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Yes it's long. I'm sorry but you don't have to read it.

So, anyone else ever feel like this? I keep blaming my actions on my personality and I become self destructive and feel a lot of self hate. Basically I'm a bloody moron.

I'm having a sort of weird time in my life at the moment. I've finished University (barely...) and landed myself a job in London doing what I aimed for since the beginning of my course.

So it all sounds great, everyone congratulates me etc. Good job! and all that.

But I've been here two months and honestly? I think I just hate it. Usually I love change, new things, I get excited. But all that's happened is I'm living with two random people I don't connect with, I don't have any friends down here, my workplace is just full of a bunch of power-tripping men who are just SO difficult to work with, I don't have ANY money; I'm barely surviving at all.

It just feels horrible and I feel drowned by the crapness that is London (you have to be a stonkingly rich millionaire to enjoy REAL life round here, or at least this is how I keep perceiving it). I want to try pull through 6 months, thinking maybe I'm just not giving it a proper go, I need to stay motivated, absorb as many skills I can from my job etc. But I'm just not coping well. I feel sad/self pity and self-hate all the time. I can't even make friends easily, noone wants to stay in contact with me. I feel like I try so hard, but maybe I'm not.

Maybe I just create all my own problems and f**k it all up for myself?

I read an article the other day that said how people assume their 20's to be best time of their lives, but in fact it can be the hardest because you're still discoverig yourself and what makes you happy. I felt I could really relate to this, being 21. I constant feel confused about myself, my actions towards other; trying to control my personality so that I don't become an unhealthy and horrbile person. Why is it so hard?!

Then all my old friends from University update their Facebook status about how amazing their job is, how they're designing really cool stuff I thought I would be designing, but I'm not. Am i just being pesimistic? Why am I always jealous of other peoples lives? Why can't I be happy with what I have? Why are my expectations always wrong?

Most of all; WHEN will I learn to love my life and HOW I can achieve this?


I'm sorry this is so depressing and whiney and I totally know it's only ME that can change anything.

EDIT: I feel like this may be somewhat related to GTBean's thread about 'Starting over' ?
 

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It sounds like you have to do some introspection. You really have to ask yourself if this is the job for you? Do you really enjoy doing this? Is there another profession that you want to do? Sure it'll cost more money to go back to school and get another degree, but who knows... You could end up getting a job you love and will make you more stable. I'm 21 too, and I'm going through the same things emotionally. It's tough. I know I want more out of life, but don't necessarily have the resources to do it at the moment. That's where the planning comes into play. You work your ass off and it'll pay off. It sucks you can't get what you want right away, but it builds character with the long process you'll have to endure getting from point a to b
 

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Step 1: Find a church or community group and meet some people who aren't self righteous douchebags
Step 2: Learn how to earn assets and use money to make your own business so you don't have to work for money.
Step 3: Start networking and bum off other people until you can support your own two feet.

From what I understand, Europe is having some financial trouble, perhaps more than USA? Move out of the city and grow your own food or something. You can figure it out. I'll pray for you.
 

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@Eighty
So, anyone else ever feel like this? I keep blaming my actions on my personality and I become self destructive and feel a lot of self hate. Basically I'm a bloody moron.
That's the depression doing the thinking for you. What you need to do first is to get back your level-headness and calm yourself down so you can start effectively solving problems. How do you that?

1) A good workout at the gym/ Running (I really advise that, you'd feel better about yourself)

2) Anytime bad feelings get too intense, try to do 10 or 20 breathes. It is important that you breathe out more than you breath in (something like breathing in to the count of 6, breathing out to the count of 10) . Concentrate on the breathing. That excercie is really helpful to get back to your objective self for a moment.

Second step, once you are calm enough to think logically and not blame yourself, you'll have to figure out, what's really bothering you in your life and begin to takes steps to solve those things.

From your description I'd say your are mainly depressed because:

* You feel out of control of your life and your future "Barely surviving"

* You feel neglected, and you're not receving enough attention.

I can't even make friends easily, noone wants to stay in contact with me. I feel like I try so hard, but maybe I'm not.
So where do you start?

Try to be in places, where you can meet new people. And then be interested in their life. Common that's easy. Get interested about their activites/hobbies.

If people aren't contacting, try to contact them. Invite a couple a friends to have a meal in your house. And then get involved in preparing the meal that will take your mind off of your problems.

Take up some social activies, such as social drinks, cinema etc. Common, you can do that.

