[Gabrielle Johnson]

Everday I wake up and contemplate my life and problem areas... The only thing I see right now is my personality and personal relationships with others. I've become a fearful that people will completely become disgusted from my avoidance and become even more depressed and disconnected.
I make people uncomfortable with my sheer lack of any type of social behavior etiquette. I try so hard to make changes in my behavior and try to bury my emotions but it always topples over and I become the deranged crazy person.
Im not trying to sound like a winning INFP ungrateful. This site has given a lot of valuable advice to better understand how I think and see the world around me.
Im asking all INFP's if there is help out there to better myself to become fully functional in the external world around when it comes to being a better friend and more personable?:angry:

 

[Aqualung]

This is my take; what I've learned over time & it's basically about going against the grain full throttle. You spend a lot of energy accomodating people who are different from you, by trying to be more like them. Do they do the same for you? Most people don't. Set your social relations on your terms, not theirs. Be exactly who you are regardless of how different it might feel. And if they don't like you or how you are, screw 'em! If you make them uncomfortable, so what. That's their problem not yours. You don't need them. Me, I used to bend over backwards trying to conform, be like everyone else, fit in, etc. That was the biggest waste of time & energy in my life. And, no one liked me! After I gave that up, I began making friends. Forget being like them. Be you & sooner or later your circle of friends will grow & they'll be true friends.

 

[dann]

This is my take; what I've learned over time & it's basically about going against the grain full throttle. You spend a lot of energy accomodating people who are different from you, by trying to be more like them. Do they do the same for you? Most people don't. Set your social relations on your terms, not theirs. Be exactly who you are regardless of how different it might feel. And if they don't like you or how you are, screw 'em! If you make them uncomfortable, so what. That's their problem not yours. You don't need them. Me, I used to bend over backwards trying to conform, be like everyone else, fit in, etc. That was the biggest waste of time & energy in my life. And, no one liked me! After I gave that up, I began making friends. Forget being like them. Be you & sooner or later your circle of friends will grow & they'll be true friends.

Yea I agree with aqualung. You also spend way too much time worrying about what other people think about you. Whether they think you're weird or awkward. You end up overthinking things when you're stuck in head like that. It keeps you from being in the moment and being you in my opinion. My general advice is to just stop caring about what others think of you and try to be the best person you can be. Period. Be a good person, a good friend, and good things will happen!

 

[perfectcircle]

@dann <3 and Aqualung got it right.
I'd also say that part of people liking you is what you bring to the table. If you bring you being truly you, people who like it will come to you, and because you are juts being you, you will notice less who comes and goes... but if your entire identity is based on others, then pepole sense that and it feels heavy and unhealthy and they don't really want to be there for that.

 

[perfectcircle]

Anyways you asked for tips so...

1.) Sometimes I start relating to the internal dialouge in my head, how it fits into my "deep thoughts" and start bringing people into my intellecutal pseudo-musings... it doesn't feel fun even to me. I wonder why I drag peopel there. It is more fun to listen to what people bring to the table and enjoy it.
2.) It's ok to say what you really think and be a little sarcastic.
3.) I don't know if you do this, but when I feel looked down upon I get kind of mean or distance myself-- i am trying to even the score. Instead, I have to detach and see it doesn't matter what this person thinks of me, that could change with time, and maybe they don't even feel that way. I have to stop focusing on the ways I am percieved as inadequate so much. Seeing that most of what is occuring is occuring in my head is really important.
4.) Relax
5.) Project confidence. Take yourself into the moment. be happy to be wherever you are.
6.) Recognize the importance of what is said and what is left unsaid. I ahve a troubleing tendency to not voice it when I really love or admire something about someone, or postive thoughts or shared interests, and only voice the problems i see. This leads the tone of interaction and conversation somewhere really unpleasant. WHeras if I shifted the focus, without lying, I'd be sharing the parts of what I WANT to share with them.
7.) people do not need to know everything about you.
8.) geniuinely like others; be forgiving; treat them as you want ot be treated. sounds cliched, it works. if i tihnk, what are they thinkign, what do they need? and work on giving it to them, they will be 100 million times more receptive to litsenting to what i need.

 

[tylerjg33]

It takes no one to know one. I say fuck sacrificing authenticity for the sake of the group.

 

[dann]

Anyways you asked for tips so...
8.) geniuinely like others; be forgiving; treat them as you want ot be treated. sounds cliched, it works. if i tihnk, what are they thinkign, what do they need? and work on giving it to them, they will be 100 million times more receptive to litsenting to what i need.

I think this is really important and something I know I still struggle with. People, particularly friends, disappoint me and let me down. I can't help but think they're not very good friends. On really bad days I feel bitter and completely alone. But that's just me being being silly. At the end of the day, I always try and give people the benefit of the doubt because it usually is me overanalyzing things...not that they don't have my back/care about me/respect me. And even if they really are in the wrong, I try to brush things off because everyone screws up...I know I can be an awful friend sometimes! Just remember "you've gotta give love to get love"!

