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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So, tonight I came to realise I'm not sure that I'm after any form of relationship with my friends, or anyone for that matter; I'm actually just unsure on what I want.

But one thing I do know that I want is attention, I need it so much from my friends, but when I want to seek it out, I begin to feel selfish for wanting to be the center of attention for once; even though I'm not generally it at all, I want it, but I can't reach up and ask for it from my friends.

Is this something that others INFJ's have experienced before, or is it just the make up of who I am as a person?


regards,
Bc
 

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I am not the kind of person who wants to be the centre of attention and actually infjs are known to "act" behind the scenes. But in some circumstances or under stress our ExxP part can come out. I often feel lonely after spending some time with my friends, cause i feel they don't know who i really am and i am really different from them all (not only because i am an infj, but due to my ideas too). This can become stressful and depressing if you don't have such a strong self esteem maybe, and you may need to be the centre of attention and be appreciated, admired and so on. That's my 2 cent
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Well, I'm a really deep and philosophical person most of the time; I'm not really like that around other people because I don't want to be the weird one out. And I agree with what you said about being different... I've got ADHD which doesn't really help me all that much! Haha
 

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So, tonight I came to realise I'm not sure that I'm after any form of relationship with my friends, or anyone for that matter; I'm actually just unsure on what I want.

But one thing I do know that I want is attention, I need it so much from my friends, but when I want to seek it out, I begin to feel selfish for wanting to be the center of attention for once; even though I'm not generally it at all, I want it, but I can't reach up and ask for it from my friends.
I relate to all of this

A lot of times I feel very solitary in the sense that I feel I support myself completely on the inside and I don't really NEED anyone else, like for emotional support or whatever. But also I over-analyze all my relationships so intensely-- and one thing I've realized about myself is that I've always had this expectation that someday, my relationships (whether friendships or romantic) would be incredibly mind-blowing and soul-affirming... and I'm always just looking for THOSE relationships. So obviously I end up disappointed and start thinking "whats the point of any relationship really?"

Also yes I also have ambivilant feelings about attention, I really really want attention most of the time, but when I do get attention, I start feeling really picky about it-- and usually I feel I'm not getting the right KIND of attention, so i start trying to hide from it all. I want people to understand who I am and reflect it back to me, and I expect them to get it right, but usually they get it wrong and then I get upset lol.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Gosh darn it!

Stop taking my thoughts! ahha

That's exactly how I feel, and being able to actually say that can be hard to explain for me. I'm not someone who'll write big paragraphs on how I feel, I explain my feelings through the use a metaphors, sayings and analogies.

It lets me explain more with fewer words, but being able to explain the meaning behind the words I've said is way easier for me. So I'll say an analogy, then explain it in detail to my friends; to me, that's just simply easier than writing a paragraph because I give them freedom to ask me about it and delve further than just blurting it all out or writing a big paragraph would allow.
 

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Everyone has needs and want the people who care about them to be attentive. You would do the same for them so naturally you expect the same in return. Maybe you just need to give them a chance. Maybe if they knew how you were feeling they would jump at the chance to be more attentive. It really depends on if they are good friends or not.
 

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I agree with @Vivid Melody because this is how I obtain peace and enjoyment when I am with social friends.

People are a lot more perceptive than they seem. Sensors are especially good at picking up moods. They may not know why you are upset or uptight but they got it.

I think at the end of the day I compartmentalize a bit, adjusting my mind set to cater to different groups. Mostly I don't expect people to really know me therefore I don't feel empty or disappointed. Instead, I just enjoy the moment, their company, and their conversation (regardless the topics or content).

Have you seen a Sandra Bullock's movie called "While You Were Sleeping"? She played this lonely gal living with a cat with no family to go to during Xmas and New Year. Freak circumstance put her in a big warm family's path. She was invited to partake New Year's Eve dinner with them. Everybody at the table was saying something mundane and unrelated to other people's convo. Sandra was sitting there listening and smiling even if she's just a stranger but she felt warm being with these people she met but a few days ago. She didn't know much about them and they didn't know much about her but there's a mutual liking and acceptance. It's not a deep level bonding but a simple human to human thing.

Think about it and look for different levels of connection. Not every one has to be deep and abiding. It's reserved for a very special few (if you are lucky to have). Treat each social encounter as if it was the last one before you take your last breath. You will feel wistful but grateful. People will pick up the vibe and see a certain depth in you.
 

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Yes, and I am rather harsh with myself in that area.. If say, i post something on facebook about not feeling so good or whatever that may seem attention getting, then the chances are VERY big that i will delete it again.

I get the feeling that others are more genuine about wanting attention and such, and also getting it.
While I am more like... questioning myself and thinking about what to say or even feel?(abit like sitting at an funeral and thinking, should i cry?, what will others think etc. But i may be really sad), being master of my feelings, being strong and such.
 

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What if I said that it's a you problem and also, an INFJ?
 
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