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This is something that recent events have caused me to ponder about quite a bit. I'm sure everyone has either heard in movies, their friends swooning over a loved one, or maybe even said it themselves: "I couldn't live without you." "I'd die without you." "You make my life worth living." In a way, this is supposed to be the ultimate expression of love. But at the same time, isn't it technically a sign of horrible dependency?

What do you think? Have you ever felt this way about someone? Do you think feeling this way is a bad sign, a marker of unhealthy dependence? Or is absolutely needing someone, them having become a crucial part of your life, necessary for the love in question to be completely true and real? I think these phrases are tossed around quite a bit, but do people think about what it means when they say them? And I think it's different when it's said when nothing is on the line-- when the people are together and happy-- than when they're uttered during a time of actual loss or potential loss of that person in question.

Not really sure what my point is, just wanted to hear some other thoughts.
 

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Hmm, I think they're just platitudes. In the moment they sound nice, but yeah, I hate those phrases. I actually had a huge row with my 1st gf years back over this. She rather innocently asked me "do you need me?" and took offence when I said "no, I don't need you. I want you." The odd thing is, of the two of us; I was the more 'romantic', and I thought I'd given her the greatest compliment in my arsenal...
 

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Really just depends on the person saying it. I've said it before and meant it and I'll say it again (well in my head because it's sort of a cliche thing to say). As far as it being unhealthy or not, that also depends on the person. I also think it's possible to love someone just as much without saying it. Every person and relationship is different.
 

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I've never said it, and it's freaked me out in huge ways when people have said it to me (just a note to all y'all suitors and friends).

For me personally I don't think it depends on the person or the situation. I don't think that I would ever be okay saying those words to anyone, and I don't think I would ever feel okay with anyone saying them to me.

I really do believe that everyone would be just fine without me, and I really do believe that ultimately I would be just fine without even the person I loved the most in the world. Sure being without them would suck, and perhaps feel unbearable for a time, but...to say I couldn't live without them would just be lying and underselling myself. Furthermore, if you think that you can't live without me? Maybe you need to try it for a bit, regain that independence, and then we can talk.
 

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"I'd die without you" was described in psychology many times. I can only feel (attention, INTJ says this) sorry for those people as it comes from internal insecurity. If not over-manifested, this attitude doesn't cause my negative judgment. Only feel sorry and carry hope that inside we are all rational to some extend and can handle it. If over-manifested, this is one of the nastiest manipulations. Attention should be deserved, not begged. As simple as that.

I'd never think and definitely not say to anyone "You make my life worth living" although I could say "You make my life better" or "You make me happier".

I don't remember from which movie was a quote but it sounded like this :"If you think, I can't live without you - I can. I just don't want". Couldn't say it better.
 

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Upon further thought, I guess it is a pretty dramatic thing to say but then I've always had a taste for dramatics :p Sometimes being dramatic is the only way I feel like I can express how deeply I feel about something - even if it is an exaggeration. Would I literally die? No. But I would initially die internally because it's like losing apart of yourself when someone you love dearly dies. It breaks you. Not that you can't build yourself up again and still live a fruitful life after that. I think I am thinking about this too much. Hope that makes sense :)
 

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It reeks of dependency to me. If someone ever told me that they couldn't live without me, I would run as far as I could, as fast as I could, not one word of a lie.

I don't want a partner who is with me because they don't know how to be without me. There's a sort of determinism there that I find desperately unattractive. I don't find it romantic in the least and it's also a part of what turns me off of marriage. I want a partner who is with me because they choose to be, not because they feel obligated to be or have to be. It's the constant affirmation of someone's choice to be with me that I find incredibly romantic. If you don't need someone, it means that you're with them because you want to be and I think that's a much stronger testament to the depths of someone's feelings. I'd far rather be with someone who was as independent as I am, who didn't need me but recognised my contingency in their life and vice versa, and decided that it didn't matter and chose to be with me anyway.

As Simone de Beauvoir writes, “Authentic love must be founded on reciprocal recognition of two freedoms, each lover would then experience himself as himself and as the other; neither would abdicate his transcendence, they would not mutilate themselves; together they would both reveal values and ends in the world. For each of them, love would be the revelation of self through the gift of self and the enrichment of the universe.”
 

