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Thank you again for the answers. Now, my question is, isn't it off to ask for doing something out of the blue? Shouldn't I have to create a bond with her and then take a step forward?
I'm having a hard time choosing my words here, but I'll try my best to help as much as I can. Relationships are extremely difficult to handle because healthy ones require both parties present be equally responsible for creating something together. "Traditionally" speaking, (and I cannot stress this enough) -- I mean no offense by using "traditional" as my example of choice-- It's the male's "job" to initiate and the female's to reciprocate or respectfully decline. Unfortunately, we're talking about a scenario in which the subject of affection is a repeat customer where you are the employee. Ethically speaking, it is considered "inappropriate" to do it and for good reason: it over-complicates things which are already complicated to begin with. In short, it makes for bad bedfellows and the aftermath of a potential fallout afterwards could have dire consequences that range from civil to criminal liabilities; or in some cases, both. I guess what I'm saying is that 'love' is a gamble. Even if this girl doesn't reject you flat out, there's always a potential deal breaker that's going to rear its ugly head around the next corner. What I don't feel comfortable with is the fact she just broke up with her boyfriend. If you're not careful, you very well could be heading towards a rebound relationship. Are rebound relationships bad you ask? It varies from person to person. This is why I said earlier that whoever you choose to be with should already be an extension of who you already are. If you date a girl under false pretenses, rest assured... it will come to light eventually. If you care about your job, I would let her go; despite developing feelings for her. If you don't care about your job or any potential ramifications coming as a result of asking the girl out on a date, you've got more than enough wiggle room to spare.

All that being said, you need to ask yourself one important question: Is it love, lust, an infatuation, or is it limerance?

Love - an intense feeling of deep affection
Lust - a very strong sexual desire
Infatuation - An intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something
Limerance - the state of being infatuated or obsessed with another person, typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one's feelings but not primarily for a sexual relationship

Determining which bracket you fall into will determine the course of action required. And just so we're all clear, I know EXACTLY what limerance is and feels like. Which is why I got so heated in the first place. I've been struggling with my own limerance battle for over 20 years.
 

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Good Lord... Have you no shame? It's incredulously insulting that you would even suggest such a thing to OP; regardless of whether or not you're being serious. I hate to break it to you, but not all guys have one thing on their mind. And only God knows just how sick and tired of this misogynistic bullshit I am. So you have your grievances against women. Well congratulations!!! It's duly noted now. Unfortunately, it does absolute fuck all for OP and rest of us who have read your stupid ass joke/comment; or is it simply a pitiful attempt at creating levity, masked as a projection wreaking of personal failure(s)? Now, if you would be so kind as to offer a REAL suggestion, it would be greatly appreciated. Needless to say, I'm not an admin. That being said, you have 3 options at this point: 1.) You can take my post to you with a grain of salt -- if you'd most prefer. 2.) You can respond with a defensive post littered with insults that attack my character. 3.) BE A FUCKING ADULT. Apologize, take this shit seriously and actually be a contributing member of this thread -- rather than be a complete and total shit bag of epic proportions. It's clear from my stance where I stand on the matter, but the ball is in your court. Above all, regardless of your response, I implore you to do the right thing.

To OP,
My suggestion is don't put all your eggs in one basket. As others have suggested, ask her out and get to know her over a cup of coffee. Talk about her likes and her dislikes. I'm not going to sit here and tell you to "be yourself" because that's of no use to you, me or anyone else who is struggling with meeting the right girl, at the right time and under the right circumstances. Above all, remember that there's no such thing as Mr. Right -- There's only Mr. Chosen. Who you choose to be with should be an extension of who you already are. And as she evolves, so will you; and vice versa. And for the love of God, don't listen to those who imply that you did something to "creep" her out. Gathering the courage to talk to a potential romantic interest in the first place is unfathomably nerve-racking enough as it is. You don't need that added pressure; that would be like choosing to go skydiving without a parachute. I hope things work out in your favor. If she does happen to reject you though, know that I more than feel your pain -- because unlike SOME people, I have a little something called 'empathy'. It's more than okay to be bummed out about it. Just remember the most important thing: just because a door closes, that doesn't necessarily mean that all doors are closed; one will open. Right place. Right time. Right circumstances. No bull.
I felt so relieved reading this. Thank you.
:claps:
 

