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Discussion Starter #1
Hi ESTJs,

I have a friend (who I strongly suspect to be ESTJ). She's a nurse, and she has a sister with an intellectual disability, a mum who seems very mentally unstable and a Dad who's often incapacitated with medical problems. She has a boyfriend who is an INTJ - with social anxiety issues, and she broke up with him for a few months, but has recently just got back together with him to see if they can work things out. She has these grand ideas and schemes for women's ministry at the local church. She also has detailed plans about her role as a nurse and is currently studying so she can move to the position of educator.

She frequently comes to me in tears saying she hasn't had a day off for ages, and her mum expects her to do xyz, and she needs to study etc. However, I know when she's feeling overwhelmed because she always tries to do something nice for me! It's like she's doing that because it's her way of showing me that she needs love, but she doesn't seem to be able to ask for help when she needs it! I've talked to her about saying "no", and taking a day a week for herself, and seeing a psychologist. She doesn't seem to listen!

What is happening here? Does anyone have an advice as to how I can help my friend?

Thanks :)
 

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MOTM July 2010
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4,596 Posts
What is happening here?
She thinks it's her duty to taking care of her family, even at the risk of her own happiness. To her, it's morally wrong to do the opposite. She does what she think is the right thing to do.

I know how she feels. I'm in her position.

She doesn't need your help. She just need someone to vent, someone who understand her pain. You can encourage her, though. Encourage her to reach her dreams. Tell her that her sufferings right now are just temporarily, that one day she'll make it through and in the end, everything is gonna be alright.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
She thinks it's her duty to taking care of her family, even at the risk of her own happiness. To her, it's morally wrong to do the opposite. She does what she think is the right thing to do.

I know how she feels. I'm in her position.

She doesn't need your help. She just need someone to vent, someone who understand her pain. You can encourage her, though. Encourage her to reach her dreams. Tell her that her sufferings right now are just temporarily, that one day she'll make it through and in the end, everything is gonna be alright.
Thanks :)

What I have been doing is just listening to her - well, allowing her to vent. I don't know if I totally listen to everything she says (cause I don't think she really cares if I totally listen, she just needs to get it out)! I'll keep doing that, and keep just encouraging her to reach her dreams.
 
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