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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Being shy is so lonely. It takes all my courage to reach out to someone, and when that doesn't work out, I have nothing left to reach out to someone else. I think I wouldn't be so lonely if I could have some alone time once in a while, but I think the real issue is that I just can't figure out how to communicate with people.

I tried reaching out to my special one a few times today - talking with her, helping her with a few things. All my efforts earned me a quarter second hug and a quick distracted smile. This is typical interaction with her. I don't want to have to EARN her love. I just want to be loved as I love - so deeply and unconditionally. I wish I could just drop my feelings - for her and for everyone else. I've tried over and over again, to no avail.

I'm so grateful to and for all my friends here! I love you guys.
 

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I'm sorry that you feel so lonely, and I wish your loved one could understand the complexity of your feelings about being lonely. As a fellow INFP, I feel that I am able to somewhat understand how difficult it might be for you to reach out and your disappointment when someone does not respond in the way that you wish for them to. However, I hope that you do not internalize other's responses and interpret them as meaning that you are "not good enough", as I myself am usually tempted to do.

I told a loved one that I tend to feel lonely as well recently, to which he suggested that I am not fully comfortable with myself and am always striving for improvement. While both of these things might be true to an extent, I believe that I cannot change this completely about myself - it is just a part of who I am.

If you don't feel like anyone else understands you or your intense feelings, I think this forum is the perfect place to be. :)
 

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I'm incredibly affectionate with the people I date, but I think to a fault. Everyone loves to be loved, to be thought of, to receive comforting gestures of big and small proportions. Yet, not many people seem to know how to give it back.

Now for an opinionated guy like myself, the truth is, I simply don't know.

I don't particularly expect anything groundbreaking in terms of affection back, but it's always nice. I wouldn't be surprised if you have reasonably simple needs like myself, but when you don't have that then you start to feel lonely, unwanted, and maybe unappreciated.

I noticed one weird tendency for myself is that I'm fascinated by people that have a crush on me, or in some extreme cases stalkers (I've had a few). You always wonder if they could give you that affection you desire...
 

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I'm incredibly affectionate with the people I date, but I think to a fault. Everyone loves to be loved, to be thought of, to receive comforting gestures of big and small proportions. Yet, not many people seem to know how to give it back.
Wow - I could not have said that better myself!!
 

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Being shy is so lonely. It takes all my courage to reach out to someone, and when that doesn't work out, I have nothing left to reach out to someone else. I think I wouldn't be so lonely if I could have some alone time once in a while, but I think the real issue is that I just can't figure out how to communicate with people.
I have been feeling the same way today. I have no idea how to communicate with people.

I think I am emotionally stunted or too detached from reality. I want to say things a lot, but I don't end up saying them, and when I do say them, I have no idea how people have reacted to them. I am really confused. Maybe it is better to just not care or to just let things be. I actually think it would be better to just open up completely and say everything I think or feel, but I'm really scared that I'll be rejected. :sad:

And then, there are times when I do open up completely and say everything I think or feel and still don't receive a response from the person I've opened up to, despite prodding. Those times I feel like I am going crazy. :confused:
 

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I feel lonely a lot, I also have trouble communicating verbally with people, Just so hard to speak and explain how I feel and get so frustrated that no one understand when I try.

I know how you feel
 

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I totally get that man. I go through the same thing where I dont think anybody understands the gravity of my feelings. But unfortunately, being the person I am, I give these very subtle hints rather than just throwing myself out there so I can never really let people know... Theres this girl Ive known for years now and Ive always lind of liked her but Im almost certain the feelings are only one way. As she continually drifts away, I feel more and more alone... Ive tried to do what you said you tried as well... but erasing feelings and memories is harder than it seems...
 

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About loneliness, try taking some space, try interacting with people that seem 'okay' (otherwise just stay away)

I know it's hell to 'reach out', luckily for me, a lot of people reach out to me ( I guess they see something that they like/something that interests them). Some of the most fun discussions I've had have been with strangers. mainly 'arab' immigrants (here in Sweden they are somewhat frowned upon by a lot of people).

