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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
I have such a hard time listening to someone talk or giving feedback if I have no interest in what they're saying. My mind just doesn’t want to let me. Even when it’s something I need to know for practical purposes...I usually just stare at the person talking with a pained expression and block out what they're saying while I watch their mouth move. Then they have to repeat themselves and I look like an idiot! Because I've been staring at them supposedly listening as they have rambled on for 5 minutes...

If it's a small talk situation...especially someone I've just met… I have to stop myself from just walking off. I don't walk off because I know that would be incredibly rude but my facial expressions usually give me away unintentionally.

So depending on the situation I either come off as a bitch or mentally challenged...my blonde hair doesn't help either. I'm seriously considering dying it black or something. :wink:

I just have no desire to talk or listen if I don't care. It's a huge challenge even when I really try to.

If I care though then I talk too much and can listen for hours and when learning something new I can take in everything that's being said with ease. Anyways...I hate this about myself and I'm trying to work on it. :sad: Anyone relate?
 

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... or mentally challenged...my blonde hair doesn't help either. I'm seriously considering dying it black or something. :wink:
LOL yeah as a youngster I'd listen for hours and hear nothing. Then when I tried listening to what people were saying it was like they were speaking an alien language. Despite my best efforts to teach myself listening skills, I had discovered a new disease called Comprehensive Dyslexia. But it wasn't really a disease or a problem as intuiton cut in and the story became clear anyway. After a while it sorted itself out. People were mostly talking rubbish to me anyway. :laughing: because if you like people enough to listen to what they have to say, the first thing that happens is that everyone lines up to tell you their problems, or worse, why YOU are a problem. And you're too young to handle it all! In fact, listening to them tell you why YOU are the problem is a relief and relaxing, because at least it's a subject you know something about.

Now-a-days it's fun: I can listen intently to someone and still have a parallel situation going in my head. Someone will be outlining their cares and I'll start thinking... wow, look at those green eyes...or...what I really need now is a burger, one with egg and cheese...or maybe thinking about some song lyrics...or the buffalo I saw at the zoo in 1987. Intuition puts 2 + 2 together and about 10 mins later the full message of what they're saying arrives. Usually my responses were correct even though the original subject was unclear at the time.

Don't sweat it. It could be the makings of a secret weapon!
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
LOL yeah as a youngster I'd listen for hours and hear nothing. Then when I tried listening to what people were saying it was like they were speaking an alien language. Despite my best efforts to teach myself listening skills, I had discovered a new disease called Comprehensive Dyslexia. But it wasn't really a disease or a problem as intuiton cut in and the story became clear anyway. After a while it sorted itself out. People were mostly talking rubbish to me anyway. :laughing: because if you like people enough to listen to what they have to say, the first thing that happens is that everyone lines up to tell you their problems, or worse, why YOU are a problem. And you're too young to handle it all! In fact, listening to them tell you why YOU are the problem is a relief and relaxing, because at least it's a subject you know something about.

Now-a-days it's fun: I can listen intently to someone and still have a parallel situation going in my head. Someone will be outlining their cares and I'll start thinking... wow, look at those green eyes...or...what I really need now is a burger, one with egg and cheese...or maybe thinking about some song lyrics...or the buffalo I saw at the zoo in 1987. Intuition puts 2 + 2 together and about 10 mins later the full message of what they're saying arrives. Usually my responses were correct even though the original subject was unclear at the time.

Don't sweat it. It could be the makings of a secret weapon!
Haha. You make me feel better! Here's to hoping as I get older I'll get better at halfway listening while also thinking of burgers and song lyrics...that would be so awesome. :laughing:

BTW...I've never heard of having a burger with egg before...:unsure: Thinking about it though...that seems like it would be pretty good. :mellow:
 

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I zone out a lot when people talk. Must be an NF thing.
I don't think it's related to NF. I may look like I'm paying attention, but when it's something I could care less about I'm in my head thinking about something completely different and hoping the person yapping can't catch on :). I actually did this a lot with an ENFP. She was VERY talkative. I think she would sit there and talk even if I wasn't there.

...actually, I asked her if she did this and she admitted that she does at her house when she's by herself. She would also have a conversation with her pets and respond back to what she was saying to them as if the pet was responding to her:laughing:

Crazy ENFPs. Gotta love 'em.
 

