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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Okay,

So I have a gut feeling that someone I work with is attracted to me. But I have no proof of that, not even tiny little hints. In fact nothing at all. Not even a flirty little moment I'm misinterpreting. It's an irrational feeling based on nothing. And I have no interest in pursuing anyway even if it was plain as day. What's annoying me is that I can't stop thinking about this question over and over in my mind.

Why the hell do I think this is the truth when absolutely nothing in my reality confirms that or even hints at that? I'm tired of it, so I just want to get rid of this idea that's in my head. Anyway got any thoughts on how to achieve that?
 

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Projection? Maybe you want them to be? Something you're picking up on subconsciously?

Test the waters, find out for sure. Flirt, make advances, ask this person out on a date or something more casual if you're more comfortable with that.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Are you attracted to them perhaps?
I thought about that. I don't think so. Too young, not my type, and just a huge big black hole called nothing in common. But it's the logical explanation isn't it? :dry: You've always got interesting idea's, @Wellsy, what's the secret to killing a subconscious crush? :laughing:
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Projection? Maybe you want them to be? Something you're picking up on subconsciously?

Test the waters, find out for sure. Flirt, make advances, ask this person out on a date or something more casual if you're more comfortable with that.
It must be projection, yes. No I don't want to flirt or make advances not even in the name of killing this stupid thought. I just want to get rid of the stupid thought. I'm just like WTF? Stop thinking that....like right now. Forget it. :frustrating:
 

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I thought about that. I don't think so. Too young, not my type, and just a huge big black hole called nothing in common. But it's the logical explanation isn't it? :dry: You've always got interesting idea's, @Wellsy, what's the secret to killing a subconscious crush? :laughing:
Well in line Freudian theory, you are clearly expressing what we experts call "Penis envy".
Just as your father was distant, so to is this individual and you've projected unto him.
XD


Well in terms of attraction I would look to more how you feel when he's around as opposed to what you think.
I tend to think of cognitive appraisals as being retrospective rationalizations. We simply do and then we try and explain it away later.
Though you've certainly got me curious as it sounds like you know of no discernible interest to be found in your interactions with them. Understanding attraction is weird and I'm not too knowledgeable on it since some people are into fucking cars and some people like people that seem terrible for them.
Perhaps playing on your domimatrix appeal, perhaps they look prone to slaving away XD
 

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It's never seemed to me I choose who I'm attracted to. It just happens, whether i think that person is a good match or not.

If in this case eliminating the thought requires eliminating your attraction towards them, good luck. Let me know when you figure out how to do that, i'd appreciate it. Thoughts come unbidden.

I'm curious why you're so intent on refusing to pursue this person.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Well in line Freudian theory, you are clearly expressing what we experts call "Penis envy".
Just as your father was distant, so to is this individual and you've projected unto him.
XD

Well in terms of attraction I would look to more how you feel when he's around as opposed to what you think.
I tend to think of cognitive appraisals as being retrospective rationalizations. We simply do and then we try and explain it away later.
Though you've certainly got me curious as it sounds like you know of no discernible interest to be found in your interactions with them. Understanding attraction is weird and I'm not too knowledgeable on it since some people are into fucking cars and some people like people that seem terrible for them.
Perhaps playing on your domimatrix appeal, perhaps they look prone to slaving away XD
I should have known better than to open this can of worms in public. Now the entire board is privy to my inner shame and rampant dominatrix traits. :laughing: Okay I'll play, but be nice....Jeez. Let's analyse this crap into oblivion. I'll Ni it, you can Ne it and then I'll deny everything. :tongue:

Hmm....well I spent some hours in his vicinity today. I can't claim to any kind of hormonal response there, normally when I'm lusting after a guy I experience what I call the short circuit. It's like I become a retard within so many meters of their presence. I drop stuff, trip over my own feet, utter unintelligible crap and generally act like Rain Man. I'm not getting that here. There's no stomach in throat moments at all. But....I just find myself curious, kind of wandering eye syndrome and can't help but look whenever he makes some movement in my peripheral vision. Is he nice to look at? Yeah I spose, in that boring guy kind of way. He wears a nice shirt, nice pants, has a nice haircut and a nice face but none of it is orgasm inducing. When I try and imagine some kind of sexy moment between him and me all I can envision is some kind of frustrating moment where I say.....yeah thanks but no thanks.

I tried Wellsy really I did try to imagine him in collar and cuffs and it's just not working. It would be like chaining up a puppy, a basset hound puppy with really sad little eyes. :unsure:
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I'm curious why you're so intent on refusing to pursue this person.
Good question and the answer has a few angles.

