be afraid to show it, just get clarification and adapt to how he is.
 

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I have experienced how it feels like to have someone to love me 'too much'.

At first it feels good, but later it only creates negativity and unhappiness in myself.
Was it because that was annoying or suffocating? or was it because you couldnt reciprocate that to that level? or was it because you felt you weren't worthy enough to receive it?
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Hey, I often worry about this, so hopefully I can give some insight. First off, I am really sorry that your brother's words hurt you. Your reaction to them is totally valid, and I hope you don't let it discourage you from being yourself. Perhaps he just has more of a "realistic" or "harsh" view of the world, and finds your way to be unrealistic. That is of no fault- you'll find there are plenty of people just like you here, and in the real world, but there also are many like him who live more in the "now" and maybe don't see emotions as logical. You could try and reach out and say that you want to spend time with him and his wife, but are wondering if he could clarify more what he means by "love too much." Like, what specific things or actions have made him feel this way? This logical approach would perhaps be appreciated by him. Let me know if you do this, and if so, how it goes! But just know you are loved for your love and do not be afraid to show it, just get clarification and adapt to how he is.
That sounds like a great idea, but honestly I’m too hurt yet to get into that. My brother has always been the “cool kid” who worries about looking cool and being cool. He doesn’t do anything outside of the norm. Myself, however, I dance to my own beat. Even though I don’t try to, I stand out. I make an impression, I tend to be at the centre of things without trying to. I think that makes him uncomfortable. But, I’ve always felt that family should stick by you no matter your differences. It’s crushing to feel like I may have been wrong on that


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That sounds like a great idea, but honestly I’m too hurt yet to get into that. My brother has always been the “cool kid” who worries about looking cool and being cool. He doesn’t do anything outside of the norm. Myself, however, I dance to my own beat. Even though I don’t try to, I stand out. I make an impression, I tend to be at the centre of things without trying to. I think that makes him uncomfortable. But, I’ve always felt that family should stick by you no matter your differences. It’s crushing to feel like I may have been wrong on that


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I understand! I'm really sorry you feel that way. I hope that time will heal some of the wounds and you will be able to address it with him as it is something that is important to you and thus is important for him to know. There may be a chance that he doesn't even know what affect his words are or maybe he doesn't actually have any malicious intent. I wish you the best of luck! <3
 

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Oh.... that's very hurtful. :hugs:

When I read your title, I immediately thought about the ENFP's in my life and said to myself, Oh yes, ENFP's do love a lot! That was before I learned it was about a very hurtful rejection from your brother and his wife.

I do think your type in general loves a lot. You are passionate people who love many thing intensely and quickly. You get into different hobbies and interests easily and tend to be passionate about it. It's precious and not suffocating. It's contagious and light. You are very loving and caring to family and friends. You care for others and their wellbeing is important to you.

Why do you think he said that? Does he not want you around ever? It's so hurtful, I can't understand why he was so harsh. What happened after he said that to you? Was it over the phone? Did you talk more after those words or was that it?
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Thank you so much for your response. To be honest, it’s such a hurtful thing to even think/ talk about.
As an ENFP I both hate the fact I love so much, and also at the same time I am proud of that trait.

My brother and I are complete opposites. I always thought that made us closer. But then he married someone who is REALLY an opposite to me. She always worries about what appears cool (not what’s authentic). She always has to play the “tough gal”. She hates talking about feelings of any kind. She doesn’t like to try what others are doing, she only wants to do what she wants to do. And she looks for no deeper meaning in life beyond being crazy, super active playing sports and working out.

We’re just not compatible. For awhile it seemed we were, but as time goes on it’s obvious we aren’t.

As you may know, my type loves authenticity. I care less about being cool and more about being open minded. I love talking about feelings and deep things in life. And I seek meaning in life at all times.

Anyways, long story short, she doesn’t want to get close to anyone. Unless the friendship consists of never talking about feelings and always doing what she wants to do. 🤷🏻*♀

So she has it in her mind that I’m “too much”. But I’m pretty sure a pet rock would display too many feelings for her

But anyways, it alters how my brother sees me too. So the gist of it is, I love too much... (because I care and help and try - always)

It hurts to be disliked for the CORE of who you are as a human being


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