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Discussion Starter #1
Hi guys,

I'm an ENFP who has been in a relationship with another ENFP for a little over a month now. But, sadly a few days ago we sort of entered into a relationship purgatory? This began with a bunch of confusion and frustration over lack of time we have been able to spend together, and also with my fears about past relationships and the future etc entering in. We were having a sort of confusing conversation and I had no idea what was going on and so I asked, "If you want to break up with me that's something you have to let me know," because just the day before he had agreed with not breaking things off now. But on that night he said, "I think I do." Obviously I'm not going to give the whole psychological analysis of our entire relationship because that's slightly creepy but the main facts are that both of us are going off the college in about 6 months, and he feels sort of like it's Now or Later and doesn't know if it will hurt worse later. Also, he struggles with the sort of "Grass is always greener" where you're always sort of looking for the next thing and get confused about what you want even if you are happy. I have combatted this by having sort of flings and multiple experiences between relationships so that I know what I want in the next one, something that he didn't do. The whole experience felt really abrupt and he stated things in a way where it seemed like we were more than just friends, and it was really open ended. I decided to give us a couple of days of no talking to really just process everything and see if this is something that will stick. Any other advice on how to approach this would be helpful! I can provide more details if ya'll want I just didn't wanna be gross lmao.

PS- yes the title is a reference to That One Vine
 

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I can't think of any advice. I have some questions and maybe they'll help or maybe they will be annoying. It's more for you to answer for yourself, I guess.
Do you want to keep dating him? If so, I'd tell him so. That way you have no regrets later (I think that's important), no matter what he chooses. Or if you're not sure, then you say that. But telling the whole truth is always the best way to make sure you have no regrets.
 

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Well he sounds like a confusing dick who shouldn't be in a relationship because his indecision will just ruin things and break hearts. Sounds just like me!

I dunno what to advise really, it sounds like the ball is in his court to either get it together or not. The only thing I think you can do is break things off (I'm not saying you should but I'm saying you have little impact on making his mind up for him). If you genuinely think that your lifestyle has combated with the grass is greener attitude, then tell him that, encourage him to do the same? If you want to fight for this relationship then you have to be prepared that his doubt won't just disappear.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Well he sounds like a confusing dick who shouldn't be in a relationship because his indecision will just ruin things and break hearts. Sounds just like me!

I dunno what to advise really, it sounds like the ball is in his court to either get it together or not. The only thing I think you can do is break things off (I'm not saying you should but I'm saying you have little impact on making his mind up for him). If you genuinely think that your lifestyle has combated with the grass is greener attitude, then tell him that, encourage him to do the same? If you want to fight for this relationship then you have to be prepared that his doubt won't just disappear.
I was planning to ask him where his head's at tomorrow and see if he has come to any conclusions that were different than sunday. I want it to not sound pushy but also demand closure. I'm gonna mostly try and listen and then maybe suggest that we more casually date because I think maybe we entered a relationship too early, but we still have fun together so it would maybe be a suggestion so that we can explore other experiences but still have each other in some way, as friends at first and then maybe into more.
I just am wondering now if I should keep our conversation fairly kogical and almost robotic or if I should talk about how I miss him etc but then again I don't wanna sound manipulative so!
 

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I was planning to ask him where his head's at tomorrow and see if he has come to any conclusions that were different than sunday. I want it to not sound pushy but also demand closure. I'm gonna mostly try and listen and then maybe suggest that we more casually date because I think maybe we entered a relationship too early, but we still have fun together so it would maybe be a suggestion so that we can explore other experiences but still have each other in some way, as friends at first and then maybe into more.
I just am wondering now if I should keep our conversation fairly logical and almost robotic or if I should talk about how I miss him etc but then again I don't wanna sound manipulative so!
I don't think you can find this balance of not sounding pushy and demanding closure. Either he's got an answer or he hasn't and if he hasn't it's more likely to sound pushy. Maybe instead of asking him if he has a solution or telling him what you want you should just start with a "should we talk about it?" kind of thing. If he wants to then that's your "okay" to tell him how you feel.
 
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Hi guys,

I'm an ENFP who has been in a relationship with another ENFP for a little over a month now. But, sadly a few days ago we sort of entered into a relationship purgatory? This began with a bunch of confusion and frustration over lack of time we have been able to spend together, and also with my fears about past relationships and the future etc entering in. We were having a sort of confusing conversation and I had no idea what was going on and so I asked, "If you want to break up with me that's something you have to let me know," because just the day before he had agreed with not breaking things off now. But on that night he said, "I think I do." Obviously I'm not going to give the whole psychological analysis of our entire relationship because that's slightly creepy but the main facts are that both of us are going off the college in about 6 months, and he feels sort of like it's Now or Later and doesn't know if it will hurt worse later. Also, he struggles with the sort of "Grass is always greener" where you're always sort of looking for the next thing and get confused about what you want even if you are happy. I have combatted this by having sort of flings and multiple experiences between relationships so that I know what I want in the next one, something that he didn't do. The whole experience felt really abrupt and he stated things in a way where it seemed like we were more than just friends, and it was really open ended. I decided to give us a couple of days of no talking to really just process everything and see if this is something that will stick. Any other advice on how to approach this would be helpful! I can provide more details if ya'll want I just didn't wanna be gross lmao.

PS- yes the title is a reference to That One Vine
I just graduated 'high school' in 2017 I think that you should move on. My EX and I wanted to be together to the point where I almost wasn't honest with myself and choose to go to the same university just so I could be with him. But we weren't engaged or anything so I realized it was premature to bank my future on that relationship. And telling him last minute made it hurt so much worse for both of us.

Also your BF is being selfish but if he says he thinks it's not going to work out believe him. You can convince him to stay in the relationship and try to make it work but for that both parties have to be serious and it doesn't sound like he is. If you want to stay together let him know that you can't predict the future but it'd be a waste not to at least try-especially if you feel like you guys have something good going on.
 

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I just graduated 'high school' in 2017 I think that you should move on. My EX and I wanted to be together to the point where I almost wasn't honest with myself and choose to go to the same university just so I could be with him. But we weren't engaged or anything so I realized it was premature to bank my future on that relationship. And telling him last minute made it hurt so much worse for both of us.

Also your BF is being selfish but if he says he thinks it's not going to work out believe him. You can convince him to stay in the relationship and try to make it work but for that both parties have to be serious and it doesn't sound like he is. If you want to stay together let him know that you can't predict the future but it'd be a waste not to at least try-especially if you feel like you guys have something good going on.
Thank you! Yeah, we ended up breaking things off. I thought it was too abrupt at least from my standpoint, but he said he's used to abrupt endings. that's why I thought a few days ago couldn't have been the end. It was a nice experience dating another ENFP though, and he and I are still friends so all is well that ends well.
 
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