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I'm turning 18 in a few weeks and I'm a first-year in university. Lately I've been feeling really depressed and unhappy and I'm thinking about seeing a counsellor here at my school, but I don't know if it's the right thing to do yet.

I've been feeling really sad for a while now (a year and a half or so) but it seems to have gotten to the point where I can't be happy anymore and I've lost interest in activities that I usually really like. I could sleep for days but when I wake up I still feel like I have low energy. I think I know why I am sad though.

I don't have a group of friends back home that I belong to, and because of this I feel really lonely, unloved, and dissatisfied with my life. I'm lucky because I have very loving and supportive family members, but when it comes to having friends and being part of a group.. my life is extremely lacking. I have 3 close friends that I do lots of things with, but when they aren't around I feel really lonely. All throughout high school I was a loner and had very little friends. On weekends I never got invited anywhere and for the most part was ignored by everyone at school. This just made my self-esteem drop and made me really quiet around people. In grade 12 I joined the choir hoping to become a part of the music kids' group, who I always thought were really nice and accepting. Their group was more exclusive than I thought and although I went to a couple social events they had, I still never felt included in their group, or as though I had belonged. I think we have a lot of things in common, but for some reason it was hard for me to be accepted because most of those people had already known each other for years and were already super close.

This loneliness hurts me a lot, especially when I go on facebook and see all of the pictures of everyone having fun without me. I feel empty, like a huge part of my teenage years are missing, and that my social life is almost nonexistent. I think belonging is something that every adolescent needs and without it they feel alone and insignificant.

Now that I'm in university I have made some friends but they go home on weekends to spend time with their group of friends. They seem to only care about their friends from high school and not the new ones they've made here. I understand this because even though most of my peers have all graduated, they still get together often and have parties and spend time with each other, and I desperately wish I could be a part of that. I feel like I don't matter. I feel like I'm not interesting enough, pretty, or funny enough for people to want to accept me into their group. I think about this summer when my 3 friends will be on vacation and I'll have no one to be with. I think about how much I wish I could be loved and appreciated by a group of friends that I belong to. I'm so lonely and depressed because of this and I feel like dying sometimes :( I cry everyday too just thinking about it :'(
 

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You sound very lonely and depressed. You also sound like a very nice person, I'm sure you would make a great friend. Have you joined any clubs or societies at university? Lots of them have weekly meetings and activities, they are a good way to make friends and socialize.
 

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I've felt the same way. I FEEL the same way. You know whats more, you and I, we both will continue to feel this way for quite some time.
I'm sorry, I am. I've written so much and continue to delete it all, it's been over an hour of straight composition as I continue to reiterate what I'm trying to express at this moment. Well, screw it. You are due companionship one way or another. It maybe obscure, something you don't understand, or it maybe something small, so small you could miss it if you merely blink your eye. But, it will come, eventually, and if you see it(you might have to look for it), capitalize, and milk it for all its worth, you could be nothing but content.
 

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Cool, i can think clearly and sensibly now to say what i should have before.
http://personalitycafe.com/nfs-temperament-forum-dreamers/5290-sensitive-needy-lonely-people.html
read that, you will feel better. After that, by all means speak to a counselor if you still feel crumby. In general, they are rather helpful people. Whats more, speaking to someone, again a counselor is a good choice, about any pent up feelings will make you feel incredible, I assure you. Its easy for us INF's to exaggerate our own pain, and because we live in our head naturally, that exaggeration becomes something real. Talking to someone about personal issues has such a grounding effect, you may find a great portion of that pain simply just goes away.
 

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I'm so sorry, @discoverhiddenjules!:( I, too, have always had problems making/keeping friends. I usually felt like an outsider even when I did have friends, unless it was something one-on-one. I did make some friends in college, but they mostly live far away now. I've made a lot of new friends since joining the Unitarian Universalist church in my area, however. We aren't as close as I'd like to be (I crave very deep relationships), but we have fun together and some I can share a lot with. I really hope you find a way to find people who suit you as friends. I agree that you sound like a very nice person whom people would like.
 

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I'm so sorry, @discoverhiddenjules!:( I, too, have always had problems making/keeping friends. I usually felt like an outsider even when I did have friends, unless it was something one-on-one. I did make some friends in college, but they mostly live far away now. I've made a lot of new friends since joining the Unitarian Universalist church in my area, however. We aren't as close as I'd like to be (I crave very deep relationships), but we have fun together and some I can share a lot with. I really hope you find a way to find people who suit you as friends. I agree that you sound like a very nice person whom people would like.
 

