[LordOfTheWings]

I hate my innate vices, insecurities, my flirtatious nature.
I hate the extroversion of my intuitive thoughts sometimes described as irrational, misunderstood, or even seen as paranoia (they still slip out even though i try to keep them to myself) ..
I hate that my own self worth is measured by other people's opinions. (my line of work constantly requires opinion and criticism)
I hate that we are only "inspiring"
i hate that we're indecisive(although i fight it)
easily bored and never satisfied
that we're only happy if options are open and there are possibilities (and hate that i know this)

when i first started reading psychology and understanding MBTI, i thought to myself.. wow what a breakthrough.. now that i know myself, my type, i can have control over my life, now i will be a better person, be more liked.

now, a couple years later, i believe that knowing my mbti has made my self esteem go even lower. now that im so predictable and know how i'd probably act facing my dreams and "possibilities" that used to keep me happy and hopeful.
p.s: when i rationalize i can never find a reason for my self hate and low self esteem.. after all i know im smart,i have done many accomplishments (although they were almost impossible to finish) , lead a good life, and am considered good looking.

i sometimes appear confident and maybe even arrogant to people, when they get to know me well and discover my real insecure self (even though i try to hide it), it kills me, makes me feel even worse.. that's why i have trouble making close friends.
now i feel like i've lost all respect from people who used to respect, look up to me, and make me feel good about myself, like my parents, close friends and roommates.

I'm looking for input.. maybe from a HAPPY or successful ENFP with great self esteem.. to prove me wrong. please.

 

[Enfpleasantly]

I'm sorry @crimson. I wish I could make you feel better It seems to me you are worried too much about others and how they view you. I guess the best way to overcome that is to get out of your comfort zone. When you go outside of your comfort zone and see that it's not so bad, you free yourself in many ways.

I love most of the aspects of myself (some of which you outlined above) and anything I don't like, I learn to either embrace, improve, or change.

I guess it's my optimistic views that create my perspective on all the "negatives" you listed; for instance: "I hate that we are only 'inspiring'"-what does that mean and why would being inspiring ever be negative? Consider this, somewhere on this forum there's a thread that says ENFP are "king makers", and I think there is some truth in that statement. What is the King or Queen without their maker? Of course, that doesn't mean we can't be the King or Queen ourselves as well

I'm a happy and successful ENFP with great self-esteem, but "success" is subjective. If success is what concerns you, I would suggest starting with your definition of success- what success means to you, and whether or not you have the bar set so high in your head, you overlook the smaller successes you make all the time.

And don't restrict yourself by staying confined to the ENFP label/description; ENFP is just your function order...who you are is much more complex than those four letters.

 

[Olmed3011]

Hmm...I can actually relate to what you say, most of it. That worries me a little bit. Sure you are not in the infamous Si-grip??

I am these days working myself out of a very recent long term Si-grip and I do have ups and downs. The one minute I can sense my previous energy, the next I am back to what you described.

I think we should not fear the consequences of our person, thats where I have some work to do these days. If you think too much and no longer take the chance to let your energy run free, you suddenly are left with just the bad sides of your type.

In addition I think enfps one day have to let the fear of commitment go so we can fully reach our potential.

 

[Zster]

It sounds to me like your issue is your self image and not type related. I would dare suggest that you would find drawbacks to ANY type. Perhaps you put too much of your self value on others. If you decide to like you for you, you could be much happier. We have control over ourselves, but not others. So, why waste precious effort on trying to please them? In the case of crippling self-esteem issues, I would seek professional help.

i quit trying to please others a long time ago, finding trying to be what THEY wanted exhausting and futile.

Rather than bemoaning your ENFP status (every type has its drawbacks), why not view the strengths? Even some weaknesses can be turned into strengths if one can be savvy about it.

Here's some reasons that I LOVE being ENFP:

I contribute energy
I frequently am the one offering new ideas (am an innovator)
I adapt quickly and am GREAT in an emergency
I roll well with change - help those who are paralyzed by it
I can be a great social lubricant, stopping gossip or negativity
I am FUN!
I am a fiercely loyal friend
I am genuine - no guessing games. What you see IS what you get
I am intelligent (at a time that smarts seem to be becoming scarce - at least around here)
I am unusual and unique. Highschool might have been about conforming, but adulthood has not been
I CAN be counted on (more so than most, actually) despite seeming casual
I care deeply. My loved ones never doubt (that they are loved)
I am approachable and put people at ease

That's what pops in my head at the moment. ANY of those can be flipped into negatives, by the way. Maybe, given some time, I will take YOUR list and show you how those traits can also be positives. Try not to judge YOUR traits with someone else's yard stick.

I LOVE being ENFP. Once I found out, it explained much (that non-ENFPs complained about, BTW). I've fully embraced and run with it. I do not use typing to make excuses, or to predict, but DO use it to better understand that (and why) others operate differently than I do. It's good to know, and helps me to play better in the sandbox.

