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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm starting to become a depressed ENFP again and I'm not liking it at all. I'm envious of my sisters achievements and her happiness when I have non of it.

I've never had a meaningful relationship with anyone and this is making me feel more and more lonely like life is not worth living. I need some help from the forum to make my life more happy and worth it.

What can I do? I'm 21 freekin bored of community college and am basically there just to please my parents. My sister is in a normal college and having fun meeting new people and can have more freedom.

I'm done... this is too painful right now.
 

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You need to find something for YOU.. to mak eyou happy and contented. also, see someone about being reassessed for the depression... we seem to fall hard when we fall eh?

I went through a terrible time after my separation and am now divorced.. happily! it takes a while to find our own niche... you need yours.

hugz
 

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I think that, in our quest to be universally loved, we compare ourselves frequently with our friends and family. I know I sure do! I also think that we have a deep sense of how things "should be and could be", and when we feel like life is however much unfair, we internalize it and take it pretty poorly. We constantly see possibility, and when we see others reaching it but not us, we get frustrated and quit. ENFPs have terrible follow-through unless they have serious motivation to get something done, like a goal or a prize or a cookie. :tongue:
What is your motivation for being in school? Is it just for your parents? Are you studying something ~you~ want to study? It really makes all the difference; I found myself miserable and depressed at music school, but I did some training to be a pharmacy tech and a vet tech, and I loooooved school all of a sudden. Think about changing majors... there's no rule saying you have to get it right the first time. That's why college is 2-4 years. :laughing: You have sooo much time to figure all this stuff out.

On the depression note: I'm torn on medication/psych disorder issue, so I'm not going to touch it. What I can offer you for advice is to surround yourself with the things that make you happy, and minimize the things that don't. Sounds easy, right? It's not. But it'll be 100% worth it. If your sister's Facebook updates on how great her life is at university make you want to throw something, hide her news feeds for awhile.
 

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man up motherfucker. you're being what i like to call a "loser".

first off if you didn't want to end up in community college maybe you should've tried harder in highschool. second, if you don't want to go to community college why are you that's just ridiculous. go do something worthwhile- i recommend some kind of summer camp job or something- something i was looking at myself. it's awesome cos you get the opportunity to meet others and grow in confidence.

oh you aren't a loser? go out and prove it to yourself then dickhead.
 

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MOTM Nov 2010
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I'm starting to become a depressed ENFP again and I'm not liking it at all. I'm envious of my sisters achievements and her happiness when I have non of it.

I've never had a meaningful relationship with anyone and this is making me feel more and more lonely like life is not worth living. I need some help from the forum to make my life more happy and worth it.

What can I do? I'm 21 freekin bored of community college and am basically there just to please my parents. My sister is in a normal college and having fun meeting new people and can have more freedom.

I'm done... this is too painful right now.
You need a new goal. Your only focus can't just be school. Go sign up for a marathon and join a training group. That's what I do. Working on your own goals doesn't allow you to focus on others'.
 
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man up motherfucker. you're being what i like to call a "loser".

first off if you didn't want to end up in community college maybe you should've tried harder in highschool. second, if you don't want to go to community college why are you that's just ridiculous. go do something worthwhile- i recommend some kind of summer camp job or something- something i was looking at myself. it's awesome cos you get the opportunity to meet others and grow in confidence.

oh you aren't a loser? go out and prove it to yourself then dickhead.
are you being serious or trolling? name-calling has no place in a serious thread about depression.


WakeHopper, I agree that you need to focus on something that you truly enjoy. Maybe have a talk with your parents and tell them you really don't want to go to school and that it is just wasting time and money. If you notice a pattern that you get depressed at certain times, or regularly for periods lasting longer than 2 weeks, it could be a clinical depression that might be helped by medication.

Good luck <3
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
are you being serious or trolling? name-calling has no place in a serious thread about depression.


WakeHopper, I agree that you need to focus on something that you truly enjoy. Maybe have a talk with your parents and tell them you really don't want to go to school and that it is just wasting time and money. If you notice a pattern that you get depressed at certain times, or regularly for periods lasting longer than 2 weeks, it could be a clinical depression that might be helped by medication.

