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Discussion Starter #1
Part I.

Prerequisites

What age range are you in?
I am 20.

Any disorders or conditions we should know about?
I have been officially diagnosed with ADHD but I don’t consider it a real disorder after reading a bit about it on the internet. Also, slight depression.

Main Questions

1. What do you think your life is about? What drives you in life? This can be something like a goal or a purpose, or anything else that comes to mind.
I don’t know. I really do want to know and not knowing gets me flustered. Nothing really, truly motivates me. I get small ideas and things that inspire me for a small amount of time before I get bored of it and then I look for the next best thing. It irritates me how most of my friends have some sort of inspiration or goal to work towards and I have none.
What I think about life in general? I think it’s pretty random. It was just chance. We are born, it’s up to us to make it meaningful. I really want to make mine meaningful, else I’d feel like a waste of time and space.

2. What were you like as a kid?
I am 20. I don’t know how I should define a ‘kid’. I was actually quite different from the way I am right now. I tried to fit in a lot. I was impulsive. Now, I rationalise all my actions before I do them. I try to make sense of what I do before I do them. I was always a curious child and liked to do things my way. Better than others. I think I liked to show off a bit. (I probably still do, and no, I am not trying to lean towards type 3) My memory fails me.

3. Describe your relationship with your parents. Does anything stand out about the way you interacted?
I have a pretty open, friendly relationship with my parents. They are the only people I get angry with and can yell at. I don’t know why all my rage is reserved only for them. Although, yes, I do love them because I am biologically connected to them and they have done a lot for me. They understand that I am …different. I am open to them but I am not really close. I am not very close to anyone, actually. The few people I was close to moved to different cities!

4. What values are important to you? What do you hope to avoid doing or being?
Ehhh. I think I am pretty flexible with my values. I am not the most moral person, definitely. I am a hypocrite, sometimes. I hate cheating in the examinations. It leaves me feeling guilty. But at the same time, I sort of have access to my university’s admin account and I feel no remorse in changing my marks and attendance, etc. If I found out that someone else was doing this, I’d think it is unfair and wouldn’t like it. I don’t know where this puts me.
I don’t want to avoid doing or being anything really. Anything that works for me is good. I am for humanity tho and I would help people if they asked for help. Sometimes I like helping so that I get noticed. Hmm.

5. Aside from phobias, are there any fears that characterized your childhood? Have they continued into the present day, or not, and if not, how have you dealt with them?
I don’t remember clearly but I think I feared change. I used to learn Taekwondo and when my instructor promoted me to the next belt, I started crying. Not out of happiness. K Neah, I can’t really think of any fear that really stands out. If I looked at the basic fears of each Type, I’d say I can relate to Type 2, Type 3, Type 5 and Type 7.

6. a.) How do you see yourself?
Above average intelligence who is too lazy and unmotivated. But I guess that’s what everyone who is in doubt would say about themselves. I can’t really see. I still haven’t made a mark in this planet. This life. I feel insignificant but I matter to my friends. Some care deeply about me and I care about them. I guess that’s what should matter. I am still looking for more. For that “something.”

b.) How do you want others to see you?
I want others to see me as intelligent and capable. Someone who doesn’t put much effort but still comes up with great results. That’s what I am, actually. I like the attention I get because of my effort to result ratio. I think I wouldn’t mind some physical/sexual attention.

c.) What do you dislike the most in other people?
Nothing that I can think of. I can’t rationalise the idea of disliking someone and wasting time over trivial things such as that. I hate stupid people and people who disregard logic and common sense. Those who try to mix science and religion for example. Both have their merits but when you try to say what the Bible has to say is falsifiable and “Noah’s Ark is possible, man. You just don’t believe enough”, you’re just… ignorant.

7. Which habit do you most automatically act on? Rank the following habits from most to least automatic, on a scale of 1 (most) to 3 (least).
a.) Work for personal gain with more concern for self than for others. 2
b.) Strive for a sense of tranquillity in yourself and the world around you. 3
c.) Decide what is right for the betterment of something or someone else. 1

8. Where does the wandering mind take you? What provokes this?
I don’t know if I’ll be able to do justice to this question in a paragraph or two and I don’t really feel like writing a lengthy essay either. Anyway—I think of a lot of things. Trivial things like my grades, college, friends, parties to trying to find a reason behind everything. I think of philosophy (I know, a broad term), sociology, psychology, why things are the way they are. About literature, fantasize about what I want in my future, what an ideal life would be like, to make a breakthrough in some field or the other, to be comfortable, etc. etc. etc.
I also think about my girlfriend and our future. Doesn’t really seem bright but although it has taken a back seat in my life (long distance, meh), it is important to me. It’s more platonic love than sexual desires but I am not saying that I am by any means, demisexual.
What provokes this? Anything. Just tuning out of the daily rat life.