Also try to help people, you'll feel better about yourself. Nothing complicated here. Walk the dog of your old neighbor, something like that. Or get involved in charity where you can come in direct contact with people. You'll feel appreciated.

In short, GET INVOLVED.

Good luck.
 

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I used to have a real issue with my personality too. Or at least that's what I thought the problem was (there's nothing wrong with your personality - we've all got quirks we can work on). Taking a break to just breathe like pericles mentioned really helps me to get perspective on things. But I didn't start getting better that way..

When everything looked like crap, sometimes making fun of the situation (not yourself) helped with mood. Picking up on and highlighting the stuff you CAN do and that are still under your control (no matter how insignificant it seems) helped with momentum. Learning about people who've gone through a great deal helped with hope and perspective. Then, personally, adopting a "the hell I can't" kind of attitude helped with driving myself forward. Of course getting physically active just plain feels good. Breathing helps too.

Anyway, you've really only got yourself in this life. May was well learn to work with what we've got, I think.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
@Eighty
1) A good workout at the gym/ Running (I really advise that, you'd feel better about yourself)
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I am starting my pole lessons soon again. It's really the one thing that I absolutely love, as well as doing acrobatics and stuff in the garden. I want to focus on this more, but again, money...

But, pericles you are absolutely right. I know that I need to gain more friendships and get myself involved. I just find it so hard because I am always asking people questions and talking about their life, but they never ask me anything or appear to give a damn. And they already have so many friends, yet I have none. I never feel like I am truely myself with anyone in real life anymore, noone really knows me cause I never seem to get to that stage of them caring enough to know about me. Even at school people seemed to group into friends around me and I never found myself getting involved. I know this is my own fault but it's just soooooooo hard to try and not exclude myself away, especially as I can't even tell how/why I am doing it half the time. It's so frustrating! The only close friends that I have are on the internet. I don't know what I'd do without them.

As for being out of control of my life, I know what I think I need/want to do to get to where I want to go, it's just that I've hit that halfway mark of that progress now and it's not really turned out how I thought and it's like a slap in the face. I want to stop hitting this brickwall and just concentrate on the positive and work through this. I'm anxious and it's making me doubt my dreams and become negative and 'realistic'.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Step 1: Find a church or community group and meet some people who aren't self righteous douchebags
Step 2: Learn how to earn assets and use money to make your own business so you don't have to work for money.
Step 3: Start networking and bum off other people until you can support your own two feet.

From what I understand, Europe is having some financial trouble, perhaps more than USA? Move out of the city and grow your own food or something. You can figure it out. I'll pray for you.
I can understand the reasoning behind this advice, but I really don't think it will help me. Yes I need to learn how to manage my money succesfully but I know that I do not want my own businesss.

I already had/have plans in place to move out of the country, I think I want to move to Canada, but this is troubling because of money.

My plans were(are?) as follows:

Get my degree in Exhibition & Museum Design (check.)

Become an Exhibition designer in London (check.)

Get experience, learn lots of new skills, become EPIC (unchecked, this is the stage I am at)

Save money, visit Vancouver (just appears to be an epic place, i have my reasons and etc)

Immigrate to Vancouver if still want to go there

Get epic job.

Love life.

I need my motivation back to aim for this! But what if I get to Vancouver and I feel exactly how I do now?! This scares me.
 

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I can understand the reasoning behind this advice, but I really don't think it will help me. Yes I need to learn how to manage my money succesfully but I know that I do not want my own businesss.

I already had/have plans in place to move out of the country, I think I want to move to Canada, but this is troubling because of money.

My plans were(are?) as follows:

Get my degree in Exhibition & Museum Design (check.)

Become an Exhibition designer in London (check.)

Get experience, learn lots of new skills, become EPIC (unchecked, this is the stage I am at)

Save money, visit Vancouver (just appears to be an epic place, i have my reasons and etc)

Immigrate to Vancouver if still want to go there

Get epic job.

Love life.

I need my motivation back to aim for this! But what if I get to Vancouver and I feel exactly how I do now?! This scares me.
Depression sucks dude. I have had a lot of money troubles for the past 4 years and even declared bankruptcy. I was pretty depressed for numerous reasons and money was usually central. There isn't much you can do but accept it and try to continue moving your life forward. As soon as you admit you are depressed I find it gets better a lot quicker.

Now for Vancouver!

