Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 22 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,442 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
...like a lot of times when I go out and socialize or I'm socializing at work or wherever, afterwords I feel like I prob came off to others as an obnoxious asshole: insensitive, crude, and overly socially energetic such that they found me annoying and obnoxious.

Other times I feel and get feed back that makes me feel that I was charming

... I don't feel like there's much or any difference between how I've behaved when I feel I've been charming and when I feel I've been an annoying asshole .. it's prob just a slight difference in feedback that tips me in the direction of afterwards being pleased w/ myself or hating myself, but realizing that doesn't really stop me from hating myself often.

Do you guys relate?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
33 Posts
I already know that what I'm going to say will make me sound like an obnoxious asshole, but the more intelligent people I socialize with are, the more likely it is that we'll get along well, and that they'll find my assholery witty and charming.
Of course, not just intelligence, but also their specific personalities play a huge part in this, and one of the most intelligent people I know hates me big time (fortunately, he isn't my favorite person, either), but generally this rule applies.
And generally, I'm ok with that. When it seems important to me, I can hide who I really am, but, honestly, who really wants that (if not for the mere fun)? When I was waiting on tables, I had to be a mixture of a smiley, perky, obedient, professional person. I hated every second of it, but in the end it taught me that I could be different, if I wanted to. In the end of the day, I was glad to turn into the obnoxious, but real me.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,281 Posts
Wouldnt it make sense to look at it more like... different people
react differently? You be you. They will react accordingly.
I am obnoxious with some because that gets the job done.
I am polite and feel-y with other people because that is what
works for them...and so it goes.

The same sentence to two different people can essentially accomplish
the exact opposite outcome. How (unless you know them already)
can you guess how people will react until you know them a bit?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,442 Posts
Discussion Starter #4
Wouldnt it make sense to look at it more like... different people
react differently? You be you. They will react accordingly.
I am obnoxious with some because that gets the job done.
I am polite and feel-y with other people because that is what
works for them...and so it goes.

The same sentence to two different people can essentially accomplish
the exact opposite outcome. How (unless you know them already)
can you guess how people will react until you know them a bit?

Yeah I think the whole feeling like an asshole is largely a matter of what people I happened to have just been around. I feel like it happens w/ more introverted friends ... they don't necessarily dislike me and think I'm an asshole.. but I ended up doing most of the talking, and driving conversation and activity ..and they're less talkative and enthusiastic than I'd like them to be ...they might not dislike me, but there's not enough positive feedback and enthusiasm to show that they do, .. and I end thinking and reflecting that I might have come across to them as an obnoxious asshole ... and then I start generalizing that I prob come across to a lot of people as an obnoxious asshole.

It's not an issue of wanting to please everyone or trying to be compatible w/ people I'm not ... it's not really even an issue.. just seems like for as often as I walk away from a social interaction feeling like I've been charming, I also walk away from other social situations guessing that maybe the other people found me to be an annoying asshole. Again I think it tends to happen from introverts who don't give me enough positive feedback and interact enough that leaves me guessing whether or not they actually enjoyed my company and I theirs. ...and then not having any social life and very few friends makes me think I might not be that pleasant to be around.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,442 Posts
Discussion Starter #5
When I was waiting on tables, I had to be a mixture of a smiley, perky, obedient, professional person. I hated every second of it, but in the end it taught me that I could be different, if I wanted to. In the end of the day, I was glad to turn into the obnoxious, but real me.
lol I work in a restaurant.

I actually don't mind ( and actually even enjoy) being courteous and friendly and chipper w/ customers. But I feel like I only have the ability to do that for a minute or two intervals before I need to get real ( i like being friendly and helpful ... I don't enjoy small talk). That's why I don't bartend .. don't mind being friendly and helpful in short bursts... but I'd be torture to have to talk about sports and weather for 10+ mins.

