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Discussion Starter #1
I've been spending a LOT of time in a group with an ENFP. A little while ago whilst drunk she came onto me (I feel like I sensed some vibes but originally wanted to stay away for reasons of my own), we kinda made out and fooled around at my place. Problem is, now I think I've caught some feelings, and when I went to talk to her about it she says she feels platonic about it. That would be cool, but the thing is, that normally I 100% trust my gut with the introverts I normally go for, and it's been going haywire picking up on signals from her this past week. Occasionally when I happen to catch her eye I swear I can see that "look" in her eyes but it's only fleeting and I'm not sure to trust it. I'm so used to relying on my gut totally that I don't know what to make of the situation since obviously her signals are different from an introvert's (being an ENFP myself I know that, but my intuition apparently doesn't lol). When she gets close to me I swear I feel some vibes, but I'm taking her word for what she said previously.

I mean, even though it feels like we've gotten close quite quickly we've only known each other a short time that's the other thing. We also may be living together soon for a number of months, I dunno the whole thing is blah and I'm trying to get a foothold over myself.

It's been a while since I've been this exposed to someone, I usually feel more comfortable being more in control, and this girl is probably about as assertive as I am which is also something very different, we are quite similar in a lot of ways but she's younger by a few years and has a younger outlook.

It's been years since I've done this, but this is kind of just a vent and an open request for useful perspectives. Thoughts? Lay them on me.
 

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Dude! DUDE! Great to see you again!

Umm, well, I have limited experience 'dating' an ENFP for two dates this past June and we were too similar. Chemistry was impossible and we mutually broke it off.

In your case, well, she's an ENFP. She thinks like we think. Be honest with her and if she insists on "platonic" then you need to pull back, there's no alternative, and move on. However, she should be a solid communicator and let you know what she feels.
 

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@Tridentus. Good to hear from you.

Maybe with different Enneagrams there's a possibility of some chemistry. I mean, if you're feeling it and you guys already made out... see what happens.

I was telling @Moby85 just a week ago about my old experience of dating an ENFP, when we kissed there was NO chemistry. I might as well have been kissing my arm and I had been really excited about this guy and it had seemed like so much fun on 2 dates before the kiss. Anyway, I spent this weekend with 3 ENFPs and all so different. We all got along great! The one is getting to be a close friend and she comes across with so much Fi to me, but her inferior Si is showing and I watched her introduce herself to everyone, she's one of us. Anyway, she is pretty different. The other 2 are very much like me and are likely also Enneagram 7. I think maybe the chemistry between different Enneagram types might work, even with both ENFP?
Did she know about MBTI?
Probably let her give you more signals than just a glance at this point is my suggestion, but you could still joke around with her. If there is chemistry to be had, it would develop even if you're friends first, most likely.
 

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Discussion Starter #4 (Edited)
when we kissed there was NO chemistry. I might as well have been kissing my arm and I had been really excited about this guy and it had seemed like so much fun on 2 dates before the kiss. Anyway, I spent this weekend with 3 ENFPs and all so different. We all got along great! The one is getting to be a close friend and she comes across with so much Fi to me, but her inferior Si is showing and I watched her introduce herself to everyone, she's one of us. Anyway, she is pretty different. The other 2 are very much like me and are likely also Enneagram 7. I think maybe the chemistry between different Enneagram types might work, even with both ENFP?
Did she know about MBTI?
Probably let her give you more signals than just a glance at this point is my suggestion, but you could still joke around with her. If there is chemistry to be had, it would develop even if you're friends first, most likely.
Oh there is chemistry. I mean, we may have been drunk, but if that wasn't physical chemistry I don't know what is. We've kind of continued to spend time together, and my intuition is going all over the place with this. She gives off mixed signals, and I remember when I was younger that was something I used to do when I liked someone but was nervous about it. If I had to give a read without any other information than body language that's the one I'd give.

Like I said my intuition is greenlighting me, but like I said verbally she shut me down after that night (like 10 days ago now). I don't think she's had too much experience with romantic stuff although she's quite assertive, and overall she's kind of in her own lane if you know what I mean. I mean I'm like that too as you guys know, but she's on another level. Sometimes I wonder if she's unsure about forming that intimacy. Other times I just think my intuition is straight up wrong, but that doesn't happen very often (try never in a long time). I

I haven't really been "running my game" on her at all since then, just been casual too since she verbally shut me down last time and I want to at least stay close friends because connections whether platonic or romantic are important to me rather than make a failed play and have things be awkward.. but I mean our friends can see the connection too. I notice when we talk about romantic things as a group she gets a little quiet, and when our friends teased us about our chemistry she got awkward and quiet (whereas she's normally a bantery confident girl).

