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A friend of mine's husband recently cheated on her. They had just moved into a brand new home and had a newborn baby seven months ago. They have three kids together and have been with each other since they were 17. He leaves her for an ugly cow who doesn't make a lot and would rather live in a crummy apartment with the stupid hag than their brand new home he could have had his own gaming room in the basement. I told my friend to never take that scum back. His entire family hates him and has disowned him for what he did to those grand kids. They had the picture perfect life. He started talking to this one lady at work and things went sour from there. The lady at work is known for sleeping with married men. My friend said it's ironic how when she sees this lady's Facebook page talk about being holy and faithful and the lady does one of the most sinful things.

I'm sorry I have to ask for those who have cheated on someone when you could have everything you could possibly want with your main person and you left that person for something crummier and more controlling all around, why did you leave?

My friend told me he would complain about the other mistress being extremely controlling. The other mistress would get mad at him for talking to other women while the other mistress flirts with other men and does what she wants.

I asked my friend why are you letting your dumb husband vent this to you? He deserves that airhead. I would never touch him again after he's been with that if I were her. You are no longer his support. I thought that was weird he and the mistress would tell the wife what was going on in their affairs and how they were not happy. I laughed when my friend told me the other mistress doesn't trust her husband. I'm like, "No shit?"

When they have to go on medical emergency trips for the kids, the other mistress gets super jealous of the time my friend and her husband spend alone. He'd still try to hook up with my friend even when he has the other mistress. I'm glad she said no. I told her he may as well stick with the home wrecker if it was me I would never put out to him ever again. I'm curious when people cheat what are they looking for if they are not happy with having everything they could possibly have with someone, what more do they want? I also say it's much safer to stay with one person and you are less prone to catching a STD not sleeping around.
 

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I have read about this a lot, talked to a lot of people, thought about it a lot, because its fucked up and scary.

From what I can tell, theres not a discernible difference in why men cheat vs why women cheat; -most- of the time, they feel like their emotional needs are not being met. (There are sex addicts also, who merely need the next fix, but that isn't the typical scenario.) (The largest percentage when asked, reported that it was emotional needs..)

A lot plays into this though, and its often not as simple as alienation of affection on the part of the one being cheated on -- its often way more complex, caused by the actions of -both- people in the marriage. Who's to say who "started it" - its usually a dynamic that grows between people. Misunderstandings, lack of communication, arguments - inevitably this leads to distance.

Heres the thing though, some people at this point will honor their vows and try to fix shit, and not allow themselves to be tempted by others.

Others will let temptation sway them, because they are ultimately too self-centered or selfish to do the right thing.

Also, its become more common these days, so people are less hesitant, because "it happens." or "Everyone else is doing it."

You mentioned that someone said the woman is a husband thief -- yeah, some people prey on the type I'm talking about; they see a lonely married person with a hunger for affection and prey on them. I have had a lot of men try it on me when they know I'm having relationship issues, its when you are most vulnerable because when your relationship isn't working out, its not limited to "I'm lonely" -- but it often extends to "I'm a failure whos unworthy of love" because "I have failed us." So for someone to come in and fill you up with affection when you're feeling that bad, sure it can be tempting.

There are also people though, who are addicted to the infatuation phase of a relationship, and they are most certainly prone to cheating. One of my male cousins is an infatuation addict, and has different kids with different women. Its like once the infatuation wears off, he thinks the love has gone, so he starts looking for another woman to be awed by him and dote on him.. rinse, repeat.

I think that people should be educated more on love and romance. We have sex ed, and health classes, but how do we learn to love properly? We just blindly fumble though it and fuck up, usually at the expense of children involved in a first marriage having to see mommy and daddy split up -- then what kind of jacked up relationship model were they taught? Another cycle that repeats.
 

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People tend to want what they can't have & once they have it, they don't want it anymore. That dude certainly doesn't love your friend, I doubt it was love to begin with, we confuse a lot of things for love.

If he is like that then let him rot. I personally do not understand second chances and related things, in before cheating at least speak up & voice problems :frustrating:..thou yeah it takes 2 ppl to make a marriage work. Things are probably not one sided.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
People tend to want what they can't have & once they have it, they don't want it anymore. That dude certainly doesn't love your friend, I doubt it was love to begin with, we confuse a lot of things for love.

