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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So I was talking to my mom and sister today and we were talking about how the last few guys that I've gone out with have been really complacent. I think I'm doing this on purpose so that they will let me control the situations because they don't care enough to want to change anything themselves.

I resent them ALL for being complacent!!!! How do I change my way of thinking?
 

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so you think your causing the complacency thats why you ask "How do I change my way of thinking?"

It seems more logical that you would ask "How do I choose less complacent men?", which I think you would have a better answer for than I could give.
 

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MOTM May 2011
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So I was talking to my mom and sister today and we were talking about how the last few guys that I've gone out with have been really complacent. I think I'm doing this on purpose so that they will let me control the situations because they don't care enough to want to change anything themselves.

I resent them ALL for being complacent!!!! How do I change my way of thinking?

Learn to become complacent yourself...then you will attract less complacent men.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
No, I need to change my way of thinking. My control problem is what attracts me to them because they'll let me do whatever I want. I mean, finding less complacent men is easy, accepting them mentally is a completely different problem.
 

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Could try taking the initiative to catch a man who is more of a mover and shaker instead of letting the more easy going guys come to you. Relationships aren't my strong subject so I'll just leave it at that.

If you don't feel you have to control everything for the ideal outcome then it's easier to be more passive, and your less dominant which is something many men find attractive.
 

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Let me rephrase: How do I become less controlling so that I CAN attract less complacent people? I think Wake said it best, be more passive. Let's see how this one goes...
You are a strong woman. That's a wonderful thing that you should be proud of.

Strong women scare about 80% of the male population. (Yes, the 80% figure is pulled out of my ass but it's got to be pretty close to reality.) You are going to find workable relationships with either very timid, passive and complacent men or with strong, confident, self-assured men.

Be sure to look closely, though. Sometimes what appears to be timid and passive could actually be strong and self-assured. I let my ESTJ drive the boat in our relationship. I trust her to take us in good directions. But I'm not timid and complacent. I am always aware and willing to speak up or act if it's needed. She trusts that I am always there if she should become afraid or lose her confidence for whatever reason. She also knows I won't let her run too hard in an unhealthy direction. I believe that, in turn, actually gives her more confidence to trust herself in the things she feels and the things she does.

I would suggest looking for a man who is strong enough and self-assured enough to allow you to function like you do so well. Finding the strong man also can give you confidence that he can step in if you ever need a break or are just missing something important.
 

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With understanding comes acceptance.

I've had that word thrown at me quite often. I'm incapable of defending myself because I have no idea how my brain works, but a website once said ISTP's save their energy until its actually needed. Totally the opposite with ESTJ's methinks. In fact I'd argue ESTJ's work too hard and inefficiently.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Inefficiently? I don't see anything I do as inefficient! I mean, when I'm actually trying... lol.

But really, we work hard to get things done and to get them done in the way that we want them done. It's for a sense of pride and accomplishment. I guess it could look as though it's inefficient if you didn't know exactly how we want things...
 

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No, I need to change my way of thinking. My control problem is what attracts me to them because they'll let me do whatever I want. I mean, finding less complacent men is easy, accepting them mentally is a completely different problem.
Exactly how is it a problem to date guys who let you do whatever you want? Isn't that kind of...normal and healthy? lol
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
It's not that I have a problem with them letting me do whatever I want, it's that they themselves have no further ambition or goals. It's like, "Well I'm 30 now. This is the best I'm gonna get..." No desire to further themselves or work hard for that next promotion or push themselves any further... I don't get it!
 

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It's not that I have a problem with them letting me do whatever I want, it's that they themselves have no further ambition or goals. It's like, "Well I'm 30 now. This is the best I'm gonna get..." No desire to further themselves or work hard for that next promotion or push themselves any further... I don't get it!
You know what I don't get?

Making life a constant battle.

Complacency is pretty sweet. You're probably drawn to them like that because you have something to learn about chilling out. Maaayyyybe?
 
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