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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
I haven't been on this website in years. I don't feel the need to use it anymore and this is a very good thing. This website can be dangerous for a certain type of person. In fact, Myers Briggs can be dangerous. I will tell you my story.

I am nineteen years old and I have struggled with self identity pretty much my entire life. I am not talking about the "finding yourself" people do as a teenager. I mean utterly lost. Chameleon like. I would say something and not believe what I was saying. I would, and still do, feel a split in myself. A split of consciousness. I felt so alone and it lead me to believe in a lot of crazy shit.

I started piling labels on myself for the fear I was no one. It started with astrology. I was a Scorpio sun, Aquarius moon, Leo rising. No more, no less. I was obessed with it. I read everything on it like it was the Bible. Not long after did that transfer into Myers Briggs. I was an "INFJ". I thought of it as like a subspecies, almost. Like these freaks were exactly like me and no one in the world understood them like me. It brought a false sense of security.

Eventually that label shed as I picked up numerous others. ADHD, indigo child, maladaptive daydreamer, Ni dom, hippie, loner, the list goes on. I would obsessively think about myself, analyze myself to depths that are impossible to describe.

The unstableness got worse. I daydreamed constantly to escape reality. I sat in school, empty, apathetic, lost in my own world as I became more and more aloof to the outside. I never listened much, but I eventually became totally cut off. First I became a hypochondriac. I was now not only aware of my inner mental state, but inner physical state. The hypochondria lead to numerous panic attacks. I thought I had heart failiure at the mere age of 16.

This eventually lead to the worst and most destructive label I've ever put on myself: schizophrenic. I had schiz OCD, meaning I one hundred percent fully and completely convinced myself I had schizophrenia. It was hell. I can't even describe the feeling. Of course, I never mentioned this label to anyone. It was something I suffered alone. My parents knew about my anxiety but not this.

I had bad hypnagogic hallucinations, the normal ones you get before you fall asleep. I was terrified of them. Sometimes they would be screams. But the difference was, I knew they were hallucinations. I'd dissociate. My mind was so numb and I felt so agitated I started ticking really badly. It became harder and harder to do things. I thought all of this confirmed schizophrenia, which made it ten times worse.

The worst part was the unclarity. It was like there was a million paradoxes in my head and I honestly felt like I couldn't speak. I will not try to describe the paradoxes as that brings my back to the state of mind as they are indescribable. And I believe it all stemmed from this unstable identity.

I was saved. On YouTube I found a guy who was going through something that sounded eerily similar. He is my boyfriend now, and he was just diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. I am suspicious that I have a similar thing. Yet when I find myself researching it, I find my self going down the similar path I have before with all my labels.

I don't mean to scare anyone who feels similar to me. Just if you have this same problem with identity, I'd highly recommend you see someone. As I said, this site is especially dangerous to anyone with BPD.
 

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You're only 19yo. It is normal to be still feeling around but not normal to be so obsessed over a label and then slapping all kinds of labels on yourself. What's causing (root cause) your anxiety? Many people misidentify themselves as INFJ. "I feel like the most misunderstood person in this world." - INFJ. "I feel so complex." - INFJ. "I feel like a walking paradox." - INFJ. These are INFJ, but these are also common teenage angst. I'm concerned that now you're trying to slap another new label on yourself. You should seek professional help and stop absorbing everything you read into your persona.

Astrology, MBTI, Socionics, Enneagram, etc are not the cause of your confusion and MBTI is not "dangerous". The only danger I see on this site is mistyped people misrepresenting the type(s), causing widespread fallacies. Not saying it's you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 · (Edited)
You're only 19yo. It is normal to be still feeling around but not normal to be so obsessed over a label and then slapping all kinds of labels on yourself. What's causing (root cause) your anxiety? Many people misidentify themselves as INFJ. "I feel like the most misunderstood person in this world." - INFJ. "I feel so complex." - INFJ. "I feel like a walking paradox." - INFJ. These are INFJ, but these are also common teenage angst. I'm concerned that now you're trying to slap another new label on yourself. You should seek professional help and stop absorbing everything you read into your persona.

Astrology, MBTI, Socionics, Enneagram, etc are not the cause of your confusion and MBTI is not "dangerous". The only danger I see on this site is mistyped people misrepresenting the type(s), causing widespread fallacies. Not saying it's you.
I know it's not normal. I don't know the root cause of my anxiety. It's gotten better and I don't think about it near as much. I have talked to professionals and they don't help a lot. I can't voice what's wrong because I don't know what's wrong and my thoughts change all the time and I feel like I'm lying to them. Most of the time they make it worse, as well. It's also not just as easy as not absorbing everything I read into my persona. I'm not saying MBTI is dangerous for everyone. It's dangerous for people like my who don't have a stable identity and who are prone to obsess over this so I'm just warning these types of people.
 
