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Hah. Ok. Teenage virgin talking, obviously.
This post is essay-ish but you have permission to read for the laughs.

I'm in my late-ish teens, and it's a shame to say I'm painfully dreadful at kissing.
I've always had an aversion to physical touch, but now I'm going out with this (ESFJ) guy who is sweet and incredibly gorgeous, and I really like being physically intimate with him. So I recently let him be my first kiss ...
but the problem is whenever the kiss lasts more than 3 seconds I start feeling like a dumbass. It's like Ne or whatever function just goes out of control and I go "omg hahahahahhahaha I bet he thinks I'm a noob. I feel like a total noob. what are we doing. who invented lip-kissing. what a silly idea. hahahahah...."
and then I start laughing and the kiss comes to this idiotic end.
I don't want to keep disappointing him like this - not that he's said anything yet, but I'd imagine it'd get pretty annoying.
I also have trouble keeping my eyes closed. :S

I think it's my problem, not his, as our relationship is healthy; he's very caring and kind to me and I find him very attractive.

Maybe I'm afraid he'll think I'm a bad kisser. Any ideas how I could overcome this?
Or maybe I'm just doing everything wrong o_O OR I DON'T KNOW HOW TO KISS, OR MY LIPS CAN'T FEEL ANYTHING (cuz kissing doesn't feel as good as I thought it would) OR IT FEELS REPETITIVE LIKE JUST TWO BITS OF SKIN PULLING ON TWO OTHER BITS OF SKIN. WHICH DOESN'T SOUND STUPID AT ALL.

So yeah. Any ideas/advice/feeback would be appreciated ^_^
 

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How many times have you kissed? If it's like five-ten times, I'd say feeling unsure of yourself is pretty normal. I think most people aren't so good at kissing at first, it takes some learning what to do.
The first guy I dated even though I was so attracted to him, our kisses were kind of terrible! But by the end of our relationship they were phenomenal. I was really nervous too, my hands & legs would shake I was so nervous & I'd try really hard to hide it!! I don't think he ever noticed xD But I just focused on what he was doing & kept trying to direct the kiss to make it more pleasurable to me. Over time, things just started clicking.
So try not to psyche yourself out about "disappointing him" he's lucky to kiss you, & it takes two people to kiss, if it feels weird it's probably partly him too.

Last of all, you can practice kissing by kissing the wall, a pillow, or your two fingers (the groove in the middle is like the mouth & each finger a lip). Close your eyes & use that Ne to pretend it is him. This may help your nerves. Trying to find a rhythm. Kisses are about movement, up, down, up, down, kind of. I figure they kind of mimic sex in rhythmic circular movements.
 

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I've kissed lots of times and I STILL suck! Don't worry :D
 
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When you're thinking or feeling the moment that you're in, yeah. You can feel stupid, have your eyes open, find yourself kissing and watching TV. Or, maybe that's just me.

When it actually becomes enjoyable for me is when I clear my mind and just live in that moment, which can become minutes at a time. I have no expectations. My only missions is to serve and give them the kiss that they want. Giving then receiving.

I think it's also coming to the realization that kissing isn't with the lips at all. Sure there's lips and skin but for me I'm kissing their mind, their spirit. I'm trying to communicate telepathically and empathically at the same time. Almost an out of body experience where we see our true selves. But I'm also communicating with the lips, with breathing, hands, different pressures, anything to help communicate the message I'm trying to send.

I'd also say be mindful. When it becomes more than just physical you'll find yourself wanting to do it all the time. You'll need to do it. It's addicting. And if your relationship isn't at the right stage yet it can become unhealthy.

Song of Solomon 2:7 "Do not stir up nor awaken love Until it pleases."

And for me, who sadly hasn't kissed just one, I go through the same thing all over again. Because when you're serving you recognize everyone is different, you kiss each in a unique way.
 

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This did make me giggle. It's very cute, haha. I dare say a good portion of people aren't good at it at first :p That's not to imply that you're not good at it, of course. For me, it always helps to focus on the loving emotion rather than the horny emotion... if that makes sense, lol. If the kissing starts out sweet, you can start working your way toward more passionate kissing. That's what worked for me at least. Ugh, I've had a couple of really terrible kissing experiences with first-time kissing dudes though. They like... raped my throat with their tongues... just fucking ewwwww x_x lol. Definitely wasn't working for me. Yeah, that was a tangent. I'll stop rambling now :p
 

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LOL! I had to laugh so hard when I was reading this and I can relate to this so well. I get emotionally and physically detached when I see a woman trying to go all out on me. It's like all of a sudden you see the absurdity of it and I can't wipe that grin off my face anymore.

Ps. I am a good kisser though *brags*
 

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They like... raped my throat with their tongues...
This sounds like my kind of action, total turn on. A kiss like that a day keeps the dentist away. Yeah baby, don't forget to get the hard the reach teeth in the back. Keep going baby, show that dentist whose better.

