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Okay, I am 42, so I am not "that" old. But I am definitely lost, and would love to hear from anyone. I do not even know if I need advice or just want to connect with those like me. I am an ENFP and it is hard bc I have loved everything. I was a great student bc I loved every subject. I have an undergraduate in Economics and Master's in Computer Science. I actually wanted to be an art history major, but my father convinced me it would be a worthless piece of paper. So I went his route, and ended up living in some big cities being a computer programmer, and then an IT manager until I wanted to gauge my eyes out. I became an online producer at a publishing company, then a real estate broker, then I owned a clothing boutique for 5 years. Typical ENFP! Then at 35 yrs old I met my husband, an ENTJ. I adore him, he is a rock, and when I spin out of control...or as he says, "my motor won't stop", he is there to tell my to focus, and I am doing a great job. The problem is, we had a child 5 years ago. I closed my store, we relocated to a small town and now I am lost. I have been so absorbed in being a supportive partner and mom, that I have no idea what to do with myself. My child starts kindergarten soon and I am afraid when she starts, being alone, I will have nothing to do and I need to work! I paint, and I was recently commissioned to do two pieces of rather large art. I had so one else ask me to help decor ate their house. I am volunteering for an organization close to my heart.

I just really want to know how you guys deal with this. I thought when I was older I would figure it all out and be settled. I am as scattered or more as when I was 25! I want to be passionate about something, but passing fancies seem to dominate me. I will never accomplish anything!
 

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Okay, I am 42, so I am not "that" old. But I am definitely lost, and would love to hear from anyone. I do not even know if I need advice or just want to connect with those like me. I am an ENFP and it is hard bc I have loved everything. I was a great student bc I loved every subject. I have an undergraduate in Economics and Master's in Computer Science. I actually wanted to be an art history major, but my father convinced me it would be a worthless piece of paper. So I went his route, and ended up living in some big cities being a computer programmer, and then an IT manager until I wanted to gauge my eyes out. I became an online producer at a publishing company, then a real estate broker, then I owned a clothing boutique for 5 years. Typical ENFP! Then at 35 yrs old I met my husband, an ENTJ. I adore him, he is a rock, and when I spin out of control...or as he says, "my motor won't stop", he is there to tell my to focus, and I am doing a great job. The problem is, we had a child 5 years ago. I closed my store, we relocated to a small town and now I am lost. I have been so absorbed in being a supportive partner and mom, that I have no idea what to do with myself. My child starts kindergarten soon and I am afraid when she starts, being alone, I will have nothing to do and I need to work! I paint, and I was recently commissioned to do two pieces of rather large art. I had so one else ask me to help decor ate their house. I am volunteering for an organization close to my heart.

I just really want to know how you guys deal with this. I thought when I was older I would figure it all out and be settled. I am as scattered or more as when I was 25! I want to be passionate about something, but passing fancies seem to dominate me. I will never accomplish anything!
Ah, gosh. This almost scares me- I am an ENFP teenager.

However, it's never too late to start pursuing your dreams! There is such an abundance of things on this planet to do and learn from, and if you want to be passionate, all you need to do is look. The world is filled with vast quantities of many interesting things, if you just look around.

Your art seems like a fantastic outlet for passion, why not get completely and fully immersed into it and the art culture? It's never too late.
 
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Your art seems like a fantastic outlet for passion, why not get completely and fully immersed into it and the art culture? It's never too late.
Definitely
 

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I will never accomplish anything!
You had a child five years ago. That is a major "something"! :)

If you are an ENFP, you very likely touch lots of individual lives in small ways almost every day.

FWIW, I am strongly ENFP and 51 years old. I embrace what many refer to as my "flighty nature". I LOVE doing a little of this, then a little of that. Being stuck in a work routine is nearly poisonous for me, (though I managed to find a career that is more chaotic than routine). I can hardly wait to retire and start dabbling. I hope to make and sell some art (I got talked out of doing art for a career, like you. I have often wondered what if....). I also would like to volunteer in my community in numerous ways.

Are you sure that your current frustration reflects your values? Is it possible that you are trying to conform to someone else's expectation, for someone your age or whatever?