 

[TheCatsPajamas]

I'm not an ENFP, but you sound a bit like you feel unoriginal, now knowing your type and such? That your possibilities are tied down because your actions can be predicted by MBTI? I hope you feel better.
I know a really happy ENFP. She's not amazingly successful financial wise, but she's successful with her social life and feeling happy (and I know her pretty well, so I know it's true). She accepts her situation, no matter how bad it is, and is somehow able to keep moving forward with a smile on her face. I don't know how she does it, or else I could probably give you useful advice.
But just because you know your type doesn't mean you don't have options. What parts of yourself (not ENFPs, but YOU) do you like? How can those parts of your life move forward or grow? You are you, no matter what your type is. Being an ENFP shouldn't dictate your life. It sounds like you've read up a lot on your type for someone who doesn't like it. You can be the person you want to be, no matter what type you are. Hope this helps

 

[LordOfTheWings]

I guess the best way to overcome that is to get out of your comfort zone. When you go outside of your comfort zone and see that it's not so bad, you free yourself in many ways.
I guess it's my optimistic views that create my perspective on all the "negatives" you listed; for instance: "I hate that we are only 'inspiring'"

Thank you Enfpleasantly for your response.. u are absolutely right. I do care too much what other people think. on saturday my short movie and music will be published which is completely out of my comfort zone.. where i come from, i am well known which is probably the reason behind all this. anyway u know what ur talking about, thanks for the advice.
about the inspiring issue: what i meant was.. i wish something other than inspiring people came as naturally as this.. but at the end of the day it's pointless to think this way.

I think we should not fear the consequences of our person, thats where I have some work to do these days. If you think too much and no longer take the chance to let your energy run free, you suddenly are left with just the bad sides of your type.

exactly the same that with the ups and downs.. i hope we both go by your advice thanks

It sounds to me like your issue is your self image and not type related. I would dare suggest that you would find drawbacks to ANY type.

Zster .. true.. problem is indeed with self image, i dont deny all the positive things you described and thanks for putting in the trouble to remind me.. but maybe dont see them anymore with this pessimistic attitude of mine or maybe i now find them trivial in comparison with other types' virtues. (although one shouldn't compare)
i dont use my type to predict either, and i love that i now understand.. but as TheCatsPajamas said,

possibilities are tied down because your actions can be predicted by MBTI?

possibilities are now tied down with more realistic, predictable truths, and we all know what that means to any enfp. so i dont agree that this state would have happened to anyone nor that it's not type related.


this thread is neither to nag nor to offend. just a mere discussion that started by an enfp friend of mine in the same on and off depressive state im in. im very interested in hearing other opinions.

(sorry mentions wouldn't work)

 

[Laimah]

Aww, that's sad. :sad:
But..
''I hate my innate vices, insecurities, my flirtatious nature.'' - That isn't that bad as it sounds. I think. Imagine - You're not shy if you're flirtatious, so you can have many friends ( many friendzoned boys and girls. xD ). In company where are your friends you shouldn't feel insecure. + You don't have to let them too close to your heart. (I think heart is for one, special guy/girl. :wink:)

''I hate the extroversion of my intuitive thoughts sometimes described as irrational, misunderstood, or even seen as paranoia (they still slip out even though i try to keep them to myself) ..'' - I believe, that not every people judge your thoughts. People are good and people are bad. That's how world goes. I believe, that you're not the only person in the world, that feels like that. + I see you're ENFP too! You should be happy about that you got that awesome gift to get to know many people. ^^ Isn't that wonderful to have a group of friends with who you can spend your time with and drink tea, talk and laugt?! :kitteh: I KNOW that in 7 billion ppl there are at least few millions that want to share something (thoughts) with you ! Even I - write me if you wanna talk about something, anything. ^^

''I hate that my own self worth is measured by other people's opinions. (my line of work constantly requires opinion and criticism) '' - Naa, I think that's in your head. ^^ Keep this thing out of your mind! Anyone can advise something. You don't have to measure your opinion with other opinions. Imagine, if everyone of us would have 1 opinion. 1 not 2 or 3.. Life would be soooo boring. :bored:
Let's put a little drama into this grey world !

''I hate that we are only "inspiring" '' - This is NOT bad at all. You should be happy about that you can make someone else happy with your toughts and ideas ! :kitteh: + If you're ENFP and you think that you can only inspire, then remember, that there are other ENFPs around you who wanna inspire someone! Grab that inspiration. ^^


''i hate that we're indecisive'' - Hehe, in my mind it's completely fine. I think everyone is indecisive. (Especially girls in shoe or clothe shops. xDD )

''easily bored and never satisfied'' - i think every ENFP should download some MMORPG multiplayer game. For me it never get boring. :kitteh:
Life is full with ups and downs. :wink:

p.s. Sorry about my bad english. QQ

 

[LordOfTheWings]

@Laimah

laimah.. your energy jumped through my screen.. thank u for trying to prove me wrong, u seem like a great person

Great song!!

 

[Laimah]

aww. :kitteh: thank you.

 

[Olmed3011]

@Laimah: Crimson came me in advance, i.e. your positive energy!
@crimson: I stand behind about embracing who you are, as others here mentioned. But I do not get the impression that you rely on type as your savior. Perhaps instead (like me) found useful insight in it. Still, it will only take you a certain distance?

You also seem like a great person, perhaps locate what is really agonizing you. There is a way out of the (Si?-)grip!!:happy:

 

[Cher Zee]

Every personality could find something they hate about themselves and their type.

From what I can tell about us ENFP's we happen to be pretty hard on ourselves but we need to embrace all the good stuff and just disregard the crap.

:wink:

 

[Aya the Abysswalker]

The first step to any kind of happiness is accepting yourself as you are, only then you can start thinking about the rest.