If she's expecting me to take the male role and be forward and make the moves it's really not fair on me since she verbally shut me down after that night. I'm just going to be chummy with her and if we stay friends that's ok with me, I honestly don't think there is much onus on me to make moves at this point.
 

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Oh there is chemistry. I mean, we may have been drunk, but if that wasn't physical chemistry I don't know what is. We've kind of continued to spend time together, and my intuition is going all over the place with this. She gives off mixed signals, and I remember when I was younger that was something I used to do when I liked someone but was nervous about it. If I had to give a read without any other information than body language that's the one I'd give.

Like I said my intuition is greenlighting me, but like I said verbally she shut me down after that night (like 10 days ago now). I don't think she's had too much experience with romantic stuff although she's quite assertive, and overall she's kind of in her own lane if you know what I mean. I mean I'm like that too as you guys know, but she's on another level. Sometimes I wonder if she's unsure about forming that intimacy. Other times I just think my intuition is straight up wrong, but that doesn't happen very often (try never in a long time). I

I haven't really been "running my game" on her at all since then, just been casual too since she verbally shut me down last time and I want to at least stay close friends because connections whether platonic or romantic are important to me rather than make a failed play and have things be awkward.. but I mean our friends can see the connection too. I notice when we talk about romantic things as a group she gets a little quiet, and when our friends teased us about our chemistry she got awkward and quiet (whereas she's normally a bantery confident girl).

If she's expecting me to take the male role and be forward and make the moves it's really not fair on me since she verbally shut me down after that night. I'm just going to be chummy with her and if we stay friends that's ok with me, I honestly don't think there is much onus on me to make moves at this point.
I wonder what her Enneagram is. Anyway, since she is younger she could definitely still be in her exploratory phase. For sure many of us didn't have too much romantic experience, right? I mean... I knew I was ready for a relationship when I found my husband but the nervousness for some of us with these high of stakes is over the top. Right? Like to me as Enneagram 7 sx, there is nothing more important than who I choose to love and it took a LOT for me to finally learn to commit. And even when I was younger than 25 and thought I would be ready for a relationship, I clearly wasn't. Way too nervous, way too independent. When I was ready, though, my husband dating me the way he did, being very upfront about his feelings for me and lots of physical affection helped a ton. I still felt ready to bolt at any time though, until I cared too much about his feelings to ever hurt him or pull away. I just couldn't get enough of him and still can't.

So...I think many of us ENFP girls have expressed the friendship coming first helped in most of our circumstances. If you want to be patient for this one, either way you will want to be friends with her. You would have to gage how ready she is to commit at this age and then maybe it would take a few years. See if you can do some friendship kind of stuff and get closer.

I don't know. I like this idea of you being with an ENFP. Maybe find out about her Ennegram. I know you know what you are about, so if this is it for you I know you following your intuition will work as long as she can see you as what she wants in life. You'd have to explore that with her to see and keep stepping up--- but you've always got dead-on intuition in my opinion. I like this.

Even right now I'll tell you that I really am loving my ENFP friendships. ENFPs are rock-solid friends when needed. You can always trust us to care, truly, and who else can you find that from in that same way really? If anyone could navigate being with another one of us, I think you could. Keep me posted, pm whenever you like, I'll just listen, I know you always really have a good handle on a situation.
 
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I wonder what her Enneagram is. Anyway, since she is younger she could definitely still be in her exploratory phase. For sure many of us didn't have too much romantic experience, right? I mean... I knew I was ready for a relationship when I found my husband but the nervousness for some of us with these high of stakes is over the top. Right? Like to me as Enneagram 7 sx, there is nothing more important than who I choose to love and it took a LOT for me to finally learn to commit. And even when I was younger than 25 and thought I would be ready for a relationship, I clearly wasn't. Way too nervous, way too independent. When I was ready, though, my husband dating me the way he did, being very upfront about his feelings for me and lots of physical affection helped a ton. I still felt ready to bolt at any time though, until I cared too much about his feelings to ever hurt him or pull away. I just couldn't get enough of him and still can't.
First of all @Llyralen as a fellow 7 SX I feel you. You know, I say a lot of 'confident' stuff on these boards here in how I handle dating and I'm not being inauthentic. But the reality is it kinda makes me sound a bit like a player (I think) but I'm just like you. I'm independent, I really want to find 'the one'. I need a lot of physical contact and when I give physical contact it's actually meaningful. I want to find the right person, but I always feel it's high stakes just like you.
 

