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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Hello ISFPs, a ENFJ female (strong E, medium F and J, and literally on the line for N and S)

Ive recently met an ISFP male. As an ENFJ may first instinct is to dive deep into his thoughts and past and emotions. But I know not everyone is like me, so after some chatting and listening, its apparent you don't divulge much very quickly. lol. Which is fine, Im not pushy and am a very understanding and patient person.

We text everyday. But its usually me reaching out to him. And sometimes he chats a ton (though I still only know a bit about him, 80% of the time our conversations are about stupid silly things. Which is fine, I enjoy living in the moment as much as I like living in the future. And hes funny). But sometimes he is quiet and short with me.

He doesn't invite me around too much, but we do hang out sometimes. I know hes an introvert and as an ISFP needs his space/independence. I like that too, since I am an independent person who has a lot of confidence in who I am so I don't mind doing things alone or with other people. I don't need to be smothered or anything.

I also know you are more prone to show your interest through actions more than words. Which is hard for me since I talk A LOT and like having open and long discussions. But okay, I can get behind that too. When we do hang out, he touches me a lot. Poking, laughing, play punching. We have kissed but haven't discussed what it meant. So the body language suggested that he might like me. And I like him. BUT without the language to back it up, IM SO LOST!

I don't want to come out and ASK what the heck is going on. We haven't known each other very long (a monthish?) and I don't wanna ruin a good thing. Im a little insecure and am afraid he doesn't REALLY like me and I even worry sometimes Im bothering him/being too much. Im VERY extroverted so I text him, a lot. BUT I also told him this up front and said if I am bothering him or being too much to let me know, I understand and want him to have his space. I also am much more open about myself in the conversations than he is. I have no problem talking about my feelings, past, life...its the NF in me. I know he will take more time to open up.

SO HERES WHAT IM LOOKING FOR FROM YOU IF POSSIBLE: am I doing this right? I don't wanna scare him away. And I know in a recent relationship he was cheated on (because he mentioned it while he was drunk once), so I dont want him to be uncomfortable. But Im nervous he might be using me. I have no kind of way to know if he likes me for real or not!! Or his feelings at all! Ack! Plus, his conversations tend to be a bit on the "adult" side, and while I can dish it right back and laugh and goof around, I also am not that kinda girl. Relationships are important to me, and come before anything physical. Ive mentioned this, and he ELUDES to the fact that Im more than that, he doesn't SAY it. Ill say "im not that kinda girl" and he will say things like "don't worry Im not a player"...or "its not like that for you". He tends to deflect any real convo about what he wants or thinks about me with humor. I need to know my partner likes me for me and enjoys my company. Also, do you think Im overwhelming him by talking a lot or being so open? Ive tried letting him come to me, and he eventually reached out after about 24 hours. But I don't usually last that long, when I like someone I love talking to them.

Whats your opinion of this ISFP and how to I proceed to make it successful???
 

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Am I wasting my time, does he like me or not? lol

And how can I tell if I am overwhelming him? I was upfront and told him to tell me to give him space/quiet if he needs it, buuuuut im guessing you wont speak up that easily lol
 

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Just keep trying to get to know him and have a little patience. Be yourself and if you end up annoying him, you weren't meant to be anyways :)
 

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Its not so much the giving him time, we are patient and want people to be happy. But to just say "oh well that didnt work out, move on" is not easy. It will hurt. I don't wanna get hurt, you know?

Do you guys like being chased? Because I have no problem being the chaser/initiator...but I don't want to be rejected either. Or bother people, I don't like people being unhappy ESPECIALLY at my hands.

Some of it is that I have anxiety and worry people don't actually like me. I also don't wanna fall too fast for someone whos just using me.
 

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I don't bother being chased/being the chaser my self.

I'm sure you're not bothering him, I just think you should stop pushing the relationship too much.
If you're not ready to get rejected, i don't think you're ready to love, honestly. Love happens when you're not trying to catch it...
 

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Hello ISFPs, a ENFJ female (strong E, medium F and J, and literally on the line for N and S)

Ive recently met an ISFP male. As an ENFJ may first instinct is to dive deep into his thoughts and past and emotions. But I know not everyone is like me, so after some chatting and listening, its apparent you don't divulge much very quickly. lol. Which is fine, Im not pushy and am a very understanding and patient person.

