[Nobleheart]

Edit: I got what I needed out of this thread. Thanks!

 

[SpilledMilk]

Why haven't you fucked her yet? You say you ate her out... has she given you blowjobs?

Let's see... you're dating an ENTP, who by our very natures are ambiguous and desire more than we can handle. You keep talking about how great the ENTJ is. You are literally the beta, supplicating provider while the ENTP girl lusts after alpha ENTJ sperm.

I dunno, do you have threesome fantasies or a cuckold fetish? Because that's about the only way I can see this situation turn out. Good luck raising another man's child.

And I'm not even sure, by the way you wrote, that you even want a way out (i.e. exclusion of the ENTJ, sole possession of the ENTP girl). It seems that you just want an explanation to why you are still attracted to this pussy that you've never been inside, rather than any concrete way to win. And the reason I use the word win is because I come from a biological perspective -- there are evolutionary winners and losers, and your genes are clearly not enjoying their chance at immortality and the fun that goes along with it.

 

[Nobleheart]

Edit: I got what I needed out of this thread. Thanks!

 

[deSouza]

Classy or not, he made an interesting question. Are you the only one going down on her or is it mutual?

 

[Nobleheart]

Edit: I got what I needed out of this thread. Thanks!

 

[danlikesgirls]

Your relationship seems really onesided. I would consider creating some distance between you two. That's probubly why she's in love with the ENFJ. He's never around to be with her. While your always around to eat her out, buy her rings and give her rides everywhere. If you do create some distance and she doesnt talk to you, then you should just cut your losses and move on. Real talk.

 

[Dark Romantic]

@Nobleheart: Yeesh, dude. It sounds like she's got you wrapped around her little finger. Get things AT LEAST on a reciprocal level, or leave. Why do you want to settle for being her back-up?

 

[deSouza]

This might be more complicated for an INFJ.

Yes, your relationship is one sided. The fact that she still has feelings for the ENTJ does not create an excuse for her to take as much as she can from you and not give. I understand you like her and that you just want to make her happy, and that in itself may be a sweet sweet arrangement (I, like you, enjoy giving just as much). But you can't expect anything back or create the illusion this is a relationship. It isn't, its just you running around pleasing her while she waits for the other guy. If you want anything different you should start putting yourself first in that list of priorities and rationing your "gifts" according to good behavior.

 

[LadyIrime]

Echoing what everyone else mentioned, it sounds like she's using you as an emotional crutch and buffer in order to deal with said ENTJ leaving (which I can imagine would have hurt big time; especially if you consider that she was in love with the dude, while he just up & leaves because he wants to "keep his options open").

As for you, you need to let her be. Be her support but don't do everything for and with her. She's not a baby. Love is beautiful, but a love where one person is always giving and the other constantly taking is toxic.

 

[MegaTuxRacer]

Echoing what everyone else mentioned, it sounds like she's using you as an emotional crutch and buffer in order to deal with said ENTJ leaving (which I can imagine would have hurt big time; especially if you consider that she was in love with the dude, while he just up & leaves because he wants to "keep his options open").

As for you, you need to let her be. Be her support but don't do everything for and with her. She's not a baby. Love is beautiful, but a love where one person is always giving and the other constantly taking is toxic.

Yeah this is what I got too. In short, as hurtful as it may be, you're a rebound of sorts. I am sure that you two do make a wonderful couple, and under different circumstances, I bet she would have been in love with you. However, I think she is still in love with the ENTJ. She never gave up hope that they would be together once he came back.

 

[Onomatopoeia]

It really sounds like she's made you into the consolation prize, and she's just holding out to see what will happen with Other Guy. And if things don't work out the way she wants with him, well hey, she's still got you right? You've made it clear that you want to be with her, but are you alright with knowing that you're the consolation prize? It seems like she's comfortable with you, but feels more passion for Other Guy (and distance does make the heart grow fonder). You had mentioned that she brought up a poly relationship, but that Other Guy wouldn't understand. Well what about YOU? Are you okay with sharing? You said you want her to be happy with you, but you didn't specify if that meant sharing to make her happy.
Right now, you're giving her plenty of reasons to hold on until other guy comes back. Sexual acts that aren't reciprocated (and you're not complaining to her it seems; please clarify if I misunderstood), rides to work, free meals, and a ring on standby so she feels special. She's got a nice situation going and she's probably going to do all she can to maintain it... and possibly make the easiest transition from you to Other Guy.

