[Gabrielle Johnson]

Has this every happened to you, someone says they love you and you stumble or fight the words to come out.... "It's my dad for f*cks sake" :frustrating:

 

[refugee]

Apt?

 

[dann]

i dont get it?

 

[OrangeAppled]

Yes, I have a hard time with those words... so much so that it can almost feel "painful" to utter them. The vulnerability is rough. Other times it rings hollow as its become rote & then I internally feel a resistance to saying it out of obligation.

 

[basementbugs]

Yes, I have a hard time with those words... so much so that it can almost feel "painful" to utter them. The vulnerability is rough. Other times it rings hollow as its become rote & then I internally feel a resistance to saying it out of obligation.

Same here. I really don't like the vulnerability... I think the only person I feel fully comfortable saying it to (most of the time, anyway) is my husband.

 

[AbioticPrime]

So, INFPs fear exposing themselves -- putting their true selves and emotions on the line -- entrusting them to another human being, because they're afraid of being judged, or that the other person won't receive it well, or they'll feel exposed, naked, like they have nothing left.

Am I seeing it wrongly?

 

[sarek]

I can't get them out of my throat either. The only person with whom its easy is my gf and she gets the full avalanche of I love you's but with everyone else its a highly uncomfortable fight to get the words out.

 

[Luke]

So, INFPs fear exposing themselves -- putting their true selves and emotions on the line -- entrusting them to another human being, because they're afraid of being judged, or that the other person won't receive it well, or they'll feel exposed, naked, like they have nothing left.

Am I seeing it wrongly?

I know this is true for me. It makes me particularly reserved in social situations because part of me doesn't trust people not to attack me or judge me. This makes me very careful about the things I say. I've been wondering if a large percentage of people easily trust others in social situations, because I often see social situations as being somewhat threatening.

But I haven't experienced this in relationships. I think it's because I trust people who I am in a relationship with more than I trust other people. But I think it can be difficult for people to break through the walls I put up and prove to me that I can trust them enough to let my guard down.

 

[Kynx]

To understand how I feel, I have to draw my attention inwards, to express how we feel, we all have turn our attention outwards.
I feel uncomfortable saying how I feel because, in a sense, I'm not feeling it as I'm saying the words so I don't feel it's authentic in the moment even deep down I know it's true.

 

[Uncouth Angel]

No good ever comes from uttering the dreaded three-word incantation to anyone.

 

[Sander]

Meh, I can't remember ever using those words but I can feel the tension even thinking about it.
There's someone which I should tell these words but the thought makes me cringe so hard.
I don't know why but love often feels like a weakness, I don't know how to express it nor do I have any experience with it yet I feel like I'm missing out on something.
Maybe I should discuss this with my counselor....

 

[Zilchopincho]

Yes, I have a hard time with those words... so much so that it can almost feel "painful" to utter them. The vulnerability is rough. Other times it rings hollow as its become rote & then I internally feel a resistance to saying it out of obligation.

This rings true with me as well. I don't live with my mom, I live with unconventional foster parents who took me in when I needed help. I love them very much, and whenever they tell me I just kind of nod and say, "I know". Although when my mom says it, it is very easy for me to say it back. Whenever I hear it from someone who isn't family I become unnerved and unsure of myself or how to react. I know I should say it back, but I don't.

 

[Sily]

I'm a lot liberal with my "I Love You's" now, since many people I know are so old.

 

[Marimeli]

The only people I have trouble saying those words to are people I'm romantically in love with, the first time it's said. I say I love you to all kinds of people.

Besides my husband, the last person I said I love you to in a romantic way turned around and said, "I don't believe you." I was crushed. (it was the first, and only, time it was ever said.)

Luckily, my husband said it first. God, I love ESTJs.

 

[Azelll]

So, INFPs fear exposing themselves -- putting their true selves and emotions on the line -- entrusting them to another human being, because they're afraid of being judged, or that the other person won't receive it well, or they'll feel exposed, naked, like they have nothing left.

Am I seeing it wrongly?

