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Okay, I am in love with an enfj who can"t stand me. He, btw, has no idea We got really close really quick last year. I scared him away because I was psycho when he didnt call when he said he would and then when he started to withdraw and I had concrete proof of it, I shattered his entire self esteem and told him to leave ME alone. How do I let him know that I have never never been that psycho before and don"t know what came over me and would never do it again. Of course I can"t bring it up because that would look like I care because after all it is not that I like him or anything :) When, the reality of it is that it was I had to delude myself that I had control of the situation that I could tell myself that i was the one that i left in the end. Of course I am not an idiot. I am also learning more things through therapy. I think whenever we do run into each other, he is as anxious to leave me as he is to leave a dentist office. I could run into him every day if i wanted to, but i am careful not to look obvious for i know his schedule. So, enfjs, with that, how would one go about getting an enfj to get from not wanting to be around me to thinking i am a psycho. Here is the situation that we are in right now. This was almost a year ago and I have contacted him maybe twice in 1 year when i was board with no response. not that I blame him. I also really didn"t care because I didn"t realize that I had real feelings for him untill I ran into him after many months So, like I said, how do I get an enfj to go from hating me from being a psycho to liking me. I am aware that this may take some very very very elaborate planing and patience, but elaborate planning and patience I will do If I didn"t like him, than I would have asked him to coffee to explain why I hurt him so bad and the issues that I have that go back from a long time ago from my life, but I am so careful around him. Should I tell him that he made a portion of my online journal explaining why I id those things or leave it alone for another time next time i see him? the journal doesnt say anything about liking him now. il get too tounge tied for now to say much to him besides "hey how are you how are things". By the way, it would show that I am way way more insightful and smart than he even knows Please no one tell me to not try or that it is impossible because you will just be wasting your time. by the way,i am not talking about making an idiot of myself. in fact, he may never know how i really currently and may always feel about him. just in ways of looking cute and being discreet. god, i like him so much that i get tears as i type this So, thank you so much for reading my post and anyone who can tell me how one goes about shotting darts in the dark will be greatly appreciated :)
 

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Okay, I am in love with an enfj who can"t stand me. He, btw, has no idea We got really close really quick last year. I scared him away because I was psycho when he didnt call when he said he would and then when he started to withdraw and I had concrete proof of it, I shattered his entire self esteem and told him to leave ME alone. How do I let him know that I have never never been that psycho before and don"t know what came over me and would never do it again. Of course I can"t bring it up because that would look like I care because after all it is not that I like him or anything :) When, the reality of it is that it was I had to delude myself that I had control of the situation that I could tell myself that i was the one that i left in the end. Of course I am not an idiot. I am also learning more things through therapy. I think whenever we do run into each other, he is as anxious to leave me as he is to leave a dentist office. I could run into him every day if i wanted to, but i am careful not to look obvious for i know his schedule. So, enfjs, with that, how would one go about getting an enfj to get from not wanting to be around me to thinking i am a psycho. Here is the situation that we are in right now. This was almost a year ago and I have contacted him maybe twice in 1 year when i was board with no response. not that I blame him. I also really didn"t care because I didn"t realize that I had real feelings for him untill I ran into him after many months So, like I said, how do I get an enfj to go from hating me from being a psycho to liking me. I am aware that this may take some very very very elaborate planing and patience, but elaborate planning and patience I will do If I didn"t like him, than I would have asked him to coffee to explain why I hurt him so bad and the issues that I have that go back from a long time ago from my life, but I am so careful around him. Should I tell him that he made a portion of my online journal explaining why I id those things or leave it alone for another time next time i see him? the journal doesnt say anything about liking him now. il get too tounge tied for now to say much to him besides "hey how are you how are things". By the way, it would show that I am way way more insightful and smart than he even knows Please no one tell me to not try or that it is impossible because you will just be wasting your time. by the way,i am not talking about making an idiot of myself. in fact, he may never know how i really currently and may always feel about him. just in ways of looking cute and being discreet. god, i like him so much that i get tears as i type this So, thank you so much for reading my post and anyone who can tell me how one goes about shotting darts in the dark will be greatly appreciated :)

We excel at communication and like to communicate our feelings. So, if you want him to know how how feel, you should be up front about your feelings with him.

We like to be given sweet words and loving affirmation. We do not like to hurt others, especially the ones that we love. We could be sensitive and emotional when it comes to the ones we love; so, be careful with your treatment of him. Kindness is what we are attracted to (at least for me because I am big on humanitarianism).
 
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I'm going to agree that open communication at this point and straightforwardness would be the best suitor for this situation. He may be unclear of your motives or your actions in general. From the information I gathered above, I still don't have a clear understanding for what kind of emotion you're trying to convey to him. However, knowing the history, plain straightforward communication would be to your benefit.

Good luck,
S
 

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Avoidance doesn't mean necessarily that he can't stand you. ENFJ's like to avoid conflict so if you were aggressive he may just be avoiding any conflict. A letter telling him how you feel and the changes that you made would be helpful. However, you must be calm and rlax and just be yourself. If you stalk him or he feels that you are stalking him in any way. Game Over.
 

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Oh man, this reminds me of my ENFJ brother and his single days. He always had admirers and ex girlfriends would take ages and ages to get over him, they often would cling to my parents and befriend them. He left a big impact on a lot of females I can tell you.


Back to the point of OP... I agree with Jojo. We like to avoid any possible conflict. And also the bit about writing a letter. It gets the point across and gives him time to digest the thoughts you will be confronting him with, before actually having to talk face to face.
 
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