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I've had no real experience with this so I'm only able to theorize about the topic but hoping it could give some thoughts :)

I imagine it could be not bad option at all dating anybody similar to ourselves (there could be definitely worse types for that for us) but it could depend a lot on how compatible your Fi-s are with each other as it makes us quite different despite of the shared type.

For example, I know one most likely ENFP girl whose Fi tells her she must be right about absolutely EVERYTHING and that's all for her :) Very impulsive and no debating but I personally rather like debating if it's needed and reasonable. I'd imagine it could create a lot of tension with guy like me who's also rather non-conformist about some things. Another possibly ENFP girl in my sister's group seems to be depressed for most of her life and too wandering for my taste (if I was single), without any sights in her life - again would be rather difficult to handle. Turbulent ENFPs seem to be quite unpredictable and despite that we like some unpredictability in our lifes we still need some stability to rely on. I'm quite much into "fixing stuff" but that would only be interesting for some time not constantly. Some Fe type could probably help her more with her struggles.

Lets assume for a while that the Fi-s do match with each other. Then it could be that weaker Si which could cause some trouble in everyday life - who's going to notice then that the house needs some cleaning etc :) For younger ENFPs Te could also be an issue - there are lot of ideas but nobody's going to actually implement them right :)

I guess that for short-lived relationships it could work well unless you have some serious clashes in your world view but not sure if that'd work well in sustainable manner for years. It could be definitely a lot of fun but fun isn't what makes relationships work in long term - there are many other aspects too. But as I said, that's only theorizing - hoping that somebody could tell from their experiences :)
 

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I've had no real experience with this so I'm only able to theorize about the topic but hoping it could give some thoughts :)

I imagine it could be not bad option at all dating anybody similar to ourselves (there could be definitely worse types for that for us) but it could depend a lot on how compatible your Fi-s are with each other as it makes us quite different despite of the shared type.
I agree that an ENFP-ENFP option could be great if there is legit romantic chemistry.
 

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I wonder what her Enneagram is. Anyway, since she is younger she could definitely still be in her exploratory phase. For sure many of us didn't have too much romantic experience, right? I mean... I knew I was ready for a relationship when I found my husband but the nervousness for some of us with these high of stakes is over the top. Right? Like to me as Enneagram 7 sx, there is nothing more important than who I choose to love and it took a LOT for me to finally learn to commit. And even when I was younger than 25 and thought I would be ready for a relationship, I clearly wasn't. Way too nervous, way too independent. When I was ready, though, my husband dating me the way he did, being very upfront about his feelings for me and lots of physical affection helped a ton. I still felt ready to bolt at any time though, until I cared too much about his feelings to ever hurt him or pull away. I just couldn't get enough of him and still can't.

So...I think many of us ENFP girls have expressed the friendship coming first helped in most of our circumstances. If you want to be patient for this one, either way you will want to be friends with her. You would have to gage how ready she is to commit at this age and then maybe it would take a few years. See if you can do some friendship kind of stuff and get closer.

I don't know. I like this idea of you being with an ENFP. Maybe find out about her Ennegram. I know you know what you are about, so if this is it for you I know you following your intuition will work as long as she can see you as what she wants in life. You'd have to explore that with her to see and keep stepping up--- but you've always got dead-on intuition in my opinion. I like this.

