Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 37 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
41 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Hey guys. the reason i joined personality cafe was to get a fresh perspective outside of my own social circle. i have a bunch of issues with being an enfj. i have consistently tested in the highest percent of enfj since highschool. my "feeling" wearies me. i wish i could function as a thinker.alas i am very stereotypically an enfj. i look at people, and am able to easily see them for who they are (for the most part- there are the occasions where someone is a bit of a challenge to digest, and until i figure them out the mystery gives me a bit of a high.) but for the most part, once i figure you out, i do tend to manipulate people, (with the intention (which I do even if i dont mean too!) to bring out the best in a situation or in an individual) i hate to be alone, and i have an infp boyfriend of three years.
but im tiiiiiiiired of it. im tired of being a chamelon rather than an individual. i wish i was more of an introvert. i wish i was more of a thinker. lately i have been reading books outside my "feeling" range. and they are mentally expanding me. i can literally not retain all that it is i wish to. i cannot test my theories fast enough, i cannot process my thought to the fullest. i can feel myself growing but not as exponientally as i would like to. i wish when i feel attracted to people, that my love wont consume me. i wish i didnt give as much of myself to others. i want to be pampered, to go on great adventures, to travel, to debate and discuss. i am an artist in my own way. i am not a performer, i do not live for the art or the stage. (i have known TRUE artists and that is where i base my arguement from), but i posess talent.
i am very attracted to an estp man that i have recently met. my problem with him, is number one i dont trust his lines. he says the most cheesy and heartwrenching things, that i WANT to believe to be true. however i have been influenced to believe that estp's are very good with the ladies, and cant keep a commitment worth crap, and thats very important to me. i want more control over my damned feelings and dont want to be consumed anymore!
enfj's-how do you feel about yourself?
estps-why are you so appealing to me!?! what do you think of enfjs? (and whats up with your emotions and feelings? and by that i mean... even animals have feelings, what is your perception on your own?)
everyone else- please heeeeeeelp! especially you thinkers... i really value your perspective
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
41 Posts
Discussion Starter #3
i want to be anything but an enfj. i dont know if i can even change that. its so exhausting honestly to see all that i see. and to automatically react in ways that i do not desire to. i am working on control. mentally, and physically. i am taking vocal and dance classes-as well as trying to stimulate my mind and thought processing more.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
549 Posts
Hey guys. the reason i joined personality cafe was to get a fresh perspective outside of my own social circle. i have a bunch of issues with being an enfj. i have consistently tested in the highest percent of enfj since highschool. my "feeling" wearies me. i wish i could function as a thinker.alas i am very stereotypically an enfj. i look at people, and am able to easily see them for who they are (for the most part- there are the occasions where someone is a bit of a challenge to digest, and until i figure them out the mystery gives me a bit of a high.) but for the most part, once i figure you out, i do tend to manipulate people, (with the intention (which I do even if i dont mean too!) to bring out the best in a situation or in an individual) i hate to be alone, and i have an infp boyfriend of three years.
but im tiiiiiiiired of it. im tired of being a chamelon rather than an individual. i wish i was more of an introvert. i wish i was more of a thinker. lately i have been reading books outside my "feeling" range. and they are mentally expanding me. i can literally not retain all that it is i wish to. i cannot test my theories fast enough, i cannot process my thought to the fullest. i can feel myself growing but not as exponientally as i would like to. i wish when i feel attracted to people, that my love wont consume me. i wish i didnt give as much of myself to others. i want to be pampered, to go on great adventures, to travel, to debate and discuss. i am an artist in my own way. i am not a performer, i do not live for the art or the stage. (i have known TRUE artists and that is where i base my arguement from), but i posess talent.
i am very attracted to an estp man that i have recently met. my problem with him, is number one i dont trust his lines. he says the most cheesy and heartwrenching things, that i WANT to believe to be true. however i have been influenced to believe that estp's are very good with the ladies, and cant keep a commitment worth crap, and thats very important to me. i want more control over my damned feelings and dont want to be consumed anymore!
enfj's-how do you feel about yourself?
estps-why are you so appealing to me!?! what do you think of enfjs? (and whats up with your emotions and feelings? and by that i mean... even animals have feelings, what is your perception on your own?)
everyone else- please heeeeeeelp! especially you thinkers... i really value your perspective
Perhaps you're of SP type. Rather than ENFJ. Honestly, I read some of your post and I wouldn't classify you as an ENFJ at all.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,045 Posts
Try to focus a little less on your interactions with other people. Try to be more independent and try new things. Get a new job, visit another country, write a book, do something different. Don't distance yourself from people, just have fun around them without trying to please then all the time.

