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Hello everyone! There’s this one girl in my school that I really like, but she’s giving me mixed signals. We’ve only known each other for 2 months now, because she’s not in my class (but I see her quite often though). I will start of by giving some background information. So our relation started off very good; we met at the gym that we both go to, and the first day we met each other, we were literally together all the time at the gym (and we talked and she laughed a lot about things I were saying). After we were finished she told me to add her on Insta. And when I asked her what her name was, I remembered that she had watched some of my past stories; and I didn’t know it was her because I didn’t know her name (I don’t whether she was stalking me or not). And also, one very important thing; we’re both girls. So back to the gym. I don’t really know what happened in my mind (because I’m usually very shy + being and INTJ female doesn’t exactly make you a champion in expression of feelings), but I started to become distant towards her. I did this because of the fact that I’m lesbian, and I have no idea if she’s one too, and all of a sudden I got embarrassed and didn’t want her to feel awkward if I showed even a little attraction... And one other reason why is that the when we went home after our first meeting at the gym, the way she said “bye” seemed kinda wrong (I know this is just stupid, but that’s just how I felt). This was of course a veeery stupid idea of me. On the gym there’s like a fitness group (or idk how to call it), and we attend it both of us. Now we’ve come to the point when we don’t communicate at all, but she always gets very close (or next to me) at the fitness groups. Sometimes even behind me, and I also caught her staring at me most of the times while doing the exercises - especially when she’s behind me. Sometimes we also arrange ourselves into groups of two; and we’re always together (she comes to me too - so she takes the initiative here too). All the times when we’re in these groups I catch her doing the exercises in exactly my tempo; doing push-ups, lifting one leg, sit -ups, everything! For example, when we have to lift legs, she already starts with the one I’m staring with too. And she gets awfully close (she “accidentally” gets our workout mats closer. Even when we’re doing normal fitness class; last time she was almost so close to me that she could have literally touched me; and it’s not even a big class (there’s plenty of place). And I always catch her staring at me in the breaks, usually when I’m not looking, but I can see her staring + plus there’s a mirror which I use lol ? From the first time we met at the gym, I don’t even look at her anymore (only when she doesn’t she it though). So enough about the fitness ?
I just want to tell something that happened on Friday and yesterday. So we went on a school trip, but only a few of us were going. On Friday (as usual) I caught her staring at me; even some of my friends noticed and forts looked at her then me (as if we were actually flirting). And one other thing that she did is when we had like a guide to guide us through the city; she held hands with another girl (I know they’re not together), but she only did that when I could have seen her (especially when I was right behind her). She actually caught me staring at her a couple of times while on the trip, but every single time, I were the one to look away first (because it kinda felt as if she was staring into my soul - she stares very long). And btw, I forgot to mention, at the bus ride I was sitting alone because I get nauseous from sitting further down the bus; she asked me if I would sit with her. But I just said that I get nauseous. So back to the trip. Yesterday we went to some sort of museum and we were two groups. And since me and this girl were not in the same group; her best friend asked me if I would go with her through the city. So we did that, and we got along very
well (which IMO is sorta strange because her friends seem to like me - while I’m still confused about her. Me and her bf went to the shops, and in one moment her bf decided to call her to go eating (and she said no), but then she said that I’m there with her - and she literally came to us in 5 min. That was the first time I were with her since the first time at the gym. And one thing I also noticed, every time she would walk in front of me, she would walk in a different way than usual - kinda like showing off.
Okay, this was long... So my question is, did I do anything wrong? I’m thinking about having a birthday party on Saturday, and maybe invite her. Probably she thinks I hate her, but idk. It’s difficult to read her face, because it’s always the same, even when talking with friends. What do my fellows INTJs think? ?
 

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Electronica Wizard
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Maybe she misunderstood you and her bf. If you both like each other, why not you take the initiative to tell her that you would like to be more than friends. Just a suggestion though.
 

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Banned
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Hello everyone! There’s this one girl in my school that I really like, but she’s giving me mixed signals. We’ve only known each other for 2 months now, because she’s not in my class (but I see her quite often though).

I will start of by giving some background information. So our relation started off very good; we met at the gym that we both go to, and the first day we met each other, we were literally together all the time at the gym (and we talked and she laughed a lot about things I were saying). After we were finished she told me to add her on Insta. And when I asked her what her name was, I remembered that she had watched some of my past stories; and I didn’t know it was her because I didn’t know her name (I don’t whether she was stalking me or not).

And also, one very important thing; we’re both girls.

So back to the gym. I don’t really know what happened in my mind (because I’m usually very shy + being and INTJ female doesn’t exactly make you a champion in expression of feelings), but I started to become distant towards her. I did this because of the fact that I’m lesbian, and I have no idea if she’s one too, and all of a sudden I got embarrassed and didn’t want her to feel awkward if I showed even a little attraction...

And one other reason why is that the when we went home after our first meeting at the gym, the way she said “bye” seemed kinda wrong (I know this is just stupid, but that’s just how I felt). This was of course a veeery stupid idea of me.