For some its something like that, and for others it's just so hard to keep our emotions in check, to even the point of uttering our feelings causes the to burst out of us in tears some just have a higher feeling rate then others, and some just have trust issues.

 

[Azelll]

And Yes it is hard to say "I love you" to some, especially if they are expecting your to say it back and you don't totally love them back, at least not enough to say so, It's much harder for me to say "I love you" to those whom you don't think wanna hear it :\ for example my brother he thinks he is the "manly man!" when really he is more emotional then i am he just hides it behind anger to seem like a man XD and you know saying something like "I love you" will just make him leave and avoid you for a while cause he feels uncomfortable :| .... My family has issues XD

 

[ForsakenMe]

I know when my parents (Dad is ISTJ while mom is ExTJ) tell me that they love me, I kinda look at them like I'm ready for them to grow out another head or something.

With other people, though, it doesn't hurt me to say it back, but it is really awkward.

 

[WonderN2Wonder]

In most cases, hearing "I love you" isn't painful as much as it can be either uncomfortable OR numbing. It's almost as if my "self" won't allow the words to penetrate into my mind which would have let them soak into me and make me happy. Over time, I can work passed it, but it doesn't come naturally.

It's also kind of difficult for me to express my true feelings. When I fall for someone, it's complete and it's intense and I just want to express exactly how much I feel. But then I get really scared that 1) they will reject not only me, but reject the "gift" I am offering. (and it feels like a gift because it happens so rarely for me that I feel like the person is a lucky bastard). 2) that they will actually get annoyed and pissed off that I brought an inconvenience of unwanted affection upon them.

When it comes to family, well.. My mother died when I was 19.. my extended family has all but dissipated and my father is a good man and we're on good terms, but he's just as dodgy as I am. So it's uttered rarely. I should say it more, especially after coming to realize how precious each day is and to treasure the people that are in my life. We can take the present for granted because it's here. When it's gone and you can't have it back, suddenly, you realize just how lucky you were.

 

[Stable Genius]

My ex fell for me hard, and I never knew what the fuck to say to her when she told me that she loved me. I played it off as a joke. "What's that you say, Olive Soup?" I think I only said it back one time when I was drunk, and it was probably to get her to do something kinky. (Does it count if you say it when you're drunk?)

Aside from that, I tell my parents I love them all the time. In the end it's just three words. Words aint shit, it's your actions that count.

 

[IcarusDreams]

I believe many INFPs can be awkward with "I love yous", even when we know the person is being genuine (BTW, it's rather uncanny how many INFPs have the ability to see through words, so unless we are highly infatuated or idealizing somebody-and even THEN-we usually *know* if somebody means "I love you.") It is good, I believe, that we don't throw around the phrase, because I feel most NFs (and especially, INFPs) won't just say such a thing to meet a standard of politeness-we usually mean it, or won't say it (if it's not easy to say it when we feel it, how much harder would it be to say it when we don't really feel that way? Thus must INFPs do mean the beautiful phrase.) When I was younger, I used to have problems receiving the phrase from even my relatives, and even to this day, it's not easy for me to say "I love you too!", although I clearly love my relatives, and even my friends. It's just that "I love you too"! It's just that in my head, "I love you" must be said from the heart, and even when it's on my heart, I have a hard time relating love to sheer politeness and social-dos. I have a much easier being lovey-dovey in writing, because I find it my most personal way of self-expression (besides music), and devoid of any obligatory pleasantries involved in actua conversation (not that I write in a rude or unpleasant manner, but I feel social interaction is too often codified in a way that you are not allowed to express yourself fully, or at least just as freely as you would in the written format-I realize this wouldn't be a problem for many other people, though.) Finally, I thing it gets better with age (at least, it did IME), as even though I am ocassionally awkward and still doesn't come out very easily out of my mouth in day-to-day interaction, I don't have a problem either accepting or giving out a genuine I love you when it's warranted and the right time to do so (and you'll never catch me lying with the "I love you" phrase-if I said I love you, I really do!)