I often think that ENFJs are a lot like INTJs on the inside.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Herp

·
Registered
Joined
·
297 Posts
Don't worry about trying to change your dominant functions. Just develop your other functions as well, so that everything's more balanced. Perhaps you're just thirsty for knowledge and tired of some of your old ways. Drink some knowledge up and examine what it is about your interactions with people and life in general that you wish to change, and try your best to focus on them and change them. And what is this about having an INFP boyfriend, but now wanting an ESTP man? Why haven't you broken up with the INFP yet, if you don't want to be in a relationship with him anymore? Maybe you've already broken up with him, but it sounds like you haven't yet.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
41 Posts
Discussion Starter #8
you can be attracted to more than one person at once. its just choosing not to act on impulses that are innappropriate. i am young and curiously stimulated by someone else. i would like to know more. i do not percieve it to be a negative.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,045 Posts
intj's on the inside? why do you think that? and by the way guys thank you so much for your fast replies. :)
Well we already share two of the letters and are both Ni's. Sometimes ENFJs seem introverted to me. It's not just that sometimes they like to be alone; it's also that they are very disconnected from other people like INTJs are. Most people don't see this because ENFJs are so good at hiding their feelings and are very good actors. They will often share their feelings and express themselves, but not if it will cause other people to worry about them or upset anyone.

Sometimes ENFJs seem a bit like thinkers to me because they analyze things a lot. They do so based upon their feelings, but it's still thinking.

Is it that you feel like your missing out on things that introverts and thinkers are better at?
 

·
Registered
ESTJ 3w2 sp
Joined
·
3,087 Posts
You just need to develop your other functions in order to become more balanced. Trust me, being an ENFJ is awesome (as I'm sure it's awesome to be any other type as well). Yeah, sometimes my emotions get the better of me, and though it can happen more to feeling types, it does happen to everyone in certain situations. I personally love being an ENFJ and wouldn't change my type for anything. Sure, I envy thinking types sometimes, but I have my own talents that I bring to the table. It takes all kinds in this world of ours, we're all important components. Embrace who you are, regardless of type. After all, we're all far more than just four letters.

Edit: oh, and welcome to PerC! Make yourself at home. Please come post in the ENFJ sub-forum and anywhere else that interests you. :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
17,819 Posts
Hello @olivesmith65

You know ... it's not the fact that you're an ENFJ that limits you and how you process things.

You process things through your feelings but that doesn't make you any less analytical or logical than the average thinker.

Us ENFJ's here have been easily able to compete with traditional "thinkers" at their own games all our lives. Personally, I just had to work a little harder.

Welcome to PerC .. and I hope we get to read more of your insights in our little corner of PerC. Or you could spend time with the thinkers and figure out how they process things. I've learnt during my time here that by hanging around people of different types has really helped me round off my own personality, and gain far more insight into myself than if I had just relied on the descriptions themselves.
 

·
Registered
ESTJ 3w2 sp
Joined
·
3,087 Posts
haha :) i feel very welcomed. im still figuring out this whole personality cafe thing... i would love to look at other disscussions- what do all the thanks mean?
It's a way to show you agreed with (or empathized, or found interesting, or liked, or...) what was posted. We are literally thanking you for your post. :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
17,819 Posts
It's a way to show you agreed with (or empathized, or found interesting, or liked, or...) what was posted. We are literally thanking you for your post. :)
Well .. depends .. sometimes I use it sarcastically as well when I just want to end a discussion as well :p

But we won't confuse the new-comer .. hopefully we'll get to see her post more in the ENFJ section from time to time :D
 

·
Registered
ESTJ 3w2 sp
Joined
·
3,087 Posts
Well .. depends .. sometimes I use it sarcastically as well when I just want to end a discussion as well :p