If he is like that then let him rot. I personally do not understand second chances and related things, in before cheating at least speak up & voice problems :frustrating:..thou yeah it takes 2 ppl to make a marriage work. Things are probably not one sided.
I don't get him, either. He says the sex sucks with the other mistress it's loads better with his wife. And he sounds far more unhappy with the mistress. I could write a character out of that mistress. I despise people like her. Once I find out someone I talk to has been with someone new while they are still talking to me at the same time, that's an automatic turn off for me I would never touch that person again so it is easy for me to say no to someone even if they had a history with me. All bets are off if they wander then come back. If they were serious about working things out they would be on their own for a while, not look for something with someone else.

He claims although the other mistress is a control freak he's some how "in love" with her. We think it's infatuation. Real love wouldn't make people do horrible things without caring how they destroy others.
 

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I think some men miss the spontaneity they can have with a mistress that they cannot have with a wife, especially once the kids start coming. There's a sort of unattached youthful fun about sex that hasn't become too familiar and institutionalized.

I have been with the same woman for 18 years (married for 15). We have fun together. I can't imagine wanting to screw that up. Besides, one woman is tiring enough, more than one would be exhausting!
 
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I think some men miss the spontaneity they can have with a mistress that they cannot have with a wife, especially once the kids start coming. There's a sort of unattached youthful fun about sex that hasn't become too familiar and institutionalized.

I have been with the same woman for 18 years (married for 15). We have fun together. I can't imagine wanting to screw that up. Besides, one woman is tiring enough, more than one would be exhausting!
Why can't a man have spontaneous sex and fun with his wife?
 

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Why can't a man have spontaneous sex and fun with his wife?

Responsibilities get in the way. Kids especially. I don't have kids, so I don't have this particular problem, but I've read where once a man sees a baby come out of his wife's vagina, things are never the same.
 
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Responsibilities get in the way. Kids especially. I don't have kids, so I don't have this particular problem, but I've read where once a man sees a baby come out of his wife's vagina, things are never the same.
That's....really stupid.
 
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Didn't say I agreed with it, I just know it's out there.
I don't think that justifies anything because it's not as if men's bodies stay the same throughout years of marriage either so that's hardly fair.
 
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Asked about this to lots of people and can't find a meaningful answer.
You don't understand cheating at all, some don't understand loyalty
some don't understand being faithful at all

Lots of readings (cases) and comparisons to people opinions bring up that some people want the best of the best no matter the risks, this means (from some people I know words) that they want the best wife and the best lover and the best friend and the best adventure... it doesn't matter if they have to get diff people to have it all. Some can't measure the risks and some have self esteem problems: once they are on a relationship they feel their personal value "goes to the top and they deserve more" just like bidding pushing and pushing until nobody can't pay and they end up alone.

I'm a loner + high sense of loyalty so... it takes a lot from me to enter a relationship and once there, the idea of being with someone else just doesn't visits my mind. Over the years, the exGF who cheated on me (we are friends now) never gave me an answer, she just gets her eyes lost and says "I don't know why I did it", perhaps she knows.

I'm curious when people cheat what are they looking for if they are not happy with having everything they could possibly have with someone
Regarding marriage: a lot of people have no idea on what they are getting into and expect to live their life as if they were single, still.

Why can't a man have spontaneous sex and fun with his wife?
It's 100% possible but shit happens.

Some men/women get into the "oh I have too much work"
Some men/women get into the "let's take care of the children 150%"
Some were educated to be BF/GF more than husband and wife
Some were more educated to be father/mother than wife and husband

etc

Spontaneous sex? my last love partner was happy just like me but as work got harder I could deal with sleeping less and less... she couldn't. The difference? in my family we have this background of dealing and taking care of people getting sick/ill, so we are used to "work" and continue life while having little hours of sleep, no eating, etc. She is not familiar with this. What I'm trying to say is many of us believe we can deal with ABCDE things but some haven't been there at all, so... that's it, how can someone guarantee being able to do it?
 

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I don't think that justifies anything because it's not as if men's bodies stay the same throughout years of marriage either so that's hardly fair.
I don't think there is a valid justification for cheating. I'm only trying to explain it.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
I think some men miss the spontaneity they can have with a mistress that they cannot have with a wife, especially once the kids start coming. There's a sort of unattached youthful fun about sex that hasn't become too familiar and institutionalized.