Even right now I'll tell you that I really am loving my ENFP friendships. ENFPs are rock-solid friends when needed. You can always trust us to care, truly, and who else can you find that from in that same way really? If anyone could navigate being with another one of us, I think you could. Keep me posted, pm whenever you like, I'll just listen, I know you always really have a good handle on a situation.
Apparently you hit the nail on the head here, especially with your stuff about what you were like when you were younger. Firstly, I think she does like me, or at least I made a move today and she was really happy about it. I forgot how much I love the simple pleasure of just holding hands and walking with someone. So my intuition WASN'T wrong it wasn't abandoning me after all these years which tbh is the biggest relief, I was literally so confused for a while there thinking my trusty gut was malfunctioning or something. Like I said she's much more assertive (outgoing) than the girls I normally go for but she did seem nervous today about being around me when we left our friends to go for a walk. I can sense an underlying fear of getting too involved I think, but I feel like I've matured and reached a point where I'm better equipped to carry an interaction through and be the steady one.

Yeah I think everything you say about yourself reminds me of her. I was also obviously where she is at now at one point so I know some of the perspectives. I don't really know what I'm expecting from this, so just basically nothing and take it one day at a time, but it could be an interesting year. I never ever ever ever even thought about an ENFP as an option before.
 

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I dated an ENFP for awhile. My neuroticism dropped to 0 when I was around her. No worry or overthinking. Just being together. When it ended, it was mutual. No lasting feelings of regret or what if's, which was nice. All in all, a fun match-up.
 

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I think @tarmonk has a point on the possible Fi clashes. My INFP husbands Fi and mine agree pretty perfectly. Also as long as you appreciate each other’s perspectives. It’s true like Tarmonk says that some of us think a certain way of being is right and some of us are very willing and gracious to encourage each other to follow their own conscience (follow your own Fi! I will support you!). I think we have mostly the latter here at PerC right now. I don’t know, most of my closest friends right now are ENFPs or maybe ESFPs. Now I’m around 40..it seems like these are the friends who can give me what I need; caring and interesting conversation, adventure, humor, and faith and encouragement. I don’t want to live in a echo chamber, or else in theory I don’t, but thank god for the ENFPs who I’ve gotten closer to lately. I can really trust them to have my back. I just can’t find the same understanding or the same give and take elsewhere. @Tridentus, follow your intuition and let us hear how it goes. I think we would keep each other on top of our games too as we encourage each other.

There’s that girl who wrote the ENFP survival guide, I heard her talk about ENFPs together and she said/thought tha5 wh3n one of them had a strength over the other one that the ENFP with the strength would get really annoyed at the weakness of the weaker one. It’s true that that is a bit true in my marriage with my INFP...but it’s all good, I think. There can be humor about that kind of thing when both people know what is going on.
 

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I think @tarmonk has a point on the possible Fi clashes. My INFP husbands Fi and mine agree pretty perfectly. Also as long as you appreciate each other’s perspectives. It’s true like Tarmonk says that some of us think a certain way of being is right and some of us are very willing and gracious to encourage each other to follow their own conscience (follow your own Fi! I will support you!). I think we have mostly the latter here at PerC right now. I don’t know, most of my closest friends right now are ENFPs or maybe ESFPs. Now I’m around 40..it seems like these are the friends who can give me what I need; caring and interesting conversation, adventure, humor, and faith and encouragement. I don’t want to live in a echo chamber, or else in theory I don’t, but thank god for the ENFPs who I’ve gotten closer to lately. I can really trust them to have my back. I just can’t find the same understanding or the same give and take elsewhere. @Tridentus , follow your intuition and let us hear how it goes. I think we would keep each other on top of our games too as we encourage each other.

There’s that girl who wrote the ENFP survival guide, I heard her talk about ENFPs together and she said/thought tha5 wh3n one of them had a strength over the other one that the ENFP with the strength would get really annoyed at the weakness of the weaker one. It’s true that that is a bit true in my marriage with my INFP...but it’s all good, I think. There can be humor about that kind of thing when both people know what is going on.
I agree with all of this. Thankfully she's quite objective for her age, so far, I haven't known her that long I guess. She occasionally gets her Fi irked by an ENTP in our class but overall she's chill and us two agree or compromise on things easily, it's just I feel like I have the more laid-back "been there done it" attitude. We joke about what it would be like if we disagreed on things, and actually we've both debated on the same side vs the ENTP a couple of times. I'd say we line up decently well with morals, it's just the age that is the difference. I feel like any differences we have are things she might actually agree with me on later if that makes sense (e.g. perspectives with money), so therefore one of my main conscious things to avoid would be to say anything that could be construed as patronising, but I think that's fine since she is confident and an impressive person in her own way, I can tell she has so much potential, though to her right now she's still in that peter pan "confused" stage.