 

[Bago]

Don't try and befriend everyone and anyone, not everybody will be your true true friend. Befriend those who are similar, and is introverted and have or likes to have these one to one relationships. It means that you can have more indepth relationship as friendships. On the wider social front, try and accept invitations to things, and not try to over-extrovert yourself, but be focused and present when in large groups. Laugh a little, say one or two comments here and there. That should be enough to show that you really are a quiet person but is also making an effort as well. Say things when it is meaningful to you, and do not say things when you do not know what is going on. If you do not know what is going on, then just sit and observe. But focus on the now, and not get too anxious or let your worries in your head overtake you. In these large social situations, just keep on thinking "I like to understand you, I like to understand you". Being a listener sometimes is also good too.

Oh, also try and find a way to add create to a situation, socially, it does lighten the mood somewhat, and most people just chit chat for social purposes etc.

 

[Bago]

I think this is really important and something I know I still struggle with. People, particularly friends, disappoint me and let me down. I can't help but think they're not very good friends. On really bad days I feel bitter and completely alone. But that's just me being being silly. At the end of the day, I always try and give people the benefit of the doubt because it usually is me overanalyzing things...not that they don't have my back/care about me/respect me. And even if they really are in the wrong, I try to brush things off because everyone screws up...I know I can be an awful friend sometimes! Just remember "you've gotta give love to get love"!

Friends in the past used to say that I have a narrow tunnel vision. Or they say that I am "stubborn" in situations like that. I never used to "get" it. It then also used to add anxiety to me more because they do not explain why, and then they do not even justify their comments or criticism either. Recently, I finally figured out why.... or what. It is when two people trying to make the communication or interaction work, but neither party are asking open questions or receiving information to believe that both parties are different.

But one thing is true though, you got to have the love and respect in order to give the love and respect back. Cos when the other person do not come across as kind and loving any way then it falls over to begin with.

 

[The King Of Dreams]

One thing that every person MUST realize is this: In THIS world not everybody is going to like you. Once you accept that...... You'll be free. Period.

 

[refugee]

Everday I wake up and contemplate my life and problem areas... The only thing I see right now is my personality and personal relationships with others. I've become a fearful that people will completely become disgusted from my avoidance and become even more depressed and disconnected.
I make people uncomfortable with my sheer lack of any type of social behavior etiquette. I try so hard to make changes in my behavior and try to bury my emotions but it always topples over and I become the deranged crazy person.
Im not trying to sound like a winning INFP ungrateful. This site has given a lot of valuable advice to better understand how I think and see the world around me.
Im asking all INFP's if there is help out there to better myself to become fully functional in the external world around when it comes to being a better friend and more personable?:angry:

What's wrong with being a deranged crazy person? haha just kidding...

Seriously, you're fine just the way you are.

As it pertains to relationships, I've come to a point where I know people talk shit about me. That's just human nature.

But, the funny thing is, you can either waste all your time trying to be accepted, or be yourself and find people who really appreciate you.

 

[Sily]

Yeah, I love what Aqualung said and some others here -- I kinda did this: figured out what I was, stood strong in what I was, weathered storms of people saying "we are going to wear down your Mountain of Self w/hail, tornadoes, blizzards & winds of what 'WE' think is right" .... finally *a few* close friends gravitated toward what is the real Mountain Sily.

They liked sitting on my slopes.

(I can strain a metaphor, with the best of them)

 

[Gabrielle Johnson]

@dann <3 and Aqualung got it right.
I'd also say that part of people liking you is what you bring to the table. If you bring you being truly you, people who like it will come to you, and because you are juts being you, you will notice less who comes and goes... but if your entire identity is based on others, then pepole sense that and it feels heavy and unhealthy and they don't really want to be there for that.

But I am naturally reserved and quiet and its mistaking with stuck upness and rudeness. But I almost never know what to say when I'm around people who I would like to impress and just come across weird. but believe me I try so hard to break my bubble but it usually leads me tumbling. I feel like my real persona is trapped behind a clear force field in which I must find the code to break.
also thanks for the tips will try(got nothing to lose)

 

[DeritIS]

I feel you

 

[cloudcompeller]

Reminds me of this song... love it!

 

[dann]

But I am naturally reserved and quiet and its mistaking with stuck upness and rudeness. But I almost never know what to say when I'm around people who I would like to impress and just come across weird. but believe me I try so hard to break my bubble but it usually leads me tumbling. I feel like my real persona is trapped behind a clear force field in which I must find the code to break.
also thanks for the tips will try(got nothing to lose)

I think you missed the point here. The key is to not care about impressing others and just being yourself. It's important you realize that the very act of trying to break out of your bubble is holding you back here and actually inhibiting you. You're thinking about what to say, what you should say, and second guessing yourself. You're being silly is what! Just work on yourself and try to stop caring about what others think of you. Once you do that you'll find you'll be able to relax and just BE