[Nickel]

Do ENFPs hate the feeling of leeching off of other people?

Both ENFPs I know have been in dire need of help from others, but refused to accept it without compensation. They've both explained that they despise accepting hand-outs for free, and hate to be in the position of relying entirely on others.

Is this common amongst you other ENFPs? Thank you in advance!

 

[Finaille]

Yes; I think that everything should be compensated because it's... well... fair. I hate feeling as if I've drained somebody else and provided them nothing in return because honestly... I don't like it when people drain me and I get nothing out of it. I never want somebody else to feel as if I'm taking advantage of them. I figure I should show appreciation to their wonderful efforts! It doesn't have to be anything huge; a simple thank you note goes a LONG way.

Now that's not to say I don't expect the people who have taken from me to give me something back... I am happy to give people my time and energy. But if somebody takes too much without getting something in return, I won't give to them any longer. I don't like being a doormat.

 

[Moby]

Not only do I hate being a leech, but I hate when others do it with equal passion!

I'm pretty independent, I like to stand on my own two feet. If I desperately need charity or help, sure, though I'm loathe to ask for it. That's why I have real issues with people who have, what I see as trivial issues, ask for "help" over and over. The kind of attention getting leeching. Because don't get me wrong, when it's a real, serious, problem I'm happy to hear about it. Of course.

 

[Ahiko]

I don't like the feeling of being indebted to someone. :/

It just doesn't work for me.. It will make me feel terrible about myself.

I don't like people helping me with my problems. It seems like too much trouble for them, and I hate the feeling of troubling people. I'd rather suffer the consequences of my failings and shortcomings and overcome it than live with the feeling of owing someone for their help, even if it make my life easier.

 

[Ace Face]

I am in this exact position right now. I feel weird having people pay for my meals and insist I don't pay a dime of rent. It's a very strange feeling. They're helping me get on my feet though. All I can do is express my gratitude and clean their house for them.

 

[SenhorFrio]

I was always too stubborn to let people help me...and well with most thing with my friends we just try to go collective, everyone does some everyone takes some, without worrying if it's perfectly equal.

I mean if it were in my power to return the favour then of course i would

 

[Bumblyjack]

Yes, I'm this way too.

I recently had a disagreement related to this with a close ISTP friend of mine. After having more to drink at a bar than I expected, I left my car and got a ride home. The next day I took a cab to go get up my car. When I told my friend about it he was super pissed. He said I should have called him, I said I didn't want to bother him. He's offended that I didn't let him help me. That seems very strange to me because I rarely let anyone help me with anything.

 

[nádej]

Me too.

I am getting better about it, so that when I really need to suck it up and let others help me I can, however I do always make sure to find some way to pay them back, or at least attempt to.

People have enough of their own things to worry about; they don't need to be worried about taking care of me...is how I feel typically. I don't want to be a burden, and I hate feeling less than independent. I did have a friend sit me down about a year ago and go, "HEY. You have to let me do things for you at least sometimes, because that's how I show love. So just get over yourself for a minute, at least with me." And that was kind of eye-opening for me, because it's really not something that's comfortable for me, but I also (being in my own Fi bubble) had never thought about others' motivations for wanting to provide the help and how my refusal would affect them.

 

[Zster]

I hate to inconvenience people or to be indebted. However, when I fell on tragic times myself and absolutely NEEDED aid, I simply had to accept it for survival. The interesting thing about that, is a few rather candid people really pressed for the opportunity to help me. They said that, in my insistence on doing it myself and in rejecting their earnest charity, I was robbing THEM of a very special opportunity for growth (I believe this was a church person who used the word "ministry"), which gave me pause. I am not sure when independence spills over into irrational selfishness. Thus, I let those folks in, got through, and now offer help to others, as a "pay it forward" or "pay it back". The expeprience has taught me that each of us will have our days of need. To help others with theirs, helps keep things balanced and gets us ALL through, eventually.

I feel there is no shame in accepting help that is honestly needed, so long as you turn around and help others when they need it. Fair is fair, right?

 

[The King Of Dreams]

I don't like it. I feel like I'm inconveniencing others..... Plus I hate to hear someone reluctantly say "yes" because I feel like it's as good as a big fat "NO". Also I rather give unconditionally then take. (I guess that's why I used to envy Oprah) I love, Love, LOVE to see others who deserve it get good things. I wish I was the one to give it to them! But I AM very grateful when I do receive assistance.

 

[The King Of Dreams]

I just wanted to add that after reading everyone's posts I tried to look for one tinge of prideful language but I have failed to find any... It's not pride that's the reason for disliking taking from others.... It's more of a concern for others well being. Just a thought.