I can tell she's very set in her ways like I said but I don't mind that as I'm used to that from INFPs (I actually find it very sexy), as long as she is co-operative where it counts which she seems to be so far. Sometimes she'll go off on one and do her own thing, but she seems self-aware that she does this too, and honestly I'm ok with it, at least at this bare early stage. I have no clue how I might feel later ofc but I'd expect it'd be fine.

I'm just glad that if anyone has to be the "stronger" one, well in this case I think I'm just the "older" one, it's me, since I know I wear that position responsibly and with patience. Plus, for us in our circumstance, it's more just about navigating this living situation and all the stress/change that is happening with both of us right now. It's a challenge, but hey that's what life is all about.
 

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@Tridentus. Just to clarify, I might get annoyed that my husband was introverted with someone who needed help, where I was more outgoing...but he lets me be myself...and he might get annoyed with me that I lost my keys again or got lost in a closet but that fundamental understanding is there and every5hing is all forgiven. I never get annoyed at him in a “Yuk, get away from me.” Way...never and not once. When he comes home I’m like, “ I get to play and talk with my husband!” Because he is still the funnest person to talk to! So, different k8nd of annoyance there...not one that drives apart. At least not with this INFP and ENFP.

It was fun reading about your walk today too. Nice!
I was counseling a darling 23 year old very anorexic ENFP today and I told her she is such an inspiration to me and everyone. She is. It’s amazing to find encouragement the way we give it, because she encouraged me to go back to school to become a therapist. I had been thinking of trying and it felt just amazing to have her say she thinks I’d be so good at it. I’m telling this because I know we go around pointing out what people are amazing at and encouraging them and being on the other side of it, I found that it really is like giving a gift of loving light to someone..just pure inspiration. I am really really loving our type these days. Hopefully I can help her too. I know I’m a bit off topic....:crazy:
 

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@Llyralen

By the way, when you were younger and mostly single did you get a lot of romantic attention from guys? She said something the other day about getting random marriage proposals from guys (she was probably testing my reaction lol), and both times I've gone with her to a place with alcohol there have been guys fancying her and trying to come onto her.

I'm just curious. I don't really care since my attitude is that I'm a better catch than any of those guys would be (regardless of whether it is true or not lol), but just out of interest.
 

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I was counseling a darling 23 year old very anorexic ENFP today and I told her she is such an inspiration to me and everyone. She is. It’s amazing to find encouragement the way we give it, because she encouraged me to go back to school to become a therapist. I had been thinking of trying and it felt just amazing to have her say she thinks I’d be so good at it. I’m telling this because I know we go around pointing out what people are amazing at and encouraging them and being on the other side of it, I found that it really is like giving a gift of loving light to someone..just pure inspiration. I am really really loving our type these days. Hopefully I can help her too. I know I’m a bit off topic....:crazy:
You would be good at it, very good. That's a fact. Obviously I did my counseling module for my MA, and I also saw a counsellor before I came out here to get my perspectives straight (VERY VERY VERY worthwhile!). So I understand decently well the skills and behaviours required, and I think you'd fit like a jigsaw piece into it.

For me, what I discovered on my course is that I suit teaching far better. I struggled with the one-to-ones like I told you, and I just prefer the group format far more.
 

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I agree with all of this. Thankfully she's quite objective for her age, so far, I haven't known her that long I guess. She occasionally gets her Fi irked by an ENTP in our class but overall she's chill and us two agree or compromise on things easily, it's just I feel like I have the more laid-back "been there done it" attitude. We joke about what it would be like if we disagreed on things, and actually we've both debated on the same side vs the ENTP a couple of times. I'd say we line up decently well with morals, it's just the age that is the difference. I feel like any differences we have are things she might actually agree with me on later if that makes sense (e.g. perspectives with money), so therefore one of my main conscious things to avoid would be to say anything that could be construed as patronising, but I think that's fine since she is confident and an impressive person in her own way, I can tell she has so much potential, though to her right now she's still in that peter pan "confused" stage.

I can tell she's very set in her ways like I said but I don't mind that as I'm used to that from INFPs (I actually find it very sexy), as long as she is co-operative where it counts which she seems to be so far. Sometimes she'll go off on one and do her own thing, but she seems self-aware that she does this too, and honestly I'm ok with it, at least at this bare early stage. I have no clue how I might feel later ofc but I'd expect it'd be fine.

