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I'm an INTJ and I've had feelings for my INTP friend for a long time now. I've been reading up a lot on this personality type lately and I can definietely tell that he likes me as a friend, but I just don't know whether or not he sees me as relationship material. It sucks because both of our personality types aren't good with expressing emotions or being open, or flirting or showing affection, etc. On the one hand, I want to tell him that I like him. But on the other hand, I'm afraid of rejection and I'm really afraid how he will respond to this.

These past two days we hung out a lot. Drank together, went out but nothing happens (as usual). We're both really comfortable around each other... we can talk for a long time or just be complete comfortable in silence. We have a lot in common and a lot of common interests.

How can I tell if this guy is into me or not? Or, outside of actually telling him, how do I make it clear that I like him? I feel like this is extra complicated with him because INTPs don't like touchy people and don't really take compliments well. Or maybe I'm wrong...
 

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I'm not sure that I can fully help, but I can clarify for you that we don't necessarily dislike compliments and touching. I think we actually tend to like compliments a lot, but we naturally tend to reason out why they aren't deserved or why the person giving them has ulterior motives to give them. So perhaps we don't accept compliments well, but I think we do receive them well as long as they're justified and honest. As for touching, it depends on who's touching me and why. I think if he likes you the way you do him, he'd really appreciate a hug or holding hands or any other sort of expression of affection.

Also, I don't think it would be too risky to just bluntly state your feelings for him. I am offended by many things, but I don't think the warm feelings of somebody else towards me could ever be one of them. Especially seeing as he obviously enjoys your company, the worst that could happen is him politely declining (and perhaps retreating back to his thinking cave to ponder those dastardly emotions the outside world afflicts us with).
 

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From what I've seen, INTPs really suck at taking hints. Like, I have no idea if someone fancies me unless someone points it out to me. Unless you're happy to tiptoe around each other and think 1000 scenarios whereby he declares his love for you, just bite the bullet and tell him. Worst case scenario is that he says he doesn't feel the same way and life goes on. I'm pretty good at carrying on as normal when someone admits feelings that I don't reciprocate, so I assume most INTPs would be too. The other alternative when you tell him is that he'll say he likes you too. Then, my friend, you can happy dance.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
ok so I have to bite the bullet.
i'm taking a 4 hour bus trip with him tomorrow. lets see if i can grow some balls by then
 

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When in doubt, bite his arm.

*~I believe in miracles! Where you from? You sexy thing~*
 

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I'm an INTJ and I've had feelings for my INTP friend for a long time now. I've been reading up a lot on this personality type lately and I can definietely tell that he likes me as a friend, but I just don't know whether or not he sees me as relationship material. It sucks because both of our personality types aren't good with expressing emotions or being open, or flirting or showing affection, etc. On the one hand, I want to tell him that I like him. But on the other hand, I'm afraid of rejection and I'm really afraid how he will respond to this.

These past two days we hung out a lot. Drank together, went out but nothing happens (as usual). We're both really comfortable around each other... we can talk for a long time or just be complete comfortable in silence. We have a lot in common and a lot of common interests.

How can I tell if this guy is into me or not? Or, outside of actually telling him, how do I make it clear that I like him? I feel like this is extra complicated with him because INTPs don't like touchy people and don't really take compliments well. Or maybe I'm wrong...
From my experience, don't wait for them to make the first move because intps don't really do that. I had to step out of my comfort zone and say "look, i really like you." It didn't turn out as i hoped but i never would have known if i didn't explicitly push it out of him. We just come up with a million reasons why i relationship isn't possible or why we don't really like the other person and then fade away into the abyss...

Your method is key, be laid back and for God's sake try your hardest not to sound pushy or coercive because that's an immediate turn off.
 

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iNtp sp/sx x84
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Or, outside of actually telling him, how do I make it clear that I like him? I feel like this is extra complicated with him because INTPs don't like touchy people and don't really take compliments well. Or maybe I'm wrong...
While some may run from the room if you attempt to hug them... they don't do that nearly as often when you just jump their bones instead.
 

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I dunno... I think quite a few of these cats would be (and probably have been) dense in those kind of situations.

Of course this might be shortchanged by having another in the room, observing their mating habits and eventually getting frustrated enough with this comedy of errors to solve the problem for them.

Although in my early years, a couple mates recognizing a similar situation with myself and another bloke, conspired to setup an encounter at a social mixer by playing seven minutes to heaven and fixing it so we'd end up in a closet together (an irony that wasn't entirely lost) while ultimately it was an awkward situation and we cheated with how the game was supposed to be played... it did break down several of the barriers we were facing, proving to be a twisted bonding experience and opened the doors a bit wider to the idea of dating or at least exploring our (obvious and yet oblivious) attraction to one another.
 

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I dunno... I think quite a few of these cats would be (and probably have been) dense in those kind of situations.

Of course this might be shortchanged by having another in the room, observing their mating habits and eventually getting frustrated enough with this comedy of errors to solve the problem for them.

