Let me rephrase: How do I become less controlling so that I CAN attract less complacent people? I think Wake said it best, be more passive. Let's see how this one goes...
You are a strong woman. That's a wonderful thing that you should be proud of.
Strong women scare about 80% of the male population. (Yes, the 80% figure is pulled out of my ass but it's got to be pretty close to reality.) You are going to find workable relationships with either very timid, passive and complacent men or with strong, confident, self-assured men.
Be sure to look closely, though. Sometimes what appears to be timid and passive could actually be strong and self-assured. I let my ESTJ drive the boat in our relationship. I trust her to take us in good directions. But I'm not timid and complacent. I am always aware and willing to speak up or act if it's needed. She trusts that I am always there if she should become afraid or lose her confidence for whatever reason. She also knows I won't let her run too hard in an unhealthy direction. I believe that, in turn, actually gives her more confidence to trust herself in the things she feels and the things she does.
I would suggest looking for a man who is strong enough and self-assured enough to allow you to function like you do so well. Finding the strong man also can give you confidence that he can step in if you ever need a break or are just missing something important.