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I feel you on this one. I went to a different high-school than all my friends from primary school and it was also a bit difficult to get into groups where everyone knew each other already. After a while it was OK but halfway through I became close to one of those people who you then wish never entered your life (typical high-school b*tch...). Long story short, following my natural behaviour of avoiding conflict I started avoiding any situation where I would have to put up with this person, and so I ended up missing all the fun and social part of my teenage years. I hated it and thought that when I went to university I could start over and have awesome friends and make up for it. But I soon realized that that was not the way to address the situation.
You just have to accept that you missed some aspects of life that people consider normal to experience through that time, but THAT IS FINE. It doesn't make you a less valid or appealing person. And for the people who are your friends now or will meet in the future it's not going to be a big deal. Nobody's life is perfect. The fact that you didn't have much luck in high-school doesn't mean there's something wrong with you.
I think the reason you feel so bad about it is because you think you're the odd one out that doesn't have friends from home (?) A lot of people don't, sometimes because they're from some small town they didn't like, or for 100 other reasons, a lot of people had a very happy time during high school and then in college lose all contact with those so-called friends....
Don't let all those feelings you got in high-school from people who didn't even give you a chance stop you from enjoying the years you have ahead, it's not worth it. It's better to focus on the things you like, the person you want to be and the friends you have.
I am not saying it's easy, I'm on my 4th year in college and I still get people from high school friending me on Facebook and such and can get quite bitter when I remember those years, and even a little miserable when I see pictures of some of them together and think "I should be there if things had gone differently". So it's something you'll have to live with, it was a part of your life and you can't erase it or change it, but it doesn't have to define you now, if you know what I mean.

Sorry for the loong post, I could go on about this for hours, but I don't know, I hope this at least helped you see things in a bit more positive way.
Cheer up! :)
 

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I've been enveloped in isolation since August of last year. I've grown accustomed to it but I still abhor it. I can only hope that things won't continue like this forever so I keep pushing forward. The only things keeping me sane these days are my books. Someone I once called a friend wrote this and it might be fitting here:

The sunlight you seek resides just beyond the hill. Keep pushing forward, and as long as you do it with all of your might, you will end up in a world of beauty on the other side. A world where the light surrounds you.

Once there, don't be afraid of falling down back to where you started. The other side of the hill would be just as difficult to get back to after you begin your journey down it, towards the sun. When you reach the top, you will be able to see both sides. You will be able to choose to be brave and go forward into the light or to be afraid and take back your place hiding in the dark. The land of the sun is much better than hiding in the dark. You will be safe, happy, and living among the world of the living. You will be able to smile and tell the tale of your journey from the darkness. There will be smaller hills as you live in the light, but none so great as the first you faced. They will only serve to strengthen you.

The sun is what gives us life, everything in our world was born from the sun. You were born into this world below its glow, all you have to do is find your way back. Its not that it never existed, it just seems like a faint memory, but believe me, its there. It won't be in the same place as it was when you first began your journey, but just keep remembering as you climb, it is there, on the other side of the hill, just waiting to see your face once again.
Hope you find what you are looking for.
 

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First thing I want to tell you is, remember that facebook and the internet have the pretense of happiness. I tell myself that whenever I have those moments too, that my adolescent years could have been better and happier had I only done this or said that. It helps me beat myself up less for the choices I've made. I can understand to some extent how lonely it can be, seeing what you're missing, seeing the possibilities of what could have been. Don't compare. Easier said than done, I know, but you have to make it a point to actively improve your situation too. If you know you're just going to get upset by roaming facebook, then avoid doing so.

Talking to a counselor would help temporarily, and I hope that until you can find the friendships you're looking for, it'll hold out till then. Just hang in there sweetheart, life has a knack of surprising you just when you think you can't take it anymore.

Hugs :)
 

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It kinda sounds like the friends at your university are missing their past lives too. It's unfortunate that you have to be left out of that though. I know, strange thought, but have you ever asked one of your new friends if you could go home with them for a weekend? I did that with some of my new college friends and actually found it to be a cool experience. I too have trouble clicking with people and I found a lot of benefit to asking. I got to know more about their personal lives and where they came from. Because you get away from the whole group, it also strengthens a friendship.

I would also say chat with a counselor on campus (though be careful... if you are not suicidal clearly mention this as they may mistake you as and ship your butt home demanding an evaluation from a mental hospital... that happened to me and caused me more harm than good). Ask them for some exercises to help clear your head and think more logically about your situation and what you have and PRACTICE THEM LIKE CRAZY!!! Often loneliness and sadness can manifest some unnecessary but ugly thoughts that bounce around your brain until you make a situation ten thousand times worse than it is. Also, they may be able to evaluate your situation more to determine whether you may need to see them on a regular basis or whatnot.
 
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