[Jis]

Hi y'all!

I am an ISFP and need some advice regarding this cutie I've stumbled upon lately. I am very introspective and think that I am just overthinking everything.

I met her in one of my college classes and instantly felt like we connected, the atmosphere I feel around her is very warm and I feel like I can easily connect to her.

I have noticed that she has been teasing and asking me questions. This ranges from "omg *insert name here* why did you do that?" or "does this sound like it works?"

Although this doesn't count as much in our current time and day, she also did give me her Snapchat. She texted me asking what we did in class the day she was sick, however, I just feel like it may have been intentional because she has many other friends that she could have asked.

In class, it seems that she is always around and tries to sit with me or somewhere in the general proximity. Lately, she has been chatting it up with me everyday and is very physical/complimentary.

One more thing I would like to add is that she name called me the other day to join her friend so that we could walk to class together. When we left each other, she only said bye to me and not her friend.


There are some details that I have omitted because I feel like that a text block would not be very fun :sad:.

 

[Llyralen]

Just a question... my friend on here and I were talking about how different guys decide to pursue women. Would you say you like to move slow or fast if you really like a girl? Does how much you like her make you slow down or speed up? For instance, are you planning to ask your cutie ENFP out this week or wait for a while? How come?

 

[Robotshorts]

In my own experience, all the ENFPs I've ever come across have the 'warmth' to them that you're describing - they're very inviting socially, are are just about interested in everybody, so that feeling of 'connection' is a common thing. They're also very reassuring, and so positive comments in your direction are probably to be expected if the two of you are getting along nicely.

When it comes to romance, while they certainly do appear to lead very openly with their hearts, it seems male ENFPs are easier to read than gals - I know a few 'hopeless romantic' male ENFPs who passionately dive right in there head first on an emotional level and the implied romantic interest is screamingly apparent, but when it comes to girls, it feels like perhaps the natural heightened emotional maturity of womankind keeps them more level-headed when it comes to romantic interests (Was that sexist? my bad if it was, it was a compliment though...)

Based on what information you've shared, if she really is hanging around you quite a lot, then that might be a hint at something - being such hungry socialites, I find that ENFPs need to bounce around socially in order to sate their need for social interaction, therefore if their attention is centred on a particular person, rather than evenly shared amongst a nearby group, then there might be something there. If the conversations you're having have a lot of depth, then that strikes me as another sign of interest - they sure do love deep talk and connecting on such levels.

How long has what you're describing been going on with this girl? And have you spent any exclusive time alone together? I'm interested to know more as I'm very familiar with male ENFPs (one of my absolute best friends is a raging ENFP - I love him, the big idiot) whereas I have much less experience with female ENFPs.

 

[Jis]

Just a question... my friend on here and I were talking about how different guys decide to pursue women. Would you say you like to move slow or fast if you really like a girl? Does how much you like her make you slow down or speed up? For instance, are you planning to ask your cutie ENFP out this week or wait for a while? How come?

Like other ISFPs, I like to get to know them first and just let things take its course. I tend to get very shy the more I like someone so I guess I would slow down in that case. I will probably wait a while to ask this ENFP out because I know that ENFPs are very gregarious, social, and flirty people. As an ISFP, it is hard for me to differentiate between if she is just being friendly or flirty. I wish I could be more assertive and take the leap to ask her if she liked me back but being an ISFP I am scared of rejection. Moreover, I don't really have a lot of self esteem (ISFP problem) but that may play a part in a girl who I was trying to get together with a couple of years ago (tl:dr horrible date, asked her for one more go both irl and via text because I couldn't really control what happened, she "pretended" that she wasn't able to get my texts so I cut her off and left).

 

[Jis]

In my own experience, all the ENFPs I've ever come across have the 'warmth' to them that you're describing - they're very inviting socially, are are just about interested in everybody, so that feeling of 'connection' is a common thing. They're also very reassuring, and so positive comments in your direction are probably to be expected if the two of you are getting along nicely.

When it comes to romance, while they certainly do appear to lead very openly with their hearts, it seems male ENFPs are easier to read than gals - I know a few 'hopeless romantic' male ENFPs who passionately dive right in there head first on an emotional level and the implied romantic interest is screamingly apparent, but when it comes to girls, it feels like perhaps the natural heightened emotional maturity of womankind keeps them more level-headed when it comes to romantic interests (Was that sexist? my bad if it was, it was a compliment though...)

Based on what information you've shared, if she really is hanging around you quite a lot, then that might be a hint at something - being such hungry socialites, I find that ENFPs need to bounce around socially in order to sate their need for social interaction, therefore if their attention is centred on a particular person, rather than evenly shared amongst a nearby group, then there might be something there. If the conversations you're having have a lot of depth, then that strikes me as another sign of interest - they sure do love deep talk and connecting on such levels.

How long has what you're describing been going on with this girl? And have you spent any exclusive time alone together? I'm interested to know more as I'm very familiar with male ENFPs (one of my absolute best friends is a raging ENFP - I love him, the big idiot) whereas I have much less experience with female ENFPs.

I would say probably for the past two weeks or so if I had to give an estimate. So far we have spent some exclusive time together (albeit still in a classroom) but nothing that much yet. I am getting mentally exhausted by observing what has happened with this ENFP so I am probably just going to take a couple days to build myself back up again.

 

[Robotshorts]

I would say probably for the past two weeks or so if I had to give an estimate. So far we have spent some exclusive time together (albeit still in a classroom) but nothing that much yet. I am getting mentally exhausted by observing what has happened with this ENFP so I am probably just going to take a couple days to build myself back up again.

