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Discussion Starter #1
Is it because they simply don't have enough going on in their life and they don't have enough love for themselves that they think a soul mate will come along and fill the void?

Or are some people just naturally depressed and lonely without a soulmate, and having a soul mate is the only thing that can possibly make them happy?

Are they falsely interpreting the situation in which they feel empty and think that it's purely down to the fact that they don't have a girlfriend/boyfriend, and they are ignorant to the other things that can make them happy?

I've barely even been looked at by others, have rarely had friends and never had a partner, andI don't care the least bit about it.

Life is interesting with or without people in it for me.

I think these people just need to appreciate the fact that there's more to life than their social life, and they simply don't have enough love for themselves.

But I could be wrong, I just don't believe that humans NEED a soul mater in order to be happy, I think that's a limiting belief.
 

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馃寛馃幑鈽甀NFJ 666 sx/sp馃嚭馃嚫馃拑馃徎馃拫
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I don't really believe in "soulmates."
I think we have multiple people through out our lives that touch or change us in some way or another.
And that relationships take time, patience and understanding to work. And that you can't seek love, happiness or fulfillment solely from external sources.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
I don't really believe in "soulmates."
I think we have multiple people through out our lives that touch or change us in some way or another.
And that relationships take time, patience and understanding to work. And that you can't seek love, happiness or fulfillment solely from external sources.
Agreed. In my opinion, the very seeking of these things usually brings suffering. The best thing you can do is just accept the present moment and be at peace with it, and whatever happens, happens.
 

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I believe there are leaders, followers and those rare nice people who can follow and lead. It is complex to explain but I've seen how many people are raised to expect others to play a big part in their life, sounds nice but that means "they must do things", not them.

So, it is easier for people taught to do, to be able to do it and survive alone or with someone, than those who learned that someone else had to provide "something", sure there is a missing part to them, perhaps several parts.

I've been a caretaker (a concept I've seen a lot in other forums and literature, not so much in this one). Many caretakers are very complete people in may ways (sounds good? well is not "good" mostly because it wasn't their choice exactly) and most of them don't get married. Many fit the kind of peopl who others find "interesting and complete" for a relationships but somehow most never get married. I mention this because from where I'm standing you can see they grew tired of doing things for others.
 

MOTM Dec 2011
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I think it鈥檚 generally a part of the human condition to need connection with others. I realize everyone doesn鈥檛 have the same needs or to the same degree, but for most people, human connections are important to their well being and happiness. We could ponder biological or survival reasons for why people function this way, but it simply gives meaning to life via the emotional experience. Spiritually, you grow and move towards your potential via relationships. Isolation is this kind of emotional vacuum that will stunt you as a person.

I think a 鈥渟oul mate鈥 or someone you bond deeply with in an emotional way is especially satisfying to that need. You feel known and loved for who you are and you know someone else deeply and love them for who they are. It鈥檚 the ultimate in intimacy. You also have to step outside yourself. It鈥檚 a challenge that helps you develop more as a person.

Im kind of tired of the current trend that says we should be happy on our own, not needing anyone, etc. Certainly looking to people as saviors to fill voids and heal childhood wounds is usually not healthy nor effective in the long run, but there鈥檚 nothing flawed or weak or misguided about needing people and being emotionally healthier when you have good relationships.

The glorifying of independence in western culture has been taken to an extreme, and I think we are seeing the negative effects of it as people are very disconnected and emotionally unhealthy and unhappy.
 

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I had a friend who I thought was quite delusional when it comes to relationships. I pity her because people were always taking advantage of her neediness and she wasn't even aware of it.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
I think it鈥檚 generally a part of the human condition to need connection with others. I realize everyone doesn鈥檛 have the same needs or to the same degree, but for most people, human connections are important to their well being and happiness. We could ponder biological or survival reasons for why people function this way, but it simply gives meaning to life via the emotional experience. Spiritually, you grow and move towards your potential via relationships. Isolation is this kind of emotional vacuum that will stunt you as a person.

I think a 鈥渟oul mate鈥 or someone you bond deeply with in an emotional way is especially satisfying to that need. You feel known and loved for who you are and you know someone else deeply and love them for who they are. It鈥檚 the ultimate in intimacy. You also have to step outside yourself. It鈥檚 a challenge that helps you develop more as a person.

Im kind of tired of the current trend that says we should be happy on our own, not needing anyone, etc. Certainly looking to people as saviors to fill voids and heal childhood wounds is usually not healthy nor effective in the long run, but there鈥檚 nothing flawed or weak or misguided about needing people and being emotionally healthier when you have good relationships.