I have been with the same woman for 18 years (married for 15). We have fun together. I can't imagine wanting to screw that up. Besides, one woman is tiring enough, more than one would be exhausting!
Exactly, I agree. I always view it as twice the drama and twice the slaps to the face and twice the people to please. I don't get wanting more than one person ever.
 
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I don't think there is a valid justification for cheating. I'm only trying to explain it.
Oh, I know you're only trying to play devil's advocate, don't worry. It's just something only highly selfish people would do, some people can't understand it. To use that reasoning, 'Honey, your pussy is too loose' to cheat on someone (you're married to, no less) is pure BS.

It's at least entertaining to listen to the excuses people make for their behaviour, I guess.
 

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Oh, I know you're only trying to play devil's advocate, don't worry. It's just something only highly selfish people would do, some people can't understand it. To use that reasoning, 'Honey, your pussy is too loose' to cheat on someone (you're married to, no less) is pure BS.

It's at least entertaining to listen to the excuses people make for their behaviour, I guess.
It might not be the "loosy-goosy" thing at all, the whole idea that a vagina can be a orifice of pleasure at one point and the "gateway to life" at another, that's pretty mind blowing.
 
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It might not be the "loosy-goosy" thing at all, the whole idea that a vagina can be a orifice of pleasure at one point and the "gateway to life" at another, that's pretty mind blowing.
Perhaps maybe men shouldn't think of using it purely for their pleasure then?
 

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Perhaps maybe men shouldn't think of using it purely for their pleasure then?
I certainly hope not. I mean when we're young and still trying to figure things out, that's one thing, but once you've started getting serious about someone, that's a whole new deal.
 

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I wonder this, too. I wish someone who has cheated would post and tell us their reasons. I'm very curious what they are. I can only speculate, which isn't very helpful I suppose :/

I think it very much may be infatuation with another woman (or man, whatever) mixed with the thought that it will be easy to keep it a secret.
 

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I don't get him, either. He says the sex sucks with the other mistress it's loads better with his wife. And he sounds far more unhappy with the mistress. I could write a character out of that mistress. I despise people like her. Once I find out someone I talk to has been with someone new while they are still talking to me at the same time, that's an automatic turn off for me I would never touch that person again so it is easy for me to say no to someone even if they had a history with me. All bets are off if they wander then come back. If they were serious about working things out they would be on their own for a while, not look for something with someone else.

He claims although the other mistress is a control freak he's some how "in love" with her. We think it's infatuation. Real love wouldn't make people do horrible things without caring how they destroy others.
o.o yes, as I said most people have no idea what real love means. I suggest watching Maleficent for a decent understanding on the subject.

Many people get together due to this misunderstanding (I did) & then they wonder what went wrong (what made me think about it for a long while). >.> the difference in my case was that I was open & honest that feelings have changed and I have no idea whats going on, so I asked for friendship and an end to a very long and beautiful relationship. For me the thought of cheating conjures up one hell of a guilt-storm, that I can't deal with...so yeah i do not understand ppl who cheat.

This is why I consider getting married before one is mature enough...simply a bad idea, thou it can be a learning process -.- a not very pleasant one. Don't have sex with someone who you wouldn't want to be.

That man has no love, no respect for himself or his wife & surely doesn't think of the children either, so I doubt he has any love for them. He is trash without honor & we throw trash away.
 

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I wonder this, too. I wish someone who has cheated would post and tell us their reasons. I'm very curious what they are. I can only speculate, which isn't very helpful I suppose :/
I cheated in a previous relationship (high school). She cheated on me in a minor way early on and trickle-truthed me for a few months. I forgave her enough to stay with her but cheated many times after that -- in ways much worse than what she did. I would say I did it for a few reasons, all stupid:

1) The desire to not be a sucker. She lied once and can do it again; I wanted to strike back.
2) The desire to still be with her juxtaposed with resentment of her.
3) She had been my only sexual partner because we started dating at 14. Insecure validation that I can get other women.

That being said, don't do it. I felt guilty for years and had such bad anxiety that I would throw up 5x a week during that period afterwards. It ended up hurting me more than hurting her, especially because she never found out most of it. You can really mess yourself up.
 
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