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I need help with a romantic predicament.

1216 Views 18 Replies 7 Participants Last post by  bromide
So, I've been romantically involved with an INFJ for 7ish weeks now. We used to just be friends/co-workers but I developed a crush on her a long time ago and have been harboring feelings for her for quite some time. She had just exited her last relationship about 6 weeks prior to the point where we started seeing each other, so of course not wanting to rush into a rebound situation, she wants to "take it slow"... yeah, well that hasn't happened exactly how I imagined "taking it slow" is supposed to look like. We have been spending ALL of our time together, no joke, a lot of the time up to 72 hours straight without a break from one another and we haven't been a part for more than enough time for her to go home, let her family know she's still alive, and grab a change of clothes (we even work full time together up until about 2 weeks ago when our boss changed my schedule :dry:)

Here's the problem... I'm already past the point where I'm "wondering if she's a good enough mate for me" I've known her for quite some time before we started dating so I already knew she was frigging amazing. She's got me under her spell, I am completely HOOKED... So get this... last week she decides is a good time to tell me that she will only enter a serious relationship with ANOTHER CRISTIAN (yeah that's right, I'm not one)

So my first reaction was "oh shit, I have to end this now, I'm pretty sure I'm already falling in love with her" I immediately went into self preservation mode, so I told her that I already have my own beliefs and my faith in those beliefs is 100% I can't just CHANGE what I believe in to be with her.

Talking after that didn't go so well. I told her that we can't see each other romantically anymore and that I needed some time away from her if we were to ever have a chance of going back to just friends. Well, she was devastated... we both were. I though I would just sulk in my apartment for a few weeks and we would be over it, then we could go back to the way things were before we began dating. Boy was I ever wrong. I lasted two whole days before I came crawling back to her and we immediately picked up where we left off.

Now I'm looking over at her sleeping, wondering what is going to happen. I can't stay away from her, it's way too painful, but I am terrified of what could happen in the future. She keeps saying that she doesn't know what to do, or if there even is a "right thing to do". I told her that since I've always been proud of having an open mind that I would try the Cristian thing, I would give it an attempt. I just can't see myself honestly changing what I believe in, and I would feel horrible if I lied and told her that I have.

Am I over thinking this? Should I just trust in life and love?

When I'm alone and contemplating this I try to listen to my emotions and I feel torn between a great sense of love and belonging, and a great sense of fear and doubt.

I suppose for now I'll just crawl into bed beside her and go to sleep....
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Alright, great feedback. I'm really glad some Christians replied to this post. I'll give a brief summary of what I believe and what I don't like about organized religion/Christianity. Then maybe you can clarify some things that I don't understand about it.

I do believe in God, I even believe in Jesus to some extent. Do I believe that Jesus is the the son of God? well yes, I believe that we all are, but the direct "Avatar" of God, defiantly not. I believe that if he did exist, he was probably a spiritual leader trying to spread a message of equality among everyone, in a time when people were taught that their emperor WAS God and they were his property.

I don't believe in the stories of Jesus using magic powers, I know that if he did exist he was just a man. I do however believe in the teachings of Jesus. Whether they are teachings of a single man, or if they are the culmination of wisdom that has been gathering over many years by many people, it doesn't matter to me. Specifically his message of love and having faith in God, which is just another way of telling people to have faith in themselves.

I really love the question "what would Jesus do" I believe that "behaving like Jesus" (you know what I mean) is actually the right path for humans to take and that it is the most direct and "right" path on our course of evolution as individuals and as a species.

When it comes down to it, I don't care if Jesus was really around or not. I only care about the message of Jesus.

From what I know about Christianity so far, if you don't believe that Jesus IS God and that he was nailed to the cross for our sins (I honestly have to Idea what that even means, I believe that if he was crucified then it was because the romans just wanted to shut him up) then you are not a Christian.

I also don't understand why it seems that religion is always trying to make people feel guilty for being human. I will never feel guilty for anything I have done, unless I have wronged someone. Specifically in this case, the problem is SEX. She tells me that Christians aren't supposed to have sex unless they are married, and that when we do have sex she later feels a great deal of guilt. That REALLY bothers me, because I LOVE sex. I will never feel bad for having sex with someone I care about, whether we are married or not. This being an INFP forum, it should be obvious to everyone what sex means to me, and how important a part of my life it is, I think you can all relate.

I know I'm not in love with her yet, but I know I will be if things continue. INFJs have a special place in my heart, there's something about them that makes me feel very safe, secure, and at home. My last relationship was with an INFJ, so I am aware how things can quickly snowball to the point of no return.

Before we started dating I had already borrowed a bible from her just out of my own curiosity. I have also agreed to go to church with her. I have gone to church in the past and I did enjoy myself, like someone previously said, it's not so bad listening to someone talk about how great it is to be nice to people.

But am I correct in assuming that my beliefs are still too different to ever be considered "Christian"?
yeah you are right, and we have had the discussion about my beliefs a few times. Unfortunately I became somewhat defensive because she is rather "fundie" even though we have sex (not sure how to interpret that). I keep shaking my fist at Dann and his damn clothespin smile, because my gut tells me that his post not only hit the bullseye, but it split the arrow... damn you Dann, damn you!.... *sigh*
@EyeEnEffPee you need to talk to her about what your beliefs are. There are many different types of Christians; some are easy going, open-minded and flexible, others are fundamentalists, and I'm talking world-was-made-6000-years-ago-birth-control-is-evil-everyone-but-me-is-going-to-hell fundies. I have no idea where your girlfriend falls into this spectrum, but if sex makes her feel guilty and she thinks your religion not meshing with hers is a deal breaker, there's a good chance that she's more on the conservative side. You need to have an open discussion with her about your differences in beliefs and ask her frankly if that's something that she will be able to adapt to. It's much better to find this out less than two months into a relationship rather than get a divorce over it or whatever.
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