The glorifying of independence in western culture has been taken to an extreme, and I think we are seeing the negative effects of it as people are very disconnected and emotionally unhealthy and unhappy.
Can you give examples of how the western world is doing this please?

I find that the western world actually does the opposite. It celebrates extroverted qualities, and treats socialites as winners, and introverts/loners as losers.

I certainly don't see the western world fueling a negative type of independence.
 

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Is it because they simply don't have enough going on in their life and they don't have enough love for themselves that they think a soul mate will come along and fill the void?

Or are some people just naturally depressed and lonely without a soulmate, and having a soul mate is the only thing that can possibly make them happy?

Are they falsely interpreting the situation in which they feel empty and think that it's purely down to the fact that they don't have a girlfriend/boyfriend, and they are ignorant to the other things that can make them happy?
All of the above?

I think these are the three most likely reasons, but it'll vary case-by-case. It often seems to be an unmet needs problem of extroversion (any of the three will work).
 

MOTM Dec 2011
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Can you give examples of how the western world is doing this please?

I find that the western world actually does the opposite. It celebrates extroverted qualities, and treats socialites as winners, and introverts/loners as losers.

I certainly don't see the western world fueling a negative type of independence.
It fosters shallow interactions but not healthy interdependency. It pushes for conformity and stuffing down anything that disrupts the facade; those who don鈥檛 play the game are left out, but those who do are not connecting in any genuine capacity. It leaves people lonely and disconnected either way.

The independence part is the push to not need anything more than the shallow stuff. You hear it all the time - you shouldn鈥檛 need anyone. Not caring is cool and makes you more attractive. Everyone is concerned about their personal rights and needs and will play a blame game to avoid intimacy.

There鈥檚 been some movement towards vulnerability, but that鈥檚 because it鈥檚 been beat into our heads that鈥檚 it weak, repulsive and even dangerous.
 

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You are talking about soulmates, a strong word.
A lot of people just want someone to their side to get rid of their own emptines. I think that if someone is feeling empty alone (or is feeling like staying without a pillar that sustain him/her and can't stand on his/her own) then the problem is surely not the lack of a relationship.
We should be able to walk on our own before having someone.

Edit: Sharing our own life with a partner that fit well with us is beautyful. We can share our knowledge and our thought with him/her. But, of course, if we never know that special person nothing bad happens. The world stay the same (lol), we are what we are with or without our soulmate.
 

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I think it鈥檚 generally a part of the human condition to need connection with others. I realize everyone doesn鈥檛 have the same needs or to the same degree, but for most people, human connections are important to their well being and happiness. We could ponder biological or survival reasons for why people function this way, but it simply gives meaning to life via the emotional experience. Spiritually, you grow and move towards your potential via relationships. Isolation is this kind of emotional vacuum that will stunt you as a person.

I think a 鈥渟oul mate鈥 or someone you bond deeply with in an emotional way is especially satisfying to that need. You feel known and loved for who you are and you know someone else deeply and love them for who they are. It鈥檚 the ultimate in intimacy. You also have to step outside yourself. It鈥檚 a challenge that helps you develop more as a person.

Im kind of tired of the current trend that says we should be happy on our own, not needing anyone, etc. Certainly looking to people as saviors to fill voids and heal childhood wounds is usually not healthy nor effective in the long run, but there鈥檚 nothing flawed or weak or misguided about needing people and being emotionally healthier when you have good relationships.

The glorifying of independence in western culture has been taken to an extreme, and I think we are seeing the negative effects of it as people are very disconnected and emotionally unhealthy and unhappy.
This, all of this.
 

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I think it鈥檚 generally a part of the human condition to need connection with others. I realize everyone doesn鈥檛 have the same needs or to the same degree, but for most people, human connections are important to their well being and happiness. We could ponder biological or survival reasons for why people function this way, but it simply gives meaning to life via the emotional experience. Spiritually, you grow and move towards your potential via relationships. Isolation is this kind of emotional vacuum that will stunt you as a person.

I think a 鈥渟oul mate鈥 or someone you bond deeply with in an emotional way is especially satisfying to that need. You feel known and loved for who you are and you know someone else deeply and love them for who they are. It鈥檚 the ultimate in intimacy. You also have to step outside yourself. It鈥檚 a challenge that helps you develop more as a person.

Im kind of tired of the current trend that says we should be happy on our own, not needing anyone, etc. Certainly looking to people as saviors to fill voids and heal childhood wounds is usually not healthy nor effective in the long run, but there鈥檚 nothing flawed or weak or misguided about needing people and being emotionally healthier when you have good relationships.