On the gym there’s like a fitness group (or idk how to call it), and we attend it both of us. Now we’ve come to the point when we don’t communicate at all, but she always gets very close (or next to me) at the fitness groups. Sometimes even behind me, and I also caught her staring at me most of the times while doing the exercises - especially when she’s behind me.

Sometimes we also arrange ourselves into groups of two; and we’re always together (she comes to me too - so she takes the initiative here too). All the times when we’re in these groups I catch her doing the exercises in exactly my tempo; doing push-ups, lifting one leg, sit -ups, everything! For example, when we have to lift legs, she already starts with the one I’m staring with too. And she gets awfully close (she “accidentally” gets our workout mats closer. Even when we’re doing normal fitness class; last time she was almost so close to me that she could have literally touched me; and it’s not even a big class (there’s plenty of place).

And I always catch her staring at me in the breaks, usually when I’m not looking, but I can see her staring + plus there’s a mirror which I use lol ? From the first time we met at the gym, I don’t even look at her anymore (only when she doesn’t she it though).

So enough about the fitness ?

I just want to tell something that happened on Friday and yesterday. So we went on a school trip, but only a few of us were going. On Friday (as usual) I caught her staring at me; even some of my friends noticed and forts looked at her then me (as if we were actually flirting).

And one other thing that she did is when we had like a guide to guide us through the city; she held hands with another girl (I know they’re not together), but she only did that when I could have seen her (especially when I was right behind her).

She actually caught me staring at her a couple of times while on the trip, but every single time, I were the one to look away first (because it kinda felt as if she was staring into my soul - she stares very long).

And btw, I forgot to mention, at the bus ride I was sitting alone because I get nauseous from sitting further down the bus; she asked me if I would sit with her. But I just said that I get nauseous.

So back to the trip. Yesterday we went to some sort of museum and we were two groups. And since me and this girl were not in the same group; her best friend asked me if I would go with her through the city. So we did that, and we got along very well (which IMO is sorta strange because her friends seem to like me - while I’m still confused about her. Me and her bf went to the shops, and in one moment her bf decided to call her to go eating (and she said no), but then she said that I’m there with her - and she literally came to us in 5 min. That was the first time I were with her since the first time at the gym. And one thing I also noticed, every time she would walk in front of me, she would walk in a different way than usual - kinda like showing off.

Okay, this was long... So my question is, did I do anything wrong? I’m thinking about having a birthday party on Saturday, and maybe invite her.

Probably she thinks I hate her, but idk. It’s difficult to read her face, because it’s always the same, even when talking with friends. What do my fellows INTJs think? ?
Just wanted to see what this would look like in paragraphs. So much less crazy, no? It's like a words makeover, and I do love a makeover.

 


As for my opinion, if you know her boyfriend, why don't you ask him if she's a lesbian? I mean, he'd know. If he says she's a cock worshiper, your fact-finding mission is over, no matter how she synchronizes her sit-ups.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Hello everyone! There’s this one girl in my school that I really like, but she’s giving me mixed signals. We’ve only known each other for 2 months now, because she’s not in my class (but I see her quite often though).

I will start of by giving some background information. So our relation started off very good; we met at the gym that we both go to, and the first day we met each other, we were literally together all the time at the gym (and we talked and she laughed a lot about things I were saying). After we were finished she told me to add her on Insta. And when I asked her what her name was, I remembered that she had watched some of my past stories; and I didn’t know it was her because I didn’t know her name (I don’t whether she was stalking me or not).

And also, one very important thing; we’re both girls.

So back to the gym. I don’t really know what happened in my mind (because I’m usually very shy + being and INTJ female doesn’t exactly make you a champion in expression of feelings), but I started to become distant towards her. I did this because of the fact that I’m lesbian, and I have no idea if she’s one too, and all of a sudden I got embarrassed and didn’t want her to feel awkward if I showed even a little attraction...

And one other reason why is that the when we went home after our first meeting at the gym, the way she said “bye” seemed kinda wrong (I know this is just stupid, but that’s just how I felt). This was of course a veeery stupid idea of me.

On the gym there’s like a fitness group (or idk how to call it), and we attend it both of us. Now we’ve come to the point when we don’t communicate at all, but she always gets very close (or next to me) at the fitness groups. Sometimes even behind me, and I also caught her staring at me most of the times while doing the exercises - especially when she’s behind me.

Sometimes we also arrange ourselves into groups of two; and we’re always together (she comes to me too - so she takes the initiative here too). All the times when we’re in these groups I catch her doing the exercises in exactly my tempo; doing push-ups, lifting one leg, sit -ups, everything! For example, when we have to lift legs, she already starts with the one I’m staring with too. And she gets awfully close (she “accidentally” gets our workout mats closer. Even when we’re doing normal fitness class; last time she was almost so close to me that she could have literally touched me; and it’s not even a big class (there’s plenty of place).

And I always catch her staring at me in the breaks, usually when I’m not looking, but I can see her staring + plus there’s a mirror which I use lol ? From the first time we met at the gym, I don’t even look at her anymore (only when she doesn’t she it though).

So enough about the fitness ?