We text everyday. But its usually me reaching out to him. And sometimes he chats a ton (though I still only know a bit about him, 80% of the time our conversations are about stupid silly things. Which is fine, I enjoy living in the moment as much as I like living in the future. And hes funny). But sometimes he is quiet and short with me.

He doesn't invite me around too much, but we do hang out sometimes. I know hes an introvert and as an ISFP needs his space/independence. I like that too, since I am an independent person who has a lot of confidence in who I am so I don't mind doing things alone or with other people. I don't need to be smothered or anything.

I also know you are more prone to show your interest through actions more than words. Which is hard for me since I talk A LOT and like having open and long discussions. But okay, I can get behind that too. When we do hang out, he touches me a lot. Poking, laughing, play punching. We have kissed but haven't discussed what it meant. So the body language suggested that he might like me. And I like him. BUT without the language to back it up, IM SO LOST!

I don't want to come out and ASK what the heck is going on. We haven't known each other very long (a monthish?) and I don't wanna ruin a good thing. Im a little insecure and am afraid he doesn't REALLY like me and I even worry sometimes Im bothering him/being too much. Im VERY extroverted so I text him, a lot. BUT I also told him this up front and said if I am bothering him or being too much to let me know, I understand and want him to have his space. I also am much more open about myself in the conversations than he is. I have no problem talking about my feelings, past, life...its the NF in me. I know he will take more time to open up.

SO HERES WHAT IM LOOKING FOR FROM YOU IF POSSIBLE: am I doing this right? I don't wanna scare him away. And I know in a recent relationship he was cheated on (because he mentioned it while he was drunk once), so I dont want him to be uncomfortable. But Im nervous he might be using me. I have no kind of way to know if he likes me for real or not!! Or his feelings at all! Ack! Plus, his conversations tend to be a bit on the "adult" side, and while I can dish it right back and laugh and goof around, I also am not that kinda girl. Relationships are important to me, and come before anything physical. Ive mentioned this, and he ELUDES to the fact that Im more than that, he doesn't SAY it. Ill say "im not that kinda girl" and he will say things like "don't worry Im not a player"...or "its not like that for you". He tends to deflect any real convo about what he wants or thinks about me with humor. I need to know my partner likes me for me and enjoys my company. Also, do you think Im overwhelming him by talking a lot or being so open? Ive tried letting him come to me, and he eventually reached out after about 24 hours. But I don't usually last that long, when I like someone I love talking to them.

Whats your opinion of this ISFP and how to I proceed to make it successful???
My first thought when reading this is WOW you seem intense. Even without reading the content there's a lot of info and a hell of a lot of capital letters. That was just my first opinion, I'll actually read it and tell you what I think.

I think it's great that you're considering his feelings and are trying to understand that he needs space. I think a lot of people think way too far into this. I don't know if I can speak for all ISFPs but I'm not complicated and don't have any ulterior motives. I doubt he does, in fact he's probably oblivious to the confusion he's causing! I think when he kind of deflects things you say and alludes rather than being forthcoming could simple be that he doesn't have a straight answer. He might like you, but the idea of a relationship and commitment is pretty scary to people who like to keep to themselves and are quite independent.

If I'm being honest, I do find it overwhelming when people keep trying to talk. However that is usually just for 'normal' people, not people I have feelings for. Don't worry about him not inviting you round or sometimes being quiet- like you say, he's an introvert. Our spaces are just that- ours. My room is not place to socialise or have other people in, it's a place for me to be on my own and just relax and do whatever I want. So unless you guys were actually in a relationship I wouldn't fret.

You said you told him upfront- what was his reply?

I obviously don't know exactly what he's thinking, but as an ISFP who may think in a similar way- being really open wouldn't scare me off. I may not be as open, but it's comforting when the other person is open. Like it opens the way for me to do the same when I'm ready.

I will say that if you can't last over 24 hours without reaching out to him....that may be a bit smothery? I haven't spoken to my best friend in three weeks....just, relax. Let him come to you more and if it doesn't work out....it doesn't work out!

Good luck!
 