lol also the mentality i have w/ complaining customers and such is I think of them as small children even though they're often adults that are older than me... it's weird to me when other servers get annoyed and take it so personally when customers complain about stuff ..to me I feel the same way about the 40 yr old lady complaining that her wine is too dry and burger too raw as I do about the 4 yrs old girl who spilled her milk and I treat them the same "awww don't worry lil girl, no need to cry, we'll get you a new one" ... it's a bit condescending for me to share that I think of the adults as childish but that's the truth of how I see it and why I don't mind the job. I feel like it prob has a lot to do w/ me being an enneagram 9.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
301 Posts
I am not certain if I am in the same situation but most people find my sense of humor offensive. I slightly enjoy seeing their mad or offended faces. On the other hand I don't understand why they don't strike back or laugh... Moreover, many opinions of mine make people react similar way.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
636 Posts
I get the same impression sometimes when i interact with people. I think that's why i'm sometimes very quiet and observe people for a little bit before i begin to show them my goofy side. Something i learned growing up since i always described my relationship with others as very "hit and miss". At times that bit me in the butt, like when someone in authority just hates my guts for whatever reason, so im more cautious now. Anyways over time i also realized that i sort of grow on people. They don't know how to interpret what i say and that it can come off as very assholian but after they get to know me a bit more they realize i mean no harm and find it more charming. People adjust to me too but i try not to do too much too soon. I'm seeing this change a bit lately tho. Adjusting to others can, in a lot of ways, be a waste of time too. I also started joking more about myself, than others. Learned this from the NFPs in my life.

One of my grandmothers is ENTP and i commonly heard her warn people that she goes for the funny joke when she meets people but what i've noticed she's done, possibly not purposely, is bring a friend that sees the humor and that friend will show others that it's not serious. I had that at work once. It was nice. I don't think anyone likes to be left out of a joke so...they try a little harder to be more open minded about it.

I guess the older i get the more i realize that people's reaction of things is a reflection of what's going on inside of them than just a reflection of myself. If i had droves and droves of people annoyed by me, well maybe i do have a problem. i have some friends that i know are stable that i'll judge whether or not i've flown off the deep end by, but i wouldn't do that with everyone i met. Some people just aren't my people, and who knows what things they have gone through to make certain topics to be more sensitive and offensive in their life. It doesn't make me right, but it doesn't really make me wrong either. We're just different and maybe, i'm just not meant to be friends with them. I don't like everyone in this world, and ive accepted not everyone is going to like me too.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
104 Posts
I always thought that ENTPs were charming because they're obnoxious assholes.

They always seem to say the thing I thought of a few seconds ago but decided not to say because it would offend some idiot and start a pointless argument. Then I go get the popcorn.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,561 Posts
@desire machine In my not-so-humble opinion you should probably just unleash your inner asshole and kindly caretaker at the same time. This in-between shit doesn't suit you. In all seriousness it sounds and appears to be as if you're holding shit back just to be liked. Do or do not do. There is no try.

I'm keeping this short because brevity and what not...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,442 Posts
Discussion Starter #10
@desire machine In my not-so-humble opinion you should probably just unleash your inner asshole and kindly caretaker at the same time. This in-between shit doesn't suit you. In all seriousness it sounds and appears to be as if you're holding shit back just to be liked. Do or do not do. There is no try.

I'm keeping this short because brevity and what not...
i don't think holding back has ever been an issue for me... and being myself hasn't ever been an issue ...and actually there wasn't any issue ... I just saying that as often as I feel I've come across as charming, i get the feeling at times that I've come off annoying to others. I was just curious how much other ENTPs relate or if that is something more unique to myself.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
508 Posts
It's always weird for me to read things like this from ENTP's because It's like dude just fucking calm the fuck down and stop being an obnoxious dick. If it's that hard to do, maybe you have some personality disorder or something.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,561 Posts
It's always weird for me to read things like this from ENTP's because It's like dude just fucking calm the fuck down and stop being an obnoxious dick.
And in response to that I say give us some god damn credit. We’re trying. It’s just that it’s difficult when it feels like you’re dialing the bull in a china shop wayyyy down and still get “stop being an obnoxious dick, dick!” You might be able to understand how that could be infinitely frustrating and demoralizing when trying to at the very least make yourself palatable to others. I don’t however expect understanding because if there is one thing I’ve noticed about “sensitive” people it’s that they don’t mind bringing a tactical nuke to a slap fight when it comes to dealing with someone they’ve determined to have thick skin, and doesn’t necessarily conform to their idea of “being sensitive”. No quarter is given.

We bleed too, homie. Just because we don’t show it to you doesn’t mean it isn’t painful. Case in point:

If it's that hard to do, maybe you have some personality disorder or something.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,346 Posts
Based on this posts, it seems that ENTPs are like INTPs without filters.

