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181 Posts
I wish I could just be free and not be restrained by my need to think about and formulate opinions on everything all the time. I'm a musician, that's where all my talent and passion is - if I had developed a different personality I could actually be releasing records and touring right now, but instead I'm probably going to end up turning my back on the only thing i've ever really been good at, in order to actually get on in life. I feel as though all my thoughts are just wasted energy that should be going into proper practical interraction with the world and other people. Other people get along fine without being as caught up in their own thoughts as us, why do we need to expend all this extra mental energy for what seems like less benefit in the long run?
If I was an aspiring scientist or programmer or business man or something i'd probably find my personality to be a huge help but I can't stand the rigidity of working with facts and figures or dedicating my life to just making as much profit as possible. People expect musicians to be extrovert showoffs who are always 'in the moment' and either willing to entertain or desiring of an audience to air thier emotions and issues to. I take my music as such a personal thing that it becomes really hard to actually perform anything sincere to anyone. I physically shake when i play people recordings of me. I desperately want to train to be a lead vocalist, but I really can't imagine an INTP dominating the stage and captivating the audience. I'm also terrible at networking with people and making connections, it takes me a long time to get to know people enough to trust them with something as personal as my songs - the idea of telling someone who is essentially a stranger, that it's worth thier time to listen to something i've done is ... well the idea of it is kind of upsetting me now actually.
I can't see myself ever being happy doing something that isn't music-related, i don't really give a fuck about much else. I find relief and liberation in music, it flows organically, it touches people, effects thier emotions and thier thoughts. I just wish my personality matched my skills and my desires. Most people think i'm a writer or business man or a webdesigner or something when I ask them to guess what I do.
Thanks for reading my self-indulgent whining, sorry for taking up your time. If anyone has any advice, i'd love to hear it please.
If I was an aspiring scientist or programmer or business man or something i'd probably find my personality to be a huge help but I can't stand the rigidity of working with facts and figures or dedicating my life to just making as much profit as possible. People expect musicians to be extrovert showoffs who are always 'in the moment' and either willing to entertain or desiring of an audience to air thier emotions and issues to. I take my music as such a personal thing that it becomes really hard to actually perform anything sincere to anyone. I physically shake when i play people recordings of me. I desperately want to train to be a lead vocalist, but I really can't imagine an INTP dominating the stage and captivating the audience. I'm also terrible at networking with people and making connections, it takes me a long time to get to know people enough to trust them with something as personal as my songs - the idea of telling someone who is essentially a stranger, that it's worth thier time to listen to something i've done is ... well the idea of it is kind of upsetting me now actually.
I can't see myself ever being happy doing something that isn't music-related, i don't really give a fuck about much else. I find relief and liberation in music, it flows organically, it touches people, effects thier emotions and thier thoughts. I just wish my personality matched my skills and my desires. Most people think i'm a writer or business man or a webdesigner or something when I ask them to guess what I do.
Thanks for reading my self-indulgent whining, sorry for taking up your time. If anyone has any advice, i'd love to hear it please.