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It's taken me a lot of courage to write this. Been wanting to for a very long time now, but I always held back. My older brother suffered with PTSD, same as me. We both were abused as kid by my father. In the end my brother took his life and I won't say how because it upsets me too much. He simply couldn't take it anymore. Never did he come forward and tell us that he was suffering. Kept it all inside and didn't wanna burden anymore. Told our family he suffered with Depression, but he seemed like he was carrying on with life fine. I guess we never know how badly people are dealing with Depression. I'm still grieving and it's a year later. :( Just wanted to get this off of my chest because I can't hold this in anymore. Bottling it in is only making me more depressed. :cry:
 

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exploring space
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that's so terrible, I'm so sorry
losing a loved one suddenly can be very traumatic (even ptsd inducing) and suicide is shocking in its own way... a year later isn't that long time and everyone griefs on their own time so don't feel bad about that
 

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It's taken me a lot of courage to write this. Been wanting to for a very long time now, but I always held back. My older brother suffered with PTSD, same as me. We both were abused as kid by my father. In the end my brother took his life and I won't say how because it upsets me too much. He simply couldn't take it anymore. Never did he come forward and tell us that he was suffering. Kept it all inside and didn't wanna burden anymore. Told our family he suffered with Depression, but he seemed like he was carrying on with life fine. I guess we never know how badly people are dealing with Depression. I'm still grieving and it's a year later. :( Just wanted to get this off of my chest because I can't hold this in anymore. Bottling it in is only making me more depressed. :cry:
I'm sorry for your loss and I'm sorry you're going through this.

The most important thing I want to say to you is it's not your fault, and you're not to blame.

A few years ago, someone in my family took his own life. For some time, I blamed myself too. I kept everything inside and I honestly think that was the wrong decision.

I'm glad you're expressing yourself here as I think finding ways to express yourself, and having people truly listen to you and be present and there for you and having a shared connection with someone can be part of the healing process. If you don't have a supportive friend or family member to talk to in-person (or by video call etc.), please consider seeing a grief counselor.
 

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I’m sorry for your loss. The loss of a family member is one of the greatest burdens in life.

It’s good to check up on yourself after something like that happened. And check in with your thoughts and try to see the whole picture. I always asked people on here how they would talk to a friend in a similiar position, that helps with coping with the depression and negative thinking in relation to the event.
 

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It's taken me a lot of courage to write this. Been wanting to for a very long time now, but I always held back. My older brother suffered with PTSD, same as me. We both were abused as kid by my father. In the end my brother took his life and I won't say how because it upsets me too much. He simply couldn't take it anymore. Never did he come forward and tell us that he was suffering. Kept it all inside and didn't wanna burden anymore. Told our family he suffered with Depression, but he seemed like he was carrying on with life fine. I guess we never know how badly people are dealing with Depression. I'm still grieving and it's a year later. :( Just wanted to get this off of my chest because I can't hold this in anymore. Bottling it in is only making me more depressed. :cry:
I'm sorry for your loss :(, I know how hard it is to lose a sibling. I'm sure that he's in a better place now, and it's not your fault, don't feel bad about yourself. Hope You and the family blessed with the strength to recover and to sail this situation.

And please stay strong❤
 

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Beer Guardian
ENTP 5w6 So/Sx 584 ILE Honorary INTJ
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It's taken me a lot of courage to write this. Been wanting to for a very long time now, but I always held back. My older brother suffered with PTSD, same as me. We both were abused as kid by my father. In the end my brother took his life and I won't say how because it upsets me too much. He simply couldn't take it anymore. Never did he come forward and tell us that he was suffering. Kept it all inside and didn't wanna burden anymore. Told our family he suffered with Depression, but he seemed like he was carrying on with life fine. I guess we never know how badly people are dealing with Depression. I'm still grieving and it's a year later. :( Just wanted to get this off of my chest because I can't hold this in anymore. Bottling it in is only making me more depressed. :cry:
I'm so very sorry. Please contact me if you need someone to talk to.
 
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