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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Is this a common problem for INTPs when talking with INFJs or parents in general? I care more about how I would view myself than anyone else, despite how it appears to others, so I usually guide everything I do by principles. Said principles are usually very just and heroic I suppose. If I wouldn't see myself as a good person for doing something I won't do it. No matter how much it would benefit me to do it or how much it would hurt me to not to. My INFJ mother apparently feels the opposite way about most things.

Her: "Aaron why don't you just take the free food? They are offering it to you?"
Me: "I don't need the food. Sure I may be hungry but I can get my own food. I would feel bad if I just took their food and gave them nothing in return."
Her: "Why do you gotta be such a stick in the mud?"

EDIT: Just to clarify, if someone were to offer me food I would politely decline it or accept it and then later on buy something for them in return. This principle is centered around my desire to not be a burden to others and to not take advantage of my friends or others.
 

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I wouldn't have any problem eating food that someone gave me.... In fact, I would feel more rude turning down someone's generosity. I also like to get away without spending money I'll admit. But I guess I do have a set of principles that I've logically come to the conclusion of. But I guess they're different than yours.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
I wouldn't have any problem eating food that someone gave me.... In fact, I would feel more rude turning down someone's generosity. I also like to get away without spending money I'll admit. But I guess I do have a set of principles that I've logically come to the conclusion of. But I guess they're different than yours.
I just have a hard time accepting free things from anyone for any reason.
 

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No matter how much you abhor the arguments or find them infantile and immature, remember to always hug her after. Cuz once she leaves this earth, there's no use crying, turning back, and/or taking back.

Mother's knows best, even when you know it's not good for you. Now eat your vegetables.
 

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I just have a hard time accepting free things from anyone for any reason.
I don't really have that problem. Well up to a certain point anyways. Eventually, I'll feel like I ought to return the favor.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
No matter how much you abhor the arguments or find them infantile and immature, remember to always hug her after. Cuz once she leaves this earth, there's no use crying, turning back, and/or taking back.

Mother's knows best, even when you know it's not good for you. Now eat your vegetables.
Knowing my personal health, I will probably die before her.
 

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I have an INTJ mother, essentially the same functions as INFJ, and an INFJ sister, and my "pride" drives them nuts. I totally see where you're coming from.
 

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I respect those that stick to their principles. I stick really close with mine, I have come to mine with careful evaluation/reasoning, wisdom, and logic. Actually your reasoning makes perfect sense to me. If I eat something at a friends, like their snacks, I'll buy some and bring it over the next time... it's always give and take equally but it's not a principle for me personally, but I understand the idea. I stick very closely to my principles because I've come to find them important and I believe they are relevant. I believe principles (along with responsibility and self-control) are the fruit of the conscious mind..it's the line that separates us from the rest of the animals... that line seems quite thin though.
 

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Problem with this point of view is often people who feel they are defining principles have a great deal of expansion in their mind to do prior to understanding contexts of situations. Also learning how to do things that benefit others and not only the self alone or "what I think" attitude. Generally it is considered polite to accept food if offered. If I don't want to eat it I toss it later. Depends on the circumstance and situation.

I'm not saying your mother is right, but perhaps there were other issues in play like feelings of others and context that you may have overlooked while thinking of yourself and how you feel and think. Also if you choose to refuse food being offered, I'm sure there could have been a less abrupt way of doing it. I'm not selling politeness, but those who don't use it may encounter difficulties because of disregarding it. It is kind of like a chain reaction.
 

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It depends on the situation. In one like yours, I'd just go with it because it was easier.

But then, I had a conversation like this with my mum:

Mum: You should text your sister to ask how she is.
Me: Why?
Mum: I think she wants to talk to you more.
Me: But she can just text me then. I don't need to text her.
Mum: She always has to text you first.
Me: But I don't know what to talk about.
Mum: Your day or something.
Me: But my day was boring.
-and so on....

I did in the end, but I didn't really understand the need for it. It was kind of the principle of 'but it's not authentic if someone asks me to do it'. I'm not good at talking about stuff like my day, especially not via text. It's time-consuming and I talk to my sister anyway. I know I don't talk to her as much as my mum or twin sister, but I still didn't really understand why I had to be the one to do it. Don't get me wrong, I love my older sister, but whenever we have conversations it's usually brief purely because we don't have that much in common (and my twin sister is a lot better at conversing than me).
 

