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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
To put it short, someone named John who is in my social group has attempted to inflict emotional pain upon me 7 times. I won't go through all times and all details, I'll just give you INTJs the gist of what's going on. The first time John made a personal attack was at a night club, the first time I met him. He came up to me and whispered in my ear "your shirt is 10x too big for you and you look like an absolute loser -- just being honest". I can guarantee you my shirt was not too big, and, yes, that's besides the point. John is an ESTJ. I've only tried to keep things civil, but it has proven to be quite the endeavour. Without digressing further, the last personal attack he has made on me isn't as bad as the others, but it's the one I'm focusing on and am asking advice on what course of action to take. To fill you in, John has commented to a social media post of my social group in a needless, poignant way. Out of boredom, I asked as a joke "Ruin a date with only 5 words" with the intention to get a thread of giggles occuring, to which John responded " Adam Bristol " ... That isn't so bad... but the consistency has hit me hard... I don't know what to do, and I feel like I want to knock his teeth out, although I've never been in a physical fight at all.

Please put your feet in my shoes and tell me how you would conduct yourself in this situation.
What should I do?
 

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He is toxic, for sure. I'm sorry you're getting bullied by him.

I'd try witty humor back at him:

"Double date with John."

Though that may instigate more toxic waste from him.

You could say, "Personal attacks are inappropriate. Can we keep this fun for everyone?"
 

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I'd punch him, although that's probably not the smart thing to do. Seems kind of weird that the rest of your social group is ok with this. I guess the best thing to do would be to completely ignore him every time he does something like that. He'll grow bored eventually. I'd probably ditch the whole social group, though, if they're ok with the way he's treating you, they're not worth it. Although I don't know what the situation is really like.

Also, it bothers me that he used two words instead of five. What an ass. Point that out to him. And call him an ass.
 
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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Feeling has me considering to sarcastically respond " John, even though you're a vile moron, if you ever need to talk about your desolate life, I am always here for you bro"... But it will probably just make matters worst, but I am completely intolerant now, and I am not like most INFPs; I have a very developed Te with which I exhibit a very strong aura of confidence. I'm not scared of the peasant, but that said, I know such consideration is more likely to lead to negative ramifications. focus on negative energy is not a good focus .... I just don't know anymore.

But I don't want to lose my friends because some pathetic moron has entered my life; that's for sure. (Some time later) But it's actually too late. I've come to fully recognise that all my friends are well aware of his actions and are undoubtedly ok with it since no expression of condemnation, not even a miniscule magnitude has occured. they are not worthy of my time or qualities. to say this particular point in time is difficult is an understatement, but i guess that's life.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
This is what I am considering to respond with " Vile morons these days. *waggles index finger* You're supposed to write 5 words, peasant. Just for the special snowflake, I'll demonstrate below.



Double date with John Stennet?"

What do you think?
 

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Depends on how well I really needed to get along with this person. Is there any social reason why you are required to be around him? That is, is it possible for you to hang out with your other friends without this person?

Do you have any indication whether or not the other people see this behavior in him? Is there anyone that you can trust enough to confide in?

My first thought is to completely distance myself from this person, try to have as little to do with him as possible (remove him from social media, etc.). Second step is to confide in someone else, but do so carefully -- the goal is to make someone else aware of the issue so that, if something happens, he can't pin you as being the one in the wrong (at least not easily, if there's already someone who is aware of the problem before shit hits the fan).

And you never know what these other people are thinking. There might be people who would agree with you but aren't saying anything for the sake of keeping the peace.

There's a very unsavory person at my workplace, she's very verbally abusive and impossible to work with because she doesn't want to work with YOU. For almost a year I said nothing and basically took it up the arse because I was the new person, but finally I made a comment about how horrible she is to a coworker and found out that the entire department actually hates her -- for exactly the reasons that I do.

Don't let him walk all over you, and don't let him think it's okay to speak to you that way. If I couldn't avoid him, if I had to be around him and there was no negative outcome to doing so (ie. getting fired from your job), I'd probably throw every snide, sarcastic comment back in his face.

If all else fails, I agree with the suggestion that @InSolitude presented.
 

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Don't ignore him, that type of guy seems to like to challenge you so show him what you've got, try to turn your hurt feeling into witty/dark humor. Forget about that social media comment, delete it if you want to, but next time he approach in a shitty nasty way do your best to kill his confidence, be assertive.


Don't feel so down about him play with him instead.
 

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To put it short, someone named John who is in my social group has attempted to inflict emotional pain upon me 7 times. I won't go through all times and all details, I'll just give you INTJs the gist of what's going on. The first time John made a personal attack was at a night club, the first time I met him. He came up to me and whispered in my ear "your shirt is 10x too big for you and you look like an absolute loser -- just being honest". I can guarantee you my shirt was not too big, and, yes, that's besides the point. John is an ESTJ. I've only tried to keep things civil, but it has proven to be quite the endeavour. Without digressing further, the last personal attack he has made on me isn't as bad as the others, but it's the one I'm focusing on and am asking advice on what course of action to take. To fill you in, John has commented to a social media post of my social group in a needless, poignant way. Out of boredom, I asked as a joke "Ruin a date with only 5 words" with the intention to get a thread of giggles occuring, to which John responded " Adam Bristol " ... That isn't so bad... but the consistency has hit me hard... I don't know what to do, and I feel like I want to knock his teeth out, although I've never been in a physical fight at all.