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Thank you again for the answers. Now, my question is, isn't it off to ask for doing something out of the blue? Shouldn't I have to create a bond with her and then take a step forward?
Yeah--I was sort of apprehensive about how you both work next to each other and must see each other. I think it might be against the rules for you to ask her out at the counter? Also, she might feel uncomfortable getting coffee there afterwards too--so just consider that (it probably wouldn't be your fault--but it could happen--some women are really avoidant). I mean, maybe it is better to just compliment, or somehow end up off-work and in the shop to see if she wants to interact with you outside of work.

Otherwise, perhaps just oversharing that you are going to do something that weekend, and then see what her reaction is--if she says "sounds like fun" or something, you could ask her if she's interested in that activity. Maybe even if she'd like to go.

Like she could say "how are you today?" (which is a normal, polite thing to say),

And you could say "I'm really good because I'm so excited to go see/go do blahblahblah this weekend."

Then she could say "oh--sounds like fun!" and you could say "are you interested in that?" And then see by her reaction--if she is you could even invite her. Or else it'd be a step towards getting to know her a little.
 

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Just to clarify, there are 8 types of "love":

Philia - Affectionate
Pragma - Enduring
Storge - Familiar
Eros - Romantic
Ludus - Playful
Mania - Obsessive
Philautia - Self
Agape - Selfless

We are often told that love is "complicated", but it's never truly explained as to why. Well, this is why.

On top of love being complicated enough as it is, we also have to worry about where we stand psychologically:

Infatuation - Passion
Liking - Intimacy
Empty Love - Commitment
Fatuous Love - Commitment + Passion
Romantic love - Passion + Intimacy
Companionate love - Intimacy + Commitment
Consummate love - Passion + Intimacy + Commitment

With love being this complicated to begin with, It's no wonder why the divorce rates are as high as they are.

 

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Discussion Starter · #25 ·
I guess there's no risk in terms of being fired because (maybe I should have mentioned it before) I work with my family. My parents and one of my uncles. So in that sense there's not risk
 

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I guess there's no risk in terms of being fired because (maybe I should have mentioned it before) I work with my family. My parents and one of my uncles. So in that sense there's not risk
That's good to hear, but it still doesn't put someone like me 100% at ease. But since this is the case, I would go for it. Can't be as bad as what happened to me. I offered a wrist watch to a girl in one of my classes as a token of my affection for her and she not only turned me down, she whipped her hair in my face, scoffed, stormed away and told my fellow classmates about what I did -- which then lead to half the class planning and executing my inevitable physical assault. This was back in elementary school too so that'll give you even more to chew on thought wise. There's more to the story, but I will respectfully digress because this is not the place or the time to get into it. Even if she rejects you, I seriously doubt you'll be physically assaulted because of it; unless the ex finds out and he's the type. Again, I say go for it. Worst case scenario is she rejects you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #27 ·
A small update: Today she came and again payed with her debit card when by pure chance, and in the blink of an eye I came up with an excellent idea. When she had to enter her ID in the device I faked suprise and said "oh, your ID also begins with 41" (as mine, of course). That came in handy for kicking off a small more personal talk. I asked her when she was born and obvously told me the same year as I. Then she asked me of my date of birth and when I told her I was born in May she was surprised and told me "My birthday was on the 5th, last Saturday!". She also pointed out, kinda eagerly, that I'm a gemini as she is. Finally she left telling me "cheers!" for my birthday. Of course I told her so.
Now I'm thinking of giving her some chocolate or candy for free...
 