Good luck <3
Thank You everyone! I just wanted you all to know how helpful it is to be reassured that I need to follow my own goals and not just try to make everyone else happy. I'm keep trying harder and harder at making goals for myself and it helps a bunch. I joined a gym and am working out + I'm taking advantage of every opportunity.

*A serious response to Tridentus* How the heck can you be an ENFP? Do you care at all about other people besides yourself? Your note could of seriously caused someones suicide for all you know. Trying has nothing to do with it... I was seriously depressed in MS and HS and had undiagnosed dyslexia/generalized anxiety and was often yelled at for not doing HW, but in reality I couldn't understand it. Don't assume you know who someone is or their past.... thats ENFP's best quality.
 

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i got a warning?

i was just dishing out some of the tough love.. i'm sorry it's true though, some people need to man up, stop moaning about life and go and live it. i've been as low as anyone else in the past (depression) and lived through it. watching my old friends moving on in life while i had nothing going on. tough love helped me. not sitting there and wallowing but reflecting and asking myself if i was going to wallow in self-pity at misfortune or live through it and achieve at least something in the worst years of my life helped me. came out with some good AS levels before switching to college, met some decent people there (although A levels suffered as a result..), now i'm taking a gap year before university.
but even if i wasn't i'd find RIDICULOUSLY MANY things to do to get myself out of a rut.

wakehopper you have a little paddling pool i like to call the WHOLE WORLD to play in.. use it man.
 

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i got a warning?

i was just dishing out some of the tough love.. i'm sorry it's true though, some people need to man up, stop moaning about life and go and live it. i've been as low as anyone else in the past (depression) and lived through it. watching my old friends moving on in life while i had nothing going on. tough love helped me. not sitting there and wallowing but reflecting and asking myself if i was going to wallow in self-pity at misfortune or live through it and achieve at least something in the worst years of my life helped me. came out with some good AS levels before switching to college, met some decent people there (although A levels suffered as a result..), now i'm taking a gap year before university.
but even if i wasn't i'd find RIDICULOUSLY MANY things to do to get myself out of a rut.

wakehopper you have a little paddling pool i like to call the WHOLE WORLD to play in.. use it man.
Tridentus, I knew that is what you are trying to do. I use tough love on my daughter and students at times. BUT I ALWAYS RESPECT THE INDIVIDUAL while doing it. Never under any circumstances is there a need to resort to name calling. My coaches are tough on me, but they never call me names. Remember that.

Also, I think you might want to love the person you were when you were busy "wallowing" yourself. Have a little more self acceptance. There was a reason you were going through that phase. Okay?

But I do believe in tough love at times. Oh yes. I've needed to hear many times. :wink:

P.S. People will also listen more readily to your "tough love" if you empathize with them first. And you would have been the best candidate to emapathize since you can really relate to what he is going through.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
i was just dishing out some of the tough love.. i'm sorry it's true though, some people need to man up, stop moaning about life and go and live it. i've been as low as anyone else in the past (depression) and lived through it. watching my old friends moving on in life while i had nothing going on. tough love helped me. not sitting there and wallowing but reflecting and asking myself if i was going to wallow in self-pity at misfortune or live through it and achieve at least something in the worst years of my life helped me. came out with some good AS levels before switching to college, met some decent people there (although A levels suffered as a result..), now i'm taking a gap year before university.
but even if i wasn't i'd find RIDICULOUSLY MANY things to do to get myself out of a rut.

wakehopper you have a little paddling pool i like to call the WHOLE WORLD to play in.. use it man.
Thanks, I kinda figured you might be dishing out the tough love but being a type 9 I take things very personalty. Sorry. A goal is really what I need and am working on... plus to keep working on anxiety.
 