I'm just glad that if anyone has to be the "stronger" one, well in this case I think I'm just the "older" one, it's me, since I know I wear that position responsibly and with patience. Plus, for us in our circumstance, it's more just about navigating this living situation and all the stress/change that is happening with both of us right now. It's a challenge, but hey that's what life is all about.
And I loved reading abou5 this. It sounds like it’s moving along. Enjoy the journey! You might wan5 to keep a journal, or I guess you could use PerC, but so have a record, it would be a treasure to look back on. I picked up my journal from my days dating my husband — I just happened to keep a journal— the other day and there were all these notes from him and a few poems and all my poems about us and later so many sweet things. Just priceless. I think I will show him on our 30th wedding anniversary. Just an idea.
 

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And I loved reading abou5 this. It sounds like it’s moving along. Enjoy the journey! You might wan5 to keep a journal, or I guess you could use PerC, but so have a record, it would be a treasure to look back on. I picked up my journal from my days dating my husband — I just happened to keep a journal— the other day and there were all these notes from him and a few poems and all my poems about us and later so many sweet things. Just priceless. I think I will show him on our 30th wedding anniversary. Just an idea.
Thanks. I'm not sure I feel comfortable looking that far forward, but I'll maybe post if I feel like things come up.

Like I said, I really don't know what this even is yet. Neither of us even have our jobs or long-term accommodation contracts yet, let alone our visas lol. It's a lot. It's just a lot right now. Things need to go very slowly one day at a time.

but I think I do like her at this point.
 

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@Llyralen

By the way, when you were younger and mostly single did you get a lot of romantic attention from guys? She said something the other day about getting random marriage proposals from guys (she was probably testing my reaction lol), and both times I've gone with her to a place with alcohol there have been guys fancying her and trying to come onto her.

I'm just curious. I don't really care since my attitude is that I'm a better catch than any of those guys would be (regardless of whether it is true or not lol), but just out of interest.
I think I have some vanity about it too. I often remind my husband I chose him and I could have married a slew of other guys and so he had better take the trash out! Lol. That kind of thing... Also...I still can get vain because they still come on to me. However...who would I wan5 but him? I did choose him for a reason. This does create a feeling that I want my husband to know I am “something” though and not to take me for granted. However when I tell him someone has a crush on me he usually thinks it is funny as all get-out and starts cracking a bunch of jokes to tease me. Not the reaction I was looking for...so I don’t always tell him. I can handle it, anyway. She likely handles it with skill, I’d bet. Put them down firmly but kindly?
Also, I was going to make a thread on this...l8ke maybe...but we look young, we ENFP girls. I th8nk it has to do with our optimism. I wonder if it affects skin, because my skin doesn’t wr8nkle really— not yet, anyway... I usually get mistaken for age 20-27. And people get shocked when I tell them I have kids...let alone 13 year olds. Okay, that was the biggest vanity fair since forever.... and I enjoyed telling you!
 
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Thanks. I'm not sure I feel comfortable looking that far forward, but I'll maybe post if I feel like things come up.

Like I said, I really don't know what this even is yet. Neither of us even have our jobs or long-term accommodation contracts yet, let alone our visas lol. It's a lot. It's just a lot right now. Things need to go very slowly one day at a time.

but I think I do like her at this point.
I know I’m jumping the gun, but I am glad that I happened to be keeping a record. So nice of you to encourage me too. It would be good for my patients to be able to go from food to therapy and back. My anorexics and even my diabetes patients need it. A lot of people with diabetes have depression. It would be good. I need to look into online programs.
 
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Discussion Starter #20
@Llyralen

Yep she's got skills. Her intuition for people obviously stands out and she knows how to handle people confidently. I kinda like it XD. I mean I'm confident in my skills so I don't need anyone for that, but it's still kinda fun to see her kick ass. She sometimes takes over the whole situation for our whole group (our group's average age is like 6 years older than hers lol) That's definitely one of the biggest differences, where I normally like to look out for my introverted girls a little more, but with her I just let her handle her shit by herself, I don't get the sense she'd want me to help anyway. But somehow it's still kinda comfortable, unfamiliar, but comfortable.
 
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