1. I've already decided no more love interests for me. My last one was a doozy and frankly I'm not up for that kind of drama again.
2. Age gap, too large to bridge.
3. It's work.
4. It's just damn inconvenient. I've nicely packed my feelz away and don't feel like dusting them off again.
5. Despite having this irrational thought I do logically think it's not reciprocated and I'm not up for embarrassing myself here.
 

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@InSolitude
Hmm, another direction to go then is to ask why you care about this thought, if after all this it falls flat you can perhaps just go well there's nothing and move on.
That the idea is maintained only out of the suspicion that it's true but until you can show it to be true I would say it's not worth thinking about, at least that's how try and think XD
Otherwise you'll be stuck with all sorts of intrusive thoughts wondering how seriously to take them.
Even the nature of you not finding him attractive kind of renders it meaningless unless you're perhaps concerned that his attraction would make a problem in the work place.
To which I would still say you don't worry about it until it's showing signs of becoming a problem.

Perhaps that's the concern, how anxious are you about attraction in the workplace?
I think I remember you stating else where that you try and keep that separate on account of the possible drama of co-workers.
So if this is the concern, perhaps you had the idea intrude as a possibility and in seeking to defend against this possible threat you've given it more weight than it warrants.
Maybe it's all just to pre-emptive.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 · (Edited)
Ooh! Now there's something because actually I've had a few distressing episodes at work. Nothing major just constant anxieties that keep cropping up and won't say die. Plus I'm a bit worried about a particular outcome to do with work. And yes this intrusive thought is fairly new, even though I've been working around this person for over a year. In fact I never noticed him at all until very recently. The idea that it could be manic distraction I think holds some weight here. Anxiety is my biggest fear, I am so easily overwhelmed an then I hate myself for getting all forgetful and inconsistent at work and live in fear of being fired over trivia. Bingo!

Now, how to work around it.

PS - Might also explain the heaviness in my chest at the moment. Like I'm scared I'll go into cardiac arrest at any time. These last two months have been maxing out on the stress, what with the house situation that never was, having to re-sign a lease in my current place, needing to constantly travel between two places to try and sort stuff out in preparation for a move that didn't happen. Oh yeah.....inferior Se, again.
 

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Hint: Pheromones
 
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You are interested in him on some level, and your gut instinct is probably not entirely incorrect (there is some mutual interest, however slight and fleeting it might be from both parties).

Short, but yes, I think that's all it really reduces to.

It looks like you previously made a logic-based decision not to pursue relationships, but unfortunately, our brains never stop doing their own thing. :frustrating: This part of the brain at least, just doesn't care about or factor in past experiences, logic/reason, the fact that it's the workplace, or any other reason that you came up with afterwards ("retroactive rationalization" was an excellent wording of it).

If I were you, I'd probably stop resisting the thoughts and just let them flow naturally. It doesn't mean reacting to them or letting them dictate your behavior. I find this works best both for making the best out of immediate social situations, and for not suppressing your own emotions. Being in the habit of lying to yourself just leaves you in a pretty shitty place, in my opinion (not that this would be indicative of that, but broadly speaking).

Edit: Eh, actually, I'm not sure if you're one of the type to believe that people can somewhat pick up each others' thoughts, but I really can't help believing that this exists to some degree and in some cases. I've had way too many weird situations like that that amazed the people around me who observed what was happening, so I tend to believe that sort of thing can happen as well.
 

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Think of him as your biological little brother and 10 times younger. Keep that image in your mind.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
Edit: Eh, actually, I'm not sure if you're one of the type to believe that people can somewhat pick up each others' thoughts, but I really can't help believing that this exists to some degree and in some cases. I've had way too many weird situations like that that amazed the people around me who observed what was happening, so I tend to believe that sort of thing can happen as well.
Maybe it's vibes, maybe it's pheromones as @Ik3suggested. Who knows. I get people's vibe all too often but usually that vibe is in some way corroborated by experience as well. In this case, just nothing to go off except vibes which makes me think you and the others are right, the attraction is mine and I'm projecting on this one.

As it happens I worked with someone yesterday who recently spoke to this person (not about me) about something entirely different and the information she relayed to me about that conversation has just killed this thought for me. There's a side to him which is somewhat silly....as many young guys are wont to be, and I'm thinking....Oh dear god no. The maturity mystique that did once surround him is gone now.
 
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