The glorifying of independence in western culture has been taken to an extreme, and I think we are seeing the negative effects of it as people are very disconnected and emotionally unhealthy and unhappy.
/thread

:laughing:
 

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Is it because they simply don't have enough going on in their life and they don't have enough love for themselves that they think a soul mate will come along and fill the void?
The idea of a real "soulmate" fascinates me, but it is an ideal.
When someone feels empty without a soulmate, chances are they desperately seek out a relationship because they are afraid of facing the "empty" solitude: they have nothing special to care about or enjoy by themselves. Many call whomever they date a "soulmate", "significant other", "love", etc. Pay attention to the definition of these terms: it seems that they are void of their real meaning when used so recklessly.
By the way, I'm not sure if it is possible to have a "soulmate" by definition.
Or are some people just naturally depressed and lonely without a soulmate, and having a soul mate is the only thing that can possibly make them happy?
People have different social needs and some are more people oriented. It is normal. The problem rises when someone has nothing but the so-called soulmate to make them happy. Again, it is wrong to call anyone you partner a soulmate.
Are they falsely interpreting the situation in which they feel empty and think that it's purely down to the fact that they don't have a girlfriend/boyfriend, and they are ignorant to the other things that can make them happy?
Yes for the most part. There are people who consider the ROMANTIC relationships as the main measure of their happiness/success. In other words, you are very worthy when you are in a good relationship, and you're not If don't have one, despite being successful in other areas of your life.
 

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But i don't believe in soulmates though

That's really lame. Like what if you didn't end up with your soulmate? Ripple effect.
 

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I don't really believe in "soulmates."
I think we have multiple people through out our lives that touch or change us in some way or another.
And that relationships take time, patience and understanding to work. And that you can't seek love, happiness or fulfillment solely from external sources.
This x1000.

To paraphrase The Matrix

CHILD: Do not try to find the soulmate, for that is impossible. Instead try only to realise the truth.

NEO: What truth?

CHILD: There are no soulmates.
 

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Is it because they simply don't have enough going on in their life and they don't have enough love for themselves that they think a soul mate will come along and fill the void?
Although there may be some unhealthy people who wish for a romantic partner to 'rescue' them from their own life, I think this view is cynical. I'm a person who feels a life lived without my 'soul mate' would be hollow. I have a full/challenging/busy/rewarding life and a healthy relationship with myself.

Or are some people just naturally depressed and lonely without a soulmate, and having a soul mate is the only thing that can possibly make them happy?
I'm an introvert who rarely feels lonely, has great friends and a naturally happy disposition (no depression). I'm obscenely optimistic in nature, many things make me feel joy and I tend to see the humor/beauty even in the 'little things'.

Are they falsely interpreting the situation in which they feel empty and think that it's purely down to the fact that they don't have a girlfriend/boyfriend, and they are ignorant to the other things that can make them happy?
I don't feel 'empty', it's more a yearning/aching. There is no substitute. Just as to a hungry person there is no substitute for food. A deep connection & fire with my 'other half' is a need for me. If that was never available, I'd remain single. It's not about having a bf, any vaguely compatible bf -- the need is far deeper than that. It's always been very specifically my 'true match' I've yearned for.

I've barely even been looked at by others, have rarely had friends and never had a partner, andI don't care the least bit about it. Life is interesting with or without people in it for me. I think these people just need to appreciate the fact that there's more to life than their social life, and they simply don't have enough love for themselves. But I could be wrong, I just don't believe that humans NEED a soul mater in order to be happy, I think that's a limiting belief.
Spoken like an enneagram instinct SP. I'm SX. I personally need to 'pair bond' with my soul mate. I often find SP types cannot understand the SX need to merge (since their instinct pushes them in the opposite direction). I could easily say I don't understand SP types/what's wrong with them, but that would miss the point. It's just two very different approaches with two very different needs. They are both real & valid. There is no single right way to be when it comes to relationships. Although I think life in this regard is easier when we stop projecting and stick to our own instinctual type.

As others have mentioned, I too think there is often a pride factor when people say 'I don't need anyone'. There is push in society (US) to look down on those who are willingly dependent on another romantically. The assumption is always that they're weak or deficient in some way as OP implied. Someone needing intimacy is viewed as suspiciously as a gold digger or someone too immature/unhealthy to take care of themselves/make themselves happy. It's a very shallow view, one that completely misses how rich and fulfilling a genuine deep connection between two people can be (for some people in certain pairings anyway).
 

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Because they don't want to be lonely and desire closeness. And intimacy is not something you can get through platonic relationships. It's the closest you can be with someone. why wouldn't you want to experience that? It's quite an experience to miss out on.

Also for reproductive purposes obviously, passing your genes to the next generation of course. Every living things sole purpose is to survive and reproduce.
 
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