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Discussion Starter #10
You said you told him upfront- what was his reply?
Good luck!
NOTHING! I told him he is free to tell me hes busy or that hes had a long day and needs to be alone/with himself. And that I know he is different than me, and that I know I can be intense (again, my extroverted side is almost off the charts). He said nothing, just moved on with the conversation

I know I can be intense, and I know I have anxiety that I have a hard time ignoring. Im really trying though :)

If I invite HIM out, is that too much?

If I told him some of this stuff, or at least asked about the kiss and what he may be thinking, is THAT too much?
 

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Hello ISFPs, a ENFJ female (strong E, medium F and J, and literally on the line for N and S)

Ive recently met an ISFP male. As an ENFJ may first instinct is to dive deep into his thoughts and past and emotions. But I know not everyone is like me, so after some chatting and listening, its apparent you don't divulge much very quickly. lol. Which is fine, Im not pushy and am a very understanding and patient person.

We text everyday. But its usually me reaching out to him. And sometimes he chats a ton (though I still only know a bit about him, 80% of the time our conversations are about stupid silly things. Which is fine, I enjoy living in the moment as much as I like living in the future. And hes funny). But sometimes he is quiet and short with me.

He doesn't invite me around too much, but we do hang out sometimes. I know hes an introvert and as an ISFP needs his space/independence. I like that too, since I am an independent person who has a lot of confidence in who I am so I don't mind doing things alone or with other people. I don't need to be smothered or anything.

I also know you are more prone to show your interest through actions more than words. Which is hard for me since I talk A LOT and like having open and long discussions. But okay, I can get behind that too. When we do hang out, he touches me a lot. Poking, laughing, play punching. We have kissed but haven't discussed what it meant. So the body language suggested that he might like me. And I like him. BUT without the language to back it up, IM SO LOST!

I don't want to come out and ASK what the heck is going on. We haven't known each other very long (a monthish?) and I don't wanna ruin a good thing. Im a little insecure and am afraid he doesn't REALLY like me and I even worry sometimes Im bothering him/being too much. Im VERY extroverted so I text him, a lot. BUT I also told him this up front and said if I am bothering him or being too much to let me know, I understand and want him to have his space. I also am much more open about myself in the conversations than he is. I have no problem talking about my feelings, past, life...its the NF in me. I know he will take more time to open up.

SO HERES WHAT IM LOOKING FOR FROM YOU IF POSSIBLE: am I doing this right? I don't wanna scare him away. And I know in a recent relationship he was cheated on (because he mentioned it while he was drunk once), so I dont want him to be uncomfortable. But Im nervous he might be using me. I have no kind of way to know if he likes me for real or not!! Or his feelings at all! Ack! Plus, his conversations tend to be a bit on the "adult" side, and while I can dish it right back and laugh and goof around, I also am not that kinda girl. Relationships are important to me, and come before anything physical. Ive mentioned this, and he ELUDES to the fact that Im more than that, he doesn't SAY it. Ill say "im not that kinda girl" and he will say things like "don't worry Im not a player"...or "its not like that for you". He tends to deflect any real convo about what he wants or thinks about me with humor. I need to know my partner likes me for me and enjoys my company. Also, do you think Im overwhelming him by talking a lot or being so open? Ive tried letting him come to me, and he eventually reached out after about 24 hours. But I don't usually last that long, when I like someone I love talking to them.

Whats your opinion of this ISFP and how to I proceed to make it successful???
I had a similar situation with an ESFJ but she told me that she had a history of cutting off her guy friends because they started liking her. I dug myself a hole early on and said I wasn't looking for a relationship but later changed my mind and told her. She seemed really spooked out about it so I wouldn't be surprised if I was cut off as well soon. :sad:

Back to the topic... If anything, you are doing the right thing in terms of being persistent with him. I like people who are genuinely interested in knowing me and put an effort to do so. In terms of the cheating, I don't think there is anything that you could do about that besides trying to gain the ISFPs trust. I know that my previous experiences in life have left me very cynical of other people but that quickly changes when I realize that a person is trustworthy. I highly doubt that your ISFP would be trying to use you because that is simply something that we don't like to do.

I can completely understand that you have a hard read on him. We ISFPs tend to be guarded and reserved around people that we don't really know yet, it can take a while for us to feel comfortable and be "readable." However, even then, ISFPs in general are hard to read because we don't like expressing our emotions verbally. If we start to spend time with you and make an effort to talk to you, then we are interested in you (romantically or just as friends).