Although in my early years, a couple mates recognizing a similar situation with myself and another bloke, conspired to setup an encounter at a social mixer by playing seven minutes to heaven and fixing it so we'd end up in a closet together (an irony that wasn't entirely lost) while ultimately it was an awkward situation and we cheated with how the game was supposed to be played... it did break down several of the barriers we were facing, proving to be a twisted bonding experience and opened the doors a bit wider to the idea of dating or at least exploring our (obvious and yet oblivious) attraction to one another.
I wish I were more dense in these situations. I can pretend to be when I need to. It's tough when someone's flirting with me in person and I don't want to mislead them and flirt back, because their behavior creates a sort of positive energy-- people start acting more upbeat and it creates a feedback loop and makes everyone happier. If you even glance at some straight men they think you're flirting, so I really try to restrain myself.

It's been my experience that when you have sexual chemistry with someone, it's pretty obvious. Sometimes embarrassingly so... especially if they're already in a relationship and it's just not cool in the first place. When I really like someone, I try to be subtle.

It's the ones I want to flirt with me who never do, anyway. Maybe they're INTPs.
 

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Discussion Starter #16
Why not just mac on him and see what happens?

Flirt. Blah blah. If you're sitting next to him for that long it should be easy to work up some flirtation.
dating.about.com/od/bodylanguage/tp/bodylanguage.htm]How To Flirt - Flirting - Flirty Body Language
hahaha I was just about to say... INTJs are horrible at flirting. Hence my waiting 2 years to do this.
Dunno, I can only flirt when I'm a bit drunk, but lets see what happens.

Your method is key, be laid back and for God's sake try your hardest not to sound pushy or coercive because that's an immediate turn off.
Yea that's what I figured. But I'm not a very pushy person anyway so this won't be the problem. Quite the opposite actually... If anything, my indecision and reluctance to make a move is what's keeping me back.

While some may run from the room if you attempt to hug them... they don't do that nearly as often when you just jump their bones instead.
So... should I just lean in and kiss him? I'm kind of leaning towards this as I can sound pretty retarded when I'm trying to express my emotions. Or is that too pushy?
 

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ok so I have to bite the bullet.
i'm taking a 4 hour bus trip with him tomorrow. lets see if i can grow some balls by then
Don't literally grow balls. Balls are a turn off.
I made my move at the end of a very long day with a female friend and though it didn't end well it saved a lot of awkwardness.
You could playfully ask him why he's single, and if he answers negatively (like "I hate women," "women hate me,", give him sort of compliment and pat him and say something like "I'm surprised your single."
Or if you have long hair that smells clovery put it in his face.
Or grab his hand and put it on your better formed boob.
 

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I wish I were more dense in these situations. I can pretend to be when I need to. It's tough when someone's flirting with me in person and I don't want to mislead them and flirt back, because their behavior creates a sort of positive energy-- people start acting more upbeat and it creates a feedback loop and makes everyone happier. If you even glance at some straight men they think you're flirting, so I really try to restrain myself.

It's been my experience that when you have sexual chemistry with someone, it's pretty obvious. Sometimes embarrassingly so... especially if they're already in a relationship and it's just not cool in the first place. When I really like someone, I try to be subtle.

It's the ones I want to flirt with me who never do, anyway. Maybe they're INTPs.
But it's the social interest that compounds the problem with the sexual chemistry... from the queer side to the straight side, guys to girls, it's more of a game of getting passed the insecurities or the questions of are they or aren't they... it's often so much more than just "ooh they're hot".

the gay scene is more upfront with the sexual ... there's no need to play the 'game' of dating or feigning romantic interest in order to get laid. although, of course, that still happens... but it remains that dating is a bit of an enigma still. We cold also add lesbian romances with the jokes about bringing a u-haul on the first date.

it's pretty damn hard to be that oblivious to sexual chemistry, but dating and social interests are really a bit more difficult... even in the str8 world people often revert back to treating it as an awkward schoolboy or schoolgirl crush.

obviously in the queer realm, there are some problems with even being able to date in broader society still but even in the gay ghettos this isn't easily achieved... emulating the courtship rituals of heterosexual dating it doesn't quite work with where queer culture and the rest of the society is.

I think the connecting point in there somewhere... was lending to that aspect that it does seem to come from more of an introverted place of questioning that there's so much pressure on the social interest in defining what it means and what's the ultimate goal... that often times it quickly splinters into all the probabilities and possibilities of the future that takes it so much further away from the intention of just getting that first date. ("Hello, I love you, won't you tell me your name.")

But dudes in general are pretty oblivious... no, it's not always the case... but pretty often, they tend to misread the signs... assuming people are flirting when they aren't or being utterly clueless even when you bash them over the head with it.

And sure, girls can be that way too, but let's face it there are more set rituals and practices out there to show your affections for them... "Aww, you killed some flowers in the prime of their lives just for me!"
 

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So... should I just lean in and kiss him? I'm kind of leaning towards this as I can sound pretty retarded when I'm trying to express my emotions. Or is that too pushy?
It's pushy, but two years of waiting... really forget about growing balls, just take the bull by it's horn. *cough*

Although being drunk, tipsy or at least having a drink in the presence of him and doing the utterly cliche... somewhat pathetic... girly "Ooh it went straight to my head" and falling into his lap, "can you help me to my room and keep me from throwing my underwear off the balcony" or yeah, leaning in and kissing him.. "oh, you just had something on your face"

you've got room to abort and an excuse for your behavior. if it doesn't work out...

which might be the convoluted easier route to go if you can't manage being more direct or upfront about it... or you could give him a mixed tape with a subliminal message encoded in it.
 
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