[DreamingSoul]

Hi. First off, I want to say so sorry about this. I suffer from PTSD and get panic attack all the time.

Do you know what trigger the anxiety right now? What I mean is, do you feel like the stress you are dealing with are making it worse?

And also, have you thought about getting help from your state? They have programs where people can get medical if they are unemployed and then you can see a therapist to get more help. (I am not sure where you are located by the way, so I am going to assume you are in the US?)

 

[DreamingSoul]

Thanks for replying, @KelseyT

No, I don't live in the US. However, i'll look into if there's a program of sorts where I live.

I laid in bed, tired but okay. I wrapped myself under the blankets and started to get comfortable enough to fall asleep. Just when I was about to make the leap into dreamland (Right when your inner monologue starts make less and less sense and it just goes into fading), I suddenly got alert and flipped myself to get on my back. I felt my heart pounding, and I thought "Why am I so worked up?"

I felt a bit bad for not going to a party I was invited (I was really tired to go), and thought about what I would be missing and how that is jeopardizing my relationships with my friends. Then, I jumped back at the reunion I had today with another group of friends where one of my girl-friends attempted to make me dance in public, to which I fought against. "I was really out of my element and it was just a reaction to what was being pulled at me.", I told myself. I tried to get back to sleep, but then i got concerned that soon my sister would burst through the door, turn lights on and start talking as she does, and my little nest of peace would be gone. Then, I just got anxious about being anxious, which made a positive feedback loop.

There was no specific trigger this time, that I'm aware of. I'm guessing that the blabber that these last thoughts before sleeping are made of had something that triggered the attack, but I'm not aware of what it was.

I would try to look for a program in your country that can help you out. Plus, if you honestly just can't find a job because of your condition, is there a program that can help people out who are on disability of some sort? I am sure there is help out there where you can have some type of income coming in and see a doctor for your anxiety.

In the US, if Social Security grant your disability case then you will get a monthly benefit check if you just cannot work because of your condition.