Hey all, I've previously went on a date with a girl who was awesome. I have had some seriously bad things happened against me in the past that I am dealing with. I just told her that she was an amazing person, because she is. She's been through alot more than me and I genuinely felt very connected to her. Anyway I didn't make the move at the end of the date, I couldn't. I didn't want to string her along and make her uncomfortable because I couldn't give her what she wanted. I need to work on myself more.
Do you guys have any tips to help me if you have issues with intimacy?
I am sexual and I liked her it's just that I've never willingly expressed that side of myself. I think it was nerves.
Thank you for reading this. I will continue to go through my problems. I won't give up. Thank you.
The article that you must kiss someone on the first or second date isn't realistic though I guess it might be good to establish whether or not both of you are interested romantically (compared to just friendly) by that point.
Another possibility is a meaningful hug if you don't feel comfortable kissing, you could give her a hug and hold on for a little bit longer, or just do it in a slightly more intimate way, if you want to communicate something to her. Or you could even stretch out a hand and see if she'll take it for a hand embrace or whatever, at the end of the date, and looking in her eyes. Just the point is here to communicate if you are possibly interested in something more than friendship or if she is. You can just say it too, if body language is more challenging for you.
I think the only real issue here would be that if you don't communicate attraction for her, she might assume you are not interested in her. So perhaps imagine some way to tell someone you haven't known well you are interested--either with words, expression, or body language. But that's only IF you know your feelings. Sounds like you don't.
I agree with the analogy of art that
@Llyralen made--there's nothing wrong with going on dates even if they lead to nowhere either. Every little bit of experience will give you new information that could help you in the future.
Also, if you went on ONE date with her, then it would be weird if she made a tictok about you sending mixed signals. She might have just been talking about someone else.
Personally, if I went on a date with someone and told them a bunch of shit life experiences, it'd probably be more likely that I had already not invested too much into the idea of dating them. At best it's YOLO and candid honesty, and at worst it's her pushing you away because she doesn't feel ready.
I would say that it almost sounds like she was pushing you away a little, as much as you're blaming yourself for it. And if you lack dating experience, of course you're not going to know how to react to that.
At least that's my perspective as someone who's had a troubled path and has experience dating.
It's also possible she was being more candid as a way of letting you open up more and see where you might go without the constraints of "dating" (so friendship), but you were more focused on following a formula for dating--which is fine, but I just think both of you were clashing there. It's not that you did something wrong.
I mean, she could have just done her side on accident, but doesn't it seem odd to you that you are trying to follow this dating advice about kissing to a T, and she's throwing common knowledge about dating out the window by discussing topics that are totally taboo for a first date? What's going on there? Don't blame it on your incompetence.
You guys were on different pages for some reason--if you feel strongly about her then you can figure out what that reason is and maybe rectify it and create a deeper intellectual intimacy, at least, but if not then don't blame yourself for everything.