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Thanks for sharing your story. I just wanted to say you're going to have an amazing future. Someone with such insight into their psyche at a young age, you're going to have a lot to offer other people who haven't even begun their soul-searching. <3

Better than asking who you are, ask who do you want to become.
 

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I know it's not normal. I don't know the root cause of my anxiety. It's gotten better and I don't think about it near as much. I have talked to professionals and they don't help a lot. I can't voice what's wrong because I don't know what's wrong and my thoughts change all the time and I feel like I'm lying to them. Most of the time they make it worse, as well. It's also not just as easy as not absorbing everything I read into my persona. I'm not saying MBTI is dangerous for everyone. It's dangerous for people like my who don't have a stable identity and who are prone to obsess over this so I'm just warning these types of people.
It's ok to have conflicting thoughts and feelings. Whatever you're feeling at that point, you should just voice them out without fear and from there you will slowly get to understanding yourself. Talk to people you trust. Journaling your thoughts/feelings is another way. It isn't wise to be typing yourself when you're still struggling with cohesion. I feel that it will only confuse you further and what's worse is you may start to believe that you're a certain 'type' when you're not. Then you may read up another personality type theory and you may shift your beliefs and so on and you're back to confusion. You need to have some basic understanding of yourself first to even decide if what you're reading correctly reflect who you are. At your age, it's perfectly normal to still be doing self-searching. You don't need to force yourself.

I'm not a psychiatrist so I can't advise you on those various conditions you mentioned - whether you even have them. Get yourself properly diagnosed.
 

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That's scary. I can see how that could turn into a form of OCD. I've struggled with different forms of OCD myself in the past and it's not fun. I'm glad you met someone who helped you a lot. Make sure you eat healthfully too (healing fruits and veggies) because this actually does make a big difference to our mental health.
 

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I honestly recognize a lot in your story with me (as a boy). I'd also thought that this site was yeah dangerous or being too intellectual as being dangerous. I'd also recognize in the hypochondria, search for identity, the hallucinations (but i knew they were hallucinations), maladaptive daydreaming, the split in consciousness, ... .
 

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I would suggest getting in touch with your Se. Take one day, and really try to get out of your head. Travel to a place you've never been before, like a nearby town, or museum. Just walk around and focus on noticing as many details as you possibly can about what's around you. If you start to process anything in your head-- in other words, if you start to think any thoughts-- stop thinking and instead focus on something around you-- a color, a shape, a sound, even just your own breathing. It'll probably be hard at first but practice more and more. I think it'll help you realize that you don't have to live with so many thoughts. The world around you just is and you just are and there's nothing really to think about. Just focusing on doing, moving, sensing....if you're bored, that's okay.

As I was reading, I immediately thought "BPD" as well, since it is characterized by a lack of sense of self. I've struggled with some of these things as well, though not to the point of having BPD. But I've spent so much time daydreaming and dissociating from the real life/ self that I start wondering what reality even means. I've obsessed over my identity, too. I think it's basically the habit of searching for too much meaning in everything. That's why it's good to get in touch with Se-- just experience the surface of things, the appearance, the sound, the color, etc.-- and forget about underlying meanings. I think you'll find the sensory world is incredibly rich, and there's more than enough meaning that will just come to you if you don't think about it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I would suggest getting in touch with your Se. Take one day, and really try to get out of your head. Travel to a place you've never been before, like a nearby town, or museum. Just walk around and focus on noticing as many details as you possibly can about what's around you. If you start to process anything in your head-- in other words, if you start to think any thoughts-- stop thinking and instead focus on something around you-- a color, a shape, a sound, even just your own breathing. It'll probably be hard at first but practice more and more. I think it'll help you realize that you don't have to live with so many thoughts. The world around you just is and you just are and there's nothing really to think about. Just focusing on doing, moving, sensing....if you're bored, that's okay.

As I was reading, I immediately thought "BPD" as well, since it is characterized by a lack of sense of self. I've struggled with some of these things as well, though not to the point of having BPD. But I've spent so much time daydreaming and dissociating from the real life/ self that I start wondering what reality even means. I've obsessed over my identity, too. I think it's basically the habit of searching for too much meaning in everything. That's why it's good to get in touch with Se-- just experience the surface of things, the appearance, the sound, the color, etc.-- and forget about underlying meanings. I think you'll find the sensory world is incredibly rich, and there's more than enough meaning that will just come to you if you don't think about it.
I'm glad you can relate. One thing it's turned into is constantly and impulsively switching majors. I'm feeling better now though. It's hard to get motivated to go outside but I did take a walk today and it felt good. When I don't think about it it's fine, but then I start to obsess over it and I dig myself in this hole. Anyway, thank you for the kind words and advice.
 
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