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Yes, it is found as the common lines coming from codependent people, stalkers, etc.

Anyway, even that I don't like those lines I can tell you "it depends", why? because many things depend on the way people express their feelings, emotions, that could be just one of many ways even if it doesn't mean exactly that (or perhaps they do).

Have you ever felt this way about someone? Do you think feeling this way is a bad sign, a marker of unhealthy dependence? Or is absolutely needing someone, them having become a crucial part of your life, necessary for the love in question to be completely true and real? I think these phrases are tossed around quite a bit, but do people think about what it means when they say them? And I think it's different when it's said when nothing is on the line-- when the people are together and happy-- than when they're uttered during a time of actual loss or potential loss of that person in question.

Not really sure what my point is, just wanted to hear some other thoughts.
I can tell you I felt like that, at that moment I couldn't imagine my life without that woman (nor wanted to imagine it that way) but it was more a less than propper expression, a mistake, just as the many ones I do when I type.

Ive managed to live without many "important people" so even that I said those words I don't exactly feel like that's true. In fact I had to leave two relationships loving those woman so much... just because I wanted to live my life with each one but it wasn't worth it, so... there you go.

In short I believe some people have huge emotional problems, some just can't find better words.
 

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The moment I hear that or something along those lines, my instinct says, "Run, run as fast as you can..." People being dependent on me not only freaks me out, but it's oppressive. It's a lot of responsibility to be "it".

I don't think I've ever felt like I couldn't live without someone... ever. Even caught up in all the lovely emotions surrounding infatuation I would think, "If they disappeared/left me/died etc. what would I do?" and the answer was "move on". That's it, idk. I am kind of cold...
 

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For some people, it's simply poetic romanticism. Like "You had me at hello". Obviously there's more to it than that. Someone just doesn't say "hello" to you, with that alone causing you to fall for them. It's how they carry themselves, their character, personality, look, etc. And it's just initial attraction and/or infatuation that can lead to a potential relationship.

Same with something like "I can't imagine my life without you". There's more than that. It's just an expression of love, of value. Sure, some insecure/desperate people use it for other means which should make a person weary. But others, perfectly independent people, use it as well. So I think it depends a lot on context and the situation it's used in.
 

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That statement is a very unkind way to burden someone. Trust me, for many facing their own demise, the last thing that would make them happy would be to think of their loved ones following them in death. Circumstances have been such that I am surrounded by folks who have lost a loved one to early death. By far the most common death bed promises made involve living promises.

In my opinion, following someone into death is not a compliment to that person, it is a cop out.
 

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*ahem*

"I couldn't live without you."

"I'd die without you."

"You make my life worth living."



I said them.... but nothing is happening... was there suppose to be a genie or fairy god-mother to appear and make everything alright with their sparkly and sun-shiny powers?
 

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I never liked this. It sounds like creepy, very unhealthy codependency to me, not an indicator of a healthy relationship. I've said this before, but I don't want someone who "can't live without me." I want someone who is perfectly capable of living without me, but would rather have me beside her. That says a lot more.
 

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I never took any of those remarks seriously.

May have been my bad, but you couldn't possibly be literally serious about it anyway.

I hope.
 

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There is someone that i believe would be very hard to live without. But it doesn't have to do with dependency it has to do with deep caring i guess . In my case at least. I wouldn't be staying in their way if they'd wanna go...
 
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imo, the attitude i would love to hear from someone i love is: i love you. i don't need you in my life for me to be happy, but i would love to share my life with you.

this 'needing' business freaks me out. people better be capable of making themselves happy: i'm don't have supernatural powers to magically make 'em so, and it's tiring, draining business to even try.
 

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I've been in love with someone that I know will never fit in my life. I'm in love with him for more than 15 years.

He never knew. I never told him.

We have different life. I haven't been able to stop loving him, yet I never miss him. I think some love, no matter how big it is, just doesn't meant to be real.

Imagining him saying those lines of "I can't live without you" to me, will only make me vomit and run away. There is no way I would say that to him either. Not because it's cliche, but because it has no truth in it, at least for me. No matter how much I love someone, I will always love myself more. I, am enough for me.
 
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