9.What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?
I’d feel my best if I was just at home, relaxing. But not for too long else I’d feel like I am wasting too much time. I need change, I need something new. I need things to captivate me. I like reading new things, making sense of things I didn’t understand before, new explanations, debates, discussions, etc. I like conversing with people on any topic that I have much to talk about. I am a good listener. Not much of a talker. I like things working out for me.
Worst – I don’t know. A lot of things. When I feel unloved. When I feel ignored. When I think too much about the future and think that I’ll end up nowhere. Then I hypothesize a life where I am nowhere and start analysing it. Then I distract myself. Do something else. Not knowing where to start. Not knowing.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Part II.

10. Let's talk about emotions. Explain what might make you feel the following, how they feel to you or how you react to the emotion:
a.) anger
when people misunderstand me, when people do things without thinking without regard for other’s feelings and opinions, when people are being insanely irrational. A little irrationality is allowed, yes but not when you are in your senses. When I feel anger, I try to suppress it and I am usually successful. Else, all hell breaks loose. I have broken my phone, my laptop, show pieces, etc. I think it makes me cry. Nothing else makes me cry.

b.) shame
I haven’t ever felt this. Shame just makes me feel a little anxious, I think. I think my face goes red and that’s about it. And I feel bad. If I have hurt someone really bad, really deep, I try my best to make things alright. Else it bothers me till time erases it off my memory. And yet, I keep getting back to it once in a while when I think about my life.

c.) anxiety
I rarely feel anxious or tensed but when I do, I feel a little jittery. I am good at hiding anxiety. In fact I feel I am too laid-back for my own good. I distract myself. The night before an exam, I don’t know if I should laugh or cry. Not that I would actually do either but that’s the mental state I am in. I don’t even start preparing. I just stuff the books into my bag and sleep. And not sleep. Just stare at the ceiling till I drift away to sleep four hours later.
It’s usually my future plans—my success, failure. As someone who’d have to support myself and a family. All that. I really am not a part of the ‘real mean world’ yet because I am still staying with my parents/college campus. I think I might have a better answer for this once I am in my late 20s.

11. Describe how you respond to the following:
a.) stress
More or less the same thing as anxiety but it’s easier to deal with stress. I go to the gym a lot and that’s a great stress buster. I tend to sulk sometimes. Keep it to myself as much as possible. I don’t like others knowing that I am stressed. I joke about it. Anxiety is more fear-based, I think.
I procrastinate further. Stress leads to more stress till I am completely paralysed. Hence, I need something else. I hate deadlines, I can’t act on my stress. I need to do work and assignment on my own free will (never happens though) I need someone to force me to do something (even though I hate it.)

b.) negative unexpected change
try to see if it makes sense and why the change was brought about in the first place. I would mope and complain. Resist. I think that’s the natural response to anything by anyone. Resist first and then maybe, accept or ignore.

c.) conflict
I move away from conflict as much as possible but I am not afraid of it. If it’s really necessary, I do confront it in the most peaceful way possible. I hate disappointing others. I hate not reaching my potential and not keeping my promises or not living up to the image people have of me in their minds. Those are the sort of conflicts I hate. I am a pacifier.

12.
a.) What kind of role are you naturally inclined to take in a group? Why?
Listener. Occasional inputs. Random inputs. Brain-stormer. Being the sensible one. Crazy one too, sometimes. Some days I can be really quiet and on other days I can talk a lot. Can’t really say I am reclusive. I only talk when I have something to talk about. I don’t like making meaningless conversation.
I don’t like triviality.

b.) If put in power, how do you behave? Why?
I don’t like to lead. I wouldn’t know what to do with all the power invested in me. I would try to do what every leader and person in power promises to do—be just and fair. I would divide the power amongst people (although I don’t mind having 51% of the power, heh) so that I don’t come across as a tyrant?

c.) Do you tend to struggle with others who have authority over you? Why?
Not really. Only if they don’t make sense or cannot justify what they ask me to do or ask others to do. You need to prove yourself as someone who can have authority over ‘anyone’ and then, I’d be cool with it. I don’t really have problems with my teachers or principals, etc. I need direction, really.

13. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?
I don’t know what they don’t notice. I used to notice a lot but have kind of lost interest in people for the moment. I think I know about people as much as others. Although I hate having “true friends” who I know only superficially. So, the people that I decide to call close and those who I am interested in (and those who are interested in me, of course) are the people I make an effort to get to know on a deeper level.

14. Comment on your relationship with trust.
I think I trust people easily unless they give me even the slightest reason to doubt them. I am naturally inclined to be trusting but also quick to change sides and question a person’s motives. I think I like to verify people, sources, etc. before believing them when needed. It gives me a sense of logic and not just gut-feeling. I am uncomfortable with going with the gut.

15. Briefly: What religious and/or political beliefs do you have? Do you think they influenced your responses in this questionnaire?
I am agnostic because I don’t have enough proof to prove or disprove the existence of a God. If I had to choose a religion, I’d choose Buddhism even though I am too sinful to be a Buddhist. Heh.
Political beliefs, some sort of liberalism I suppose.
No, they have in no way influenced my responses.