I live in Canada and I am not trying to deter you from your dream/mission, but Vancouver is a VERY expensive place to live. I think visiting first is a wise decision but I also have a recommendation for you. If after visiting you still want to move to Canada I suggest moving to the Ottawa/Gatineau (National Capital Region) first. I say this for a couple reasons. Ottawa is slightly less expensive and Gatineau is really cheap compared to Vancouver. Gatineau is in Quebec and Ottawa is in Ontario but they are separated by a river only. Not sure if you speak French or not but near everyone speaks English anyway. I live on the Gatineau side.

The National Capital Region (NCR) has a lot of museums and tourist stuff and in your line of work that might be a better place to start out. Then if successful you could think of getting a job in Vancouver later on.

Just some thoughts!
 
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Depression sucks dude. I have had a lot of money troubles for the past 4 years and even declared bankruptcy. I was pretty depressed for numerous reasons and money was usually central. There isn't much you can do but accept it and try to continue moving your life forward. As soon as you admit you are depressed I find it gets better a lot quicker.

Now for Vancouver!

I live in Canada and I am not trying to deter you from your dream/mission, but Vancouver is a VERY expensive place to live. I think visiting first is a wise decision but I also have a recommendation for you. If after visiting you still want to move to Canada I suggest moving to the Ottawa/Gatineau (National Capital Region) first. I say this for a couple reasons. Ottawa is slightly less expensive and Gatineau is really cheap compared to Vancouver. Gatineau is in Quebec and Ottawa is in Ontario but they are separated by a river only. Not sure if you speak French or not but near everyone speaks English anyway. I live on the Gatineau side.

The National Capital Region (NCR) has a lot of museums and tourist stuff and in your line of work that might be a better place to start out. Then if successful you could think of getting a job in Vancouver later on.

Just some thoughts!
Thanks for the advice, it's crazy how much money effects our mood.

Well you're right; I know Vancouver is really expensive, that's the only downside. Any idea how expensive it is compared to London? In London you really have no benefit by having to spend so much, at least in Vancouver there are more benefits that you get within the City?

But you're right, Ottawa or something might be a better option for me, because of money. I just hope that one day I will have a fantastic salary; I want to become and 2d and 3d concept artist for games/films but it's going to take some more learning yet, and I want to move away from the Exhibition field when I move to Canada or wherever.

I just know that living in the UK all my life would greatly depress me, I really cannot stand the majority of English people, nor our government or way of life.

Thanks so much for the suggestions, it's really helpfull!
 

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Boooooooooo :( What am I gonnna dooooo. I need to be rich! I know that if you become a senior in Exhibition design you can earn between £40 - 100k a year. I'm not sure how much concept artists get.

Maybe I need to research where I wanna live, but it's always been Vancouver...
Hold onto what I said man. Start slow and work towards your goal.

Did you just get a sex change?
 

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Hahahaha. Think I died.

and @TreeBob, why not Toronto? My family lives there and I don't hear them complaining ;o
Well I guess they have a good job. Not saying that Toronto isn't a good place, but Ottawa/Gatineau I think suits her background a bit more.

Toronto or Ottawa, both are better than Vancouver.
 

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Well I guess they have a good job. Not saying that Toronto isn't a good place, but Ottawa/Gatineau I think suits her background a bit more.

Toronto or Ottawa, both are better than Vancouver.
Hey, Bob, did you see this one? It is a fun game and should scare anyone out of moving to Vancouver. Crack Shack or Mansion?

Canada's housing market is in bubble territory and everyone keeps saying it is different than the U.S. for a variety of reasons, but it isn't.

The rule of thumb is that a home price should cost twice your income or 2:1. It got way past that level in the U.S., and Canada is at a ratio of 5.5 to 1. In Vancouver, the ratio is 9:1. So if you put every dollar of your income towards housing, it would take nine years to pay it off. That is insanity.

Anyone young looking to move in the U.S. should be scouting out the cheaper places listed here: Seattle Bubble • Top 25 Cities: Price to Rent and Price to Income Ratios For the most part, middle America is the place to be.
 

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I'm having a sort of weird time in my life at the moment. I've finished University (barely...) and landed myself a job in London doing what I aimed for since the beginning of my course.

So it all sounds great, everyone congratulates me etc. Good job! and all that.
Yeah, yeah, I know. We ESTPs are so busy doing we forget how much we have done, but instead of getting down on yourself for the now, pat yourself on the back for getting through the N university world and not your grades. Really!! That is a big deal for an ESTP. It is harder for us than a lot of other types.