 

[Nickel]

I just wanted to add that after reading everyone's posts I tried to look for one tinge of prideful language but I have failed to find any... It's not pride that's the reason for disliking taking from others.... It's more of a concern for others well being. Just a thought.

My ENFP boyfriend asked me to specifically thank this post, because he said that's exactly what it is.

 

[The King Of Dreams]

My ENFP boyfriend asked me to specifically thank this post, because he said that's exactly what it is.

Your ENFP boyfriend just told me to specifically thank his girlfriend's post for thanking the post I posted because I said what he thought. LOL

 

[Chipps]

For me, is not some much incoveniencing the person or being indebted to the person, as it is a matter of reliability. I know that if left to my own devices, i will pull through and get it done. Ive been let down so many times by people that i dont like ask anyone for anything. I have the "if you want it done right, and you want it done right now, do it your damn self" attitude. I felt weak when I was a dependent. I cant depend on anyone. This is also why i cant be a SAHM. At least not full time. I need to feel like im pulling my own weight. Anything less would make me feel like a leech.

 

[Danse Macabre]

Do ENFPs hate the feeling of leeching off of other people?

Both ENFPs I know have been in dire need of help from others, but refused to accept it without compensation. They've both explained that they despise accepting hand-outs for free, and hate to be in the position of relying entirely on others.

Is this common amongst you other ENFPs? Thank you in advance!

Ah! I'm like this. I don't like "needing" others. Whether it's borrowing $5 for lunch or being really depressed and needing someone to call at midnight, I'm just not comfortable needing anything from anyone.

Ever since I was a kid, I've been terrified of getting old because then I won't be able to be self sufficient. I can't imagine not being self sufficient- I think I'd want to die. I'm terrified of being a burden. Like @The King Of Dreams said it's not about pride so much as it is about caring for others feelings and wellbeing.

 

[Paradox1987]

I'll almost never ask for help when it comes to stuff I need. I hate being indebted. Though of I can help someone, I'll usually do it. I don't know why I hate being indebted to someone though. I just do.

 

[Jewl]

I hate not being able to give back in some way. This feeling is deeply ingrained in me. I feel like I ought to be able to give back something, even if it is small and not tangible, but it should be there nonetheless.

When I cannot do this and I cannot give back, I feel like an absolute burden.

For whatever reason, it doesn't bug me as much when people begin leeching on me. I forgive others more readily than myself or so it seems.

 

[Angua]

I'd rather gnaw off my hand than ask for help. This, combined with the ostrich reflex that takes over when there's trouble a-coming, has gotten me into some pretty shitty situations in the past. And have I learned from this, I hear you ask? No...

Fortunately the people who are closest to me know about this and force help upon me. And it's not pride... I just really do not like to be a burden.

Unfortunately, I do know quite a lot of people who will expect tit for tat... even when they pretend they don't. From them I will not accept help even if they offer it, because I know I will hear about it until the end of times. (or rather, I will not hear it directly, but through others. Being used for self glorification is another thing that does not go down well with me)

If you need help, help will be given unconditionally.

 

[Tulipgarden]

I feel very, very uncomfortable asking for help. I don't want to put anyone out...and I guess I just want to know that I can do it myself? I really wish I knew how to explain it. I don't like for other people to completely depend on "me" either. There is a couple things I have learned, though, through my own children. One of the things is that my almost 19 year old daughter's boyfriend left a few months ago, left her with the bills, the apartment, all that good stuff. And my first thought was the opposite of most people, which is that I didn't want to help because she needs to learn to do it on her own. But I had a change of heart...I thought, if a child has anyone they can count on then it is a parent. I paid for her insurance that month and my brother sent her $500 and I made her take it. That way she could get back on her feet that month since she had to get used to paying the bills on her own. She would rather die, like me, than ask for help. BUT there is no need in suffering any more than we have to and we CAN and we ARE worth of accepting a blessing. I can be a blessing to my own child without hitting home total independence.

Secondly, It reminded me that I need to be open to others who want to offer help.

A previous poster suggested the tit for tat scenario. I don't like accepting help from my own parents for this reason because it always comes with "strings", like I owe them from now until kingdom comes. I try not to employ that attitude towards my children.

 

[Discord]

Your ENFP boyfriend just told me to specifically thank his girlfriend's post for thanking the post I posted because I said what he thought. LOL

I am the ENFP boyfriend, who created a profile on this site for the pure reason to thank this post. That being said, now that I am on here I might as well chip in, right?

I agree with the pride comment first and foremost. Its not an issue of pride, it is the state of mind where I just have more concern for the other person's well-being. Even when I had my year long bout of dire need, I very rarely accepted help from anyone without giving something in return.