But we won't confuse the new-comer .. hopefully we'll get to see her post more in the ENFJ section from time to time :D
Hehe. Now if only I can figure out how to use it ironically :p
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,447 Posts
Hey guys. the reason i joined personality cafe was to get a fresh perspective outside of my own social circle. i have a bunch of issues with being an enfj. i have consistently tested in the highest percent of enfj since highschool. my "feeling" wearies me. i wish i could function as a thinker.alas i am very stereotypically an enfj. i look at people, and am able to easily see them for who they are (for the most part- there are the occasions where someone is a bit of a challenge to digest, and until i figure them out the mystery gives me a bit of a high.) but for the most part, once i figure you out, i do tend to manipulate people, (with the intention (which I do even if i dont mean too!) to bring out the best in a situation or in an individual) i hate to be alone, and i have an infp boyfriend of three years.
but im tiiiiiiiired of it. im tired of being a chamelon rather than an individual. i wish i was more of an introvert. i wish i was more of a thinker. lately i have been reading books outside my "feeling" range. and they are mentally expanding me. i can literally not retain all that it is i wish to. i cannot test my theories fast enough, i cannot process my thought to the fullest. i can feel myself growing but not as exponientally as i would like to. i wish when i feel attracted to people, that my love wont consume me. i wish i didnt give as much of myself to others. i want to be pampered, to go on great adventures, to travel, to debate and discuss. i am an artist in my own way. i am not a performer, i do not live for the art or the stage. (i have known TRUE artists and that is where i base my arguement from), but i posess talent.
i am very attracted to an estp man that i have recently met. my problem with him, is number one i dont trust his lines. he says the most cheesy and heartwrenching things, that i WANT to believe to be true. however i have been influenced to believe that estp's are very good with the ladies, and cant keep a commitment worth crap, and thats very important to me. i want more control over my damned feelings and dont want to be consumed anymore!
enfj's-how do you feel about yourself?
estps-why are you so appealing to me!?! what do you think of enfjs? (and whats up with your emotions and feelings? and by that i mean... even animals have feelings, what is your perception on your own?)
everyone else- please heeeeeeelp! especially you thinkers... i really value your perspective
Eh. Love yourself, girl. Your type isn't bad... no type is bad at all. Every type has their strengths and each of them are awesome in their own way.

My gut feeling tells me you're probably from a place that hate on emotional people. I'm from the U.S., so yes, it IS hard to live in a place like this... It is a very ESTJ-driven country, and maybe you're from a country that is T-driven. (Maybe I-Driven too? Are you from Japan?)

If this is true, then you need to ignore it! Flaunt your ENFJ type! You're different in a world filled with Thinkers. :) And that's a great thing! We need more sensitive people in this world!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
34 Posts
I wish I could give some advice on developing other functions. I used to have a book on developing functions with the intention of becoming a more balanced person, but I don't have it anymore and don't remember what it was called.

Every type in theory can have flaws/weaknesses though. However, I imagine it would be possible to feel less and think more or visa versa with enough practice if that's what you want. I think anything is possible with enough practice.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,187 Posts
Holy ENFJ breakdown Batman... o.o

First off, welcome to the forum. Secondly I fail to see how as an ENFJ, you can't be an artist or have logical explanations etc.... You do use Fe the most as your primary function but that doesn't mean you don't have Te or Ti. Everyone falls on a spectrum, surely you noticed that? What I am saying basically is that you may not be a "thinker" but you should have some "T" in you. Foster it, and try your best. :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,520 Posts
Don't stress about being an ENFJ. You can't change your type (unless you're mistyped, in which case it's not really changing it but yeah). Instead, use this knowledge to develop your weaker functions (Fi Ne Si Te). Your INFP boyfriend should be helpful in this, because that's his function order.

Also, if you're not individualistic you can't expect yourself to suddenly be the leader of a non-conformity crowd or something lol. These things take time. Try taking a little time for yourself each day, maybe journal or meditate for thirty minutes or so.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,264 Posts
It made me a little sad to see your post.

and they are mentally expanding me. i can literally not retain all that it is i wish to. i cannot test my theories fast enough, i cannot process my thought to the fullest. i can feel myself growing but not as exponientally as i would like to.
I identify with you.


And it's great that you are on a knowledge quest.
 
  • Like
Reactions: SilentScream
1 - 20 of 37 Posts
Top