LOL, I quite enjoy causing mass chaos wherever I go. But I do my best to be polite about my approach. That being said, I'm only an asshole to people I know well enough. As well as on the internet.
 
  • Like
Reactions: aiyanah

·
Registered
Joined
·
374 Posts
Wow, great thread. I can relate to almost everything here. It's awesome.
Props to everyone here who's trying to do their best to NOT be the jerk of social interactions.
It's as if our minds were designed to be happy in an open forum where everyone's allowed to openly and passionately offer different perspectives in order to reach a final conclusion that is ultimately true.
No, this is not your common mentality in your typical "let's go watch a movie" hang out group. So, yes, we'll run into problems.

At 23, this is all I have learned that I feel is most practical:
Have a genuinely positive attitude about others and bring up what you think is great about them.
Choose your friends carefully.
Lot's of times, your paranoid feelings don't have a good basis. When you do seriously offend someone, you'll be smart enough to come up with a pretty good solution.


Different people have different needs, and even at your best, most altruistic self, you won't satisfy everyone's needs and will even offend some who hang with you, or even worse, make them feel bad about themselves. That doesn't mean you will forever stop hanging with, say, an ISFP (the type that I have a record of offending the MOST). But it does mean that your truest self may not come out with him or her around for the sake of their wellbeing. Your filter would be on.

Also, it is VITAL for us (at least for me) to surround ourselves with people who can see the best in us and not be afraid of bringing up when and HOW we are really being jerks (hopefully, IN the moment). We need truth, it's the only way we can grow, and a lot of people are too afraid of giving it. These people can't be our true friends, it just won't work. Unless we're insane sociopaths, ENTP's natural habitat is a world filled with truth and not bullcrap, and a lot of social interactions are stable and successful ONLY because of bullcrap. And I mean, A LOT.

Other than that, just keep trying your best. Even if you relapse, you're still on your way to be a better person if you give a healthy amount of attention to your social retardation.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
508 Posts
And in response to that I say give us some god damn credit. We’re trying. It’s just that it’s difficult when it feels like you’re dialing the bull in a china shop wayyyy down and still get “stop being an obnoxious dick, dick!” You might be able to understand how that could be infinitely frustrating and demoralizing when trying to at the very least make yourself palatable to others. I don’t however expect understanding because if there is one thing I’ve noticed about “sensitive” people it’s that they don’t mind bringing a tactical nuke to a slap fight when it comes to dealing with someone they’ve determined to have thick skin, and doesn’t necessarily conform to their idea of “being sensitive”. No quarter is given.

We bleed too, homie. Just because we don’t show it to you doesn’t mean it isn’t painful. Case in point:
I mean good for you I guess? I've been dealing with various obnoxious ENTPs who openly mock suicide and depression. which I think is hilarious. It's just a joke bro, right? Haaha lol.


Lolz. I can't be serious. Lolz. I mean depression truly is hilarious lmfao!!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
596 Posts
I just answered in a poll that given the chance I'd like to be ENTP, thinking that they might be the more charming version of us NTPs.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,561 Posts
I mean good for you I guess? I've been dealing with various obnoxious ENTPs who openly mock suicide and depression. which I think is hilarious. It's just a joke bro, right? Haaha lol.


Lolz. I can't be serious. Lolz. I mean depression truly is hilarious lmfao!!!
You should probably expect to run into a go-to defense mechanism when you hit someone with a topic they are uncomfortable with, inexperienced with, or both. Based on everything I’ve seen in this particular forum over several years you’re bound to run across many folks sympathetic if not empathetic to that subject matter.

Speaking of hilarity and depression you should check this out if you are interested - sponsored by makeitok.org: https://www.apmpodcasts.org/thwod/
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
508 Posts
You should probably expect to run into a go-to defense mechanism when you hit someone with a topic they are uncomfortable with, inexperienced with, or both. Based on everything I’ve seen in this particular forum over several years you’re bound to run across many folks sympathetic if not empathetic to that subject matter.

Speaking of hilarity and depression you should check this out if you are interested - sponsored by makeitok.org: https://www.apmpodcasts.org/thwod/
doesn't matter bro. It's all a joke right? hhahahaha

lmfao!
 
1 - 20 of 22 Posts
Top