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I debated originally about posting this in the ISTP forum or here...So I'm going to post in both places.....
In my experience ISTPs (Fives) aren't big on verbal forms of affections such as saying I love you so what are some of the ways you say I love you with out saying it. In other words, what cues do you generally give that indicate you are in love?

Also, in my experience ISTPs (Fives) aren't big on saying they are in a relationship? What are some tell-tale nonverbal signs to look for that an ISTP(Five) has decided they are in a relationship with you or are open to the idea? Thanks!
:cool:
 

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I debated originally about posting this in the ISTP forum or here...So I'm going to post in both places.....
In my experience ISTPs (Fives) aren't big on verbal forms of affections such as saying I love you so what are some of the ways you say I love you with out saying it. In other words, what cues do you generally give that indicate you are in love?

Also, in my experience ISTPs (Fives) aren't big on saying they are in a relationship? What are some tell-tale nonverbal signs to look for that an ISTP(Five) has decided they are in a relationship with you or are open to the idea? Thanks!
:cool:
As a (ISTJ) 5, for me it's holding hands, a quick hug, being "playfully" affectionate, that deep look when looking into each other's eyes and the passionate sex.

I'm not sure how to answer your second question as far as non-verbally acknowledging that you're in a relationship with someone. At some point, if I'm not sure whether we are or not, I would simply ask him. Then again, that question may just apply to ISTPs.
 
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I won't exert myself to conceal my moods from you. Or at least not as much. This is me letting my guard down. If I'm visibly moody or ~emotional~ (somewhat*, relative*) around you, this is a good indication that I comfortable enough with you, and hold you in high enough regard to have you realise that I am not as strong and *put together* as my aloof demeanour would suggest.

I am very hesitant to use the word "love" when talking of other people. I even struggle to say that I love my family members when speaking to other people, and I cannot remember the last time I mentioned the word "love" towards anyone in my household. If someone says they "love me", even in jest, I generally won't respond at all, or I will deflect.


If I touch you, at all, however little, (even a pat, or a fake punch, or placing my hand on your shoulder to direct you if I want you to move out of my way..) then chances are I am fond of you in some form, (whether platonic or romantic).

If I arrange, or agree to see you outside of school/work then you can be pretty damn sure that I have positive feelings towards you.
 

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I'm not big on "saying things" when it comes to love. I'm much more of a "do" type of guy. The fact of the matter is I am stingy with myself and I really only give out my valuable free time to others when totally necessary. Stuff like if it's someone's birthday, a family event, wedding, etc. so if I am willing sacrificing free time for an individual that is a big deal. I'm a guy who like to pursue his own interests be it shitposting, long youtube videos, video games, martial arts, etc. and I can keep myself entertained for long periods of time. If I am willing to walk away from what enjoy to do something I don't enjoy that speaks volumes about how much I care about an individual. I'm not talking about something practical like going to work but like if I go to some movie, restaurant, venue, etc. I have no interest in because I'm trying to get back home to my devices then I have positive feelings for you because I opt out activities like that whenever I can weasel out of the situation. I try to limit my time with people because my "free time" is like gold and I want it all to myself lol I think because Type 5s commonly compartmentalize people that it's a big deal when we allow someone to be around while we pursue our own devices because that "free time" is 99.9% exclusive for just us and the willingness to share it with someone means we must care about that individual.

I'm not big on saying "I love you" nor do I know how to respond to it. I mean with family it makes more sense but for a romantic partner it doesn't. Love is different for everyone so when people exchange "I love you" that is a miscommunication. A very common miscommunication. I believe this is because people suck at articulating what "love" for them (personally) actually means then if their partner falls short of their unspoken "love" expectations it's a problem. You don't "love" them anymore because you aren't doing the unspoken things they want you to do...and requesting they simply tell you what they want is also wrong because you should be psychic and just intuitively know what unspoken things they want.

I can say that I was never a fan of people touching me. I avoid hugs like the plague lol However if I let someone get close enough to hug me or to touch me in playful ways then we are close because on instinct I duck and dodge to avoid people touching me. I often make sure I am out of range of people so they have to get close to me. I think I try to present myself as boring, distant, etc. so people will want to leave and find someone else freeing me to do what I wanna do. So again, actively engaging with an individual with playful physical touch is a moderate showing of overall positive feelings towards the individual.

In fact affection (in general) is a challenge for me. It's not something I actively want so it's put on the back burner. I don't know if it's just a personal preference or if there is some correlation with being a Type 5 but...Public Displays of Affection (the dreaded PDAs!!!XD) aren't something I like to do that much. I don't know why really. I mean holding hands just kinda "traps" me because now I have to walk the same pace and be within the same distance of an individual. When I am out and about I do what I need to do so I can get back home and do what I want to do with my free time. I mean you hold hands and that slows me down considerably making me think of other stuff I'd rather be doing. I personally am not a fan of those couples that kiss each other often in public. Maybe it's just me but I'm just like "get a room" nobody wants to see that (kind of like when someone is blasting their music via their phone without headphones.) Hugs I'm more neutral to because it's often a greeting and what you do when saying goodbye so I had to build a bridge and get over it.

Tl;DR: I think the biggest problem people dating Type 5s will face is that their perception of "love" influenced by how it is portrayed in fictional, television, movies, etc. is ultimately unrealistic in my opinion. It's the "ideal" not the "reality" and Type 5s ESPECIALLY fall short of that standard. Instead of judging the Type 5 by those unrealistic standards, look for what your Type 5 actually does for you and appreciate that. Trust that as the Type 5 becomes more fond of you they will be open and/or willing to do more things with you. If your needs aren't being met let the Type 5 know and a compromise could be made. Essentially don't judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree lol
 

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I tell my kids I love them several times a day. They don't appreciate what I do for them, because they see it as the mother's job (as do I), so I have to tell them verbally. I also don't have a problem saying "I love you" in romantic relationships, but with other adults it may be more about trying to do things for them. For an introvert like me, inviting somebody to dinner at my house is a big declaration of affection (if not actual love - my bar is high to call it that).

What I don't ever do is say that I love somebody if that's not something I'm really feeling. I'll never say it just to make somebody feel better, to reciprocate or to get out of fight.
 

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I'm a 5w4 istp, and when I love someone I say it. Sometimes they'll just say something or make an expression that I think is cute, and it just pops out. I also give compliments constantly. I think most of the time it's not taken seriously, but I never exaggerate. I'm mostly vocal about my feelings, without being expressive of them.
 

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There are many ways for me to show how much I love someone:
  • I take interests on things that interest them and willing to plunge myself in their world.
  • I give "big" gifts like voucher to fine dining (I'm great at obtaining and hunting for this), expensive chocolate with gold, etc.
  • I listen to their concerns and validate their viewpoints.
  • I stand up for them whenever there are opportunities.
 
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