Sometimes we don't really pick up on verbal cues, but I know I would definitely tell someone something if I knew them relatively well. If your ISFP deflects about what he thinks about you then I wouldn't be surprised. I know personally for myself that what I want is ever changing and don't like to commit to things that I am not sure yet on. I also do not do well if people press themselves on me and do what you are doing in this case.

Personally, I like people who can talk with me but at the same time, respect my boundaries and be quiet once in a while so that I can recharge. I can't really judge if you are overwhelming him by talking a lot but we appreciate people who can talk up a storm and be a good listener at the same time.

With us ISFPs, we like to take things slow (in general) and don't rush relationships. I find that becoming friends with someone and then gradually beginning to trust them more and more (assuming we feel safe enough to open up to you more) is the way to go. We don't like rushing into relationships and like to know our friends/people well before anything. I would continue to be persistent with him and gain more of his trust. If it is meant to be, then it will happen.

Edit: We like being chased. Sometimes more confident ISFPs can be the chaser but we don't really like doing that.

Edit 2: I think asking about "the kiss" and what he may be thinking might be too much. Inviting him out is ok but the only problem would be if we would want to commit and actually go out. I tend to like to make a lot of plans or have people invite me to things but I really only go if I feel like it.
 

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wow another one ofthese threads.....im starting a trend lol

As someone who recently dated as ISFP. One word of advice. Don't chase. Seriously do not chase him at all. It doesn't matter that you cannot read him. You don't need to. The ISFP you describe sounds exactly like mine, in person showing some depth to himself but quickly going back to surface level interaction, especially over text. Forget trying to understand him because he will not divulge that about himself until he is emotionally read to throw himself at you.

Try this it will definitely work: The next time you hang out with him, be flirtatious, be warm but keep him at arms length. Do not be direct with your words with him nor with your actions. Be ambiguous but suggestive. Keep him guessing. And last of all do not message him much. The ISFP will get sick of you if you don't give him the space to think about his feelings and act upon it. He will also begin to take your attention you are giving him forgranted. The absolute best strategy is to give him the impression to want what he can't have. So play it cool. The next time you hang out with him, show him a great time. Once the date is over and you part ways go cold on him and keep yourself busy with other things, or at least pretend to. He will wonder if something is wrong and come chasing after you. Once he does that give him a some affection and ambiguous reassurance but again, nothing too direct or suggestive. Keep him guessing even more. He needs to feel secure yet insecure at the same time with you. Meaning in his head he should be thinking somewhere along the lines of "yeah I'm pretty sure she likes me so I think we are good. But I can't shake this feeling that there might be a slight chance that she isn't interested in me and is just being nice because she wants to let me down easily?" If you can do this you will 100% get him. I've tested this method on 3 different ISFP males. It worked brilliantly. I am insanely confident this will work its not even funny.

Do not read too much into the emotional value of the ISFP and bombard him with sweetness and affection. At your phase of the relationship it is not important at all. Because if you focus on being super sweet and lovely to him, it will make him take you forgranted. You need to create a want for your affection. Once you drag this on for a reasonable duration and then let him finally obtain you, then you can shower him with all the love and affection you want lol. But jumping into it and doing it at the start is a big no no. It will never work if you do that.
 

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Maybe you're just not meant to be. It really shouldn't be this difficult, and you honestly don't sound compatible at all. Both parties in a relationship should be allowed to be themselves and I feel like the advice you're being given is to adapt to him and that's not fair to you. But here's the thing. We're not talkative and we're not emotionally available unless you are inner circle and that inner circle is small and deep. And just from what I've read here, you sound like you need more right out of the gate than this dude is willing or able to give. So you'll either wait for him and it'll pay off, or you'll get frustrated and move on. Either way, don't sacrifice your sense of self for him because I promise you, he won't do that for you.
 
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@awolfpaw you said it. a month-ish. and that you're patient. no, those two don't add up.

i've been chatting with an ISFP guy for 6 months and we only met 4 times. that said, we're both busy people and have careers to tend to. but anyway... really be patient. if he likes you, he'll hang around. :)
 

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I could be wrong but I think the problem is J vs P. He's easy going about the relationship and your J is trying to bring it to a conclusion.
 
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