I suggest you create an imaginary friend (but don't let your imagination get away from you and think your friend is actually real).

I dunno im new to the ennagrams but i carefully chose 4 because some of the descriptions, even tho they pissed me off were true.

something along the lines of the 4's wanting to idealize, and romanticise...that the feelings of love once awakened are so magical any sense of true reality lessens the initial effect. that a 4 will always remember the strongest feeling, and will miss it and suffer its loss and relish in its agony forever in a desparate attempt to revive it somehow, in vain. nothing gold can stay.

in my own experience the only time love was perfect for me was when we were both so intoxicated by eachother that each believed and proclaimed and lived as though we would be together forever. the infatuation was so powerful and rich and vibrant, but looking back i felt best when we each shared the same illusion. great as it was at first i got accustomed to it, and as reality set in we each silently realized the truth but denied it and dragged our union out until something bad happened, love polarized into hatred shock, and further denial for one of us, shame coldness, and impatience for the other.. to this day i shall never be the same, and for my own sake and sanity i can barely remember what that feeling is like, i only vaguely know its the best feeling in the world, and the worst thing to lose.. and that i want it back..

i'd go with the imaginary friend thing pc3000 suggested, but i wouldnt avoid believing it can be real. though i cant share this through experience a part of me believes that if you use your imaginating enough, and get that phantom lover as crystal clear and realistic as possible (flaws and all), perhaps you'll be ready if such a being ever crosses your path in this lifetime.

reality isnt anyones fault, i dont think blame has ever contributed to anything but destruction.

Erm. I don't think there is the ideal person out there though. And if you are looking for someone who will solve all your problems and make you happy then it's just too much pressure to put on someone. You kind of need to be your own friend and have that other voice inside you telling you that no you are not a shitty friend, or rotten or an asshole. Some people wouldn't treat other people the way they treat themselves.

Meak - I suppose my intuition always gets ahead of myself - but this (your post) is likely why we have to talk. You are somehow part of my healing process. I was recently involved with a Type 4 male, and I could see from a distance his romantic nature. I too can get quite emotional. So what I did for a long while, was remain at a distance from him, in my heart. Then his 'romantic' words really eroded my efforts, and eventually, I developed some feelings for him. Now he has left me, likely onto another romance with another lady who has captured his interest - but I feel so abandoned in my heart.

Now I am not criticizing you in any way, because regardless of type so many people get carried away in 'romance'. However it is important for each person to take responsibility for the things they say and do. I was very cautious with him, he fought with me saying that I was skeptical, etc, but I was on firm ground with him, stating he shouldn't say things to me if he didn't mean it, or make promises that he cannot fulfill. I let my love for him grow regardless - I think me being so tough, pushed him to treat me more romantically.

Overall it is a messy situation. One that I believe is avoidable. Please look into yourself, and find reasons why you as Type 4, have these romantic ways. It is good to be so romantic and beautiful, but it can really hurt others, when your feelings are show in an enthusiastic way, and then when the feelings are gone, the other person may be involved (it took them some time to get caught up) and they may feel abandoned.

I think it is good to explore romantic feelings - just be clear and up front, whether it is fantasy or reality for yourself, and be clear to others too. If you are unsure, err on the side of caution with communication. I did this recently too, I had another mini-affair of the heart, but it was really awesome. I said to him - this is going to be fantasy, and I'm not interested in a relationship right now. And we have now parted, but no feelings hurt on either end. So there are ways to get around this 'Romantic' stuff. But in the meantime, I would advise you to get control over what is said and not said to others, and also to try to not make promises that cannot be kept. This is what I would tell my friend, but he has disappeared on me, leaving my heart gapping open and in pain. But I am highly forgiving, maybe he will come to know this if he comes back - but I don't think he will.

Girl, don't be hard on yourself, this is all about growing up, in love and life. But I know, from being around my Type 4 friend, he was extremely hard on himself, I could feel it, although he never showed me this. And I want to help him, but that is out of my hands. I just wished he was more responsible, and not leading me on. I don't doubt that he cared for me 'in the moment' but making promises that can't be kept is painful - that he should not have done.

Meak said:

I fell in love for a short period of time, and it was online and once I met the person, I fell out of love and I'm not attracted to them anymore, because of their personality. Yes, most of you know wtf I'm talking about, we made such a huge deal about us for such a long time. There are times when I feel like I can love this person, other times I am not happy. I don't know if this is my fault or if it's him. It makes me sad, and it makes me revert into day dreaming and imagining actually being in love.

Have any suggestions? Don't be offended if I disagree with them btw, just saying.

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another way of saying you have the best chance of solving all your problems and making you happy?

'the cliche notion of two people completing eachother is flawed in the respect that a healthy person is meant to be whole. Liken it to 2 half circles making one full circle, two partial entities coming together to create a complete one, feeding off of eachother and unable to survive apart, feeling terrible sorrow if the union is broken, seeking desparately for completion outside of the self, never truly attaining the root desire of wholeness' - unnatural.

ERM indeed. i learn something new everyday.

I wouldn't be concerned over things like who is at fault, or mindful of feelings of guilt, regret. It didn't work. You didn't fit. It's nobody's fault but nature's, nothing is at fault but chemistry.

Remove yourself from him, and find someone else who you connect with.

Oh, and I should add also - When dealing with Online type encounters, it is best to not have increased expectations, no matter how wonderful it all seems. Well I guess you are aware of this now. I mean you are a great person, and so is he, however great together - that has to be seen in 'Real Life', because there are many facets of a person, that cannot be gathered when not being able to be around each other physically, etc. Not to say that it isn't a place to meet people - but just to be cautious, I guess. I forgot to mention this earlier, I was more consumed with my issue, related to the Romantic thing I experienced.

Meak said:

I fell in love for a short period of time, and it was online and once I met the person, I fell out of love and I'm not attracted to them anymore, because of their personality. Yes, most of you know wtf I'm talking about, we made such a huge deal about us for such a long time. There are times when I feel like I can love this person, other times I am not happy. I don't know if this is my fault or if it's him. It makes me sad, and it makes me revert into day dreaming and imagining actually being in love.

Have any suggestions? Don't be offended if I disagree with them btw, just saying.

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