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While I have some principles, I try to stay away from such black-and-white "rules". I know a few people who are so uncompromising on their principles that they refuse to acknowledge other ways. It's not always a huge thing, but it's infuriating nonetheless, because they often respond to suggestions with a blank, stark statement along the lines of, "That's against my principles". Maybe they've thought long and hard about their principles, but once they've "found" them, they can settle in them far too comfortably, far too easily. You should always be challenging your principles, looking at them from another's point of view.

As for the food problem, I would take it, and, if I felt I owed them, I would find a way to repay them. Always remaining neutral in your debts isn't necessarily a good thing. Sometimes you owe someone, sometimes they owe you. Then, when you reciprocate, your relationship is that much stronger for it. Perhaps in the context of your particular situation, this isn't exactly applicable, but anyway, my two cents.
 

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Aristotle talks about what you are feeling--which it is all about virtue; however, Kant talks about the opposite, where it is all about duty. I'm inclined to believe in the mix of the two.

Also, "they" say it is not just about learning how to give, but it's also learning how to receive. You may believe you are being good because you aren't taking their food, but many people feel offended when someone doesn't take their humble offer. Perhaps they start to feel their offer wasn't good enough, or their adequacy is low. When you think of it that way, you start to realize your "good deeds" really aren't as good as you hoped.

If someone offers, you politely thank them but decline for whatever reason. If they implore you once again, it might not be in your best way to accept, but it is in their best way if you do accept. To me, you are sacrificing your own displeasure for their peace of mind.

Granted, this does not mean accepting everything like a hog. There is a fluctuating spectrum that changes with each situation: The Golden Mean.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
Just to clarify, if someone were to offer me food I would politely decline it or accept it and then later on buy something for them in return. This principle is centered around my desire to not be a burden to others and to not take advantage of my friends or others.
 

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Generally it is considered polite to accept food if offered. If I don't want to eat it I toss it later. Depends on the circumstance and situation.
I'm astonished. Not quite the good kind, though.

Just to clarify, if someone were to offer me food I would politely decline it or accept it and then later on buy something for them in return. This principle is centered around my desire to not be a burden to others and to not take advantage of my friends or others.
That's the knicker; if they're offering you food chances are you aren't being a burden. That of course if it's a more familiar setting, rather than food try-outs trying to sell you something. If you were hungry, yet wouldn't want to be burden but still remain polite you'd just take a bit and get it over with.

I've come to accept hospitality for it doesn't impair one's autonomy whatsoever - neither do you owe the person in question anything. I however only accept the hospitality in to me acceptable manners: Meaning if I was hungry and being offered food, I'd not go and empty their fridge.

The flaw in your reasoning is: If you're doing someone a favor chances are you don't expect anything in return; it's the same for other's offering hospitality. Takes some getting used to.
 

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I'm astonished. Not quite the good kind, though.
I don't get what you mean.

Are you aware that it is possible that eating food from a person with bad intention towards you can make a person sick? I suppose not. Which is why I did not go into further detail. Hence, I mentioned "circumstances". I didn't go into further detail bc I'm going to assume that few people around here would understand that.
 

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I would never experiment with this but I've heard that sweets can carry people's intentions very well. If a person with negative intentions offers sweets it is a good idea to pass.

I also knew once this disgusting person who invited me over to her place and I didn't get why she kept on pushing food on me. I ate a bit but since I've eaten at her place I have never felt "well". She once gave me an unpleasant glare and asked me "why I was always happy". Since then I have never felt happy inside spontaneously as I used to. I don't know what happened. I really wish I never met her or gave her a chance.

This is likely far from the situation the OP described. But there are of course people who know a lot more and who can do a lot of harm with food. Sometimes INFJ is seen as foolish for the things they say or contradictory it usually is because several things are taken into context in any given situation. First being the feelings of the other person in a situation. I'd have to read more about the circumstance, I haven't read back too far on posts today.
 

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I get annoyed when somebody offers me something for free *food for example* and when I decline they keep assisting that I accept. I don't want it lol if I did then I would accept. There have been times where I have accepted just to be nice only to later throw the food away in the garbage cause it was something I did not like in the first place but they kept assisting. Of course I wouldn't do this in front of the person I'm not that big of an asshole but yeah lol. If somebody gives me something for free I do not feel an obligation to give them something free in return unless they ask and it depends on the situation.
 
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