Please put your feet in my shoes and tell me how you would conduct yourself in this situation.
What should I do?
Are you going to post this on every type's section? Don't. Put in in the Advice section. I will get less views, but now you are just going to copy this stuff 16 times.
 

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To put it short, someone named John who is in my social group has attempted to inflict emotional pain upon me 7 times. I won't go through all times and all details, I'll just give you INTJs the gist of what's going on. The first time John made a personal attack was at a night club, the first time I met him. He came up to me and whispered in my ear "your shirt is 10x too big for you and you look like an absolute loser -- just being honest". I can guarantee you my shirt was not too big, and, yes, that's besides the point. John is an ESTJ. I've only tried to keep things civil, but it has proven to be quite the endeavour. Without digressing further, the last personal attack he has made on me isn't as bad as the others, but it's the one I'm focusing on and am asking advice on what course of action to take. To fill you in, John has commented to a social media post of my social group in a needless, poignant way. Out of boredom, I asked as a joke "Ruin a date with only 5 words" with the intention to get a thread of giggles occuring, to which John responded " Adam Bristol " ... That isn't so bad... but the consistency has hit me hard... I don't know what to do, and I feel like I want to knock his teeth out, although I've never been in a physical fight at all.

Please put your feet in my shoes and tell me how you would conduct yourself in this situation.
What should I do?

I agree with @InSolitude.
Next time whenever he says something mean toward you, go forward and hug him, and tell him this, "Ooh! Thanks for noticing me, I love you!" Tell him that each time he made a remark around you, you end up falling for him deeper and deeper, because you just love his attention so much. Tell him that you hate it whenever guys are silent around you, and you love it whenever
guys pay attention to you,and because he kept paying lots of attention to you, you ended up falling for him.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Quierta, "Is there any social reason why you are required to be around him?"


No, I am no longer required; I've cut ties with most people within such social group (complex long story), but no it would not have
been possible to regularly associate with that group without him.


"Do you have any indication whether or not the other people see this behavior in him?"


Yes, more than two evident displays of scorn occured under the eyes of most of my ex-friends.


"Is there anyone that you can trust enough to confide in?"


No, my walls are high and are at their altitude for a strong reason (can explain if you're interested but don't want to ramble needlessly)




I unfriended such person from all social media years ago, striving for as much distance as possible.


The confiding approach you mentioned is a great idea, and I have saved such information for future reference.


I'm sorry you had to withstand a verbally abusive person for close to one year. That couldn't have been easy. I'm truly expressing my gratitude for taking the time to comment in such priceless detail; I really appreciate it! -- some of the best advice I've been given, so thank you.
 

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I love it when people say men aren't catty.

My advice:

Get better friends. Branch out to new people.
 

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Since you don't have to spend any time with him, don't. That's the best approach with bullies of the world. If you do spend time with him, don't let him see that his behavior bothers you. That's just feeding the troll. Instead just laugh. Don't act intimidated or affected at all. That's not the reaction he's looking for, so he'll probably wander off. It will take multiple times before he learns that bullying doesn't bother you, so be consistent. It's like training a dog. Eventually he'll look for an easier victim. This approach has always worked for me.
 

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chani8, Koboremi, InSolitude, Quierta, Velryre, Ninjaws, Schizoid, thank you all for the advice. it means a hell of a lot.
My pleasure. And for a followup act, if he ever whispers something nasty in your ear again, say this while staring into his eyes.

You're so hot right now. :laughing:

But truly I think you might also be missing a trick here. For real value and good clean fun I recommend the NTPs, they have ways of dealing with this far more advanced than an NTJ. In particular I'd like to summon @johnnyyukon on your behalf.
 

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What do you mean by "social group"?
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
I've removed such person from all social media and have strived for as much distance possible for some time.
Thank you for all questions you asked yesterday, Quierta. I did answer them in great detail, but the message didn't send properly. Nonetheless, i will reanswer, but don't mistake my brevity as a flippant response, for most friends within such social group have had ties cut. I have put your questions in the following quotation marks below with my response outside of the quotation marks:


"That is, is it possible for you to hang out with your other friends without this person" No, I only used to see my exfriends on weekends, and that is the time that such person would too socialise.


"Do you have any indication whether or not the other people see this behavior in him? "


Yes, they've seen such behaviour evidently scorned upon me more than twice.


"Is there anyone that you can trust enough to confide in?"


No, my walls are at a high altitude; I don't trust anyone in that group anymore.


The confide approach you suggested yesterday was a brilliant idea, and I am truly grateful for the thought you put into answering my post.


I am sorry you too had to deal with a verbally abusive person for close to one year. That could not have been easy.


Once again, thank you for the response; it was some of the, if not the best advice I've been given.


As I've said, the consistency had reached a level which is messing with me; as if my fundamantal constituents are being
manipulated by an exotic bandwith, but it will no longer be given the opportunity to make detriment.


Here is a poem that I wrote in anger recently.
Before you read it, do know I've been counselled for 6 months and am working on living through this appropriately.


" Anger, anger,
an explosive emotion I not only feel,
but also release from time to time without consciousness's reel,
without knowing my pumping adrenaline is faster than a canoe on speed row,
like someone's pushed the button and let the whole thing blow!
Get down."
 

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pretend he is a ghost, ignore him
do not respond to his words or actions
personally i would have pounded the shit out of him
he is a classic passive aggressive
 
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