It's not quite like that unfortunately. She slept with him behind my back. Dumped me out of nowhere. We hooked up about once a month for about 6 months, got back together for a while then she dumped me out of nowhere again. And then a few months after that went to see him and they've been together for a while now. Not just another fling like everybody said she'd have over and over again.@L19 So she wasn't treating what you had between you two too seriously and decided to go for a more fun ride.. until that season ends and she still probably sees you as an open option to go back to once that's finished. Did you express your will to make things exclusive between you two or did you leave her hanging by not committing like @mia-me is proposing?
I'm all for having that conversation. But I also think if one person is leading another to believe what's going on is more than casual than they should act accordingly. The sword cuts both ways, if her expectations were we'd sleep with other people, then she should have stated that. But she didn't, because she wasn't sleeping with other people, she slept with this guy behind my back.I can see why people don't want to explain or talk about what seems obvious, but I think it's really important if you're trying to establish a committed relationship to be clear and explicit.
Because that is what it is. It's a contract you are both agreeing to.
I don't get how people can have sex and yet feel it's too intimate to talk about what they are both interested in, what their boundaries are, relationship-wise and monogamy wise.
So I'm not trying to chastise, as I can see why you'd want to assume things, but I don't anyone should rely on assumptions. There needs to be an avenue for clear communication. Extremely clear.
If the other person's not interested in talking about things like that it'd probably mean they are incompatible (to me) or they are not interested in a commitment.
She could just have felt she had more chemistry with him though--agonizing over her decision probably isn't going to make it clearer why she did it. I think you should try to learn from what you may have done wrong or improved and then move on. People choose romantic partners for mysterious reasons.
I won't say it's cheating because technically we weren't exclusive despite those things she said to me right before she left for this trip. But I will say it was behind my back and I think it's morally/ethically wrong.
And she knew it was wrong. Although now she'll defend her actions to the death, when she told me it had happened (in between our relationships) she said she knew it was bad. Further proof she knew it was wrong, one of the times we had slept together she had been "seeing" somebody else for 3 weeks and although she was probably going to end it anyways, she felt something about having slept with me while seeing him that she decided she should tell him that had happened. Then another time, we saw each other, we talked and both admitted we have been wanting to date since we met, made plans to go on a date, then she backed out because she had been "seeing" a guy for about a month and thought it'd be wrong. So if in those much more casual instances it was wrong to sleep with me or even go on a date with me, then she knew deep down and still probably knows (although who knows with revisionist history) that it was behind my back and wrong.
I mean for fuck sake she texted me sweet dreams either right before or right after she fucked another guy. In what morally driven world is that perfectly ok?