I love my innate flakiness. I fully enjoy flitting between activities. I am seldom bored. I know much about many things, having collected a lot of experiences so far. I celebrate my inner weird and have no desire to ever "settle down".

Feel free to PM if you want to chat some time.
 

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Welcome, CM. I'm a mid-40s ENFP and do a little bit of many things and a lot of "nothing"... or what some might consider to be nothing. I used to feel bad about it but now I am so grateful to have such an interesting, unconventional life.

Like you, I received an excellent formal education and too often we're made to feel like it's been wasted if we're not in some grind/ rat race/ attempt to achieve by external standards. We can accept that viewpoint or realise that education is its own end and just further exercises our mind so that we can use it to better enjoy the complexities of life.

I admit that I might find small-town living to be difficult but the internet will help, a lot. It's a way to connect to the outside world in a million different ways.

A few suggestions to toss around in that clever mind of yours:

1. When your son starts kindergarten, could you make being alone with nothing to do "your work," for a little while? Tell yourself that for, say, 2 months, you have a contract/ temporary job/ internship to just BE. The first few days will be excruciating but I can assure you that 8 weeks of quiet and unstructured living can do wonders for a mental/ emotional readjustment. Any time your mind starts racing and your inner voice starts criticising, tell them, "I really can't put up with your nonsense at the moment; I'm too busy with my job of merely existing and I'm quite excellent at it, thanks."

2. Before your son starts kindergarten, borrow from an online library and skim "Do what you Are." It has lots of ideas about career paths (but also, a lot about what elements we find satisfying in careers, etc.) based on your Type. It's not a scholarly book but I found it useful for brainstorming and also for defining some of my life goals.

3. Take a meditation course. I would probably recommend this to anyone... so it's sort of a suggestion for everyone reading this thread :) I have no use for the whole Buddhist, bell-ringing, hippie-dippy aspects that some meditation includes but as a tool for self-soothing and gaining clarity in one's own life, it's excellent.

4. Continue to hang out with us here at PerC. There are scads of young ENFPs posting here who could use some informal mentoring; we (relatively few) middle aged folk here lend a valuable perspective to the issues faced by the (many) teen/ young 20s posters. I've learned a lot and made a dear friend by spending time here, too. I think you'll gain something by taking part and I know I ~ and, no doubt, many others ~ would be thrilled to have your company.
 

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So you like history eh?

I have a simple suggestion that I'm working on right now with my son:

We are trying to learn to speak Spanish together by using Rosetta Stone. It's simple and fun, and we both learn and grow together.

I mention history because if you choose a language from a culture that especially interests you, it makes it much more meaningful and is easier to dedicate yourself to. I wanted to choose the Irish language version, but the software isn't cheap, and I live in the southwest USA, so Spanish was a more reasonable choice for us.
 

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There are people that knew exactly what they wanted to be ever since they were little. A policemen, a lawyer, etc. And they are happy to do this for the next 50 years. Do you envy these people?

You're obviously talented and very creative, so many fun things to do, so little time. But life's trivia get in the way. Well, you're in good company.:tongue:
 

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Develop some interesting hobbies, and bootstrap that Ne for unholy multitasking, while using your Te to keep it on track.

This weekend, I've planted cherry tomatoes, onions, lily of the valley, and some other things, repotted two small trees on my back porch, learned how to grow a shitload of potatos in one vertical space, made some peppermint ointment, and am midway through reseasoning an old cast iron skillet that is in pretty bad shape. Also brushed up on my German with the Pimsler method (which is boring as hell but effective), and read a few chapters in an old book by Barry Goldwater. (Amusing to read that conservatives complained about the exact same shit back in 1970 that still pisses me off no end today.) I've also ordered 10 packets of Pasteur Red wine yeast, in order to be absolutely sure it arrives before the blackberry season actually starts. Oh, and laundry... I'm doing that too. Lol. :p
 
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Having a child 5 years ago is definitly a great thing to achieve :) (Coming from a fellow parent with a 6 year old.. x))
but I get your anxiety. Being without anything to do is scary; Really scary. my school class ends this year and after that i'm simply unemployed. It scares the living shit out of me; _Not to mention my child starts school after summer.. Crazy

My recommendation? As other said; Look up that art stuff :) Or, get a part time job, to fill your time.
 
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