Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 43 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,276 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
That is how I feel when I get overwhelmed and need time alone. I push people away not because I don’t love them but because I am drained and need time alone to recharge. A friend today helped me understand something about how others that we push away may feel. The friend though I was annoyed with her which was not true. I just needed some alone time without communication.

This leads me to wonder how many friends I have lost because of my strong need to be alone. I have lost so many precious people in my life that I can’t even count them. Every time I lose one of these people it is like a stab to my heart. But I also know I can’t give of my time and limited energy when I am already drained. So that leads me to ask what can be done about this situation?

How do we that are deep introverts balance our need to withdraw with taking care of our friendships? When we withdraw from others it makes them feel like we don’t care or that they did something wrong. And that is not the case at all. So how do we rectify this condition? Any thoughts from other deep introverts on how you handle the situation?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,993 Posts
Awww :unsure: It's nothing. I tend to think even my closest friends in real life get annoyed with me, even when they weren't!

Must.change.mindset. :confused: It's really not your fault, dear.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
89 Posts
I definitely get tired out after prolonged social interaction, and get the urge to go read a book/dick around on the Internet for a few hours.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,276 Posts
Discussion Starter #8
Awww :unsure: It's nothing. I tend to think even my closest friends in real life get annoyed with me, even when they weren't!

Must.change.mindset. :confused: It's really not your fault, dear.
You are not annoying. I love you so much. You are so full of life and have a heart full of love. I wish I had your energy.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,276 Posts
Discussion Starter #9
I definitely get tired out after prolonged social interaction, and get the urge to go read a book/dick around on the Internet for a few hours.
I wish we did not get so drained with social situations. I get a lot out of them but I also lose so much energy.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,276 Posts
Discussion Starter #13
Yeah, I don't get any work done that day. Not a good situation when you're going to college... But I can't get people out of my mind. I talk to my mental representations of them...
People are so lovable I just want to hug them all and I do in my heart. I too am like like you with the mental representations of them. I think of the people I loved while I was in collage and wonder where they are today.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
444 Posts
YES!

I haven't lost too many friends over it. but it was a major reason me and my only gf broke up. She just couldn't understand that I just needed to recharge the battery and it had nothing to do with her or loving her ("if you love me, why don't you want to be with me always"). everytime I told her i needed some time she would up her clingy-ness by 10000x...calls texts..even would come over. which of course bothered me to no end.

Generally with friends if i need my time i just tell them I can't do something and leave it at that. they don't question it(usually), which is nice. Its funny because have such a desire for social contact. I love hanging out with friends and such. but yet I get drained and frustrated by it haha.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,276 Posts
Discussion Starter #15
YES!

I haven't lost too many friends over it. but it was a major reason me and my only gf broke up. She just couldn't understand that I just needed to recharge the battery and it had nothing to do with her or loving her ("if you love me, why don't you want to be with me always"). everytime I told her i needed some time she would up her clingy-ness by 10000x...calls texts..even would come over. which of course bothered me to no end.

Generally with friends if i need my time i just tell them I can't do something and leave it at that. they don't question it(usually), which is nice. Its funny because have such a desire for social contact. I love hanging out with friends and such. but yet I get drained and frustrated by it haha.

Yes, that is what I am talking about. It is so hard because we want to be there for them. We love them dearly but just don't have that energy for them. And then the more pressure they put on us the less energy we have for them. It never ends well in that situation. Sorry to hear about your gf. The next one make sure she understands your needs up front.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
102 Posts
I can relate to this so much...one of the biggest questions I ask myself is "How will I ever be able to balance my need for alone time and my need for socializing, especially when I need SO MUCH alone time? What kind of friend would be so incredibly patient enough to deal with that aspect of me?" and things like that

I guess some people's advice would be to choose one or the other..."Go out more! [become an extrovert]!", or just "Who needs people, people suck, just stay inside all the time (you hear this a lot of the internet especially)", but I can't relate to either them.