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Yea I can do that, especially with small talk, it is the worst. Usually you just have to steer the conversation to what you want to know about. I'm generally interested in what other people are interested in. I mean, I find it fascinating what other people like. So find something that they are passionate about then ask them questions about that. It is rare that it happens to me since I have a wide range of interests but it can be a pain with some people.

For example, i was at a peace corp mixer for nominees , trainees and returned volunteers. This very obnoxious person was chewing off my ear about Tony Jaa movies. I nearly jumped on the next person I could find to bring them in the conversation. "Oh, wow. You went to Cambodia that is so fascinating tell me all about it!" I couldn't take another moment about horrible film making!

I can get really impatient with people I know well when they tell me a really boring story of why I need to take the garbage out.. Really I don't need to know about it, I am busy!
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 · (Edited)
I don't think it's related to NF. I may look like I'm paying attention, but when it's something I could care less about I'm in my head thinking about something completely different and hoping the person yapping can't catch on :). I actually did this a lot with an ENFP. She was VERY talkative. I think she would sit there and talk even if I wasn't there.

...actually, I asked her if she did this and she admitted that she does at her house when she's by herself. She would also have a conversation with her pets and respond back to what she was saying to them as if the pet was responding to her:laughing:

Crazy ENFPs. Gotta love 'em.
I thought maybe it was N related. Hmmm.

I'm actually really careful not to do this with other people...I can read instantly if they don't give a shit and I'll stop talking. At least I think I can! :laughing: My E is low though... I don't know if that makes a difference.

I have to admit I do the exact same thing with my dog! Haha. He probably secretly thinks I'm incredibly annoying...
 

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hahah I do this alot, especially if I'm tired. The more exhaustion I feel, the less I feel like I have to be polite while you're yammering away. (I get grumpy when I'm tired, if you can't tell. :laughing:) It's nice because eventually my brain will circle back, but in the mean time, I'll be thinking about homework, or that cute boy standing right behind me, or how something smells good, etc.

It gets especially bad if I'm on the computer or near a book. I'm SUPER good at tuning everything out....it's like the words coming at me are a foreign language. No comprehension whatsoever. :crazy:
 

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I have such a hard time listening to someone talk or giving feedback if I have no interest in what they're saying. My mind just doesn’t want to let me. Even when it’s something I need to know for practical purposes...I usually just stare at the person talking with a pained expression and block out what they're saying while I watch their mouth move. Then they have to repeat themselves and I look like an idiot! Because I've been staring at them supposedly listening as they have rambled on for 5 minutes...

If it's a small talk situation...especially someone I've just met… I have to stop myself from just walking off. I don't walk off because I know that would be incredibly rude but my facial expressions usually give me away unintentionally.

So depending on the situation I either come off as a bitch or mentally challenged...my blonde hair doesn't help either. I'm seriously considering dying it black or something. :wink:

I just have no desire to talk or listen if I don't care. It's a huge challenge even when I really try to.

If I care though then I talk too much and can listen for hours and when learning something new I can take in everything that's being said with ease. Anyways...I hate this about myself and I'm trying to work on it. :sad: Anyone relate?
I tend to take an NF with me out into social gatherings... they generally get me and tolerate me... and they act as a buffer for my INTPness... see... I often come across snobby or aloof... when that is not my intent at all... I just would rather sit back and watch the interactions of people and pipe in when I feel appropriate... people find this not socially acceptable... and the NF buffers it... pulls me into the convo when they get the feeling it may be bothering someone... and leads the convo away from me when they intuit that I am out of my comfort zone... it works great...

as for one on one... I love one on one... especially with someone who is both comfortable about talking about ANYTHING as well as comfortable sitting enjoying each others company in silence... (my preference is whilst cuddling)
 

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I get angry when someone tries to pull me out of my mind space. My ENFJ girlfriend will just talk and talk and report to me about lame ass things. It really hurts my brain. Really, really much.

When I've told her I'm busy focusing on something else like writing something or reading something, she will still keep talking and tell me "I know you are. But I'm going to teach you how to multi-task." Ack! By listening to her? This is how I'm going to learn? Shouldn't I first have to WANT to listen to her? Why do I need to develop this skill just so I can be in more pain? I tune out on purpose, dammit. And now she wants to abuse my little brain by splitting it in half so one side of it can listen to her "blah blah." Ugh.
 

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One of my mother's favorite quotes of mine came when I was about three years old. She asked me, "Aren't you listening to me!?" My response, "Mom, my ears don't work when my imagination is running." Still true today and I could not describe it any better than that.
 

