[discoverhiddenjules]

I'm turning 18 in a few weeks and I'm a first-year in university. Lately I've been feeling really depressed and unhappy and I'm thinking about seeing a counsellor here at my school, but I don't know if it's the right thing to do yet.

I've been feeling really sad for a while now (a year and a half or so) but it seems to have gotten to the point where I can't be happy anymore and I've lost interest in activities that I usually really like. I could sleep for days but when I wake up I still feel like I have low energy. I think I know why I am sad though.

I don't have a group of friends back home that I belong to, and because of this I feel really lonely, unloved, and dissatisfied with my life. I'm lucky because I have very loving and supportive family members, but when it comes to having friends and being part of a group.. my life is extremely lacking. I have 3 close friends that I do lots of things with, but when they aren't around I feel really lonely. All throughout high school I was a loner and had very little friends. On weekends I never got invited anywhere and for the most part was ignored by everyone at school. This just made my self-esteem drop and made me really quiet around people. In grade 12 I joined the choir hoping to become a part of the music kids' group, who I always thought were really nice and accepting. Their group was more exclusive than I thought and although I went to a couple social events they had, I still never felt included in their group, or as though I had belonged. I think we have a lot of things in common, but for some reason it was hard for me to be accepted because most of those people had already known each other for years and were already super close.

This loneliness hurts me a lot, especially when I go on facebook and see all of the pictures of everyone having fun without me. I feel empty, like a huge part of my teenage years are missing, and that my social life is almost nonexistent. I think belonging is something that every adolescent needs and without it they feel alone and insignificant.

Now that I'm in university I have made some friends but they go home on weekends to spend time with their group of friends. They seem to only care about their friends from high school and not the new ones they've made here. I understand this because even though most of my peers have all graduated, they still get together often and have parties and spend time with each other, and I desperately wish I could be a part of that. I feel like I don't matter. I feel like I'm not interesting enough, pretty, or funny enough for people to want to accept me into their group. I think about this summer when my 3 friends will be on vacation and I'll have no one to be with. I think about how much I wish I could be loved and appreciated by a group of friends that I belong to. I'm so lonely and depressed because of this and I feel like dying sometimes I cry everyday too just thinking about it :'(

 

[Freeform]

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[LittleHawk]

I think seeing a counsellor would be a brilliant idea. Sometimes just having somebody to talk to makes all of the difference. Depending on your situation they can offer therapy or even just help you to put into motion more positive things.

 

[OnTheBrightside]

Aww This makes me sad, you don't deserve to feel unwanted and alone ...your story is strikingly similar to mine actually I can honestly say that I've been there, at least on some level I truly do understand your hurt. I identify with having only a few close friends, and how you feel about facebook, ect.

Last year I went to a school, kind of like a boarding school, where I had the hardest time adjusting--socially, at least. In the beginning I was pretending to be someone I'm not, trying to recreate my identity because high school left me with such a marred self-image. I was initially was doing a great job, acting bubbly and outgoing, convinced that I would not be left in the dust as friend groups and cliques began to form. I didn't think people would accept and like who I really was. Some how...I found myself in the popular group, but realized that it did not satisfy the need inside of me to be accepted the way I had dreamt it would. The mask wore off eventually...and I plummeted into depression, losing my 'friends' and felt worthless.

I began meeting the counselor at that school weekly, which helped a lot. I could vent to her about all of my messy emotions and regrets without feeling like a burden to new potential friends I was making.

Sorry for rambling, I don't know if any of this helped at all...basically I want you to know that your not alone! hang in there, things will get better. Don't forget to love and take care of yourself when you are feeling really down. I usually go for a run to help release frustration and endorphins ^.^

And I might add that journaling your feelings and thoughts might help with the depression when you feel lonely. Write your saddest and worst feelings on paper, getting it all out ..then put it down and do something fun! Something you enjoy that makes you happy! I'm kinda weird, and like dancing goofy in the mirror because it makes me laugh