Not to joke in any way, but it doesn't surprise me at all that you feel a bit exhausted trying to keep up with this ENFP girl - I for one can't hold a candle to the amount of energy ENFPs have (my ENFP wears me right out sometimes), but then a lot of up-time also requires an equal amount of down-time, but that's aside the point.

Overall, and when you decide to return to your pursuit, I'd probably keep an eye on how much they want to connect with you if you want to try and gauge the potential for romance; thousands of questions, wanting to learn as much about you as they can to further detail their internal portrait of you, and, more to the point, finding reasons to make you feel good about yourself. I find that ENFPs are amazing motivators and can be really uplifting, often for no other reason than they just think you're pretty darn great. Oh, and pay attention to any subtle little acts of physical contact - they can be like kids in the schoolyard for sneaking in an affectionate nudge or bump.

I hope it works out well for you however it pans out

 

[Llyralen]

INFJ men--- so rare, oh so rare! This thread is going awesome! Huge compliments to us girls, Robotshorts, reaffirming all that we try to be! Jis, I'm talking for myself here-- but I'm sure some of the other ENFP girls would agree-- you have to put yourself out there to catch me. Like when I was young ( younger than 22-say) then I would get crazy crushes on the leadership- type guys. I would never have truely known what to do if they had actually asked me out, as I was not ready for serious relationships. After that age, the guy has to chase me. Unless there is an unmistakable I can't hardly do without this kind of closeness closeness. My roommate called me "The golden snitch" and it's true. Like if she thinks you are nice and wants to get to know you on a friend level then she's going to keep doing what she's been doing. If you want her attention in the relationship department then you'll have to dare to make a move. She will be surprised/flattered and this will force her to make a decision to let you try to pursue her. she will probably let you try for her, but you will have to impress her with your confidence to put yourself out there-- like you have to REaLLY show you like her. You would have to impress her with how much you appreciate each deep awesome thing about her. Or you will have to have skills along the line of making her feel absolutely taken care of physically and sexually. If you've got the balls to try--then go for it. Otherwise she will be a nice fun friend date. Sorry to put it like that. You are welcome to give it a good go, I'd say. Wow does it ever sound like I ask for a lot in a relationship.... that's true too!

 

[Llyralen]

Jis I hope this helped. We ENFP girls crave closeness-- deep talk and understanding each other's ideas and passions. You seem like a really nice guy and whether this girl works out or not, you've likely got a good future ahead of you in the relationship department. Being an ISFJ there's supposedly heaven with ESFPs or so I've read (sounds amazing). Anyway, trust yourself and be confident is my advice. Girls would likely be lucky to get you. Look how you researched this one? Dating experiences get better as everyone matures. If you are wondering, as an older and married women, I'm encouraging you and cheering for you. Drop in and let us know how you are every once in a while.
Addendum* sorry you are ISFP -- supposed heaven with ESFJ. I apologize-- it can be quite a difference. Both our types share strong Fi-- a good place to connect from.

 

[Tridentus]

Honestly, this isn't the most relevant, because I could essentially post this on any thread with this type of topic, with anyone ever..

-but, sometimes (usually, in fact) it's good to just put yourself out there and make mistakes when it comes to dating- or anything in life really.. Like... there aren't many things I know, or read into dating and body language where I can say I haven't learnt it through trial and error at some point. Most of the harshest, but most useful, lessons I learnt in my teen years ofc, but I continue to learn every year, and the gap gets narrower and narrower.

Hypothetically, if someone will only EVER make a move or try anything if they are 95%+ sure of an outcome- they're not going to develop their own understanding of something, because they're simply going to cage themselves and never learn.. Conversely, if someone is going for things at 50%+, and they do the proper reflection after each failure.. Then they learn a lot more about themselves, a lot faster. You're talking about committing a few weeks to a few years of having this attitude- and then you're changing decades of your life in return.

I get it- you don't want to get things wrong and make a fool out of yourself, your emotions are telling you that embarrassing yourself is the worst thing that could happen to you- but seriously, it's actually a win-win situation if you can get control of those emotions.

 

[FelKitten]

Just throwing this out there...the biggest risk I ever took was dropping a pillow into the lap of my now-husband and then laying down on it. Notice I said now-husband...we're married 8 years next month and still incredibly happy. But it was a risk. I could have made a total fool of myself by throwing myself at him (he does NOT do subtle, he kinda needed a brick to the face to make the point that I was interested).

Moral of the story: You never know until you try.

 

[catharsiis]

Every ENFP is different I think.

For me, personally, I become a bit of a smartass with the people I like. I normally try my best to be polite and kind to everyone; but when I like someone, I make myself comfortable with them and tease them and make a lot of sarcastic comments, in hopes that they'll catch on and banter with me. I also tend to be really giggly around them & laugh at everything they say. If they're with me in a group, I'll tend to focus on them a little more than the rest of the group, focusing in on everything they say and trying my best to make them feel included.

Not ENFP related, but I'd say look at her body language when you two talk. Does she ever mimic your movements? Do her eyes get squinty when she smiles at you? Does she tend to face in your direction, even when with a group? Lean in close when you talk to her? Maybe even try to get a good look at her eyes; do her pupils get big when she sees you? Body language can really tell a lot about how a person feels about you.

 

[Katie Tran]

I love this because:

1) An extremely rare xSFP/ENFP relationship thread

2) I hardly EVER see this ugh.

3) It's really easy for ISTP/ENFP to get along. Just look at Lana Del Rey (ISFP) and Marina and the Diamonds (ENFP. They're just so fun and natural together! <3

4) So what's your question lol?