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Ok Brief summary to start off. I met this guy, at the nending of september last year, and after about a month or two we became every close. (actually the first person i could actually call a friend) He was so amazing, the first guy i ever met that i could wholesomely express deep affect to and not be misunderstood as being gay or anything and to top it off he gave and wanted alot of my attention which made me feel so like something for once in me life (Yes, i have alot of issues of abandonment, not being showed love and feeling worthless as a result). Now this friendship of ours only become stronger and we got closer and closer every passing week.

Fast Forwarding a bit So suddenly nearing the beginning of december he slowly withdrew from me and it was so hard to get his attention. Naturally by that time he was my everything my greatest friend, the one person i felt love from and his attention meant alot to me, having it made me feel like something. it got so bad that i would text him or leave him messages and he would never answer them. i knew he was starting to hang out with someone else. and knowing that kinda ate me inside. but i was able to keep myself together. And decided it was time to pull away. i thought i was able to do that, by internalizing and supressing the affection i had for him, but sadly i didnt it resurfaced and occured to me that i needed to reestablish our friendship. (yes i know he may just hurt me again, and i never go back to somone who has hurt me but, its impossible for me not to be optimistic that i can once again regain that relationship again). So i left him a message again, yesterday. Explainning that i've missed him and that i want us to reestablish our friendship. Then i spent next few hours being optistic that things will be as it was... or even better. but instead i get a message by his new friend saying that i have now put him in a bad emotional state and i was asking for too much for his attention.

Well this has really upset me, and i kinda just need to vent. i can't really talk to anyone else, cuz well im not close to any of them and they will either not understand and judge me or be blown away by the real me. Cuz trust me they don't know much of what make "ME" up. they only know what i think they can handle (which isn't much). So, i kinda just needed a listening ear as well as to hear what you have to say, and you can ask questions too, i dont mind answering.

Also i'd like to apologize if this is a horrible read, having interanlizing how i felt for the 20 years i've been alive, its made me bad at expressing myself.

Thanks in advance!!!
 

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Miguel, I can completely understand what are you going through. Before, in my life, I had friends leaving me for 'better friends', and it of course hurts. But there's something you are forgetting: Value yourself.

I know it sounds cliché and cheesy, but from what I could read, it feels like this: You've met someone whom you could feel safe and happy with. In order to thank the attention, you started to show him your gratefulness by living for him. You wagged your tail for him, while he was there and he wasn't trying to pet you. In case of what I've said could be taken wrong, what I actually mean is that a person may be looking for a friend, not for a servant. He wanted you to be level headed and understand that he had a life apart from you as well, but he sincerely enjoyed spending time with you.

But you were focusing the relationship so much on him that you actually forgot about yourself. When he had to be absent, you just kept smothering him with your attitude. It may have reinforced this need for attention, which may have driven him off.

I say, value yourself, Miguel. There are other people out there in the world, he knows that, but you couldn't grasp this. You lived for him, and now that he's gone, what's left of you?

If you really want to end it in good terms, send him an email (Or text, Idk). Tell him what you feel and acknowledge that if the relationship is over, you must accept it. Don't expect an answer. Just live your life.

Let's rationalize it: If he liked you for yourself, why wouldn't others? Keep your head high, Miguel. People will like you for yourself.
 

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i believe a balance is needed, youve jumped too gung ho into it that you havent remembered what could happen. Ive made this mistake before whith the fist friend i ever made and i got dumped out of the group when they had used me enough so remember be friendly but always keep in mind something you have today may be something you dont have tomorrow
 

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well i think what you think is right for the most part, but i dont think i was a servant though. im guessing you got this from the fact the the friend said that i was asking too much of his attention, but honestly he didnt said that himself, its just the friend. i was leveled headed and knew that he had a life apart from me, but i guess i was just a seasonal friend to him.. kinda hard to accept though cuz he was the best i had.
 

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well i think what you think is right for the most part, but i dont think i was a servant though. im guessing you got this from the fact the the friend said that i was asking too much of his attention, but honestly he didnt said that himself, its just the friend. i was leveled headed and knew that he had a life apart from me, but i guess i was just a seasonal friend to him.. kinda hard to accept though cuz he was the best i had.
Yup, sorry for the wordings. What I meant is that you gave yourself too much too quickly. And it sucks, right? Even when you feel connected, know that it will not last forever.
 

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yeah, considering I thought my friendship with him was more valuable than the relationships i've had with ex-girlfriends
 

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It sounds like you have been too "clingy". You have met that one person who you felt finally understands you, in you said 20 years. Your friendship has grown stronger, but eventually this person felt the need to distance himself from you. He most likely felt that his personal boundaries are being violated. He does not feel good about it either, as is evident from his friend's reply that your message put him in a bad emotional state.

INFJ emotional intensity can be too much when focused on any one person. I would suggest you try to find more friends to spend time with, may be join a club or some organization, may be even find a significant other. Some INFJs express their emotions through art and music or religion/spirituality. This way you can spread your emotions around a bit without focusing them on a single person.
 

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Hi Miguel,

Vel, Leaves, and Vaan (interestingly, each has a "V" character in their username) have responded well.

Yes, INFJ's emotions can be too intense if only focused on a single object. I've experienced this many times, and mostly it left an empty but longing vessel. For an INFJ who has a significant other, this would be a different case.

But I can completely understand the part where you felt understood much more for the first time, and it was with him, but then....

To relate to your story, there's a quote from Pearl S. Buck that says:
"There are many ways of breaking a heart. Stories were full of hearts broken by love, but what really broke a heart was taking away its dream -- whatever that dream might be."

Roughly estimating, you had a dream, a longing to be understood. But it was taken away from you. So it wasn't just about him but the important element that he carried away with him that hit you hard.

I'm trying to live my life to the fullest. One of the changes I've made is by expecting less from people.

Even your best friend or close family member will hurt you every once in a while and it's up to you to forgive them.

Friendships cannot be forced and have to me mutual. Unfortunately, both true and shallow ones do take time to develop. Fortunately, with patience, you will be able to discern which ones are genuine or not.

I hope this post will help.
 

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I've been in the same situation many times, I've had some good friends through out the years but most of them have largely cut off contact but I have myself to partly blame as I've also cut some people out. 1 person stopped talking to me and lead me to send some abusive texts then we stopped talking.

I think part of it is due to being very overwhelming some times confusing them. It sounds like you may have given him the wrong impression of the type of person you are and what you want from him.

It might be in your best interest to move on and find new people and/or like Vel said find a (whats the word?) to release it all out on.
 
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