Like its been said before, relax and clear your mind of everything. That is probably why its hard for you to enjoy. But then again long kissing sessions may just not be your thing and that is ok. Don't beat yourself about it, you don't have to like making out just b/c some others do.
 

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This made me laugh a lot I'm sorry. It's okay, I'm an alright kisser but I used to be way worse. I actually used to end up laughing while kissing/making out like I could never take it seriously and I'd end up having to stop just so I could stop giggling. My ex found it adorable though, so it was a win win.

Basically, just go with the flow and don't think about it too much. Experiment and find out what works. Start up slow and build your way up into making out. The best tip I found was to actually find a rhythm, and to go slow and not go all batshit crazy and slide my tongue in and out and suck their face like a suction cup lol. Also, sweet, soft kisses from the beginning leading up to making out are the best thing. Key point is just going slow and enjoying it.
 
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They like... raped my throat with their tongues...
This sounds like my kind of action, total turn on. A kiss like that a day keeps the dentist away. Yeah baby, don't forget to get the hard the reach teeth in the back. Keep going baby, show that dentist whose better.
It's months away, but I'm so going to remember this when I'm in the dentist chair the next time. That will be awkward. :unsure:

Also, sweet, soft kisses from the beginning leading up to making out are the best thing.
It's a form of torture. :wink:
 

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Guys will kiss you how they want to be kissed, so example, if he takes your lip between his teeth with a little nibble it's a good hint that that's what he wants you to do.

Like others have said, practice on a pillow or your hand to get the rhythm. And just let the kiss be the focus. It sounds like you are stuck in your own mind and over-analyzing everything and it's just not going to be enjoyable. You need to learn to let go and be in the moment.

If serious making out with tongue makes you nervous start out with little kisses, no tongue and work your way up.

Kissing is so much more than the physical act. Like @HonestAndTrue said, it's an emotional connection to another --- this is especially the case when you are in a relationship with the person. It's a way to express affection. I tend to not focus so much on what it feels like physically, but rather how it makes me feel loved and cared for.
 

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Wow, haha... It makes me think of the first kiss I ever had. The guy was way more experienced and wanted to 'teach' me kissing, and I was sooo detached like I was watching myself from the outside, going "is this what the fuss is all about? OMG it's not even fun! Why do people DO it? It must look so silly! Wtf why's he putting his tongue down my throat! Gag, halp!" - I think it's natural to feel like that. Maybe you're not as into this guy as you thought you were at first. When you find someone you're magnetically attracted to, you'll enjoy and look forward to meeting him and kissing him, I hope.
 

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Haha I remember my first kiss... it was terrible. He went in for it and I had no idea what I was doing so I pulled away. I didn't have the heart to tell him I hated it until months later. It was a long time before I started enjoying it. And then he emotionally detached and kissing him became boring. So if you're really in the moment, it's amazing.

I hate french kissing though. It's disgusting no matter how many times I try it. Sometimes you'll come across something you dislike. Don't be afraid to tell your boyfriend if you dislike something. My ex pressured me into all sorts of stuff. Seriously, put your foot down, if you don't like or want to do something, don't let him talk you into it!!
 

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Lmao. The first times I was kissing, I cracked up often. And had similar thoughts to yours.

Just try to get lost into. Try not to think of it not being right, if anything he'll let you know. Experiment with kissing. In time, you could get the hang of it and enjoy it. Start off with how you're comfortable with but don't be afraid to try get lost into it.
 

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Sounds like a bit of a mis-match to me. Not everyone is into long drawn out kissing sessions, or is into them with everyone. Honestly, I would kiss as I want to, not longer, harder, wetter than comes naturally to me. It sounds like you are forcing the issue to try to match some ideal you have in your head, rather than going witih your natural inclination. It could be your personal preference (not all are big kissers), or the wrong person, or that something about how the kiss is playing out is not pleasing for you. I would kiss as I honestly want to. If that is shorter than he wants to, be honest and tell him so. Maybe this would lead to mixing things up a bit, possibly such that you two stumble into something that you naturally enjoy more.

For me, hot kisses only happened with certain individuals. In those cases, everything caught fire in my body and I lost track of all time. To this day I cannot tell you why or why not - it just clicked (did not the vast majority of the time).

It's supposed to be pleasant, not work. Do it in the way that you enjoy. Learn along the way. :)
 

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Late teens virgin reporting in. As I've done a bit of kissing (I've lost count at this point), and still don't feel all that skilled, what I can tell you is this: Be honest with him. Both me and the girl I'm with are new to it so we are still just figuring it out. From the looks of it, kissing is more of an affectionate thing and making out is something we will most likely avoid. French is just.....yeah....

But just tell him you are new and do what feels natural. You feel like a noob because you are a noob. It's fine. :p

Natural inclination is >>>>>>>>>>>>>> than any other technique or advice scheme. (Just be careful.....natural inclination does not recognize moral boundaries in terms of physicality).
 
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