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thing is dude like i said the world is your oyster. there are so many things you can experience, i know anxiety is hard and i've been there as a teen where things seem out of your reach, but you can literally do what you like with your life.

move to another fricking country, join some clubs, get a new job. see things as an experience, you only live 70 odd years, that's a fricking short amount of time if you think that a year is not that long. all of the things that can help you get out of your rut are all the things that your rut is making you scared to try. you're an ENFP, the only thing that can make you truly happy is forming new friendships and making friendly links. start small, build confidence, always be on the look out for a small chat with strangers, LOOK FOR OPPORTUNITIES TO MEET PEOPLE, especially jobs- that's why i suggested summer camps because that is a great way in a very relaxed atmosphere to meet new people.

ok does that help get me out of trouble a little bit..? :)
 

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I'm starting to become a depressed ENFP again and I'm not liking it at all. I'm envious of my sisters achievements and her happiness when I have non of it.

What can I do? I'm 21 freekin bored of community college and am basically there just to please my parents. My sister is in a normal college and having fun meeting new people and can have more freedom.
First of all, don't compare yourself to others in that way. Sometimes comparing yourself to others is productive, and sometimes it's harmful.

It seems like what you want is to go to a university or something? You can actually transfer out. I'm seventeen and planning on going to junior college where I'll be taking a few classes that will move me toward a degree in biotechnology until I can transfer.
But what do you mean that you're there for your parents? First it seemed as if you were lamenting over having to go to college to please your parents, and then it seemed like you were displeased with the fact that you aren't in a 'real' college.

Maybe what you need is to find what it is you want out of life. Not everyone will get the same thing and people don't need to travel the same paths. You can find what it is that will make you happy and work toward it. What others do will not necessarily gain you happiness or satisfaction. And please yourself...but not in that way...unless you want to :D
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
It seems like what you want is to go to a university or something? You can actually transfer out. I'm seventeen and planning on going to junior college where I'll be taking a few classes that will move me toward a degree in biotechnology until I can transfer.
I'm starting to feel too old to transfer and am worried I'd have a hard time fitting in. Plus my GPA must be really bad right now. I do really want to go to a university for that sense of community.
But what do you mean that you're there for your parents? First it seemed as if you were lamenting over having to go to college to please your parents, and then it seemed like you were displeased with the fact that you aren't in a 'real' college.
My parents told me to go to college so I did but could completely care less and wasn't ready for it anyway. At that time I had grown into my habits and was content. Now I really want more from life and out of this hell hole with my ISTJ dad that I don't give a crap about impressing anymore I just want to help myself.
 

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ENFPs tend to take things personally in general. It's the F in us. So wakehopper I totally feel where you're at right now. I'm in pretty much the same situation, with my younger siblings getting to leave the house and start their own lives in colleges elsewhere in the US, and I get to live at home whilst working my way through a rather anticlimactic college experience. I'm even 21 as well, so I totally feel your pain. First thing you gotta remember is that we ENFPs are often waaay too critical of ourselves, especially when nothing seems to be going right in life. If you find yourself beating yourself down about not living up to your own standards of awesomeness that you know you can attain, just remember that life isn't a race to find yourself, and typically people don't find themselves until their thirty anyway, so you've got plenty of time and whether you realize it or not, you are finding yourself right now in ways you can't really see!
Second, I've only ever had a single girlfriend in all my years, and it fell apart after less than a year for reasons far beyond the scope of this response. And although it did help me see myself in a new light and feel like I was much much more mature than I actually am, in the end all it did was make me FEEL that I was mature and I was getting on with making my own life and whatnot, not to mention dead end an awesome friendship and cause all sorts of pain in my life. And while I wouldn't give the experience up for the world, (ok, maaybe the world) it taught me that I wasn't ready for anything yet anyways. All else I has to say on the subject of meaningful relationships is that when they happen hold on tight, and when they don't happen, it's not necessarily your fault. I like to think of myself as a reasonably good-looking fellow, and I'm sure the heck a lot nicer than the totally jerks girls tend to go out with, the only reason I'm not with someone is because that person that sees the best in me hasn't come along yet, not since the last time.
Finally, life is always worth living. Period. I don't care how bad your life sucks, take a trip to a third-world country and see what real hardship is like, then you will appreciate the great blessings you have in life. What you are suffering from (i know from experience) is chronic boredom. We as ENFPs especially desire variety, change, and novelty. When our lives start to stutter, we go into a slump. Never fails. The thing you've got to understand about boredom though is it's not as harmless as we think it is. You see, I learned something revolutionary, boredom is a type of emotional pain, like abandonment, like loneliness, like feelings of worthlessness, boredom falls into the category. This is why we search for novelty when we're bored, to alleviate the temporary pain. In the short run, it's harmless, maybe even necessary to keep us from being lazy. Imagine if we couldn't get bored... we'd all be slobs. lol. But long-term stagnation and lack of stimulation can lead to some really bad decisions in an attempt to alleviate the pain. My cousins portray this perfectly, three girls and one by one, due to parents that are loving but do not engage with their kids, they are all falling sway to making really really bad life-altering decisions that they will live with forever. It's sad but it's not hopeless. (and I'm not saying to blame yer parents either, its an example).
Anyhoo, this is too long already, but my best advice to you is literally don't give up hope. Once you give up hope, the damage of depression can work its magic, but as long as you keep on tuggin, depression finds it harder to take root. It may be present, but as long as you fight it, it won't take control. So go start a new hobby, find a new passion, learn a new skill and keep learning it, even when it gets mundane. Most importantly find something to do that you can have something to show for at the end of the day. Spending a whole day drawing or working out or playing an instrument or creating something might not be as easy as goofin aroundo n the internet or videogames, but it sure as heck feels better at the end of the day, and much better at the end of a year, and you can impress your friend by flexing or playing shubert or whatever, you fill in the blank. It's your life, and the best way to be happy with where you are in your life is to take hold of your life and do something with it. Otherwise it's not your life, it's a life you're stuck with.:happy:
 