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One of my mother's favorite quotes of mine came when i was about three years old. She asked me, "Aren't you listening to me!?" My response, "Mom, my ears don't work when my imagination is running." Still true today and I could not describe it any better than that.
Omg, that's adorable!!! You should write a book on ADD (the inattentive type) with that title.
 

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Good grief..that's me all over! In fact, I couldn't even read most of the other comments because they looked too long.:blushed:
 

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so identify. My dad used to tell me stories when i was a kid for hours..... I wouldn't retain anything.... I still do the same thing with people. I just get the feelings..... no words.
 

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Hahaha wow, I do this a lot. I tend to meet a lot of people just by talking to the person next to me in lecture. The minute the lectures over, my mind switches from 'socialable mode', or the extremely rare 'actually listening to lecturer instead of day dreaming mode' to 'OMG WHAT IF THERE WAS A ZOMBIE INVASION RIGHT NOW? ID DO THIS, AND THEN A ZOMBIE WOULD COME RUNNING FROM THAT DOORWAY OVER THERE AND...'. By the time I've run through an entire imaginary scenario while walking through the uni, I realise my new friend has been talking the entire time!

I also do this when reading. If I'm reading fiction the storyline will often take it's own direction in my head, likewise if I'm reading non-fiction, for example something that happened in the past, I imagine the scenario and it unfolds into something fantastic. While this is all happening, I'm still reading on autopilot. Eventually I tune back in a chapter I don't remember getting to in a situation I don't remember developing!
 

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I get angry when someone tries to pull me out of my mind space. My ENFJ girlfriend will just talk and talk and report to me about lame ass things. It really hurts my brain. Really, really much.

When I've told her I'm busy focusing on something else like writing something or reading something, she will still keep talking and tell me "I know you are. But I'm going to teach you how to multi-task." Ack! By listening to her? This is how I'm going to learn? Shouldn't I first have to WANT to listen to her? Why do I need to develop this skill just so I can be in more pain? I tune out on purpose, dammit. And now she wants to abuse my little brain by splitting it in half so one side of it can listen to her "blah blah." Ugh.
yocky! i feel your pain. enfj's talk too much.
 

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One of my mother's favorite quotes of mine came when I was about three years old. She asked me, "Aren't you listening to me!?" My response, "Mom, my ears don't work when my imagination is running." Still true today and I could not describe it any better than that.
that's a good one, i'll have to remember that. that should get me out of a few tight spots :laughing:
 
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I can relate. But having a parent whose eyes gloss over in 3 seconds flat as soon as almost anyone talks...all while angrily insisting he is still "listening"... as he continues to watch tv, read the paper and take notes (all at the same time) is pretty damn frustrating and disappointing. I said to myself a long time ago that I would do my best to never "listen" like that.

We all know that an active imagination can make this a tricky trap to avoid. It is just so easy, and lazy, for us to retreat back into our own thoughts and remain undisturbed and entertained. However, there is a tried and true way to combat this terribly bad habit and it is the process of "active listening". It works very well. The more you work at it, the less you have to - like a lot of things in life.

First of all, listening or not listening is not something I allow to be governed by my "likes" or dislikes of a person or topic. It is a conscious choice. So when I am around others, I always choose to listen first - until I choose otherwise. The "active" part is that I engage my mind in their words and expressions as they speak. I keep my eyes focused on them (no glossing over). Focus, focus, focus. I actively evaluate what they are saying , not what I am thinking. I ask questions, I ask for clarifications, I make comments...and I keep it up. In the end, I learn a great deal more by interacting this way. I also feel good about extending an important courtesy; one which I am most grateful for when it is extended to me.

This is not to suggest that I will never" tune someone out" or simply not listen. We all have acquaintances with a remarkable talent for making such a mental retreat necessary. But even when I do this -which is seldom- it is a conscious choice and not just a bad habit. As such, instead of glazing over or worse, walking away, I look for and guide an exit to the conversation so as to take my leave politely. This can usually be done quite easily; precisely because I AM listening. I have also found that much of the time with these individuals a little active listening will allow me to latch onto certain things they say and redirect the conversation along more productive and enjoyable lines - a win-win situation for both.
 

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Sometimes. Don't feel like caring so I turn on "asshole mode" and bluntly reply "Cool story bro" or I point to my face and say " this is the face of I Don't give a fuck!"
 

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I LOVE YOU ALL....everytime I feel like comitting myself i'll read this thread first :proud:
 
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