I don't have any friends down here, my workplace is just full of a bunch of power-tripping men who are just SO difficult to work with, I don't have ANY money; I'm barely surviving at all.
With money, when you get over $60,000 per year in income in the U.S., there is no increase in happiness. Everyone thinks that having a lot of money is great, but one in three lottery winners is broke in three years, and they feel dumber than ever when they lose it all. Point is that money comes with responsibility attached to it, and I (and I suspect a lot of ESTPs) couldn't handle money at age 21. I would have pissed it all away on stupid things.

The path to wealth is not how much you make but how much you save and the return you get on your investment, so I wouldn't worry too much on making that super big income especially now. I would focus on acquiring skills and learning what you like and are good at.

What you are really saying is that you don't have the pleasure or fun associated with having money and you have the stress of not having enough. But some of the happiest times of my life were in school when I and everyone else didn't have much.

Pericles gave you great advice about how to socialize and meet people. I have a feeling that you work around a lot of Ns and my colleagues are mostly NTs as well. They are going to look down their nose at you early on. Harpfluffy said of INTJs, "They have a low opinion of other people, they fear attachment as a threat to their independence, and they love talking about things that bore most women, like physics and themselves."

And once you start outperforming NTs at the work place, (how could someone as unpolished as you beat them?), they will not praise you but be fearful and envious of you and look at ways to bring you down. Look at it this way. It is probably to your advantage that they know as little about you as possible.

Even if you befriend NTs, they make a big deal about exclusivity, and I have been to their "most exclusive" and the "best" parties and clubs and for the most part, I find them boring. It is like a contest to see who can shine the most. Point is learn what you can from the Ns at your work place and then move on.

I want to try pull through 6 months, thinking maybe I'm just not giving it a proper go, I need to stay motivated, absorb as many skills I can from my job etc. But I'm just not coping well.
There is a difference between quitting and deciding something is not worth it, and it is not easy to tell which is which. When confronted with this dilemma, you have to get spiritual about it. I tell people who are stuck in this rut to seek out religion. When you go to a church where you feel comfortable, you secrete the faith inspiring hormone oxytocin. It will calm your fears in the moment and make you contemplate what plans God has for you.

Marty mentioned the chemistry thing, (and I don't want to let her down LOL.) but you need to increase the pleasure chemical dopamine by having fun with friends, listening to music, working out (and start taking iron and the amino acid L-tyrosine). And you need to build up the faith inspiring hormone oxytocin by going to church, petting an animal, or eating ice cream on occasion. If you are doing all those pleasurable things and still hate where you are, it probably is time to move on.

I read an article the other day that said how people assume their 20's to be best time of their lives, but in fact it can be the hardest because you're still discoverig yourself and what makes you happy.
I disagree. Your 20s may be the most important decade of your life because you are busting your ass acquiring skills and are doing the same work as someone in their 40s but he is paid 10x as much as you. Your 20s is also usually the time frame when you meet a mate and health wise is the best time for women to have children. It is the decade of hard work, exploring career options, often raising children, and delayed gratification. Your 30s are the ideal years for busting your ass and making money for retirement, and your 40s and 50s is ideally when you get to kick back and enjoy life a lot more. I am MUCH happier with my life now than I was in my 20s.

Then all my old friends from University update their Facebook status about how amazing their job is, how they're designing really cool stuff I thought I would be designing, but I'm not. Am i just being pesimistic? Why am I always jealous of other peoples lives? Why can't I be happy with what I have? Why are my expectations always wrong? Most of all; WHEN will I learn to love my life and HOW I can achieve this?
I suspect your expectations are probably off. The hardest part of getting what you need/want is often actually knowing what you need/want. The one thing about your dreams that I can assure you of is that they probably are not going to turn out as you expected them to. Some things will be better than you anticipated, and some will be worse.

But this is classic ESTP grip behavior. Your F feels badly and it is leading your N down the doomsday path. The N is saying things are bad and are never going to get better because you haven't figured out what you really feel badly about I suspect. Once you figure out what it is that really has you down and correct it, your N will shut up, and the depression will lift.

Most causes of depression are due to a person feeling that they have no control over their fate but if you turn the question around, things aren't so bad. Instead of focusing on your misery, ask yourself what God wanted you to learn from doing this job and be patient. His messages are subtle and often missed, but if you are on the lookout for them, you will find what you need. Just have some faith that you are there for a reason.
 

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