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Oh, and btw, I've got an ISTJ dad too... he can be a pain sometimes, but he does love you, he just shows you through dedicated work, instead of superfluous stuff like... being generally nice lol. Again, the best way to make a relationship better is to just identify that the relationship is YOUR relationship, and not just a relationship you're stuck with. Spend time with him, invest in him and I GUARANTEE YOU, it will improve. If you wanna be loved, there's no better way than to love others... or get a pet.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Oh, and btw, I've got an ISTJ dad too... he can be a pain sometimes, but he does love you, he just shows you through dedicated work, instead of superfluous stuff like... being generally nice lol. Again, the best way to make a relationship better is to just identify that the relationship is YOUR relationship, and not just a relationship you're stuck with. Spend time with him, invest in him and I GUARANTEE YOU, it will improve. If you wanna be loved, there's no better way than to love others... or get a pet.
Yea... I just don't feel comfortable around him at all. I know he loves me and all it's just we don't understand each other and I'm just not willing to put any effort into the whole situation. Every time he pats me or whatever I involuntary get into fight mode with a clenched fist. so no thanks.

But thank you so much for your HUGE response... I'm taking a practical psychology class and it completely matches everything you said about boredom and finding more productive things to do. I'm really trying to get past my anxiety and build relationships. I've got serious puppy love for this girl in my class... we hit it off so well and we were talking, laughing and smiling the whole time. I just want to give her a giant hug... oh my god I get way to excited about new people. :laughing:
 

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sorry if i sound rude but when you were in depress maybe the first thing you should have done is consult a psy not post on a forum i think you might still need to see 1 just to be sure and for your relationship with your dad you should consult a social worker if the relation really is that bad he like you it just that we suck so hard at expressing it XD
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
sorry if i sound rude but when you were in depress maybe the first thing you should have done is consult a psy not post on a forum i think you might still need to see 1 just to be sure and for your relationship with your dad you should consult a social worker if the relation really is that bad he like you it just that we suck so hard at expressing it XD
I'm already am seeing a psy(shes super awesome, like the first person I felt safe talking too). Anywho thanks! I think I might bring that up next time I see her since I never really went into detail about how unsafe and pissed I feel around him.
 

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if you think you are "ready" you could ask her about the social worker

and if he doesnt know you think you have a problem with him he cant do anything to try helping his relation with you
 
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