Also, ENTPs don't like making decisions. And it looks like you're pressuring her into making a decision/picking between you two so she might be freaking out a little (the nervous grin without the answer). However, if your needs are not being met then I think you have every reason to expect some sort of decision or further clarification.

So nutshell: Based off of your posts, it sounds like she might love you but I don't think it's the "love love" kind like it is for Other Guy. She knows she has a great thing going, so she's going to ride it out for as long as she can to find out what's going on with Other Guy. Oh also: How long is he going to be out of the country for school? In other words, how long do you get to endure whimsical fuckery before she really has to make a decision?

 

[BusinessMan]

So let me get this straight... she barely has a job, you buy her food, drive her around, let her sleep at your place, all while she constantly insinuates that she still wants to be with the other guy. And she doesn't even want to have sex with you?

You're being used. There is being compassionate, and then there is being naive. And you bought her a friekin engagement ring??? Get some self respect, break it off with her and move on.

 

[Nobleheart]

Edit: I got what I needed out of this thread. Thanks!

 

[Forever Jung]

All you can do is wait and see if being the good guy pays off
..and if it doesn't, know you've tried and don't beat yourself up about it.

 

[Nobleheart]

All you can do is wait and see if being the good guy pays off
..and if it doesn't, know you've tried and don't beat yourself up about it.

You just validated my entire approach. Thank you.

 

[Psyphon]

You just validated my entire approach. Thank you.

I'ma give it to you straight man. You're in the middle of an ENTP mind-screw chess game. It's like "checkmate, but I'ma let the clock run a little before I make it official, because I have nothing else to do until my next opponent finishes his game". It's an ENTP trap/game. Be nice .. have fun while it lasts. If it pans out then AWESOME, you beat the odds. I wouldn't set any type of expectations though.

EDIT: wow I sounded like a dick there ... even for me. Sorry dude. I'm just trying to lay it out there for you.

 

[LimeDegree]

Another vote for "Move The F&*$ On With Your Life"

You can find a better relationship than this.

By a large margin.

 

[Nobleheart]

Edit: I got what I needed out of this thread. Thanks!

 

[Psyphon]

That would be very unfortunate for her. I have been stockpiling some photos, videos, and witnesses because I considered that I might need an exit strategy. These would certainly cause Other Guy to never talk to her again, seeing as he has no idea about us and I certainly know how to frame this whole thing for maximum effect, as I know him, his insecurities, and weaknesses very well. If she puts me in a position where I have no reason to talk to her again by ditching me completely, then I'd have no reason not to share them with him. I'm being very patient and understanding with her, and willing to accept that she has a boy toy if that's what she needs in order to also meet my needs and let me have my toys. If she's playing me in some sort of emotional chess game, she's on the path to getting schooled. I always cover my moves before I make them, and I suffer from that Enneagram 8 need to burn everything to the ground rather than let someone else have it. Then again, my kindness, patience, and tolerance are often mistaken for weakness.

Also, you didn't sound like a dick. Straight talk is preferable.

Okay well while I'm telling secrets and being straight lemme tell you that if I were her and this was the game I was playing I'd make you think that it was your idea for us not to be together so that you were the one who broke up with me .... I'd also beat you to the punch telling "other guy" about us, so that I could do it on my terms ... and so that I could solidify and manipulate his reactions according to my will.

 

[INTJellectual]

I see danger and heartache (for you) in that kind of relationship. Trust me, I've been down that road before with an ENTP. Save yourself before it's too late. I understand it's hard to resist ENTP, but it's up to you, if you're willing to be a masochist, the second option. If she makes you happy and feels incomplete without her then continue. But expect the worst. Anyways, good luck and play the game.