[lantern]

Hi, it's been quite a while since I've been on here. I need some help.

I like this man and I acted stupidly - I brushed him off and didn't mean to (he was asking me questions re relationships and what/why etc, was I going to stay in the city, he said he was really glad he met me). He's also made some hints and jokes about how I'm such a nice person.
I realise I'm scared of getting into a relationship again. He's started seeing someone else and I'm feeling low about it. But how did he expect me to react when we last met up and he said he went on a date? and so far I know he's been on a second date.

I may be being a bit vague here. Shall I be honest and tell him how I feel? Or am I just jumping to conclusions that he might like me but he doesn't really? I once asked him out of curiosity why he asked me whether I 'liked' a particular friend of mine and he said I'm analysing too much and it was just general conversation.

I keep getting mixed messages, he seems to infer a lot.

 

[Oleas]

You should definitely tell him how you feel before he moves on! He's probably trying to forget about you, or to make you jealous. ENFJs are often perceived as flirts, and people tend to think we're not serious when we send signals or seem to like them... I'm pretty sure he's waiting for you to tell him. You've got nothing to lose!!!

 

[hasenj]

ENFJs are often perceived as flirts, and people tend to think we're not serious when we send signals or seem to like them...

yup, ENFJ girls seem nice to everyone, it's almost impossible to tell if you're sending a hint or just being your usual ENFJ self.

 

[Oleas]

yup, ENFJ girls seem nice to everyone, it's almost impossible to tell if you're sending a hint or just being your usual ENFJ self.

It really sucks.

 

[hasenj]

It really sucks.

haha,not really, we actually envy you for being so easily open and expressive.

but it just means you have to make it explicitly clear if you're *romantically* interested in someone, otherwise they'll just be confused.

 

[Jojo]

You should just air it out andlet him know. I think "
what If's" drive ENFJ crazy. We end up spending more time on "over-analyzing oursekves". Like old Nike "Just Do It!"

 

[lantern]

Thanks everyone for your advice! I think I am too chicken, he's been on the 4th date with that person already and that to me seems as though it MIGHT be getting serious - I don't know. Plus I don't want to intrude, and I'm not completely sure if he is interested or not, he probably was at the beginning as he was quite eager to get in touch with me first, starting off conversations. Now it's the other way around.

One of my friends said the only way to figure it out is to see more of him and see what he's like, he's also one of those people who is nice to everyone so it's hard to tell.
I once asked him why he was interested to know whether I liked a particular friend of mine but he said it was just general conversation.

Why are men so complicated?

I am easily open and expressive towards people, but not to the guy I like - I get nervous and the only way I can overcome it is to act normal and talk and joke like he's any one of my male friends - which does not help one bit at all.

 

[lantern]

You should just air it out andlet him know. I think "
what If's" drive ENFJ crazy. We end up spending more time on "over-analyzing oursekves". Like old Nike "Just Do It!"

Yes I've been told I analyse a lot, I can't help it.

 

[timely.grace]

Communication. Communication. Communication!!!
This is such a big thing in ANY relationship, whether it's with a friend or a lover. Talk about it!
I don't think you're doing your mind any good by thinking about the "what ifs"

 

[Jojo]

Thanks everyone for your advice! I think I am too chicken, he's been on the 4th date with that person already and that to me seems as though it MIGHT be getting serious - I don't know. Plus I don't want to intrude, and I'm not completely sure if he is interested or not, he probably was at the beginning as he was quite eager to get in touch with me first, starting off conversations. Now it's the other way around.

One of my friends said the only way to figure it out is to see more of him and see what he's like, he's also one of those people who is nice to everyone so it's hard to tell.
I once asked him why he was interested to know whether I liked a particular friend of mine but he said it was just general conversation.

Why are men so complicated?

I am easily open and expressive towards people, but not to the guy I like - I get nervous and the only way I can overcome it is to act normal and talk and joke like he's any one of my male friends - which does not help one bit at all.

We aren't complicated at all! Guys don't like extra work. Getting nervous is normal! Do what makes you comfortable. Approach as you are looking for a new best friend! That is what he should be intended to be anyway!

 

[lantern]

Timely grace lol - I just text my friend about saying I want to be direct and honest with him because I don't want to in future always wonder 'what if?' ENFJ-High five!!

Jojo, I know. He does seem a little shy, I'm guessing he is either INFJ or ESFJ. I was thinking about texting him and asking him casually if he would like to meet up some time for a drink and chat? and then if he says yes....and we meet up I could say something along the lines of 'you know, to be honest, I was thinking about asking you out...but then you said you had started seeing someone else. I just wanted to tell you that, but what I've just told you I don't want it to ruin our friendship in any way'

What do you think??

 

[Jojo]

I think you should ask how serious he is interested in the girl. Because you know someone interested in him. Part of me feels I should caution if he is strongly seeking her and switches to you that is a warning sign that he would care less about your feelings. You would be expendable. I will say proceed with and guard your heart.

 

[lantern]

I asked him how his '4th' date went and he said the girl said her gut instinct was telling her that he was a good guy and she should go for it. He said he thought she was a very nice person but it was too soon to go into a relationship (he was hurt badly in the past). He also said that it is a risk, he wouldn't know if she would hurt him (as hard to judge these things), but that if he did go into a relationship with her it wouldn't necessarily mean that it would lead to marriage.

At the beginning he contacted me a lot but since he's been seeing this girl he hasn't but I guess that's a good thing as it means that he's not straying or anything but then he and I are talking as friends, I seem to get mixed messages, just the way he looks at me sometimes and he gets a little nervous talking to me. I know that at the beginning he was a bit interested in me but I was only seeing him as a friend as I'd only known him for a short while. He did say that I can contact him if I ever feel worried about anything and not to feel as though I'm troubling him.

I don't know...why are men so complicated? I think he is actually quite shy.

 

[Jojo]

Just ask him and it won't be complicated. If he says no it will be clearly his loss and move on!

 

[lantern]

I don't feel comfortable with asking him straight out! I may just go with the 'I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking about asking you out but then you were seeing someone else...'

 

[thehigher]

You should prolly wink at him

 

[lantern]

You should prolly wink at him

Yes! I think that should do it! haha

 

[Jojo]

Lantern- I don't see the reason you should even do that. Honestly, if you said that to me I would think either A) you are playing games or b) you are crazy/jealous. I understand clearly the fear of putting yourself out there and the fear of rejection. But it seems like you really like this person.
I say "supergirl" up and just do it. Something tells me it will only cause more stress if you don't.

 

[lantern]

What's the best way to say it? 'I just had to tell you that I think I like you more than just a friend. And if you don't feel the same way, I don't want it to ruin the friendship' is that too simple? Because it seems as if it's not enough. God, that is so direct and brave, I don't think I can do it. One of my friend's says I need to say it to his face to see his true reaction.

 

[hasenj]

ok, I did say you have to be clear because ENFJs are nice to everyone, but hold on there, you shouldn't do something that's out of your character; that'd be a mistake