Then again, i can I'm somewhat paradoxical, and can be both open and shy, i try to relax and understand whoever I'm talking to, to connect

EDIT: Then again, if i see someone that interest ME, I will most likely make an effort to open up them (I'm not brave, just motivated)
 
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I totally get that man. I go through the same thing where I dont think anybody understands the gravity of my feelings. But unfortunately, being the person I am, I give these very subtle hints rather than just throwing myself out there so I can never really let people know... Theres this girl Ive known for years now and Ive always lind of liked her but Im almost certain the feelings are only one way. As she continually drifts away, I feel more and more alone... Ive tried to do what you said you tried as well... but erasing feelings and memories is harder than it seems...
This rings true to me since October 2008. I had a feeling that she was at least interested in me, she started conversations with me, wanted to spend time with me, and always sat next to me wherever we went. She even allowed me the chance to meet her family. But stupid me decides "Oh she wouldn't like me that--no one would ever go that far." So since October roughly, time passes and insert brooding here for like a year with running into her once or twice in 2009.

Funny thing is I had her number this entire time, LOL. So in 2010 I finally get the nerves to call her (I'm still head over heels with her keep in mind) and there's no answer. Later on I find out that she moved away, and I have no way of keeping contact with her...unless I send her an email--but that would be too awkward, don't ask why .-.

I digress. Starflower, I know how terrible it feels not to be loved as deeply and unconditionally. I can only imagine how hard it is for other people to feel what we feel towards others...it really sucks and it makes us feel like crap. I really hope that she does improve and tries to reciprocate her feelings somehow. Be glad you have a special one though ._____.
 

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I just want to be loved as I love - so deeply and unconditionally. I wish I could just drop my feelings - for her and for everyone else. I've tried over and over again, to no avail.
Show her what you wrote here. If she's such an important part of your world, she has a right to know. :3 If you can't get yourself to say it, find other ways. I believe in you.


I called my doctor today. Hopefully the first step in getting to talk to someone who can help. I should have done this years ago. ^^ I feel relieved though.
 
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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
There was a time when I told her she is special to me. I opened up to her - showed her who I really am on the inside. I told her I loved her. I didn't mean to - it just slipped out. She said, after a moment, 'I love you, too.' She's just very absent-minded, and a total extrovert, so she has lots and lots of acquaintances she calls friends, and I'm just one of them.

Thanks for all your support and advice. One day, I will get the courage to share where I live and who I am. There are people I am afraid of, though, and they might find out who I am. Yeah, I'm paranoid.
 

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What's the worst thing that can happen if they find out?
 

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There was a time when I told her she is special to me. I opened up to her - showed her who I really am on the inside. I told her I loved her. I didn't mean to - it just slipped out. She said, after a moment, 'I love you, too.' She's just very absent-minded, and a total extrovert, so she has lots and lots of acquaintances she calls friends, and I'm just one of them.

Thanks for all your support and advice. One day, I will get the courage to share where I live and who I am. There are people I am afraid of, though, and they might find out who I am. Yeah, I'm paranoid.
I really understand this, I feel like this a lot about people, but what I've recently been learning (it's not tried and tested, I'm just trying it out now) is that to combat loneliness you need to be like yourself, and enjoy your own company, try not to make other people responsible for your happiness, (it's a duty too heavy to bare).

the other thing about people finding out who you really are, I've had that fear and the worst thing in my mind that could happen if that occured did actually happen. (the few friends who knew exactly who I am used it against me, and to hurt me) I can't say it didn't hurt at the time, but did the right thing and dropped them as ASAP.

in my quite small experience we are all stronger than we think, and even though their is a risk being open with people, it's worth more to risk it, than to not get very close to everyone for the whole of your life.

those people don't mean so much to me anymore, I saw a few of them two days ago, and I stopped speaking to them just a year ago, and I have found people more worthy of my appreciation since then.

I think if you open up you will be surprised, It may bring you and your loved one much closer together.

I hope everything goes good for you, and you get over your loneliness and fear of being found out.

hope this is helpful too lol, ( I did go off on my own experience) :crazy:
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
After all these years, I'm still mostly afraid of my parents. My mother, especially. My dad wouldn't bother reading my blog or my posts, but my mother would. I keep having nightmares about this.

There have been times when I have opened up to my special one. It was too much for her. So I pull back, allow her some space, and she forgets all about me. I don't know how to stop feeling. Wish I did. I don't expect her to bear the burden of my loneliness. I'm more lonely when I'm surrounded by people (which is nearly always), but there is a longing I have not yet learned to ignore.

Anyway, thanks guys.
 

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Are you afraid people you love will leave you if they knew you?
 
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