I just want to tell something that happened on Friday and yesterday. So we went on a school trip, but only a few of us were going. On Friday (as usual) I caught her staring at me; even some of my friends noticed and forts looked at her then me (as if we were actually flirting).

And one other thing that she did is when we had like a guide to guide us through the city; she held hands with another girl (I know they’re not together), but she only did that when I could have seen her (especially when I was right behind her).

She actually caught me staring at her a couple of times while on the trip, but every single time, I were the one to look away first (because it kinda felt as if she was staring into my soul - she stares very long).

And btw, I forgot to mention, at the bus ride I was sitting alone because I get nauseous from sitting further down the bus; she asked me if I would sit with her. But I just said that I get nauseous.

So back to the trip. Yesterday we went to some sort of museum and we were two groups. And since me and this girl were not in the same group; her best friend asked me if I would go with her through the city. So we did that, and we got along very well (which IMO is sorta strange because her friends seem to like me - while I’m still confused about her. Me and her bf went to the shops, and in one moment her bf decided to call her to go eating (and she said no), but then she said that I’m there with her - and she literally came to us in 5 min. That was the first time I were with her since the first time at the gym. And one thing I also noticed, every time she would walk in front of me, she would walk in a different way than usual - kinda like showing off.

Okay, this was long... So my question is, did I do anything wrong? I’m thinking about having a birthday party on Saturday, and maybe invite her.

Probably she thinks I hate her, but idk. It’s difficult to read her face, because it’s always the same, even when talking with friends. What do my fellows INTJs think? ?
Just wanted to see what this would look like in paragraphs. So much less crazy, no? It's like a words makeover, and I do love a makeover.

 


As for my opinion, if you know her boyfriend, why don't you ask him if she's a lesbian? I mean, he'd know. If he says she's a cock worshiper, your fact-finding mission is over, no matter how she synchronizes her sit-ups.
I think you misunderstood... With bf I meant her girl best friend, not her boyfriend :DDDD She doesn’t have a boyfriend lol.
 

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After reading @Eryngo's word makeover, all I can say is that, as per usual with these kinds of posts, you are overthinking things and making this way more complicated than it has to be. You are not going get an answer you can hang your hat on by trying to interpret every little detail.
 

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Invite her for a coffee or some other casual situation where you can have a semi-private conversation. During the conversation, mention that you're a lesbian. She'll say "So am I," or "Ew," or something in between. Or maybe she won't say anything in response. Also, you'll get to know her a little better.

If this is too much, at least invite her for the casual conversation thing and get to know her better, and then decide what to do.
 

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I'm confused. You are interested in dating her? I would suggest that you tell her that. If she's not into girls, or not into you, you haven't lost anything (it's not like you're good friends and you're worried about messing up your friendship). If she is into you, then you get a date.
 

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EvilShoutyRudolph
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The leader ain't going to be happy doing an INTJ here!

 
 

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Invite her for a coffee or some other casual situation where you can have a semi-private conversation. During the conversation, mention that you're a lesbian. She'll say "So am I," or "Ew," or something in between. Or maybe she won't say anything in response. Also, you'll get to know her a little better.

If this is too much, at least invite her for the casual conversation thing and get to know her better, and then decide what to do.
This is optimal advice.
Don't be too direct. If I were you, I'd friend her first, and mention my sexual orientation in passing not earlier than the 6th-10th conversation.
(In other words: she may have a lesbian self within she is unaware of/too afraid of recognizing due to traditional culture pressures to repress it. In that case, indirection and slowness will allow her to make this inner discovery at the needed pace.)
 
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Use paragraphs (thanks @Eryngo). You are clearly overthinking this and your behavior is weird by any standard. Anyway, to make at least something simple for you - if you invite her to your birthday party I don't see how she would think that you hate her. She might be confused by the mixed signals but that's about it. Get your INTJ shit together use that blessed bluntness that you generally possess and get thing clear through TALKING.
 

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I find that I am having trouble taking you seriously. Maybe it's a combination of the profile picture + the haphazard original post + all the icky feely girly bits in the text + the self proclamation of being INTJ + the double emphasis of being female and INTJ + and that this is an INTP forum.

Anyways, if I were you, I would actually believe she's actually into me instead of writing a long post that literally screams SHE'S INTO ME to tell a bunch of strangers online that HEY, SHE'S INTO ME, I KNOW AND I JUST WANT TO WRITE THIS SELF-ABSORBED POST BECAUSE IT MAKES ME FEEL GOOD, LIKE THE FILTERS ON MY PROFILE PIC WHICH I DECIDED TO PUT UP DESPITE THIS BEING AN ONLINE FORUM WHERE LITERALLY NOONE USES THEIR REAL PICTURE I JUST WANT PEOPLE TO SEE HOW RARE AND SPECIAL BEING A FEMALE INTJ IS :D.
 

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I don't know why I'm sooooo simple for this kind of issues but, you can try to ask her. Make a conversation with her about what she thinks about you. You can prepare and mention some parts.

and, PLEASE USE PARAGRAPHS I FELT LIKE M EYES BRUSHED
 
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