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A small update: Today she came and again payed with her debit card when by pure chance, and in the blink of an eye I came up with an excellent idea. When she had to enter her ID in the device I faked suprise and said "oh, your ID also begins with 41" (as mine, of course). That came in handy for kicking off a small more personal talk. I asked her when she was born and obvously told me the same year as I. Then she asked me of my date of birth and when I told her I was born in May she was surprised and told me "My birthday was on the 5th, last Saturday!". She also pointed out, kinda eagerly, that I'm a gemini as she is. Finally she left telling me "cheers!" for my birthday. Of course I told her so.
Now I'm thinking of giving her some chocolate or candy for free...
Sounds like a pleasant exchange. But in order to open the door to a romantic relationship, you're going to have to find a way to escalate; respectfully and tactfully of course. This is where it becomes dangerously tricky though. A lot of guys tease women they like because it illicits a playful response. I used to see it as bullying, but It's not. I can both understand and appreciate the apprehension of steering the conversation to a point where it almost feels like a forced interrogation, but it's necessary if you're hoping to let her in as a vital part of your life. You have 2 options at this juncture: 1.) Get her number so you can establish an open line of connection. 2.) Make it so that she wants to become a part of your life. What you need to be on the lookout for are tells in body language. If she's open to a relationship, there are indicators of interest that will be exhibited. It's an involuntary response on her part and knowing that should help you establish a baseline to a certain extent.

I wish my dad taught me these things while I was growing up, but he was always too busy in the Bible. If all your conversations are bland, it will never illicit the response you're truly looking for. This is why the "friend zone" exists. Being her friend is not a back door for a relationship; or at least it shouldn't be. If you're romantically interested in this girl, it's going to have to come to light. How you go about doing it and manage to get out unscathed is extremely tricky though.

[I'm on foot patrol at the moment making corrections while dealing with dead spots. Hopefully, I fixed most of the grammar errors. ]
 

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What you're hoping to do:

Probably how It's going to pan out:

All you can do is try. And let resilience lead the way. It's a long and narrow path, paved with disappointments. But no matter what, carry on. Even when it hurts the most -- pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep going.
 

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Hahaha. Thanks @dulcinea ! Btw, what do you mean by "cute"?
Like a lot of women, I find hearing someone talking about having a crush on someone rather cute.
It's just rather sweet.
 

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Discussion Starter · #34 ·
Well, today was my day off the work but I've been wondering about this. For instance, I've realised that everytime this girl and I talk, we look quite deep into each other's eyes, rarely looking away...

Also, she uses to buy sandwichs and since sometimes we have to bake bread and she has to wait, I was thinking about writing my number in the blink of an eye and giving it to her tell her "If you're in a hurry and need bread, just send me a message and I'll prepare it and deliver it to your shop" What do you think? She'll probably reject that not because of my intentions but because it might be a bit silly to ask for a delivery being that close (she works in the very first shop next to mine). I find it even more evident/laughable If I ask her number for doing so... Should I insist? Like for making it clear that I give her my number not because of the work?
 

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IMO don't do that. Unless you want to give them the idea that you're like their errand boy or something. If you want to give them your number because you want them to have a choice to call you for reasons outside of work, then yes that sounds good. Just make it clear that it's for that purpose, so that you'll both be on the same page, and there's no awkwardness down the road of what the intentions were.
 

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Well, today was my day off the work but I've been wondering about this. For instance, I've realised that everytime this girl and I talk, we look quite deep into each other's eyes, rarely looking away...
Some people do this more--I had an INFP 4 coworker who would look into your eyes in a way that was very engaging. But it didn't really mean much aside from how she just looked into people's eyes sometimes. (She even looked into my eyes like that sometimes and neither of us are bisexual or homosexual.)

I agree with benevolentbitterbleeding that you shouldn't do the errand boy thing--unless you are prepared to really be one. I mean, I was heavily influenced by Princess Bride as a child so I think that kind of thing could be cute, but you'd have to be prepared to do it if you say that you will. imo. And I'm not sure if that's really what you want or are able to do while at work?
 
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