Follow up. @Swordsman of Mana
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Part III

Extra Questions


Which of the following temptations do you find yourself acting upon the most? (And briefly state why)

- To constantly push yourself to be “the best”
I WANT to be the best but I do not push myself.
- To be without needs, well-intentioned X
Nope.
- To replace direct experience with concepts
Yep. I think when you have concepts, you can apply it to anything similar. It’s a formula which can be applied to any problem. With direct experiences, you have an example but if you get another sort of example, you’re probably fucked.
- To have an extreme sense of personal moral obligation X
Nope.
- To think that fulfillment is somewhere else
Yep. Answers in the above posts.
- To cyclically become indecisive and seek others for reassurance
Indecisive yes. Seek others for reassurance, yes. Just feels like I know where I am going probably?
- To overuse imagination in searching for yourself
Yep. No reason.
- To avoid conflicts and asserting yourself X
Not asserting myself, no.
- To consider yourself entirely self-sufficient X
Nope.


What's something you are:
a.) thankful you have
Everything was just chance and probability. I don’t know if I should really feel “thankful” but I guess I should thank my parents for all the support, money, shelter, food, etc. My friends for all the company, conversations, discussions, conflicts, experiences. Food (the farmers), to keep me alive and well, make my taste buds feel good. Philosophers, psychologists, writers, etc. to help me learn, know things, understand, contemplate. And then there is oxygen, etc.

b.) wish you could have? Why?

Money. Peace. Love. Willpower.
 

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Part IV

Sorry for any grammatical errors and any other errors. I did not review what I wrote. I didn't feel like going through what I wrote. I'd end up editing a lot and I don't want to lose what I wrote at first even if it is rubbish. It's 2:11 AM right now. I should go get some sleep. Hopefully get a few insights later in the evening! Thanks everyone!

Thanks, Swordsman of Mana.

My SLOAN: RCUAI

avoidant, often late, patient, rarely prepared, non-aggressive, slow to judge others, withdrawn, unconcerned with image, relaxed, avoids crowds, easy going, not demanding, low maintenance, unambitious, not domineering, private, thinks before acting, concerned with the feelings of others, not wild and crazy, not controlling, does not like to show anger, hard to offend, dislikes the spotlight, uninterested in leading, not competitive, overly nice, not physically affectionate with most people, not bothered by disorder, level emotions, does not second guess self, agnostic/atheistic tendencies, not picky about food, not relationship obsessed, unproductive, unimposing, plain in appearance, disorganized, loner, lower energy level, very curious, uninterested in prestige/fame, not superficial, likes difficult reading material, does not get worked up about most things, fearless, flexible, trusting, does not stick to plans, easily distracted, interested in science, unconcerned that people have trouble reading them, a good loser, modest, not swayed by emotions
 

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Discussion Starter #7 (Edited)
anyone else?
@Paradigm @Herp @Spades @Animal

I know I have filled this quite a couple of times but this time, I did read a little and have a better understanding of the Enneagram. Also, I am at a much better place now. Not feeling low or depressed while I was filling this!

I have mentioned those who are often asked for help on this forum. I don't mean to annoy you! Heh. I just wanted some help with this. Thanks, guys.

P.S. Again, ignore my grammar and syntax errors. I didn't re-read what I wrote as I didn't want to provide an edited 'cleaned' up version. I wanted the raw version analysed.
 

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I can see some 6 and 9, yeah. I'm not sure which is more dominant. Probably more 6ish since 9s tend to be more positive and shut down more. 6s can enter a rut, too, but their minds are always working somehow (not necessarily on how to get out of the rut).
 

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Discussion Starter #10
@Blue Screen of Feels
my first impression is 6w5>9w1>2w? Sp/So
I can see some 6 and 9, yeah. I'm not sure which is more dominant. Probably more 6ish since 9s tend to be more positive and shut down more. 6s can enter a rut, too, but their minds are always working somehow (not necessarily on how to get out of the rut).
Yes, I agree. So far I was under the impression that I was 9 but I never really fit. I felt too out of place. I felt too 6 to be a 9 and too 9 to be a 6. But after reading a lot, I have come to the conclusion that I am core 6. As Swordsman pointed out 6>9.

Now for the heart triad. I really can't make up my mind. Any questions or articles that will help me finding the third in my tritype? :)
 

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I just want to say this, SOM, you SO overtype 6w5. Everyone is 6w5. A 6w5 for you and one for me!
What is your relationship with understanding, your mind, and abstracting, by the way? What is the drive? I'm curious
 
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I can see some 6 and 9, yeah. I'm not sure which is more dominant. Probably more 6ish since 9s tend to be more positive and shut down more. 6s can enter a rut, too, but their minds are always working somehow (not necessarily on how to get out of the rut).
^this
I lean 6w5 because head center themes are written all over the OP
 

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actually, I tend to overtype people as 2 and 8. you're just under this impression because I typed you as a 6w5 :wink:
I have seen you overtype more people as 6w5 than 2 or 8. Maybe a sampling bias but nonetheless.

Come to think of it, I don't think I have seen you mistype anyone as type two. Oh well.

And I know this is your pet project, but there's nothing you could say to convince me I'm 6w5.
 
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