I'd like the best of both worlds...or maybe that's too much to ask...I don't know
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,276 Posts
Discussion Starter #17
I can relate to this so much...one of the biggest questions I ask myself is "How will I ever be able to balance my need for alone time and my need for socializing, especially when I need SO MUCH alone time? What kind of friend would be so incredibly patient enough to deal with that aspect of me?" and things like that

I guess some people's advice would be to choose one or the other..."Go out more! [become an extrovert]!", or just "Who needs people, people suck, just stay inside all the time (you hear this a lot of the internet especially)", but I can't relate to either them.

I'd like the best of both worlds...or maybe that's too much to ask...I don't know
That is my problem too. I want both worlds. But my lack of energy chooses for me. It would be better if freinds would just realaize our need for being alone and love us anyway.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,009 Posts
Are you sure it's not just you who think you've lost contact with them after you've retracted yourself? I can't seem to get rit of my friends unless I literally tell them to fuck off or ignore them completely. Yeah, I'm cruel that way, I know. But then again, over the years I've noticed that there's only a select few I care to have contact with. And luckely for me, my friends do not contact me every thirty minutes, not even once a day, so I never feel the need to push them away. And even if I did push them away - they would contact me - ask me why - I would tell them why - and they would go "Aahh, I understand."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
752 Posts
That is how I feel when I get overwhelmed and need time alone. I push people away not because I don’t love them but because I am drained and need time alone to recharge. A friend today helped me understand something about how others that we push away may feel. The friend though I was annoyed with her which was not true. I just needed some alone time without communication.

This leads me to wonder how many friends I have lost because of my strong need to be alone. I have lost so many precious people in my life that I can’t even count them. Every time I lose one of these people it is like a stab to my heart. But I also know I can’t give of my time and limited energy when I am already drained. So that leads me to ask what can be done about this situation?

How do we that are deep introverts balance our need to withdraw with taking care of our friendships? When we withdraw from others it makes them feel like we don’t care or that they did something wrong. And that is not the case at all. So how do we rectify this condition? Any thoughts from other deep introverts on how you handle the situation?
This happened to me one time during my Internship back in 2008. I was so overwhelmed and bothered by something, that it pissed me off and made me push away everyone, including one certain crush. That day was very dark, and coincidentally, it started raining that day.

Fortunately, when we were leaving, I realized my mistake and when we were let out, I caught up to her in the rain and apologized. She accepted it and told me that I appeared to only be mad at her D: We did maintain our friendship, and we grew closer as a result. Of course, in the end, I never got to tell her my feelings about her, but I'm pretty sure I would have been more hurt if we lost our friendship.

Edit: I think it depends on the person when it comes to understanding our need to be alone. Explaining it isn't the easiest task in the world; I wouldn't want someone in my face 24/7.
 

·
MOTM Dec 2012
Joined
·
12,239 Posts
That is how I feel when I get overwhelmed and need time alone. I push people away not because I don’t love them but because I am drained and need time alone to recharge. A friend today helped me understand something about how others that we push away may feel. The friend though I was annoyed with her which was not true. I just needed some alone time without communication.

This leads me to wonder how many friends I have lost because of my strong need to be alone. I have lost so many precious people in my life that I can’t even count them. Every time I lose one of these people it is like a stab to my heart. But I also know I can’t give of my time and limited energy when I am already drained. So that leads me to ask what can be done about this situation?

How do we that are deep introverts balance our need to withdraw with taking care of our friendships? When we withdraw from others it makes them feel like we don’t care or that they did something wrong. And that is not the case at all. So how do we rectify this condition? Any thoughts from other deep introverts on how you handle the situation?
Dear Madame Butterfly,

I don't have an answer to your anguish but...
Basically, I am just grateful for my little world and the small amount of people that can tolerate me and my exceptional weirdness.

We were never meant to hold on...it's like sand in the hourglass, time just slips away and life goes on...
 
1 - 20 of 43 Posts
Top